--Jim is 19 and has his GED. I think he's probably lived with Ruby awhile. Although it doesn't explain the conversation with her roomie about encouraging the kid to go to school (unless he is getting his full HS diploma).
--Ruby met Brittany when Ruby lived in LA for four years. Ruby was the receptionist at the gym (?!?!) where Brittany worked. Brittany is currently on some show on the WB I think.
--Georgia (the friend) cooking the big southern dinner was probably a set up for the cameras, although I am sure they ate like that a LOT.
MyStyle.com has more details about the folks in the show.
Another thought on the weight she's lost. Remember the jerk? I would really love to put stronger language about him here but I know it'd be VERY censored. "I'll marry you if you lose weight". That guy. Did anyone besides me want to push him off that motorcycle?
Actually, no. This woman has an addiction that controls every aspect of her life. Would you be upset if she were a crack addict and he said that? If she were an alcoholic? I can totally understand him wanting her to deal with this before marrying her. She didn't and so he left. Now, maybe he is a jerk but I wouldn't say he's a jerk just because of what he did in that particular situation. Most people don't want to hop into marriage with a person who has a full blown addiction controlling their life and in reality, killing them.
Last edited by LandonsBaby; 11-13-2008 at 03:28 PM.
Actually, no. This woman has an addiction that controls every aspect of her life. Would you be upset if she were a crack addict and he said that? If she were an alcoholic? I can totally understand him wanting her to deal with this before marrying her. She didn't and so he left. Now, maybe he is a jerk but I wouldn't say he's a jerk just because of what he did in that particular situation. Most people don't want to hop into marriage with a person who has a full blown addiction controlling their life and in reality, killing them.
Now that makes me rethink what I said. You are absolutely right about an addiction. I wouldn't want to marry someone who is a crack addict, etc. Thanks for making me think.
However, that could very well be the reason she lost those 200 or so lbs. Maybe - maybe not.
I'm watching it now, with trepidation. I feel for Ruby and the concern of her friends and doctor seem genuine, but I can't help but also feel that it's a recipe for disaster. Admonishing her to take half a brownie instead of a whole brownie at the friends' get-together is…pointless. That extra 100 calories means absolutely nothing. It's like focusing a microscope on a single loose thread in a Medieval tapestry and ignoring that the whole gigantic thing is frayed.
I don't know about everyone, but I know in my case it's not an extra half-brownie here and there that got me over 300 pounds. It was a long-term, concerted effort of massive consumption. And people chiding me over half a brownie once in a while only made eventually succeeding at weight loss seem more futile. "They're busting me over this little brownie, when what they don't know is I'm going to go home and eat a bag of Doritos. If they're right that a bit of brownie could make me this big, how much worse I must be for really pigging out."
I hope Ruby winds up with fewer people telling her to exercise control and walk on a treadmill and more people teaching her how to manage the mental angle.
I'm loving the show as well. I haven't been able to actually catch a full episode, but I'm planning on rewatching them when they rerun. I think she's a beautiful person with a very real and very dangerous addiction. I'm hoping for her success and can't wait to see everything unfold.
I think for Ruby, the "the mental angle," is being addressed by her therapist. I don't think her friends and family can play that role, and encouragement to exercise and deal with food issues is the best that a non-therapist can offer. For me, "half a brownie," wouldn't be a realistic suggestion, because I have such a difficult time with refined carbs, that it's better to avoid them altogether (not that I've been entirely successful with that) . But I don't see help from others, even when it's occasionally misplaced, as a deterrent to weight loss. Rather, as Ruby said, she needs the help of others, for some folks it does "take a village," to lose the weight. Some of the advice she is going to get is going to be good, some if it terrible and a good deal of it absolutely useless.
I don't think that all fat folks, even extremely fat folks have serious mental issues. Obviously, I think from watching Ruby's interaction with the therapist that she may have serious abuse issues. Not remembering anything before age 13, isn't a particularly good sign. Those need to be dealt with, but getting Ruby to move, in itself, will contribute to lessening depression and the learned helplessness, that being in such a large body can contribute to. You don't have to fix all of the mental issues before working on the weight - which I think Ruby has proven, having lost 225 lbs or more before the first episode. Seeing a therapist, I think is important for Ruby, but I don't think that everyone in her life has to act as a therapist. Sure, she's going to get a lot of bad and useless advice from friends and even the "professionals," and the good advice is going to probably be rarer- but that's just reality.
Will she be able to control her weight, by exercising control, and learning to eat like a "normal" person? I don't know, but I wouldn't discount the possibility. The "how" we gain weight, and the how we lose weight, isn't very well understood, and I don't think it's the same for us all, even for some of us that get very large.
In my life, I've had people tell me that I had to addess my "mental issues," and that I must have serious mental issues to have gotten as large as I have. I even started to believe it, and wonder what I was hiding from myself. Then I (finally) discovered two physiological contributors to my weight loss. By changing my bc to provide constant levels of progestins, and reducing carbs, the weight loss has been so much easier than ever before. I am having trouble sticking to my low carb diet, because I do have an addictive response to carbs, especially refined carbs, and they are difficult (psychologically and physically) to avoid. I'm getting better at it, though. And my weight loss is responding, in a way I'd never imagined it to. I'm losing weight without feeling like I'm tenuously holding on tooth and nail in misery to my food plan. The more success I have, the more motivation I have, and the better I do.
I think even when dealing with drug addictions, there are "addicts" who turned to drugs because of mental issues, and there are folks for whom the drugs caused the mental issues, and I think for many it's so intertwined, it's difficult to say which came first, the mental issues or the addiction, but sometimes "breaking the cycle," in itself can start the positive changes needed to return to functionality.
I think that the threshold for food addictions (which are primarily carbohydrate and fat addictions), is generally much lower than for drug addiction. In a sense, every human on the planet is food addicted. The physiological drive to eat, kept our ancestors alive. Living in a world where high calorie food is abundant is not a natural condition, because in the "natural" world, population explosion tends to occur before widespread obesity. In a sense, it's actually more of a surprise to me how many people are not obese.
If cocaine and opiates were as abundant and as intertwined in our culture as food, how many drug addicts would we have, and how many would be able to remain abstinant? If these drugs were cheap, legal, and use was not only socially accepted, but expected - and friends, relatives, and even strangers were pushers from the time we were small children - how prevalent would drug addiction be?
I think that the idea that fat people, even outrageously fat people must have serious underlying mental and emotional issues is more myth than fact. However, seeing the super morbidly obese as more normal than not is a threatening idea - because it means it could happen to almost anyone under the right conditions.
kaplods, I enjoy your posts. You have some really interesting things to say and more times than not, your comments really make me think and consider things differently.
What did you think of episode 2? It was interesting. I think Denny did a good job of controlling his temper. I know he wanted to bash orange hat in the head with a pipe.
I love this show. The first thing that struck me about Ruby is how beautiful she is -- she has really beautiful skin and gorgeous hair and eyes. I don't know if that's the wonder of Hollywood makeup or what, but I wish I had her complexion.
I love how upbeat she is and I can relate to her in a lot of ways. I've never been that heavy but I know what it's like to worry about fitting into places and things (like chairs, although my biggest fear is always being too fat to fit in a rollercoaster). I absolutely agree that she is manipulative and sneaky but she seems genuine and I'll be rooting for her success.
I'm happy to see her seeing a therapist (and it sort of makes me wonder if I should see one). I'm a bit disappointed to see her using pre-packaged meals after Brittany went to the trouble of showing her healthy foods and Georgia/Jim how to cook them. I'd like to see her plan out healthy meals according to a diet plan and assist in preparation as she is able rather than using this option. Hopefully she'll transition to this later.
Mostly, I think she's brave. And I want to move to Savannah.
Another good episode! Watching Ruby get made fun of was hard, but I'm glad they showed it because sadly, it is the reality for most fat people. What gives people the right to openly mock anyone? I've had it happen to me before and I still cringe when I think about it.
I'm glad I'm not the only one that watches that show! My husband laughs at me for watching it, but whatever, he doesn't get it! I can't wait to see how she does & I hope she sticks too it & loses that weight she wants too. That boyfriend, Denny, he's gotta go though, he seems like he's not good.
It is really amazing how upbeat she is without putting herself too down.
There was a 3 month span between the first episode and the second one, and you can really tell that in her face. Did they say she had lost 50 pounds or so during that time? Not sure.
Right after that show, another one came on TLC - Half Ton Mom about a 29 year old mother of two girls who was 900 pounds. Same kind of spirit as Ruby, but in much, much worse shape.
