I agree what was said about trying counseling with her first. I'm a public school teacher, and while I definitely think middle school kids are not human, maybe counseling will teach her coping skills she can use. She'll need those coping skills later in life too, not just for middle school. Yes, you could homeschool her now, and I know it would be a great bonding experience for you both. But what about high school, college, and the job world? At some point, she has to be around people she may not like or who are mean to her.
I had a miserable d$mn time in junior high and high school, so I promise I have some idea what your little girl is going through. I think it is AWESOME she has such a sweet, caring mom!
I hope our answers helped, but I know no matter what, you'll make the right decision for your family.
Ugh! Yes, jr. high was horrible. I don't really know anyone who got through completely unscathed! I don't really have an opinion on home school vs. public school. Both have their pros and cons and you just have to find out what works best for you and your daughter.
I did want to add, I don't know that removing her from public school is necessarily teaching her to run away from problems. In life we all face tough situations. There are some situations that you can deal with directly and then there are those really unpleasant ones we just flat out have to find a way to get OUT of. Like, a bad job for instance. If you hate your job, your co-workers are unpleasant to be around, etc., what do you do? You find another job and get on with your life. This might be one of those situations for your daughter.
Whatever you decide, good luck!
Last edited by LiLi Gettin Thin; 04-16-2008 at 08:35 PM.
I had an incredibly hard time in jr. high and high school. I swear I had a bullseye on my forehead or something.
I could be wrong, but it sounds to me that this may have more then just irritation with the flirty girls. Perhaps she's embarrassed to tell you all that's going on? Teenagers can be beyond mean. I would definitely recommend counseling regardless of what you decide in regards to home schooling.
On the matter of quitting... I wanted to be home schooled during those years and my father said no, he didn't want me to quit everything I started. I had and still have a problem with this train of thought. Is quitting truly quitting when not quitting adversely affects your health? I don't think so. I had to go through many years of depression and anxiety that started with all the problems my peers cause (I always got along with adults just fine.)
If you do go the home schooling route, I think it's still important for your daughter to be socialized in some way. An outside program of interest to her (like the hockey or band) would be great at doing this. Try seeing if there is a group of home schoolers in your area that get together for social events.
Anther option, if your town is large enough, would be to change schools. Maybe there is a particular school that is a arts or science magnet that she might be interested in. Students at magnet schools are typically more serious about their studies or at least they were when I was younger.
I just had another thought. If you daughter is in the 8th grade, is school ending soon and will she be going to a larger HS next year? I would think that a larger school might have more kids her age that she can identify with.
I don't think either option is bad, I think you need to decide as a family what is best for you.
I know people who have sucessfully homeschooled their kids and I have to say when done right, I don't think there should be any stigma against it.
BUT.
You have to seriously ask yourself a few questions and answer HONESTLY. Are you qualified to help teach your child at a high school and college-bound level? Will you be able to educate her to a level where she can pass the necessary standardized tests to get a diploma or to qualify for college admission? If you aren't - and we're talking everything from english lit, to grammar, to advanced math, to biology, chemistry, physics, etc. - do you know how to find people who can?
You paint a pretty picture of you and your daughter doing homey types of things together, but what will you do if she decides not to do those things? If she rebels and doesn't want to do school work? If she gets bored or lonely at home w/out any other social interaction?
If you think you can handle / achieve all those things, then it might be a good thing.
But I also agree with the above poster that part of life is dealing with people who make your life miserable - your boss, your coworkers, whoever. It might be a good idea that before yanking her out of school, you give her the support she needs and help her work with a counselor to build the skills she needs to handle it on her own.
As a teacher and parent, I'd like to second everything that PhotoChick just said above. I would try counseling first, encourage her to hold out these last couple months of this school year, wait and see if high school next year will be different. If that doesn't work, are there other schools she can transfer to? Are there private schools in your area that are affordable?
I know there are families who can make home schooling work--but in 20 years of teaching I've met only two successful families. In general, I wouldn't ever recommend it.
well i have to say this is a touchy subject for me. my neice was home schooled and it wasnt until 10th grade we found out universities wouldnt touch her (e.c.o.t.) certificate. which meant she would have had to get her G.E.D.! after she "graduated". so when we went to put her in public school we had to literally plead her case AND the principal straight up told us he didnt want her in his school because home schooled kids are social trainwrecks! his words not mine. finally we took it up with the district superintendent, he gladly took her in.
with that said, i still have visions of yanking my 12 year old out of private school and home schooling her just so i can take the pain away from her. those kids i swear are monsters at that age, but i know the pros out weigh the cons of sending my daughter to school. and if i take her out of school that is not going to help her deal with her insecurities, just fuel them.
goodluck to you with whatever you decide, but if you do decide to do it, stay away from E.C.O.T and make sure you have in writing that diploma will be accepted at a university.
ps
my neice is doing quite well now back in public high school, AND she too was having major problems in jr high, also having breathing problems and anxiety attacks.
i can honestly say she proved that principal wrong, she has made lots of REAL friends and her grades are superb.
Last edited by pipernoswiper; 04-16-2008 at 11:12 PM.
Reason: forgot something
techwife, I support whichever way you choose to educate your daughter. I am glad that you brought up this subject as I have been considering home schooling my 15 yr. old DD. She doesn't have problems with friends, she has problems with being too sick to attend school on a regular basis and is constantly behind in her work. She has had 2 surgeries (1 on her heart and 1 on her stomach) and is soon facing another. Her immune system is so weak that being around a school full of kids keeps her sick.
Please let me know which you decide and how it works out.
BTW, my XH and his wife have home-schooled their other 2 children and they are brilliant and very respectful and socially are doing just fine.
Hmm...my experiences in school was definitely varied. I am a military brat, meaning I moved a lot, plus I'm severely hard of hearing, so I had to wear special equipment and have the teacher wear a microphone. Some teachers acted like they were Oprah, and others shunned the microphone like it had AIDS. So I had to deal with that, plus the kids too.
In my 9th grade, I went to a country high school, and boy did I have a lousy time there! I was picked on by older girls, and one in particular really made my home economics class ****. I went to the principal repeatedly, even went to the counselor at the school with my mother over this to no avail! Thankfully, after that school year was done, we moved to another town, but still close by, and the newer high school was a lot better. I wasn't getting picked on, but I was definitely an outsider and I spent just about every lunch hour either in the library reading, or helping the teachers out in Special Ed.
I don't see myself as a quitter just because I changed high schools. After I did that, my anxiety went down and I wasn't so tense and upset all the time. Sometimes the best thing you can do is to remove yourself from the situation. Plus, unlike your daughter, I didn't have any attachments to this school, nor did I have any friends there. So it was a lot easier for me to just switch and move on.
In short, looking back over those years, I dearly wished I had been homeschooled, and that I had been more involved in church activities. I think I would've been really happy with that. But like others have said, you really need to be disciplined to do this with your daughter. Still, the rewards can be so great, as I have heard homeschooled children are a lot more educated than any kids coming out of the public education these days.
I've seen so many problems (working in a college) with students that were homeschooled. Some schooling boards (e.g. Alberta School Board) do not count home schooling as true schooling. And she'll be missing out on SO MUCH.
I recommend before making the big decision, get her to spend some time with a counselor. She may be going through depression (which I admit I went through when I was in high school - but that was due to abuse I went through with dad). A counselor can help open up exactly WHY she is depressed, and maybe help give her some good coping tips.
That's just my two cents. Best wishes to your sweetie - I know how cruel kids can be. I was the "stupid fat" girl at my school, the most unpopular and shunned girl - even at a Christian school! I was the brunt of jokes, pranks etc.
Last edited by tamaralynn; 04-17-2008 at 09:26 PM.
Everyone goes through this at some point. That said, if she's really struggling, a change needs to be made. Perhaps you could home school up until high school. I do think she needs to get into a new place, but there are tons of options for private or magnet high schools, where everyone is new together in 9th grade, and generally restarting the social dynamics when everyone is a little older makes for a much more humane environment. I personally feel that it's really difficult to appropriately address high school curricula in a home school environment, no matter how smart or motivated you are. There are certain opportunities that she simply won't have. I don't think home schooling is a bad choice, but it really seems to me to be a short term solution. Look into scholarships for the private schools in the area - especially if there are any boarding schools that accept day students, the student body in general tends to be significantly more mature, and the emphasis on community building could be really beneficial for her. It is surprisingly easy to have private school paid for if you genuinely can't afford it. Best of luck.
techwife - first, I have to applaud you for recognizing that your daughter has an anxiety problem rather than pinning everything on "girls-will-be-girls" and she'll "get over it". Her academics aren't suffering now, but they might without some sort of intervention. So may her health.
But I'm not convinced that home-schooling is that intervention. It's not a cure for the underlying problem - your daughter's social anxiety. Whether homeschooling works or not is completely beside the point in this case. Anxiety is something she'll carry with her for the rest of her life, and allowing her to socially isolate herself now will NOT makes things better in the future. She needs to get her anxiety under control, and there's no school lesson plan for that.
Several people here have mentioned therapy or counselling. Missingmyerica made a whole lot of sense when she said,
Quote:
Originally Posted by missingmyerica
I would go to a professional who specializes in adolescents and discuss it with him/her. Maybe you could put off making a decision until your daughter has met several times with the counselor and then the counselor could help you ALL make a good decision together. I'm not for or against home schooling, I'm just about making the best decision based on YOUR daughters needs. Good luck.
I'm a teacher in a public high school, and I have to say that in my experience the students who are the most prepared academically for high school are often the ones who were homeschooled or who went to private school for elementary and middle. That may not be true everywhere, of course, and it would depend on a lot of factors.
That said, I would hesitate to homeschool my child in high school, even though I feel like I'm somewhat qualified to do so. That's the other question -- do you feel ready to teach all the different things she will need to learn? I would have difficulty with the math myself, and I would always worry that she was missing out on something an experienced teacher could give her. Students learn so much from each other and from their teachers, not just from the textbooks. The textbook is such a small part of the work in my classroom -- we use so many other resources. Schools are getting so technologically savvy as well, and your daughter may miss out on some important educational developments that will prepare her for college in that way as well. I don't mean just in technology-type classes. In my school, all teachers are expected to frequently integrate technology into our lesson plans so that kids are exposed to it as often as possible and use it to learn.
As for the social anxiety, as you know, it is something she'll have to overcome. But I can completely understand your inclination to pull her out of school if she's having such difficulty. I would probably want to do the same thing. It's wonderful that she has such a caring mom who wants to make sure she's doing the best thing for her child's future. I wish I could help you more, but I can see pros and cons either way. The big questions, however, are: are you qualified to teach her everything she would learn in school? and will she miss out on developing important social skills? Perhaps you can involve her in some sort of a community band program (do you have one of those in your area?) -- that would enable her to keep her music going and also have some social interaction.
I want to preface this post by saying that what I'm about to write is in no way meant to be judgemental or condemnatory of anyone at all. I know several families who home school (including my very best friend from high school and college) and all of their kids are smart, well-adjusted, and doing quite well academically. I also grew up travelling overseas (not military) and often was in a situation where there *was* no school for me to go to, so my mom kept up with my education as best we both could until I was in a place where I could return to a more structured school situation. I also (I think) turned out reasonably smart, personable, and educated! So please know that I have no bias one way or the other for or against home schooling or alternative educational methods.
That said, someone here in this thread said (and I'm not giving a name because this is not about the person saying it, but about the idea expressed):
Quote:
my XH and his wife have home-schooled their other 2 children and they are brilliant and very respectful and socially are doing just fine.
Please understand that is a MEANINGLESS sentence. The kids may be doing brilliantly, but we have no idea the qualification, planning, effort, or time that the XH and his wife have put into educating these kids. "Homeschooled" means so many different things to different people and it can mean anything from grouping togther with like minded parents to teach their kids or only mom teaching the kids or mom and dad teaching the kids, or any other combination of things. We don't know what the educational level of XH and his wife are. We don't know any of hte factors that have made their homeschooling a success.
So to reassure someone with "it turned out fine" is false reassurance because there's no data to base "fine" off of.
I fully believe that the public education system in America has a lot to be desired. I think we're dumbing down our educational system - and please note that I don't htink this has anything to do with teachers and educators and everything to do with our government who have tied the hands of teachers and educators to the point that they cannot function properly much of the time. I fully support parents who want to be more involved in their childrens' education even to the point of feeling that they can do a BETTER job than the school they're in - if they have actually researched it and understand the needs of the student long term (e.g. needing to get into college or not, needing to be able to pass standardized tests, etc.).
But homeschooling - doing it right - is HARD. It's a job for the parent who homeschools and a job for the student who learns. it can be a FUN job, but you have to look at it as a job with a goal and a payoff.
I dunno. I see a lot of great info in this thread. A whole lot. But don't be mislead by "it'll be fine". It might very well be fine - but not just because you homeschooled.
photochick, this post is to clarify my "they are doing fine".
The XH is a medical Doctor, Anesthesiologist, the new wife is an RN. They did put a tremendous effort into home-schooling the children. The children were involved in community sports throughout their young years. They are both now accepted to the colleges of their choice.
I have no idea of what the qualifications for their educations were comprised of. My own hesistation with home-schooling my DD is "Am I qaulified?" Could I teach her all that she needs to know? Would she end up resenting being away from her friends even if it meant she wasn't as sick all the time? For me to to make this type of decision, I would need to do a lot of research.
I agree that the word "fine" is not something that can be measured.
I think we're dumbing down our educational system - and please note that I don't htink this has anything to do with teachers and educators and everything to do with our government who have tied the hands of teachers and educators to the point that they cannot function properly much of the time.
.
As a public high school teacher, may I just say... AMEN! I just started teaching three years ago after a career switch, and I have to tell you that I was (and still am) simply astonished by what passes for education now. I try to do better in my own classroom, but I'm limited by what the kids have learned up to this point. I teach 10th graders who can't tell the difference between a verb and a noun, no matter how many times I explain it. Many of them (and this even includes "Honors" students) can barely string a sentence together. This is one of the reasons I've considered homeschooling my own child (who will be here in August, by the way). I can't afford private school and public school is becoming a joke, I'm sorry to say. I may try to get hired at a private school and take the massive pay cut just so I can get my child in for free. Either way, I hope my child WANTS to learn so he'll do a great deal of it on his own, independent of his teachers and the school setting.
I hate to be so negative about public school, because there are truly some wonderful educators out there who are doing their best. As a whole, however, it's a mess. NCLB is ridiculous -- the kids we ARE leaving behind are the ones who could do really well academically. We have to dumb everything down so no one is being left behind, so the ones who need to be challenged end up left in the dust. It's truly sad.
So please know that I have no bias one way or the other for or against home schooling or alternative educational methods.