This is a long story so before I even start I would like to thank all of you that make it to the end! I know your time is valuable.
I'm just going to start at the very beginning.
Flashback to grade 10, about 5 years ago. I met this guy. Well, I had seen him around school before but this was the first time we'd had a couple classes together. We became acquaintances. I wouldn't quite say friends because the only time we really talked was in class. And being 200+ lbs I didn't have the confidence to pursue a friendship. He is also very, very shy and self-conscious so he didn't do anything either (he has no reason to be either of those things though). However, in grade 11 and 12 our relationship progressed. At this point we had become good friends.
When it came time to life after high school, of course we went to the same university. He was in engineering though so for the first semester as he was adjusting to his intense schedule I didn't see him at all and we only talked every once in a while. However, second semester (January 2009), he started emailing me more frequently and kept trying to make plans to see me. By more frequent emails I mean at least a few times a week. So, we finally picked a day to meet up. At this point we hadn't seen each other since high school ended (June 2008) and during that 6 months I had lost about 15 pounds. He came to pick me up from lecture and when he first saw me he just stared at me without saying anything and then he was like let's go and took me to his "Secret" study spot. I had a friend in high school who I used to always be with, let's call her Jenny. She was and still is one of my best friends. After about an hour or so of hanging out with him he says to me "So does Jenny look different too?" I was like "I don't know why are you asking?" He goes "because you look different so I figured you had both changed". I asked him what he meant by different. He goes "I don't know". I said to him well you just told me I look different so you must have meant something. He goes "I don't know, just different". I asked him if it's a good different or a bad different. He responds saying "Don't worry it's a very good different". I found this to be quite random and didn't know how to take it. So every so often after that we would meet up at school and hang out for a few hours. However, with our busy schedules we ended up hanging out just once or twice a month. This was also when I started seeing him in a I-want-to-be-more-then-friends way but I figured it's just a little crush I'll eventually get over it. Also, considering my weight, I think this was probably the first time a guy told me I looked like a "good different" and actually meant it. After this he emailed me all the time it was just so hard to get him outta my head.
Anyways, by March of that year it was time to pick summer courses and he told me to pick a schedule for him that would allow us to have breaks together so we could see each other at least twice a week. Unfortunately, no matter how hard I tried to make it work (because I wanted to see him too) our schedules just didn't overlap. I only had school twice a week last summer anyways. However, his solution to see me was to wait an extra two hours those two days to come home with me. Also, he would always bus me home and then go home himself. Once again, this was the first time a guy was making this kind of effort with me so I was obviously falling hard for him. However, once again I had no confidence to make anything more of it. To make matters worse, he was pretty much my best friend now. Also, sometimes there were things he did that just made it feel like my feelings were reciprocated. But like I said, he also is lacking in the self-confidence area.
So when it came time to fall semester, once again our schedules did not clash. We saw each other twice from September-December 2009. Although, we did talk at least once a day and usually more. All in the forms of email and MSN. And when we did talk it was usually for hours. I was still not over him. I was just falling harder and harder for him and once again a lot of the times he sometimes did things that made me think he wanted more too. He was just so sweet and always there for me it was hard not to like him as more then a friend.
When it was time to choose classes for January 2010 he made me pick a class we can both take together. I finally found one that worked for both of us and this meant we would basically see each other every Friday for about 5 hours. As soon as semester started I realized exactly how great he is. Not only did I see him every Friday but many times a week he would come early to school or leave later just to hang out with me. Also, on nights that I would have a late lab or a late test he would stick around for many hours just so I wouldn't have to take transit alone late at night. No one had ever given me this much attention or cared for me this much before. This was also when I started calorie counting to lose weight and he was the most supportive person in my life. He was by-far my biggest cheerleader every step of the way.
Now, here we are, since spring semester ended I haven't seen him this whole summer. But, that's my fault. I have just been so busy with school (5 days a week) and work that I haven't had time for anyone. He's tried hanging out with me many times but it just doesn't work out. Despite all this and being incredibly busy, I still think about him every day. This might have to do with the fact that I talk to him every day but it's not just that. I had become so attached to him last semester that it made school so hard this semester not having him there for me all the time. I feel like now it's not an issue of me wanting him in my life but rather me NEEDING him. To make matters worse, he's going to a different university this fall.
Ok, the whole point of this post now that you have the entire backstory is that I need advice. I promised him that as soon as semester ends and I've written my last exam I will do something with him. I obviously want to as well. However, looking back, it's been about a year and a half now since I've developed feelings for him and they're just getting deeper and deeper. I literally can't get him out of my mind. So, what I'm thinking is, when I see him in 2 weeks I'm just going to tell him. I've lost a lot of weight and have become more confident. Not to mention, I've lost over 20 lbs since the last time I saw him.
I've asked many friends about this and pretty much everyone's response is that no guy would put that much effort into seeing a girl if he didn't want more and that I should just tell him. However, me being the devil's advocate, I always point out that maybe he's just a really nice friend. But then they point out the fact that whenever I'm with him and another male friend is texting me he gets extremely jealous. Or if we're hanging out together and a guy comes and talks to me even if it's just someone in class asking me a question he gets really jealous then as well. Everyone says that because he's a really shy guy he doesn't feel confident enough to ask me.
What holds me back isn't the thought of being rejected, but rather that me telling him and him not liking me back might make things awkward. Knowing me, I would probably feel awkward. When I think about this I just feel very selfish. It's really unfair to both us if I ruin the relationship we have just because I wanted more from it. He's one of my best friends and if my relationship with him did get ruined I don't think I'd forgive myself.
What I wanna know is, what would you do? If you were in my situation would you tell the guy? It's just been so long and I feel like enough is enough I'm an adult I should put it out there. I just want to get some advice from people who can look at the situation as outsiders. Once again, thanks for listening to my story.
Advice needed (it's about a boy!)
