Seperating genders or being a little secretive about puberty and sex is not teaching it is dirty or taboo, it's just teaching respect. There's no respect any more for the beautiful differences between males and females. Talking about such matters are reserved for serious adult relationships, and since this idea is going away more kids are being promiscuous. If they are taught it's 'no big deal' then it'll be no big deal to start experimenting.
I think kids should learn about it so they're educated, but not in a mixed crowd. It tears down the wonderfulness of sharing intimate topics with one person.
I think because this is a different world, it's even more important for kids need to know the basics early on, and know that they can ask their parents anything without them getting angry, upset, or telling them they're too young to understand (or skirting the question altogether).
I have to give my mom and dad a lot of credit, they always answered all of our questions honestly, and with age-appropriate information. Sometimes the didn't think to offer the information until we asked (like the menstruation issue - my mom was in her mid-teens when she started, so she didn't even realize it was a possibility for me in 4th grade).
My brother and I were adopted, and I don't remember a time when I didn't know. When I was little, I didn't really understand the distinction between me and other kids. The where babies are made book, I think was a natural way for my parents to explain it. Though even when I new where babies were came from, I still had some pretty weird ideas. I thought that my parents picked my brother and I out personally (I imagined a store full of babies, on a rack, like bread, because my dad was a delivery guy for a bread company, and put the bread on store shelves).
My younger sisters are my parents biological children, and they've been raised exactly the same. I still remember when my youngest sister (16 years younger than I am) was about 3 and had the difference explained to her, she must have had a similar impression. She was kind of disgusted that she had grown in mommy's tummy, and wanted to be adopted too, because it meant that Mommy and Daddy had specially chosen my brother and I.
I remember having puberty instructions in Catholic school in 5th grade. We were separated from the boys but had filmstrips later on in the year with boys and girls together. The boys laughed when they talked about girl stuff, but we laughed at them went it discussed boy stuff. I think my mother was relieved that she didn't have to bring it up. She did ask me later if I had any questions. I think I was too embarrassed to ask anything though and I know my mom was uncomfortable. I remember asking her what pads were and she blew me off about it. She later said her mother never talked about that kind of stuff and felt very awkward about it.
If you are concerned about content, I would definitely investigate it prior to the class. I agree with everyone else here that kids need to know this stuff at this age. I had a book that I shared with my kids when they started to ask questions. As a nurse, I have always wanted my kids to know anatomically correct terms too. It's kind of embarrassing later when you're kid says loudly, "My vagina hurts, Mommy" in public.
Honestly, I have taken care of 12 year olds after giving birth, so 10 is not too young for sex education. I think, girls at least, develop earlier than when I was a kid. Believe me, I know kids have already discussed stuff beforehand and I know that plenty of it is very inaccurate. I had a friend in 5th grade that said when you had your period that it lasted about an hour and you had to sit on the toilet the whole time. I was horrified as I lived in a large family (8 kids) and we only had one bathroom. I didn't know how I could ever occupy the bathroom that long!
Oh my Anne, you did get some misinformation! I wish it did only last an hour-ha!
That's crazy that 12 yr olds are having babies. I know it's possible and all but still...
I think I'm going to let him go. I'll get some books at the library if he has any questions afterwards.
So far I've avoided the "where do babies come out" question by saying "you'll find out when you get older". That's kept them at bay for now.
Oh I was going to say that my mother was saying that my kids are TOO naive.
I said, um, mom, you thought that if you kissed a boy that you would get pregnant. That's what her mom told her and that's why she married my dad at 17!! Talk about misinformation!
I don't want them to get the wrong info.
I guess deep down they're still my babies and I don't want to think about them growing up. Such is life (as my grandmother used to say).
My mom handed me "The Lifecycle Series" when I was about ten. Very Medical and boring. We took Sex Ed in 4, 5 and 6th grade. First year separated, girls learned about girls. Second year separted, girls learned about boys and vice versa. Third year, everyone together. It was really about body changes, not sex. It was a good thing, because I was a late life baby and my mom had a real difficult time discussing it.
I kinda think they should have done more on protection and such since the girls at my school started having babies from 8th grade on. We were told sex was natural, but not that you can resist or what to do if you can't. At least most stayed in school and graduated, but OMG. When I graduated I think we had about 6 or so pg girls in my class. I'm not sure if Mom was more proud of me graduating or of me not being pg.
I didn't have a baby until my 21st birthday. I guess in my class, that would be considered a late life baby.
So far I've avoided the "where do babies come out" question by saying "you'll find out when you get older". That's kept them at bay for now.
My feeling is when kids start asking these questions, they're ready for at least some basic information. I don't mean to tell you how to handle your own kids, but if they don't get it from you, they'll look for it elsewhere. You don't have to go into detail when they're young, but there are lots of great books out there that deal with it quite well depending on your kids' age.
I had the puberty talk in 5th grade....that was in 1994, I think. They separated the girls and boys. My talk was pretty much about our body change and what to expect. They also gave us a coupon to order a starter "kit" from always and they mailed us some pads and information on having a menstrual cycle. I think the class is very valuable as I did start my menstrual cycle that next school year. It also makes you feel like you are not alone as you have your peers with you. I can't really say what the boys discussion involved but am sure it was done tastefully as the staff was very professional. I agree with the other posters and would ask for a guideline of the discussion. I think in this day and age, 10 years old is old enough to be informed of the body changes that he probably is already experiencing. My best friend has an eight year old boy who is definitely going through some changes and is asking. I think it would be a valuable class for your son to attend. I hope the staff at your child's school make you feel comfortable with the class.
I have to add that, I don't believe that there's always a connection between facts and behavior (at least not in the way we tend to think). I know many girls in my highschool who were sexually active, and didn't have a clue when it came to the facts. I remember an honor roll student who sat next to me, who thought that jumping up after sex and doing jumping jax was an effective birth control method. I knew girls who thought you couldn't get pregnant "the first time," or that an uncircumsized boy couldn't get you pregnant, or that saran wrap could be used as a condom.... I knew Catholic girls who thought oral or anal sex wasn't a sin.
On the other hand, the subject of sex fascinated me even before puberty. I was in 3rd grade when I was first allowed to browse on my own and check books out from the adult side of the library (I was an advanced reader and a bit of a librarian's pet), and I learned very quickly which books the librarians wouldn't let me check out (and of course was even more fascinated by them).
Actually, I was a little obsessed for a while, because the "forbidden knowledge" was so fascinating. I learned a lot, and was an "expert" by junior high (and did share my knowledge with my peers, not that they always believed it). So I guess I was one of the kids conservative parents were afraid of (though they would have never guessed by looking at me), but it didn't make me promiscuous or a pervert). I chose not to have sex (even by most modern conservative standards) until embarassingly late in life (It's safe to say I wasn't a 40 year old virgin, because I married at 36).
I think knowledge kept me from having sex, because I had knowledge from all over the map. I read religious books on sex (I was raised Catholic), I read medical books on sexually transmitted diseases...
Even though my parents perspective was "sex is normal to talk about, be curious about.... but you should be married first." However, they also stressed that it wasn't the worst mistake on the planet to make, stressing that we could come to them without fear if we needed to. I think my mother's worst fear was that one of her daughters would become pregnant and get an abortion out of fear to talk about it (being an apparently infertile woman for so many years, she placed a very high value on preborn life).
I think realizing early that sex is a complicated issue, really made it easier for me to resist "pop culture." Also my reading obsession as well as my family's moral teachings made me realize that "everyone" is not doing it, and even if they were, doesn't mean I had to also. But not feeling "evil" for thinking about it, also made it easier to resist.
I found it very interesting, even in high school that the girls who knew the least or thought sex was "dirtiest" or most embarassing were very often the ones having sex.
My feeling is when kids start asking these questions, they're ready for at least some basic information. I don't mean to tell you how to handle your own kids, but if they don't get it from you, they'll look for it elsewhere. You don't have to go into detail when they're young, but there are lots of great books out there that deal with it quite well depending on your kids' age.
I agree. if a child is old enough to ask they are old enough to be given an age appropriate answer.
I have 4 kids and two of my older ones are boys. (13 &15). In 5th grade in our state they are taught about how their bodies change. Boys are taught about hair growing all over their bodies and are given deoderant samples. They talk about erections but not in a sexual way. Just teaching them that its ok and normal. They are taught about hygeine. Of course girls are taught about their developing chests and their periods/cycles in general. They re-enforce the "who is ok to touch you and who shouldn't". They aren't told sex at all in that age.
When my boys went through it in middle school, 7th grade, they were taught about sperm meeting eggs but you would be surprised that they don't necessarily connect what exactly is being taught. They don't do the physical parts of it but the biology aspects of it.
Thanks Dana. I *think* thats probably what this class will be like.
I did ask my son if he wanted to go to the puberty class and he asked why?
He said that he already knew the stuff about stinky armpits, hair growing in, and zits. Really, I think it's more of a big deal to me than him-LOL!
My 8th grade teacher taught a class called lifeskills-sex, drugs, self-esteem. The thing was, the teacher was one of the football coaches whose mom was also a teacher in the same school! He was a Mama's boy, and very redneck. We spent the whole year learning about self esteem (boring). I remember one day a bunch of us tried to get him to say the word "penis" and he couldn't do it!
Thank God my mom gave me the talk when I was in the 4th grade!
My daughter just took puberty for this year's sex ed (grade 4). They deal with conception *not the sexual aspect but how babies are made from a sperm and an egg and how it develops* in grade 5.
In their school it's mandatory. BUT I think it's good especially since I started my TOM in grade 5 - and she will be too - she's already developing. I explained to my daughter before she started classes, that what she learns is not something that she should talk to with her younger brother or younger children. If she had any questions she could come and ask me or her father at any time. She said she doesn't feel comfortable talking with her dad lol.
Because of the "talk" she does not talk about it with her younger sibling.
I suggest doing the same Explain to your son that his sister is too young to talk about it, and if he has any questions he can either talk to you or dad
fyi - I wouldnt be suprised if your son knows all the nitty gritty anyway - I know it sounds horrible - but kids talk. I overheard my daughter's friends talking about *sorry* oral and anal intercourse ("you cant get pregnant or STDs etc etc etc) last year and how all the kids in grade 5 and 6 are "doing it"- and she was only in grade 3. I had taken her aside and explained that it was not a very responsible thing to talk about and that actions like that can lead to a LOT of trouble until she understood completely what it means. She was really red in the face - but understood that it ment trouble. I had also explained to her at the time that if she has any questions - to ask me and to never feel embarassed about approaching me. Since then she asks and tells me anything.
I then spoke to the parents of the kids and the school. I was pretty embarassed myself, but I thought their parents needed to know what their children were talking about.
Last edited by tamaralynn; 05-14-2008 at 08:38 AM.
