So, I called my boyfriend around 4 because he started back teaching this week and I was going to see how his day went. Last night we'd gotten onto the subject of private schools vs. public schools (he is currently teaching at a private school). I have gone to public school my whole life, and he went to private school from the 4th grade onward.
Today the topic comes up again, and he tells me that he thinks his education is better than mine simply because he went to private school. I never had to worry for my safety, I was never caught in the middle of a fight, and overall had an amazing experience in public schools. He, on the other hand, does not have nearly as many "life experiences" as I do, and is quite sheltered if you compare the two of us. I didn't have life hidden from me, and I think I've benefited from that tremendously. I have the ability to see when people are trying to take advantage of me, I know when I'm being used, I know about lots of things that he doesn't....But he thinks he's better than me because he went to private school.
I adore this guy, we've been together for some time now and I absolutely love him - he's so amazing...but really, telling me he's better than me?
You know has hard as this is for you. I would try not to take it personal. He's entitled to his opionion and you are as well.
I think there are A LOT of variable. It depends what school, what state, what city, what county. There's no way that any could say that about all public schools and all private schools. I've seen some private schools that are very elite, I've seen some that are way worse than the local public school. Same things goes for public schools.
I think this may have to be one thing that you agree to disagree on. If he is as good a guy as you feel that he is, tell him how his comment made you feel bad and that he was saying that he was better than you. I'm sure he didn't mean to come across that way. Just talk with him and be honest. If he did mean for it sound that way, well that's a whole other ball of wax.
Did he say he's better than you or that he felt his education was better than yours??? I think it might be time to "agree to disagree". You aren't going to change his mind and he's not going to change yours. If you plan on having children -- definitely this needs to be worked out -- compromise -- may be public school 1/2 way through and the other 1/2 private? However, before my husband and I had children we each had certain opinions on child raising -- many of these changed after the kids came along.
He said his education was better - but to me that implies that he's better. Personally I feel like my diploma means the exact same thing as his, no matter where it came from. I was in a majority white public school and had amazing times there - I wasn't in private school because my parents worked for an honest living every single day and if they'd of had to pay $10,000 a year (which is what the school he's working at charges) for me to go to school then I would've gotten teased daily. My family couldn't afford for me to wear the $100 jeans, or have a Louis Vutton purse. I worked from the time I was 16 until now, and I liked knowing I earned what I had and mommy and daddy didn't have to hand me everything.
If, when I have children, the public schools in the area are unsafe and aren't a good learning environment then I will send my kids to private school. However, when a child can get just as good of an education as well as learn about life in a public school, why spend more money that is necessary??
Meanwhile I find it funny that my boyfriend cannot spell, and bless his heart he hasn't got very much common sense.... =)
Last edited by jessicaleigh07; 08-12-2008 at 05:13 PM.
Are you sure that he's saying he's better than you? I'm with julie, it sounds like believes his education to be better. If he thought he was better than you, would he be dating you?
To me it sounds like he's just stating that his education experience was different from yours, and maybe in his eyes better. Like here we go again said, private schools and public schools vary from city to city. I don't think that he thinks he's better than you b/c of he's educational background.
When we first started dating, my bf thought that I looked down on him, b/c he didn't go to private school. He told me that, and I was ashamed would ever think that. I'm glad he told me, it made me look at how I talked about my experiences and how I was coming across to people. I told him, that he occasionally made me feel bad, b/c although I've travelled I've never live overseas. Maybe he didn't realize that what sounds right in his head came out all wrong (I certanly didn't!)
Take it from some one who went to public (preschool- grade 9) and private school (grade 10 - grade 12). I do feel that my education in private school was better, but only better for me. I needed the smaller class sizes (no more that 10 kids in a class except for gym where we had 16), the chance to be yearbook editor and the fact that I knew the name of almost every kid in my school from grade 7-12. The experiences that I had at private school can't compare to anything I could have done in public. My school made us go on week long backpacking, mountain climbing and canoing trips. We produced a movie, I travelled with my school (Egypt, nepal, vietnam and equador), I volunteered in inner city schools. Life experiences we pushed upon us like you wouldn't believe! (looking back now it almost makes me sick!) My school was extremely accademically focussed, and it was impossible to slide through the cracks. - I thrived with that sort of sructure and competetion. That atmosphere was perfect for me, however my little brother hated it. He was miserable. When he transfered to the local high school he excelled. It's a different approach to education and it's not necessarily the best for everyone, and perhaps your bf needs to understand that.
Edited to add: Please don't think that every student who went to private school is spoiled rotten. I cerntainly wasn't I and many of my classmates parents took on extra work to pay their tution. My best friends more delivered pizza's a 4 nights a week to pay her tution. Yes, there were so exceptionally filthy rich kids at my school, but not everyone was. It is a common misconception that all private school kids are well off and spoiled. It drives me nuts. *End rant*
You know, even if he did say his EDUCATION was better than yours - I would still absolutely take that personally. Especially as a female, my education is something I'm proud of and I stand behind. Granted, I'm not in Harvard right now, so my class skills may not be up to par with an Ivy League school - but I'm going to school for disaster relief / humanitarian aid, and I can tell you that in Alaska we see a **** of a lot more disasters than they do Massachusetts. As far as hands on and skillful learning - I'm receiving an education that just cannot compare.
I know that the consensus seems to be 'agree to disagree' but that would not be okay by me. To criticize my scholastic career, would feel to me, like a critique on my intelligence - and no man, no matter how much I love him, has the right to do that. I don't have anything to offer that would help the situation any - but your feelings are 100% justified.
Ps - I went to an international private school for two years, with a 30,000 dollar tuition bill per year (which luckily for us was waved by the American embassy) and other than meeting a great international community and making friends of extremely different cultures (which has nothing to do with the SCHOOL quality - just the living circumstances) - the class style was no different to my extremely poor under-funded ghetto junior high back in Louisiana.
Hmm, see I went to Europe my junior year, worked for everything I did, knew the name of everyone that was near my grade level, I knew everyone in the town we lived in because my father was the Sheriff and it was a pretty small town, I was extremely academically focused and was at the top of my class, on academic team, etc. I made A's my whole life, and I was in the gifted program until I got tired of the people who thought just because they were in gifted they were better than the other people in the school.
This whole thing is extremely frustrating..to the point where I am about to tell him that since I'm not educated well enough to his standards then he needs to find a girl who is =(
Oh, he's decided I need to tell all the parents of the kids at his school that them paying all that money is a waste and they can get the same education at the free public schools. Omg! I never said all public schools were equal!!!! Someone shoot me.
Last edited by jessicaleigh07; 08-12-2008 at 05:29 PM.
Jessica, It sounds like you recieved and education that was on par with any of the private schools up her in canada. If he's too pig headed to see that...then you have to do what makes you feel best. I hope it all works out...
I can't pretend I wouldn't say the exact same thing to him. It may be 'rash' and 'over dramatic' but I'd also want to make it very, very clear that what he's arguing, to the extent that he is arguing it, was demeaning to the institution I've been able to build for myself and that's entirely unacceptable if the relationship is supposed to keep going.
Hmm... I understand why you're upset. My fiance, educated in Europe, once said that university in Europe is much harder than in the US, thus implying that my education isn't as good as his and that my graduation is no big deal because, hey, I went to a US university. I was *SO MAD* at him; he apologized profusely, and tried to explain what he meant to say that came out wrong, etc etc. Anyway, I understand why you're upset.
But having said that, I too went to private (Catholic) school my whole life; growing up in The Bronx, my parents felt it was the only real option. If I were to have a child and raise him/her in the city, I would also send my child to private school if in anyway possible; all my friends also went to one Catholic school or another and really, at least in the Bronx (though I think this is the case for most of the NYC outer boroughs) if you CAN afford to send your children to private schools, you do. Would I say that I am better educated than someone who went to public school in the city? Not necessarily, though I do think going to private school gave me certain advantages (a safer atmosphere, for one). But I think there is a distinction between going to public school in a small community like you described and attending public school in The Bronx.
So: Where did your boyfriend grow up? If he grew up in a big city, there could be a very good reason why he's biased against public schools and even though he's out of line to imply he's better-educated than you, he might not understand that your public school experiences maybe aren't what he has in mind.
Yes, I agree with this -- everyone I went to school with was middle class, myself included. But here in the city, middle class parents try to find a way to put their kids in private school if possible (unless you happen to live in some amazing area with some exceptional public school). A lot of times, it's a hardship on the parents.
Quote:
Originally Posted by shantroy
Edited to add: Please don't think that every student who went to private school is spoiled rotten. I cerntainly wasn't I and many of my classmates parents took on extra work to pay their tution. My best friends more delivered pizza's a 4 nights a week to pay her tution. Yes, there were so exceptionally filthy rich kids at my school, but not everyone was. It is a common misconception that all private school kids are well off and spoiled. It drives me nuts. *End rant*
I am SO hurt right now... :(
hang in there. Take a deep breath.
