I feel your pain. Understand that you are definitely not a monster, a guy from the bar is not the best option most likely, and that a good guy will see you for who you are. And bars just aren't good places to meet people, I think. Probably has to do with all of the booze involved and who wants to go out on a date with someone who may have had beer goggles? (I say beer goggles because both men and women may date people that are attractive, but not their type, when they are inebriated).

I say, take your positive attitude and new hair do and all of that and go out in regular situations and watch the people be drawn to you!!


Right now, I am dealing with not being noticed both in social and other settings. It is hard, and makes me feel bad, to be honest, because people in this situation are always commenting on someone's weight when the person is losing weight. And these are people going from a size maybe 12 (doubtful), to a size 6. So, we aren't talking very obese people losing weight, but average weight people getting a bit smaller. There are people who are open about their issues with their weigt (they are all slim), and so they seem to be the ones that are more complimentary when they see another person losing weight. I am not really included in discussions about certain topics because of my weight. I am keeping my weightloss to myself with them, even though I want to sing it from the rafters. But mainly, I feel like if I did tell them I was losing weight, and ate something THEY perceive to be unhealthy, it would be more judgement than they already give me because of my weight.

So yeah, I often feel like people see through me and that even though I am talented, they see the weight first, versus the positive things that I bring to the table.

I sometimes feel that way. But I know I mean something to important people. So that is all that matters to me.

that is such a good thing to say. it is true that sometimes we get focused on our appearance and how others think, but those that love and care for us, aren't concerned with those issues, just that we are there for them.

Shopaholic hit it spot on!! That totally made my day!

I was just sitting here feeling the exact same way you are, and actually searched, "I feel invisible." This is one of the links that came up!!
I also am not usually assertive enough, but where I work, there are mostly MACHO men, and the only thing that is important is the work THEY do, and the weekend plans THEY have. Assertiveness doesn't help alot. If you are LOUD AND OBNOXIOUS that might get their attention, but then they talk about you behind your back!!! The civilians here DO NOT matter to the rest.
Most of the women here will stab you in the back.
Co-workers are not usually the best people to hang out with after work. There are exceptions, but not that many.
And THE WORST is there is always someone that everyone loves even though he/she is a backstabber or a manipulator. Nothing she/he does is wrong.
lizziep: That is one of the saddest things I've ever heard......"I got fat hoping I would become invisible. It worked."
I understand completely what you are talking about. I have done the same thing. I would just like a little respect when I am adding something important and necessary to a conversation. I get so frustrated!!! Then I go into the "I'm not gonna say anything to anybody mode." If I hear someone searching for something, or needing an answer to something that I know...I keep silent.

I lost 65 lbs before major surgery that I had August 2009. One of the guys I work with lost about 30-40 lbs at about the same time. Every day he got compliments. No one even noticed with me. I know that when you start out over 300 and lost 65 lbs, that it really isn't that noticeable to the average acquaintance, but geeeeeez!!


Sorry for the rambling.....this topic is something I think about alot.