I know several people who have been disowned, completely, by their parents on the basis of being gay. And its really tragic.

I am so sorry you have to go through this. If it were I in the situation, I would tell my parents that if they don't want to meet who I am going to spend my life with, then they don't want to be around me either, and I personally wouldn't go. I would hang with ppl who are accepting and love me for who I am and love who I want to be with. This should go for her side of the family too. I would think that the parents would eventually realize "Hey, we love our daughter, and we don't get to see her bc we don't want to meet who makes her happy, I guess we better change our way of thinking" I would really tell them, you wanna see me?, You are seeing my girlfriend as well.

It must be so hard, I wish you all the luck.

I think that the majority of people who aren't around gays believe that all gays act like this. DH helped last year at the gay pride parade (because DD's band marches in it--they donated $1000 to the band!) and he came home with some pretty funny stories! Sometimes I think a lot of them also like to flaunt it just to make fun of themselves (I have a friend who used to do that). I'll never forget the one year I took DD to the library right in the midst of the gay pride weekend bash. The library parking lot was the staging area for the parade and they had a troop of male cheerleaders--they were practicing their routine and DD (who was 7 at the time) and I laughed so hard it brought tears to our eyes. These guys were having a GREAT time (very funny, but stereotypical gay stuff--no sexy stuff unless it was making fun of the stereotypical-ness of it all).

You hit the nail on the head!

The more I read this thread (and I like this thread) the more ludicrous it seems....that anyone should give a rip at all about anyone else's sexuality.
The whole concept has got to be the most blown-out-of-proportion thing. I don't mean your original concern, NShane, about your parents, but I'm talking about sexual prefs in general. All the way from who's dating who in the celeb world to what you do with your girlfriend. I mean, why do people make such a big deal about what people do with their gonads.
but then I'm asexual too, so I don't get it. At least at my age, I don't get much peer pressure anymore to do anything. People don't expect much in the way of sexuality from a 51-year old. (halleluliah.)

It's sort of like the Larry Craig bathroom situation. He can't be who he is, so he acts out sexually in inappropriate, hidden places. Then he gets caught, and the fact that he was having sex in inappropriate, hidden places is used by others to further the point that gays are bad/immoral/inappropriate. The more hidden people are, the more they act out, the more the acting out is used against them to force them to stay hidden.

Gay pride parades are definitely not, IMO, a positive reflection on the gay population. Sarah's dad tried to take her to pride once and spent more time covering her eyes than actually being proud.

veggie- i agree with you..its probably a very scary thing..and yes, i haven't heard of one parent disowning their child. It has probably happended...but very very rare. I just think its importnat to be who you truely are.

I truly hope you will be able to resolve this.

My older daughter and I were discussing gay rights a while back. I was shocked and appalled when she told me that she would have to disown her child if the kid told her she was gay. I asked her why and she went into this Bible thumping diatribe. (Yes, she's the one that IMO has gone over the top with her religion). I've made sure her girls know that they can come to me with anything. I just don't get it.

You are their child. They've loved you and you've loved them all your life.

My heart hurts for you. However, you've gotten some great advice here.

I just had to respond because this almost made me spit out my coffee. I've had THREE friends -all in different parts of the country, they dont know eachother - all with 3-4 year old little girls say in all seriousness they hope their daughter is a lesbian. Really. Mostly because they have had such HECK with jerkwad men in their lives (or in the case of the one dad--because he was such a cad for the first 40 years of HIS life) ... anyway, just made me giggle.

carry on

HAHAHA Ennay, really? Wow! I find it pretty funny when straight people say things like "I wish I was a lesbian because men really suck" and "I think I'm going to turn lesbian" - little do they know that a woman is just as capable of breaking their heart as a man, if not moreso because women are so in tune with emotions and often play head games.

Both of your parents were gay, huh? Or just one? Out of curiousity. The gays do tend to find each other... hah - this gay man I was once very close friends with once said that if neither of us have found the love of our life by 30, then we should marry each other.

I love my daughter so much I always told her no matter what you do, do not keep it from me I will love you no matter what and I have kept to that, she recently got married and is pregnant ,she shares so much of her life with me ( some things I think I really didn't need to know , lol, Point is I carried her for 9 months I had her she is mine and I love her no matter what,I may not always be happy with what she does . Shane sorry your parents are missing out on your life ,I also go to church and my DD is a wicca talk about differences but we have overcome and I still love her and I will be there for her and my grand baby. Hey I'll adopt ya ok you've been officially adopted!Hang in there. We all love ya.

They were both a good bit older though...they grew up in the 30's and 40's. You just didnt DO that then.

My mom is a lesbian and currently in a long term relationship. (Although she was married twice - my dad being the 2nd) My dad never came out of the closet officially but I know he had several affairs with men, possibly bi. He was in theater and was quite accepting/friendly with a lot of gay men and couples, but he never was able to overcome his strict upbringing and be happy. He was celibate for most of the last 20 years of his life. How sad.

Plus once I was in the picture (I was a big OOPS) he "had a responsibility" so they stayed together until I left home. But they slept in separate beds. They got married when I was 9 months old and after about a year they gave up any pretense of a sex life.

Growing up in the theater, I was in highschool before I discovered that there were people who thought homosexuality was wrong! I lived such a sheltered life...

SHANE ~

I feel so bad about the "relationship" part with your parents I had such a great relationship with my parents, both have passed on, and have such a great relationship with my kids that I really don't understand certain things. I never experienced hardships. Life was not perfect by any means with my folks...but certainly never very tough.

I hope I can say what I want to say without hurting anyone's feelings. Most of you on this site mean the world to me.

I don't approve of certain lifestyles that people have. I am sure many would not approve of mine. We are not perfect people.

I am a christian and I have certain beliefs that go against other beliefs of others. I have never denied my beliefs on this site...and I will admit some of my remarks probably make people wonder ..as I said I am not perfect!

You and some of my other favorites on this site...you know who you are would be welcome in my home anytime...with your "friend/partner".

I do not approve of certain things but I do know for a fact that I love you big as the sky (as my dad used to say to me ~ and I tell my kids) ....you are such a cool kid!

My advice ~ for what it is worth ~ your friend may stay, she may not....I hope you can find a way to be with your folks...even if for a time it is without her....time has a way of healing sometimes...and some things. If you go lovingly, without pushing too hard...and ask from time to time if she would be welcome to join in...well, maybe this tension will ease...maybe not. If your gal is understanding, she will back you in your decision...maybe not agree...but support you.

I don't always approve of things but I do support you!

Shane,

First of all big for you! It's hard when you are happy and in love to not be able to share that part of your life with family. I too have a similar issue in my family. My family was very much like the military "don't ask, don't tell". My Dad and sisters all suspected but we never talked about it. My Mom was deeply rooted in denial, even when she caught my 1st gifrlfriend and I kissing on her couch when I was 19! When I finally "formally" came out at 28 my Dad had already passed on. My sisters were 100% supportive because they had always known in their hearts and they love me. My Mom has had a very long period of mourning. I came out 3 1/2 years ago and her mouring continues. She believes very strongly that women must be married and have babies to live a fulfilled life. She worries about how society will treat me. She worries I will never have children (we do plan on creating a family together), she worries I will be alone in my old age with no one to care for me. She has never met my partner and she has no desire to meet her. I suppose my point in telling you all this is to let you know that the only thing you can control is you. I do think you should slowly try to introduce your girlfriend to your family. Hopefully in time they will come to love her and accept her into the family. However, if they don't it's not because you've done something wrong. That is on them and how they have chosen to behave. My Mom doesn't want anything to do with me anymore, but that is her choice and I have no control over her. Of course it hurts and I miss her but I will never change her, and she will never change me. I'm the same person I was before I came out to her, I'm just living openly and honestly.

Just as a side note, my partner's Mom is 100% supportive. She is 84 years old (My Mom is 67) , raised in the south and never heard the word lesbian until my partner came out at 16. But, she loves her daughter more than anything in this world. She doesn't understand why she's a lesbian and she doesn't understand the attraction women can have for each other. But, she has no problem with our life. She treats me as family and cannot wait for us to make her a Grandma. However, when my partner first came out to her Mom she was very upset. She got over it. Her love for her child was more powerful than her fear of the unknown. I hope your family will be the same way.

Shannon

I did the same thing! I had been wearing my hair short for a long time before I "came out" but once I came out it got painfully short. I guess I just felt that need to be obviously gay for a little while. The hair has grown out a bit now and I'm much more comfortable with my feminine side. Most people who meet me would not assume I am gay just based on my looks. I'm ok with that. But, when someone (coworker, classmate) ask if I am married I say yes. If they ask further questions I am 100% honest. I wouldn't be evasive if I was married to a man, why should I hide that I am married to a woman? Such good "food for thought" in this thread!

Shannon

I'm jumping in really late here, but I just wanted to give you a virtual hug

Also, I want to reiterate Amanda's point about people coming around. Even people who are somewhat accepting come around even more as time goes on. It took me years to fully come out to myself, and even longer to come out to my parents, even though they're not religious and have no moral objections to homosexuality. Something about being an only child... and, like a previous poster said, before you're even born your parents have preconceived hopes and dreams for you. It really broke my heart to shatter that, but it would have been more upsetting to them if I lied to them and myself and let my life go down the path it was starting to go down. Now that just sounds melodramatic, but you know what I mean.

You've already come out to them, and that's good. I think you should try to talk to them one on one... that way, they wont be able to feed off of each other's potential negativity. You need to eventually start bringing your girlfriend around... that's the only way they're going to see that it's just like any other relationship you could be in with some guy. I think with any relationship, gay or straight, you need to limit the physical affection when they first meet.

And you have NO IDEA how irate it makes me when women say "I hate men.. you know, you really have the right idea! Maybe I should date women."

And don't even get me started on stereotypes.