If you really don't want to participate anymore, maybe you just need to make it clear like windchime said and then stick to your guns by not buying anything. He'll get the idea when he doesn't receive anything.
The tricky bit is that keeping communication channels open and the only thing I can suggest is that you send a warm card wishing them all well and then try to keep regular communication.
It's important to remember thought that you are not responsible for your fathers behavior. I could be way off here (and if I am I'm really sorry) but it sounds like your father relies on petulance to make you give in to him so he might kick up a fuss to begin with but hopefully if you don't give in he'll realize that wont work anymore.
As long as you are polite, explain it's not a rejection of him and are open towards him, if he decides to not respect your decision then that's his decision. You are an adult after all and your entitled to make your own decisions just as much as he is. It sounds harsh but he sounds like he's been pretty harsh to you too and that's not fair either.
I've got a sister who never give me anything. Ever. She's 2 years older and doesn't work. I still get her something she would like every year just because I like doing things for other people. Is Christmas about the gifts? Gosh no. But I like doing things for my family, even if it's something small. They do the same for me. Do I always have a use for the things they give me? Maybe not...but for me it's the thought that counts. Also, I'm one of those people who HATES getting "wish lists" from my family members. If I don't know them well enough to give them something they LIKE, then we need to spend more time together. This Christmas my brother and his family are pretty broke, and the same can be said for my dad and my sister as well. I'm not cutting them off this Christmas at all...they're all getting something, regardless of whether they can get me anything.
That being said...if it's become a chore for BOTH sides to give gifts, it's time to stop and start getting together for a holiday meal or something instead. If it ever gets that way with my family, that's what we're going to do.
Our family doesn't exchange gifts like we used to.
We get small, $5-$10 gifts and play robber bingo for them. Way fun. And way less stress. We have a lot more fun just sitting around visiting and relaxing.
I was wondering if you had the equipment to put together a video of your year on CD or DVD and send it to your family? They would be able to see what you've been doing, a video annual Christmas letter. LOL.
That way they would be getting something, but you wouldn't have to stress about a "gift" and if they don't like it, well, you can't please everybody.
We have some family members that struggle financially, so in order to east the burden, each person in my family purchases 1 Christmas ornament. Then we play that robber bingo or Chinese bingo. Everyone comes out having a great time, and everyone spent less than $10.
sprklemajik...my husband's family does that for THEIR Christmas celebration, as well. It's fun to play the game and regardless of what you end up with you at least had a good time....
Thank you. I indeed often think that noone`s family can possibly be as unloving as mine.
So do you still send 6 presents a year for nothing in return? My husband said I should ("You don`t give to get!"), but I resent it so, so much. I resent it the more I think they will love it and the prettier it looks - which, at the same time, I always make sure it does.
We all need to do things we don`t want to do some time. This is usually when we get an advantage from it, e.g. cleaning our house or working in a job we don`t like because it`ll pay our bills. But I just don`t see any benefits in giving to them - in opposite, the sheer fathought that they may rejoice the fact that I`m that submissive (yes, submissive!) makes me sick!
Our family has stopped exchanging presents. i don't see the big deal in that. Christmas is not about getting gifts. i am giving my daughter money for Christmas this year, she will be happy with that, i have no doubt.
It's important to remember thought that you are not responsible for your fathers behavior. I could be way off here (and if I am I'm really sorry) but it sounds like your father relies on petulance to make you give in to him so he might kick up a fuss to begin with but hopefully if you don't give in he'll realize that wont work anymore.
I`d say so although he would fiercely disagree. I feel manipulated, and it angers me that, even though I know, I still have not syet been able to summon the courage to do the necessary.
I think if it stresses you out, do not go through the hassle of trying to find the right gifts. I think a nice card or a phone call is enough to let them know you are thinking about them during the season. If they don't appreciate it then I would not stress myself out over it, just tell them that is how it is going to be from now on. Like it has already been stated here, Christmas is not about gifts. My brother and I do not exchange gifts anymore. It got to the point where we ended up buying our own gift and the other would give them the money for it. We realized how dumb it was. LOL. Anyway, I hope you get it resolved with no hard feelings on either end.
I was wondering if you had the equipment to put together a video of your year on CD or DVD and send it to your family? They would be able to see what you've been doing, a video annual Christmas letter. LOL.
I don`t but I could do pictures. It`s a wonderful idea, thank you!!! I could do this regularly, particularly as we don`t see each other that much.
I could even imagine that a present like this would be tolerated silently (as it is expected from me), so there would be no arguments! Plus, I could send the same to other family and friends (we don`t do presents but something like this would give great pleasure!)
Thank you so much, I really love the idea, and I think that`s what I`m going to do!!!
If I don't know them well enough to give them something they LIKE, then we need to spend more time together.
*Absolutely!* I wholeheartedly agree!
I`d never not give anyone a present because they cannot get me anything (been there with my sister when she was unemployed) but in the case of my dad, it`s lack of want, not lack of ability. So, it`s now lack of want on my side, too!
Yeah but it seems like she doesn't want to be giving them gifts in the first place, and she's not even getting a good deal out of it. I can understand. Not everyone cares for giving gifts on Christmas and the whole "giving just to give" just doesn't apply. Faking friendly doesn't necessarily make anyone happy either.
Within my immediate family we stopped exchanging presents last year. The stress and expense to buy gifts that no one needed or particularly wanted was erasing any joy from the season. If someone decides to go this route, I would strongly suggest that you still make the effort to decorate and cook and spend time with the family. We had no decorations (my parents didn't feel like it) and that part was a huge bummer.
