I didn't like lying around completely naked when I was skinny or fat. Just not my thing. My DDs and I are pretty liberal living on our own, but for some reason I don't like just walking around in front of a man naked without expecting it to lead to something. It's just the way I am and I don't have to explain it or even examine it.

I dated one guy who thought it should be "naked land" all the time when I was at his place and would get "batty" when I would come out of the shower with a towel on. I just figured if things heated up, the towel could come off pretty easily. I never did change my behavior to suit him.

And considering I met my X when I was working at a strip club(I was a bartender/waitress, thank you) one would be pretty hard pressed to call me a prude. There are things I like to do that other folks wouldn't and there are perfectly normal things others like to do that would creep me out. No biggie. Different strokes for different folks.

LOL, well... I usually don't fancy walking/lying around completely 100% naked, but doing so on occasion isn't out of my comfort zone, esp. if right after sex...

I generally do not enjoy casual nudity -- I kind of agree that it should be saved for specifically sexual situations.

I may be the odd one out here. :)

I'm going to say this first: If what these people did was outside of your comfort zone, then you had every right to say "no thanks" w/out being called names. It's obvious that they have different opinions and feelings about their sexuality than you do ... and there is NOTHING wrong with that. We're all different.

You should never be forced to do something that makes you uncomfortable, or called a prude for being uncomfortable.

But. There are a handful of things in your post that stood out to me and I really want to comment on them.

I totally understand not wanting to be naked in front of strangers. Possibly because I'm used to the natural hot springs crowd who have no qualms about stripping down and popping into the springs naked in front of strangers, I don't have a problem with this personally. But I understand how someone else might not want it. But I have to ask .. what does someone being in his 60s have to do with the price of tea in China here? Are people in their 60s not allowed to have sexual feelings or feel comfortable being naked? At what age do you think it is ok to be naked in a hot-tub vs. not be naked in a hot-tub?

My guy is pretty heavily into porn. I don't have a problem with this at all. He reads porn blogs, even has books on sex and sexuality in his office. Yes he reads skin mags as well. Again .. there is NOTHING WRONG WITH THIS. If it affects your feelings for him or your relationship with him, then obviously you guys are not compatible in this area. That doesn't make him OR YOU a bad person. It just means you have a very basic incompatibility when it comes to what's acceptable.

And you are totally within your rights to feel that way FOR YOU. But it's not ok to judge other people for believing that it is ok. Like I said, I've been to lots of natural hot springs before and to nude beaches where nudity is simply accepted. I've watched porn with people who I barely knew before (mostly I get the giggles, rather than get turned on - porn is generally pretty funny to me). I've gone to strip clubs with my guy and had a good time. I've even taking a stripping dance class and stripped for my guy (again, the giggles hit halfway through), although I must admit I probably wouldn't do it at the strip club, since that kind of exhibitionism isn't my thing. There's nothing wrong with any of that.

When my guy and I are alone, I often walk around naked - or lounge around naked. Sometimes I'll even drape myself across the bed in provocative poses or sit on the sofa in a provocative way just to tease him. I think it's fun in a sexy, teasing sort of way. I also buy sex toys and sexy outfits all the time. I have quite the collection actually and my guy and I love them. The last time we were in DC we hit a pretty well known sex shop before dinner just for fun. That doesn't mean YOU have to like the idea, but you shouldn't judge others if they enjoy it. And just for reference, I'm your exact same height and weight, and I enjoy wearing sexy outfits for my guy ... and I think I look pretty darned good in them. Apparently so does he! ;)

But this is the key statement that I have a problem with. Given what you've said, and your opinions, that means that you probably think *I* am a SLUT. Now think about how your feelings are hurt for being called a prude for your opinions on sexuality and think about how others might think that you just called all of us sluts for having different opinions and views.

I don't think you are in the wrong to want to be in a relationship that is comfortable for you or for telling this guy that you just don't think you're compatible in that way. I do think you're in the wrong for judging ... and for holding the opinion that anyone who is more ... sexually open, shall we say .. than you are is a SLUT.

FWIW.

NO, you are NOT a prude! By my definition, a prude would be someone who never wanted to have sex, got offended any time the word "sex" was mentioned, and was very, very traditional in regards to the old, Victorian norms of what sex should be only due to being afraid of/disgusted by exploration. :)

As everyone else mentioned, that guy was a JERK and it's good that you broke up with him. Was he good looking? By his awful personality, it sounds like he might have been :lol: It's sad to say, but (from my experiences), some really hot guys are completely unappealing in many other ways and act like total jerks around women/towards their partners because they think they can get away with it since they're under the firm belief that they are God's gifts to women.

I, too, dated a guy once who just wanted to be NAKED ALL THE TIME! I didn't mind being naked sometimes, but other times, I just wanted to cover up! I weighed 120-125 pounds at the time, so it had nothing to do with weight, just personal comfort. I get cold easily, too... and while I certainly DO NOT think I am a prude by ANY stretch of the word (I am a very sexual person sometimes, actually), I just don't want to be sexual ALL the time. Men and women are very different in that respect. It isn't a question of whether you're being a prude, either; it's a question of biology and chemistry ;)

Well, actually, no that's not really the definition of "prude". A prude is someone who is overly concerned with what is "proper". It's most often used with regard to sex, but it also applies to thoughts about anything that there could be a morality judgment about - drinking, drugs, sex, partying, whatever.

Now, I don't believe the OP is a prude at all. :) But the idea that someone who is prudish "never wants to have sex" is really not accurate.

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Amen to that!

I do agree with Photochick's message, too -- just like you don't want to be called prude for having narrower boundaries than your ex and his friends, you shouldn't go calling anyone else a slut for having broader boundaries than you do. You seem like a nice person (as far as one can tell over the internet!) and I'm sure that in person you're nothing but respectful, but it is something to think about.

Not that I'm condoning the ex's actions -- his boundaries aren't the issue so much as his inability to treat you well. I can't believe he made it seem like YOUR fault that you two weren't compatible. He does sound pretty immature.

Your not a prude, you seem like a pretty open woman with appropriate boundaries. This guy is immature and doesn't respect you. Frankly he just wants you as a toy, good that you got out now.

And anyone whose boundaries are wider is "inappropriate"?

This is why I get kinda riled up about these kinds of threads. Who gets to decide what is appropriate for someone else?

I'd like to see some of the people in this thread take a step back in the passing judgment area. Just because you dislike something does NOT make it inappropriate for someone else.

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Everyone is different. Your former boy and his friends have a standard of what is "normal" (sexually speaking) and you have a standard of "normal." If you dont think your a prude, then your not. Dont listen to anyone else. Dont do anything that you're uncomfortable with just to prove something to someone. Dont worry about it. :)

I think you may be jumping to conclusions. You see stories here of women who don't ever like to be naked, even with those they are intimate with. I wouldn't even call them prudes but I think its a major self esteem issue. Someone who walks around naked in front of others may have a higher comfort level than those that rather be naked in front of only certain people and both can be considered healthy versus someone who doesn't even want to see themselves naked. Although personally I hate seeing women in the women's locker room just walk around naked, can't they use a towel, is that so hard? Of course my comfort level in the locker room is to not be naked at all and I put the basics on in the shower stall. Of course I digress.

In the terms of the original question asked, I would think the OP seems to have boundaries that I would consider no where near prudish. Her comfort levels are probably even higher than many because personally I have no interest in going into a strip club myself. I rather not see strangers naked but thats just me. (although I have been to a nude beach but it was a bit odd for me)

I didn't read it as judgment at all. I read "appropriate" as meaning well within norms. As might be lots of other and different people. When I say one person is appropriate, it does NOT logically follow that someone who is different is therefore inappropriate. More than one thing is allowed to be appropriate ;).

So in a sense I agree, sometime it helps to take a step back.

Honestly Nelie, I don't think I am. I'd be happy to take this private or to another thread if you want, but I think I'm making a valid point.

And please don't think I'm angry or anything. I'm not at all angry or upset; I am trying to point out that we all need to be careful about our words when dealing with something as "touchy" as sex and individual sexual boundaries.

Labeling something as "inappropriate" should be left to things that really *are* inappropriate across the board. Labeling individual choice as "inappropriate" is ... IMO ... um ... inappropriate. ;)

I *totally* agree with this. And I would never, ever, in the least call the OP a prude because she didn't have that comfort level.

But then I wouldn't call myself a slut or say I was behaving inappropriately because *I* do have that comfort level.

That's exactly the type of judgmental type of speech/writing I'm requesting that people think about before they post. :)

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Oh I think it is important to make people think but when I read the 'appropriate' comment, I took that as to mean not prudish rather than the other side of the spectrum. I guess it is how you want to read it and I'd sometimes peoples intentions aren't what you think they may be.

The dictionary defines a prude as: a person who is excessively proper or modest in speech, conduct, dress, etc.

Do you think you're a prude? No. Do you have values and morals and standards? Yes. Does your ex have a problem with your standards? Apparently. Do you? No. You are wise. :)

To other posters . . . um, just wanted to say . . .. TMI. Just . . . TMI.

*thud*

I give.

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