Right now I am sleep deprived and an emotional mess. Last night my husband and I had to lay down the law with our daughter concerning her boyfriend (they are both 14). We did not tell them they had to break up, but she was grounded for a week, which meant no cell phone or internet along with staying home for a week.
She was upset, which we figured was par for the course. Then came the typical teen drama, "we are ruining her life, we don't understand her, we are being over protective"....I am sure most parents have heard all this before.
She went to her room, we figured she needed some cool down time. DH left for work ( he is on night shift this week). I went to check on her, she was in her room cutting herself.
I took her to the local teen crisis center and she was admitted. I just got a call sying they do not reccomend discharging her today. DH is furious, he doesn't think she should have been admitted. He wants her home. I want her to be where she is safest. It is tough enough dealing with her issues, but when I feel I am fighting DH too, it makes it that much harder. I am on an emotional roller coaster. She met with an individual counselor today and we have a family counseling meeting set up tomorrow morning.
So far I have not given in to the urges to stuff my feelings with food. I am not sure how long I will be able to control that urge.
she clearly has problems beyond what a mom and dad's love can fix
i hope she's ok
i hope her father gets his act together
and i hope you remain strong.
my kids were not allowed to date till 16 just because of emotional instability like this... now at 16 my girl child has permission but i'm glad she's not she's still way too immature.
Kate, I'm so sorry. Taking her to the crisis center was absolutely the right decision, and I wish your husband was more supportive.
My sister struggled with depression, cutting, serious drug and alcohol abuse, etc. throughout her adolescence. She's now in her mid-20s, and although life is still sometimes difficult for her, she's doing much better. I think the unconditional love and support of my parents has been crucial to her recovery, but I saw how difficult it was for my mom and dad to watch her go through those things.
Sorry for your struggles. You and your daughter are in my thoughts.
14 is a rough age, and your daughter may need some help in coming up with ways to address frustration, hurt, anger, and sadness without taking them out physically. Given the right coping mechanisms, she'll be able to process her emotions without self-injuring behavior.
PM me if you have questions or need to talk...I've got some experience in this area.
I'm so sorry you're going through this Kate. Your daughter is where she needs to be. I hope you and your family get the help you need to get past this.
I absolutely agree that she should have been admitted. NOT because you had your DH are not good parents but because it's just a good idea to have an objective source looking at the situation.
I had a friend who cut herself and her parents did not seek any treatment for her until she began fainting from starving herself and finding other ways to ask for help. I can tell you that right now my friend who was doing this at exactly the same age as your daughter is perfectly happy and healthy and has a wonderful boyfriend. She, too, was dealing with a jerk boyfriend at the time.
I do not think you necessarily need to panic whatsoever. The fact that you were on this right away and are meeting with a counsellor is fantastic.
My prayers are with you.
One thing to suggest to your daughter when she's feeling more communicative and receptive is a website called To Write Love On Her Arms, specifically for helping teens to move away from cutting and seeing other people who have stopped and their stories. It may make her feel normal and understood.
Prayers for your daughter -- but a bunch for you too . She has you to look out for her best interests -- you need a hand to hold onto as well.
My oldest needed therapy when he was younger for a few years -- I had to hide it from my husband because he refused to allow it -- there comes a point when the children's best interest outweighs even a parent's opinion, especially where her safety is involved. You did the right thing.
You're doing the right thing. Cutting is a cry for help and it's best to get to the root of the problem fast.
All the best to you and your family. Also be sure to give your husband attention now too (if he feels he's being overruled, he needs to know his opinions DO count) and take care of your own self too.
You did the right thing. Sometimes parents get upset when they have to seek outside help for the their children. It's a pride thing. Like getting help= bad parenting which is not true. Although I've never been in this situation I can understand.
My sister got pregnant "out of wed-lock" and my mom was so mortified. She actually had one of her friends talk to my sister about her options. Now, a year later my mom loves her first grand child more than anything. Funny how that happens. Your husband might be mad now, but he's going to love when she's healed and not emotionally unstable.
You are doing the right thing. She needs help and to work through her emotions. It's amazing that you all are supporting her most teenagers don't have that. I'm praying for you all.
Along with the other ladies, I absolutely support your decision 100%. Maybe it's DH's defense mechanism to think that as long as she's home, he can save her from it. Either way, my prayers are definitely with your family and you did a very good thing in keeping your daughter safe, even from herself. Hopefully she'll also see that she's got a great support group and one **** of a safety net through you guys. Hang in there.
Kate~ You daughter is in my prayers. You absolutlely did the right thing. I how your daughter is feeling as i too used to cut myself. Talking to a counselor can really make big difference. After you have family meeting with the counselor i might suggest she has weekly meeting by herself with the counselor. She is a lot more likely to open up if you or her father is not there. Im sure this isnt really going to put you at ease, but when people cut themselfes it is either 1) for attention or 2) because they dont know how to deal with their emotions. Either they cant express them or they feel if they feel the physical pain the mental/emotional pain is gone. Most people who cut also arent doing it to harm themselves seriously. Also i might suggest a little trick my counselor suggested to me. I always wear a rubberband around my wrist and when i feel like cutting i snap it. It gives the same sensation and releases the same endorphins as cutting. You and your whole family are in my prayers. All will get better.
Last edited by CandyKisses0204; 08-06-2008 at 02:12 PM.
Kate -
Praying in not my forte but I am keeping yourself and your DD in my thoughts. You have done the right thing - she should have been admitted and I believe she is safe where she is. I hope DH will come around to see it that way, too.
Prayers for my Daughter Please
