Just throwing in my personal experience, although I agree that everyone needs to make the decision on their own. I started dating after I had lost about 50 pounds. I had some friends telling me I should wait until I was perfectly confident with my body. Others told me to go for it because you never want to regret, and who knows if you might be missing out on a great guy if you just kept waiting (and when are you done, anyways?)
I started going out on dates and worked on my confidence. To my surprise, I fell in love and have met the man I will spend the rest of my life with. We've had plenty of conversations about my weight loss journey and he even admittedly questioned dating a bigger girl. But, because I was so open and honest with my journey and my plans for the future...we both took a leap. And, I've never been happier or healthier.
Be confident, take a risk, and be honest about the parts of you that you are working on (of course with reason, so you don't sound wacko on a first date or something!)
I think the most important thing is how you're feeling about yourself.
It varies so much. I know a couple who are both overweight and are extremely happy. They've been a bit of an inspiration-that it doesn't actually matter how much I weigh, it's all about personality-but I think I have to personally wait.
Recently I've kinda figured out that weight was one of many things to try and keep others away. Now as I'm finally losing it, I'm starting to feel more confident, but personally I don't want to date anyone until I've done more self repair. I just think if I work on it now, it'll only be better for the future.
But there's also no prospects, so I can't completely believe all that until I actually have someone that I could like. Even though there's a guy at work that my coworker thinks (and yeah, I kinda think so too-just not interested) is into me, she keeps pushing me to him or saying "We need to find you a boyfriend" and I just feel I'm not ready and that my journey is most important right now.
But I don't feel it's either stick to your journey and wait or be as open to dating as possible just because. Just whenever you feel you're ready to let someone in and are comfortable with yourself to actually be with them.
I'd say don't put all bits of your life on hold just because you are dieting. Besides, developing social skills/good character judgement comes from actually being social and trying to get to know people.
I'm sure you know enough of the basics for safety for that initial first date... meet in a public place, go in your own car, etc. The rest? You can handle if and when it comes along.... whatever it is destined to be.
If he's not interested for a first date or if he's interested in a first date but then you both find there's not a lot in common? You haven't lost anything and at least gained practice in social skills, right? And if it does work... yay. Go for the second date next. Think positive and think baby steps!
I think sometimes people stall at the gate because they look too far in advance and start to fret. Dating happens one date at a time. And those first few dates aren't serious, binding or anything more than "get to know you."
If you date will it take you off plan? Do you think you will be able to tell anyone that you date or hang out with about your plan? The person you date may want to go to dinner and you will have to prepare for that just like you would if you were going alone. You need to determine what you can handle and don't over do it.
I dated when I had no plans of losing weight and when I was "attempting with no clear plan" and found the men I dated were supportive of what I was or wasn't doing. So if you have a person you are dating that is supportive you'll be fine if you can handle yourself. If not you may want to wait. I'm married now and my husband has seem me at my smallest (bigger than I am now) and at my largest (oowee big). But I prayed for him before I knew him. I wanted someone that would love me where I was on the way to where I was going and would help me go through the process. That's what I got. So do what YOU CAN HANDLE!
Thank you very, very much for all of this advice. It has been immensely helpful. I think the biggest issue that I'm grappling with is a rather shallow one.
There are actually two guys -- one of whom I definitely know likes me, and one I think might like me. The first guy is far less attractive than the second, but I get along much better with the first.
I think part of what upsets me is that, for all of my talk about how frustrating it is that men pick attractiveness over personality, I seem to be doing the same. I guess I figured that it was a sign of how insecure and body-conscious I still am.
I also don't want to date the other guy just because I know it'll make me feel good to be "adored" by someone.
I think it's not so much that I'm disinclined to date, but I'm worried about what my feelings about dating are saying.
I dated someone long term when I was on the way up... and it was actually a huge distraction to losing weight...
Scratch that - it was a huge distraction to focusing on myself.
He was the one who "adored" me, said "I love you" first, got upset when things didn't go as planned, etc.
Looking back, those are good memories, but I kind of wish I could turn back the clock, break up with him after we got too serious, and focus on myself for a myriad of reasons.
So maybe, date the "adoring" guy to get a taste of "adoring" but... unless you fall in love, don't stay with him just because it's comfortable. Instead, break it off and focus back on yourself, and if that means working out, good. If it means losing weight, good. Whatever. I mean - if I were to rewrite history that's how I'd do it.
