Once upon a time in a distant land called Arkansas there was a boy..... sorry, I just watched Enchanted and couldn't resist.
Anyways.... My best friend from when I was 15 to 24 and also more than friends but we were never officially together, I know not the smartest situation. Well, I haven't talked to him in over two 1/2 years. I moved to Kansas City and our numbers changed. Well, now I'm in CA. I did a random search online and found a profile of him. I sent him a message with my phone number just asking how he is. He didn't say much in his message just that's he's been looking for me and wants to catch up. I looked on his profile and he's married. I'm happy for him. He was my best friend for a long time. At one time I had feelings for him. Am I treading on thin ice to open communication with him? I mean he's in Arkansas, I'm in CA. I know that I'm excited to talk to him and just to see how he is, but is this a recipe for disaster?
Hmmm, in a situation like that, I usually try to, first, take one thing at a time - have a nice chat to catch up and see where the conversation goes. If he wants to invite you to meet his wife because he thinks you two would get along great then it sounds like genuinely an old friend just wanting to get back in touch. No worries (unless you liked him enough that it's going to hurt you to hang out with his wife).
However, if the conversation goes in the other direction you might want to put the shoe on the other foot so to speak. How would you feel if you were married to someone who started talking to his "more than friends but never really together" buddy from several years ago? Even if he tells you his marriage is in trouble and he just needs a shoulder, I would be a little cautious - you don't want to set yourself up for any hurts.
Even if he tells you his marriage is in trouble and he just needs a shoulder, I would be a little cautious - you don't want to set yourself up for any hurts.
Especially if his marriage is in trouble, I would say. Even if this was someone you once cared about long ago and far away, a troubled marriage isn't something you want to get in the middle of. It's a little weird that he said he was looking for you. To me that's a big warning signal.
I've been on both sides of it, thinking a friendship with a guy was nothing more and not realizing it may not have been appropriate in the eyes of their SO and understanding that I would want someone to respect my own relationship. My DF and I both have friends of the opposite sex, but they are longstanding friendships. For example, one of my best friends is a boy I grew up with, who, ironically was my first kiss (truth or dare) and the first boy I ever danced with (at the 6th grade dance). Of course, we were just kids and nothing beyond that ever happened, but we've always maintained a friendship and it has never crossed that line and now he's DF friend, too, which I think is important to mention.
Also, weren't you recently involved in some similar drama? My thought is if you want to avoid a similar situation, keep it to a friendly Myspace message and leave it at that. For all you know, his wife may read it and have a serious issue with it. I would.
Yes, I was involved with some drama. Which was really weird, but totally unrelated. I think that's why I'm a lil nervous. I want to stay drama free. I guess I'll just have to see if he calls me and we can catch up. If he acts weird about letting his wife know, then I guess I have my answer.
I want to respect his wife. There's nothing there. I mean I'm so glad that we were friends for all those years. He's literally saved my life a couple of times.
I thought it was weird too that he said that he had been looking for me, but then again I randomly looked for him so there you go. lol
I'm with Junebug. Personally, if it were me, I would choose to keep the contact strictly email, at least for now. He was obviously recently married if you didn't know about it before, which makes him basically a newlywed...and you don't know anything about his wife so you don't know if she is a jealous type or not. There's potential drama galore in this, even though your intentions are entirely innocent. If it is curiosity to catch up, email will work just fine.
Ok, so I've been so excited about hearing from him, but after thinking about it.... Why am I excited? of course he was my best friend. I think I'll catch up with him and then say goodbye. If he wants me to meet his wife when I come out to Arkansas for Christmas I may, but I think I just need to say good bye. It makes me a lil disappointed, but I need to protect myself.
A lil nervous... am I treading on thin ice?
