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Old 07-03-2007, 03:58 PM   #31  
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I have a relative that did the credit card thing to her son -- not much he could do unfortunately. Your boyfriend needs to get a p.o. box to keep his mail from coming to the house, away from his father who obviously fills out the applications in his name for the credit cards. Do you think he could get some kind of public assistance to get his own apartment? That would probably help a lot -- just don't you move in -- that definitely would drive your dad crazy!!! But, maybe if your family saw him being responsible on his own, that would help a lot.

I don't think what you found out about him should be of a big concern -- I know quite a few people that has happened too -- everyone makes mistakes. That's how we learn.

If your mom is willing to help him with bills, sounds like she's on your side -- talk to her about your dad's concerns and how upset they make you.

Good luck.
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Old 07-04-2007, 01:02 AM   #32  
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There's alot more that can be done about credit card fraud now, than in the past. If he is using the card and signing his son's name, this is identity theft as well as credit card fraud.

There is probably a community services directory in your area that will describe what services are available in the community and what their requirements for service are. If you call any of the services that would be in that directory (for example The United Way, the health department, women's shelters...) they can tell you if there's a hotline number or a printed directory and how to get a copy. He needs to find charities that provide housing assistance and legal assistance.

One thing that seems very strange is that at 26, even if he were moderately mentally challenged, I would expect him to be acting more independently. I have worked with alot of people who are much more than just a little slow (sheltered workshops for mentally ******ed adults), and I can't imagine many of them accepting the situation your boyfriend has. He may have more problems than just a mild learning disability, which is why I really urge you to get community mental health services involved. They can help him get the training he needs to become independent, if that's possible, and sort through which services he is eligible for, and help him find a legal advocate to look out for his interests. They can also help prepare you for the challenges you are likely to face trying to make a life with this man.
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Old 07-04-2007, 07:49 AM   #33  
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I appreciate the advice.

My brother is talking to him today...having a one on one so Doug doesn't have to feel defensive. I know it sounds strange....26 and still with his dad who takes advantage of him. But at the same time I understand this....he has no family except for his dad and his dad's family. It's not his real family but it's what has been stable to him for years and to risk throwing that away by facing his father is tough. That's what he is going through right now is that marrying me will most likely drive his "father" away and then he will have no family. How would that make anyone feel? I'm 22....and I'm not so independant either, of coruse my dad wanted me to live at home till I was 35...and those were his words.

Supposedly Doug is bipolar...but this..again..was coming from his dad. I've spent days with him and never saw him take a pill. The only temper he's ever gotten is if he gets upset...he takes a walk, comes back and talks through it. Like I said before, he's not stupid.

I aggree that he needs to get out of there and finding assistance is the first step. Actually, the next step is to find out what all his dad is actually lying to him about...and then going for assistance.

My mom is on my side actually....she loves Doug. Doug has been like the son she always wanted. lol If mom needs help he's over here right away to help her no matter what. He's never expected pay which is more than I can say for my own brother. Of course we do pay him though, because he needs the little extra cash once in a while. He has called my mom and dad "mom and dad" for quite a while now...he really looks up to my parents. That's why I'm so scared about Doug talking to my dad and getting hurt. Doug is very sensitive and I don't want him to hate my dad. Yes, there are things Doug needs to work on....heck, there are things I need to work on too...SERIOUS things.

I'll let you guys know how things go later. I'm supposed to spend the whole day with him *crosses fingers*...I hope the talk with my brother does him some good.
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