I started a thread called Friday Night Splits in weight loss support...it was about splitting food...turned into a "divorce" thread
So I am starting one here. Most of you that "know" me know that I have been through a divorce...many years ago and I am still best buddies with my former wife and on top of that Angie and her are good friends.
I am proof that...although I never wanted a divorce...it does not have to ruin your lives...your children's lives or those around you.
I will add my story as the thread progresses, I don't have time now....I am meeting my son and daughter in law, daughter and son in law and my ex-wife for dinner soon!
WHAT IS YOUR DIVORCE STORY?
My hope is that this will be a positive thread...to help others! In spite of maybe some horror stories!
My parents were married for 28 years, but even as kids my sister and I would talk about who we would live with when they got divorced. They got married too young, had kids too young, came from two different cultures. Really, it's amazing they stayed together as long as they did. When they split up, they were separated for 12 years before they finally got divorced!
All during their separation and their divorce, they were great friends! Well, maybe not immediately after their separation, but honestly, they became very good friends. Even now, if my dad comes into town, he'll stay at my mom's house, and if she goes down to NM, she stays with him. They both have significant others, and so far it's all worked out.
I think in some situations, people really do love each other, but they just can't live together. I've been married for 12 years, and obviously hope we never split up, but if we ever do, I hope we can stay friends. He's my best friend, and I always want him to be in my life one way or another.
My best friend and I screwed up our friendship by getting married. After 9 yrs of marriage, it took more than 2 years to go thru with the divorce. Thank God I finally did it. We are best friends again. We live 8 hours apart now, which royally sucks. The state we divorced in automatically garnishes child support and he would never try to deliberately dodge, so that saves alot of stress from ever arising.(Wish more states would get a clue)
I have NEVER, EVER attempted in any way to hold our girls against him. As far as I'm concerned, people who tear down the other parent to their children usually qualify for "bad parent" status(Abusers are a different story). Kids are smart, and will usually figure out what an ******* looks like on their own. When he comes to visit, he stays at my house. If I ever start dating again, the man will have to learn to deal with it. A woman he was seeing created a problem when I was staying at his place when I was visiting home. She was gone within the next month. (No one will EVER be mother to our daughters but me. No one will EVER be father to our daughters but him.) Our girls and their feelings are more important. I thinks that's why I'm just not interested in dating until my youngest is closer to 18.
My dog, Muffy, was with us before the divorce, and yes, he is visiting him just as much as the girls when he comes over. He's had emergency surgery in the last few days. I've been losing my mind and my ex is beside himself. Thank goodness for unlimited long distance and texting. I've spent major coin on the vet and couldn't afford all the calls we've made back and forth. Muffy is just as much one of the kids to us.
I'm so glad we had a good divorce and didn't become mortal enemies. We share a lot of precious things and I actually still think we are "Soul Mates". We get along great now that we aren't "together." The town we lived in is rather smallish (about 10-20,000) and everyone knows everyone else. We'ld be hanging out together after the divorce and inevitably someone would come up to one of us when we would get separated and ask "But, I thought you two split. You look happier together now than before."
I was married for almost 17 years when my former husband and I got divorced. We tried for many years unsuccessfully to have children, with one pregnancy ending in miscarriage. As much as we loved each other, going through years of infertility treatment contributed to the demise. We just drifted apart, in totally different directions. When I finally said out loud what we both had been thinking for years (that we shouldn't be married anymore), we were both relieved.
Fast forward almost 4 years....he is now re-married to someone more suitable to who he is now. I'm skiddish about the whole marriage thing, so I'm just living in sin with a great man.
My former husband and I are still good friends and still communicate regularly.
EZ-didn't mean the comment on the other thread to sound that way. I'm one of the world's biggest smart asses. Like I said I'm way over the pain.
When J and I got together we were both horny dogs. We "got together" the first night we met. Problem arose later. I tried Depoprevara for BC. Didn't find out until later it was used to chemically castrate convicted rapists. Well, as BC it worked great. You don't get PG if your libido drops thru the floor. Once my libido returned I got PG real fast. A woman in my family will get knocked up if a man drops his pants within a mile of us. After our DD was born, I started growing up. He also adopted my DD from before, but was never ready to grow up.
Shift work is **** on a family(12 hr long change). Having babies tends to mess with us women. And, raising children takes alot of time and attention that often gets taken away from Dad. All these things took their toll.
Once the divorce was over, we went back to being friends. In fact, one week after it was final, I was calling him for help with a job I had where the employer didn't provide training for me. I was working with equipment and J has been a professional miner(and one of the smartest I've met) for 28 years. Because he knows me so well, he can explain things so I understand and not act like I'm stupid for the ?s I ask. From what I've been told, he's good at that at work too. I wound up being the best apprentice on the job as much because of his teaching as my own competitive nature. A foreman called me "Nothing but a F*****g woman", when I was standing right behind him. I couldn't beat the crap out of him at the time, so I became the best oiler they've seen and he had to eat it.
BTW, the chick with the memory box was cut out of his life shortly after that(She had also been calling to try to stir s**T). In time I came to realize that the cheating wasn't much about me and my failures as a wife(and there were plenty). It was about him. He didn't do it to hurt me, and he gets pissed when someone tries to. As I said on the earlier post, that woman was also cut out pretty fast.
He's coming over this weekend. He loved Muffy too and he wants to come so we can lean on each other through this. I also think it has shaken him up and he needs to see the girls. Last year I took my only week of vacation to go to where he lives because he was having troubles with his back and getting some procedures done. He was scared(don't tell him I told you that) and he wanted me there to support him. We really do still love each other.
He's not a bad person. I'm not a bad person. We just are who we are and that's OK. I'm actually trying to get a job in the same area of the state that he's in. We were having a great relationship when we lived 2 1/2 hours apart and he was able to see the girls more. The area I'm looking at is about that far from where he now lives. Besides, I hate UT and want to go home.
You know what's really funny is. We'll probably still wind up being buried next to each other after 50 yrs. divorced.
PS. The ? about Mother's day gift was actually unnerving for me because I suddenly realized that we got Muffy a week after Mother's Day 6 yrs ago and a "justified" getting him as a MDay gift.
Last edited by Operator265; 05-07-2008 at 10:59 PM.
I didn't marry my daughter's father. But when we broke it off... it was pretty sour for a while. Now that I'm settled and married, we're good friends with my ex. He's a good guy - but I deffinately DO NOT regret breaking it off. His family are lunatics (his mother tried pushing me down the stairs when I was pregnant).
And I would NOT trade Todd in for anyone in the world
My parents divorced when I was 9. They fought all the time. My dad was an alcoholic. It was a beotch! They continued to fight after the divorce. Until I was old enough to "not need permission" for every little thing. They eventually got over their hurt/pain at one another.
My parents are still friends to this day.
I was married when I was 26. We started dating when I was 18. We dated on/off for about 4 years, then engaged about 2 years, then married about 2 years. I think we just grew apart. We had different ideas about what marriage should be, but didn't actually discover that until we were married. Oopsy. The divorce was very painful. But we got past it, & are friends today.
I have nothing against divorce or those who do it. (obviously) I think too many people rush into marriage, and quite a few have unrealistic expectations of what marriage really is all about. But then there are those who divorce at the least little things, too, just not willing to work it out.
Lotta people in this world with different backgrounds, educations, ideas. It makes divorce an inevitable likelihood in many cases. The trick is to not let beat you down. I have a friend who's been married SIX times. And divorced six times as well! - many people judge her harshly for that. I don't. I admire her - she's not afraid to "leave" if it gets bad, and she's not afraid to "try, try again." Good for her!
Last edited by Beach Patrol; 05-08-2008 at 09:10 AM.
Okay, this has been bugging me so I need to play the other side here.
I think there are a number of reasons why a divorce is necessary. That being said, I also think that wayyyy to many people rush into marriage. I think that people get married to quickly knowing that it is relatively easy to get a divorce.
I mean, how sad is it when a common joke is about "my second [or third, or forth] marriage" when that person is not even married?
If a marriage were truly sacred we would not glorfiy divorce. just my opinion.
I've been separated for over a year now. I haven't filed and I don't plan to at least not right now. I don't feel we did everything to work on it and I'll hold out awhile just in case the chance to try comes up, I just don't know when if that will happen. We are getting along pretty great right now. I'm trying to concentrate on me but its really hard while being a single mom with no relief. He moved to another state shortly after our second separation, WITH another woman but I have forgiven him(he is not with this woman anymore either). We have both changed a lot in the last year, I think. So even if we never get back together I want to be friends and show our daughter that the most important thing is being kind and forgiving.
Tonia,
I did get married early on at about 6 months or so into dating we had known each other almost a year though. I never would have imagined I'd be here contemplating divorce but never thought of easy divorce escape. My own parents are divorced and I had hoped to never be in this situation. I made mistakes he made mistakes we never worked on them or communication. I'd say the divorce rate is due more to communication than anything else, but that is me. Personally I think pre-marital counseling should be mandatory to get your license and then is should also be mandatory for (not physically abusive) counseling to be followed out before divorce is granted.
Last edited by LessOfLissa; 05-08-2008 at 05:59 PM.
I, of course, hope I never feel the need to get a divorce. I went into my marriage for the long run, as most everybody does. I do think if it came to that, that I would be the one to initiate it as I don't think my husband would ever leave me (or cheat on me or treat me in such a way that I felt I needed to leave). Saying that, I also don't think we would remain in contact as I don't really think either of us would feel the need. We both love eachother very much and that is probably one of the reasons why we wouldn't want to say in contact. I'm all for clean breaks and I believe he is as well so it wouldn't surprise me that we would never see eachother again if it came to that.
I too am a child of divorce, it was a divorce that needed to happen. My father didn't treat my mother very well and it took my mom a lot to get to the divorce point. She was raised with the belief that you needed to stay with your husband, no matter what and especially because they had me but it was too much to handle and they got a divorce. They didn't really talk much after the divorce and don't talk now. I think it is for the best.
Divorce ~ Take It or Leave It?
We live 8 hours apart now, which royally sucks. The state we divorced in automatically garnishes child support and he would never try to deliberately dodge, so that saves alot of stress from ever arising.(Wish more states would get a clue) 
) Our girls and their feelings are more important. I thinks that's why I'm just not interested in dating until my youngest is closer to 18.
Thank goodness for unlimited long distance and texting. I've spent major coin on the vet and couldn't afford all the calls we've made back and forth. Muffy is just as much one of the kids to us. 
I'm one of the world's biggest smart asses. Like I said I'm way over the pain. 
