Dear Fellow Gym Users:

Now, I know some of you think the other gym users are figments of your imagination. At least that's the only conclusion I can come to based on your behavior. As interesting as your little theory may be, it's wrong. We do exist and we have rights equal to yours.

So, when you decide to use the narrow flight of stairs to/from the locker room and/or to/from the main floor to do calf flex drop downs or to run & up and down them, you are inconvencing the folks who want to, you know use the locker room to get dressed/undressed, use the cardio equipment, weight equipment, etc. Here's a novel idea--you might want to use one of the step class steps instead of the steps for the flexes and cardio equipment for the running up & down. Or the stair climber or the steps. Plus as long as you don't hog that for extended periods of time, no one will bother you. None of those pesky folks wanting to use stairs to ascend/descend to the various floors of the gym!

A word about the circuit express area. It's designed for people who want to get in a quick workout with weights. If you want to check your blackberry or read the paper, kindly find another spot for that. And if you're going to do intense weight work, fine, but let the other gym users work in. And please keep the grunting/groaning & weight slamming to a minimum. First of all, you're using a machine, not free weights. So you look silly when you let the machine go like that as the machine's doing part of the putting the weights down work that you would normally be doing with free weights. And the machines are closer together. That means I can feel/hear the slamming, grunting & groaning more close up & personal than I can in other areas of the gym. For a moment there, Mr. grunter/screamer, I thought you were giving birth, based on the noises I heard over my ipod until I looked in your direction and realized that was biologically impossible due to your gender.

Fortunately, the cardio machine to user ratio is favorable when I go so no complaints about that.

Now for the locker room. First of all, use a lock. Sure, crime in NYC is down to historically low levels, but that doesn't mean someone can't/won't steal your stuff. Don't make it easy for them. Plus, having a lock on your locker allows me to see which ones are in use. I hate having to go through 4 lockers only to find out they're occupied while schlepping my stuff around. It almost makes me want to steal your stuff. And yes, we're getting changed/showered, so some nudity is inevitable. But could we please minimumize the gratuitious naked grooming? Thanks.

The showers have enough hooks so that if they're all occupied, everyone has 1 hook. Some of you seem to need to drape your stuff over 2, which sometimes means there's no space for other to hang their stuff and we have to find another stall. Then, some of you even put your stuff over your hook and my hook, right over my stuff. I then have to touch your stuff or wait until you finish. Again, I'm not a figment of your imagination, I exist.

Locker room benches/floors. Our gym is in midtown Manhattan. Real estate there is at a premium. Which means we don't have spacious/expansive locker rooms. I see some of you take up entire benches. Which would be ok if we were just your imaginary gym going friends. But we're not, we're real. We need space to put our stuff too. I notice a lot of you who do this are also towel princesses. Towel princesses have an issue with protecting their feet from the locker room floor with the mere flip flops most of us use. So they will spread a towel on the floor to protect their delicate flower feet. Of course, that means anyone who needs to get near a locker in that square footage area must either wait until the princess is good & ready or sully her pristine towel area. This am, a woman had taken over the entire bench with her stuff, had her Uggs on the floor (not standing up, but lying on their sides taking up as much room as possible) had a towel spread out on the floor near the Uggs and her sneakers nearby on the floor. I had about 2 inches of space to juggle my stuff. Of course, towel princesses often leave their towels behind because they've been contaminated by floor contact. So either other members or the cleaning lady have to pick them up. Personally, I'd like to take the towel princesses and dump them into large bins with all of their dirty towels. And heck, other people's dirty towels just for good measure!

Oh, and creepy guy walking by behind me- I CAN SEE YOU STARING AT MY BUTT IN THE WINDOW REFLECTION!

Also, just because you are a boy does not mean you have the right of way to all the weight training equipment at any moment it strikes you to use it. The rare occasion that I want to use the equipment, you make me feel like I am rummaging through your underwear drawer!

Other than that, I *heart* the Y

It's good to rant about this stuff from time to time. One of these days, I'm going to write an open letter to people that take public transportation

Dear Miss:

I realize that it must be exciting for you that you do, indeed, get cell phone reception in the gym. However, a treadmill is not just another portion of the floor. Standing on it, without running it, and chatting away on your cell phone loudly is not proper conduct. First of all... no one wants to hear about how your best friend "totally doesn't even get that the hottie at her work thinks she's cute" or that you went to the mall and got "these totally wicked boots for only $200.00". Second of all, if you can talk as fast as you can without getting winded- you obviously aren't exercising properly. Try turning the machine on. Even better- try using it. It might actually make the money you spent on your gym membership feel a little more "totally" worth it.

I haven't gone to a gym for a while but my favorites were...

Please mr smelly sweaty guy, wear deodorant. Also it would help if you had taken a shower in the past week. Feel free to wipe down that machine you just soaked as well.

Mr strange guy - I worry for you. Maybe you should rethink birkenstocks as your footwear of choice in the free weight section. You particularly scare me when you do squats. Also, I don't think that black trashbag you are wearing for your gym clothes is doing much for you.

Dear grunter - can you use your inside grunt voice please?

Dear girly girl - Yes I know you like make up, you wear plenty of it. I also know you like perfume, I can smell it 10 feet away. Also if you can afford those night club clothes you are wearing, maybe you can afford some gym clothes.

Amen Sisters!

Dear Mom: Please keep your kids off the equipment. I realize that our gym doesn't have a daycare, but perhaps you could make other arrangements for your children. Just because we have 24 hour access cards and no one checks us in doesn't mean you should bring the whole family for your workout.

Also guys getting on the weight machine after me I realize I am not as strong as you but do not sigh and roll your eyes when you have to increase the weights, it's rather annoying

Mom's bringing your kids to the pool, yes there are kids allowed at certain hours but keep them in the actual pool part not the lanes. They think it's fun to swim across the lanes instead of up and down them and me nearly having to kill myself to keep from hitting your kid kinda makes me mad

I've got a few pet peeves...

People who don't re-rack their plates. Sometimes I get a workout just unracking!

People who don't clean their cardio machines off when they're done. So I clean before and after.

People who turn the fan off without asking if you need it - when you were there first. Wear a jacket if you get easily chilled.

People who like their butt crack to show.

People who change the TV channel to the Food Network. Some of the programs are healthy, I know...

People who *reserve* their cardio machine before they go into their abs class...by put their jacket and water bottle on it, and finally come back 1/2 hour later.

Dear Best Forever Friends:

I know you like to work out together as it passes the time more quickly, but next time you decide to each take a treadmill at my left and my right and then proceed to have a 60 minute conversation over my head while walking at 2.0 miles an hour, could you at least talk about something more interesting than your stupid kids' soccer practice?

Jellydisney~ I've had people do that before, I got involved in the conversation. They don't like that They gave me a nasty look and it's like um you are talking around me, get over it

Also, friends that jelly was talking about don't look as if I inconveinienced you by being here. It's not my fault that you got here later than I did. Just enjoy your work out

And friends, please don't ask me in the middle of my workout to find another machine to use so you can workout next to eachother.

Apparently there is some sort of plague of people thinking the other gym goers are figments of their imagination at the gym I go to. At least it was restricted to the locker room today.

One woman (different from yesterday) had her stuff spread out all over the bench & was standing directly in front of my locker. I had to say excuse me to get to my locker. And she moved nothing off the bench so that I might possibly be able to put something there. So I had to put my make up bag back into my backpack while juggling it with my pocketbook and my little shower caddy (I rent a smaller locker assigned to me to store that stuff & my workout clothes/sneakers) all within the confines of my gym locker, the floor beneath it.

There was another woman nearby doing seated leg stretches on the locker room floor, meaning people who needed to get to the lockers near her had to step around her. The gym has not one, but two areas where one can stretch. They're padded & towels are plentiful if one is squeamish about contacting the padded mats. They even have spray you can use to clean. But apparently, she'd rather stretch on the carpet the towel princesses are freaked out by and which gets wet when the locker room occasionally floods during bad summer rainstorms. It takes days of fans going full blast all day to dry them out.

HOWL!!!



This is exactly why I joined 24 Hour Fitness... and why I go after midnight. BEST time to workout, if all of the above bugs you (and it sure does bug me) to the point of distraction.

Of course, if you can't avoid the rant-worthy behaviors, you can always (at least I tell myself this) find a way to USE the anger to have a more intense workout.

Ditto on the keeping your kids away from equipment. At least 3 times I almost smashed a small child's hand when they ran over and stuck their fingers in the mechanisms of my elliptical...if I wasn't watching like a hawk, I'm pretty sure someone'd lose a finger. Mom was standing right there, but not watching. Ugh.

Tears rolling down my cheeks reading this one!

I don't belong to a gym now . . . but I did once and boy do I remember these dingdongs. As my age has increased my tolerance for ignorance, stupidity and incompetence has decreased. Greatly. And as my age has increased so has the speed at which my thoughts fall out of my mouth and into said ignorant/stupid/incompetent person's face. I've come to the conclusion that if said individual is ignorant or stupid or rude enough to be doing these things than I am justified in bringing it to their attention. They'll thank me for it some day. Had I been in the locker room w/towel princess or stretch lady you can bet I would of moved her stuff and tripped over them. And I'd be as oblivious as they are and just go about my buiness. I am always amazed at how extremely oblivious and self-absorbed some people can be. Really makes you wonder!