HELP! Severe attachment issues that I don't understand...
Hey everyone! I'm at my wit's end right now and I'm hoping that you can help.
Last week I was away from DH at a conference for work. While there, I was more lonely for him than I've been in a loooong time. (I've been out of town about a week per month for the past six months and haven't felt like this at any of these times.) I was PMSing, so I'm sure that had something to do with the intensity of my emotions, but it just can't be the whole story. I didn't cry once while I was gone, although I admit to being a bit grouchy with my coworkers. Part of that was my emotional state and part of that was because one of them was extremely annoying.
Anyhow, I got home Saturday afternoon and am now dealing with serious attachment issues. I can't stand to even be in the other room from DH and when he went to church yesterday to set up the sound while I was getting ready, I was extremely anxious. While sleeping, he says I can't not touch him, even if it's just my hand on his chest, the past two nights. Usually, we sleep like the dead with no contact until the morning.
He leaves for work about 30 minutes before I do, and when he left this morning, I started getting anxious again. By the time I got to work, there was a dull ache in my throat, like being away from him was causing physical pain. I've been on the verge of tears all morning and know that if I don't keep myself distracted with work stuff, I'll lose it. (Although my boss would probably appreciate the extra productivity.)
DH thinks that this sounds like a reaction to some kind of traumatic event, but nothing out of the ordinary has happened. I've never, ever been like this. Even when he was in Canada for 3 months while I was in Texas, the separation wasn't as hard as last week was and I wasn't nearly as clingy when I got home.
Anyone have any insight? I've only been home for 2 days, so I'm hoping that this will wear off on its own. I guess if I'm still like this in a few weeks, I'll have to go see a counselor or something.
Has anyone ever gone through something like this? Did you see someone? Should I? Please, help. I'm really scared and DH is as well. We both know that this isn't healthy...
Thanks, Kim
Last edited by Kim_Star060404; 12-08-2008 at 12:58 PM.
If it were related to some traumatic event, it wouldn't necessarily have to be recent. Just that something recently reminded you of it in some way. Sometimes those little triggers can seem so insignificant at first.
I agree with Julie. Sometimes your subconscious can trigger something that you don't even actively remember.
Have you had a chance to spend any real, one-on-one cuddle time with your DH since you got home? Maybe taking some time to spend together - an afternoon to go shopping and get some lunch, or a dinner out where it's JUST the two of you and no one else.
If it keeps up for more than a week, though, I'd def call your doctor. It could just be that you're feeling generally anxious about the holidays or life in general and something to help take the edge off of that would be a good thing.
Thanks to both of you for responding. DH and I have been inseparable since I got back. The only time we weren't alone was at church, which was only about an hour. We've been having lots of fun; putting up Christmas lights, watching football, enjoying our meals together.
I leave again for a business trip on Sunday, so that's putting more strain on me, I'm sure. I keep searching my brain for something that triggered this. We'll be keeping an eye on it. I'll go see the doc asap after I get back if it continues.
Kim, I don't have much to add beyond what has already been said and that I go through times like these as well.
Usually they happen when we've spend a long amount of time together and then go back to being apart for hours at a time (weekends and then on Monday I get anxious).
Thanks, Ruth, Zeffryn and Gonna! I appreciate your kind words and thoughts.
Things were a bit better this morning. I did fight the urge to go to his office and say goodbye to him again on the way to my office, but I figured that would make things worse. I don't know how long I sat at the stop sign contemplating, but a car came up behind me so I had to move. This physical anxiety of being away from him isn't as pronounced as it was yesterday, so I think that this is a situation in which time will heal what ails me.
I'm very anxious about going out of town again on Sunday. I'll get back to town the following Thursday and then we'll be heading to his family's for Christmas the next Monday. I hope that my reaction isn't the same when I come back from training. I'm not sure how his family would react to that...
Back to square one today. The grocery store was a NIGHTMARE and the only way I got through it was by sticking my headphones in my ears and listening to my music until I got out. We're starting to think that it's some kind of anxiety attack. Not sure, though, but I am tired of panicking and crying every time I do a normal activity sans DH.
I called the doctor and I can't get in until next Friday, which is just as well. I don't see what they could do for me on such short notice. The good thing is that I'll have family nearby while I'm in school in Austin next week.
DH is trying hard to make everything pleasant for me. He was going to go shopping with me but got called out into the field and we just couldn't wait to get groceries. I'm trying to distract myself as much as possible now when we're apart. I really think that's going to be the key until we get things figured out...
Prayers, good thoughts and advice gladly accepted and appreciated!!
It does sound like anxiety - I get that... for no apparent reason, I just get panicky, teary and need NEED someone near me.
I've been put on Celexa - which is an anti-depressant/anti-anxiety, and I can sure tell you that it HELPS!!! I feel like a million bucks, and I'm better at being alone - or even out in public places.
We had our company Christmas party (which I always used to dread and hate) and I truly had a wonderful time... even dancing without hubby... Heck, I spent half the night singing karaoke! wow!
HELP! Severe attachment issues that I don't understand...
