Claire ~ thanks, I really didn't take it as male bashing though ~ just trying to come from the "men see things different than women" angle and explain "our" side.
Maybe I'll come out with a What Men Should Say To Ladies, In All Circumstances, For Dummies book!!
My husband does tease me alot about the "trap" questions that seem to require a very specific reply. While I've never asked the obvious one "does this make me look fat," I can fall into this easily enough. He'll ask me directly, "how do you want me to answer that." It usually reminds me that the question is unreasonable.
And then get peeved when he doesn't respond the "right way"?
Golly... It's a minefield out there...
Jay
I agree, unless it becomes necessary to disclose (like you're out to eat and he asks you why you don't want to order desert) I wouldn't mention this on a date, or at least not the first few. If it does come up I might say something along the lines of "I try to eat healthy". No one's going to say "oh you're fine" as if you don't need to take care of yourself and eat well!
My df also makes up songs, I find it kind of endearing and cute. He also decided after a George Clinton show we went to last year that "Hey Good Lookin' (Booty Enhanced Remix)" is our song. I guess that's kind of flattering Don't know how the older folks would feel about dancing to that one at our wedding reception
I've experienced this too, many of times. I went on a date with a guy and ordered a salad and he went on to tell me how he hates when girls order salads and that I should just order a steak or something like him. Then later on when I was talking about how I was on a diet he told me I would look better if I lost some weight. Well you can't have it all can you??
Oh, I tell EVERYONE I'm on a diet, just so I may hear, "what for?" (wishful thinking) It is unfair to expect to hear what I want to hear, but I don't ask for an opinion mind you, I just state a fact. I would rather hear silence than some arbitrary answer. I don't say, "I'm on a diet, what do you think about that?" Many people (as I usually do when someone says, "I'm on a diet,") don't say anything at all, because they were not directly asked for an opinion. Some people are angling for some sort of affirmation that they DON'T need to lose weight, while others are just simply stating a fact (I may be a bit of both, but even when people DO say "are you kidding me?" I don't agree with them). Although I would LOVE to hear from a man, who honestly doesn't think I need to lose another pound say something to that effect, I would prefer a man to be concise and not give a flimsy response such as, "you're fine." It can be taken in some many different contexts. *sigh*
Well, I think I'll lose the "I'm on a diet," to the less "please give me your opinion when I haven't asked for it" statement of "I try to eat healthy."
BTW, I think I'm going to title my next rant about men, "Men who always ruin anything good they say by continuing to open their mouth and overdoing the sarcasm."
Last edited by HarpoChicoGroucho; 05-23-2007 at 12:06 AM.
BTW, I think I'm going to title my next rant about men, "Men who always ruin anything good they say by continuing to open their mouth and overdoing the sarcasm."
AHA! second language - my israeli boyfriend is similar. He's not very good with compliments in english. Think about it this way - if it's really hard for boys to tell the difference between "you're fine" and "you look great the way you are!," imagine how hard it is to figure out in a language that's not your mother tongue. Poor boys.
Maybe I'm just really bad at picking them, but most guys I know seem to want thin, beautiful women with perfect skin and big boobs. Yes, they can be oblivious to weight, but that's usually when they're not paying attention to you or even thinking of looking at you in a romantic way.
I am also unfortunately attracted to vain guys. Looks do matter to me... personality matters more, but looks definitely play a part. I like a nice body (he doesn't have to have 6 pack abs or anything but some muscle tone is a must) and a good fashion sense (it doesn't have to be perfect, but guys who have no sense of style or individual expression with their apparel turn me off)... but I digress, the type of guys I usually like tend to come with an "I'm the ****!" attitude. I used to have these "I'm the ****!" type guys coming up to me all the time, but since my weight gain, it rarely happens. I've been in a relationship for two years now, but I miss the flattery. LOL. It made me feel pretty.
Anyway - back to the topic of jerk-ish guys, back in high school, I had a guy once tell his friend that I had a gut and acne. This guy still made out with me and felt me up, yet he apparently thought I was unattractive. That made no sense. I actually liked him before, too. I told a guy I wanted to lose weight once, and he said, "yeah... you would look better if you lost a few pounds. I mean, you look good now, but you'd be hotter then." and another: "your best friend is hotter than you because she's skinnier."
OH! When I was thin (but thought I was fat - yay, distorted body image!), I told everyone I was on a diet, and that I wanted to lose weight, so that they'd tell me I wasn't fat. Guys would roll their eyes at me and girls would often say, "OMG! WHAT WEIGHT HAVE YOU GOT TO LOSE!?" whereas NOW, I tried saying that just for the **** of it, and they gave me lots of (not so valid) weight loss advice. It's depressing how the tables have turned.... but being overweight has honestly given me a new perspective in life - I'm a nicer person now.
"You look fine"
--What in the he** does that mean?
"You look spectacular/wonderful and shouldn't change a thing"
--Answer is perceived as a lie because woman knows/believes she could stand to lose weight OR guy is perceived as myopic and/or chubby chaser who wouldn't be supportive of woman's efforts to lose weight.
"A diet? That's good"
--Guy is perceived as obnoxious and obsessed with looks/thinness.
"Damn right you're on a diet, chunkalunk!"
--Guy gets slapped.
A smart guy will ignore the comment gracefully and redirect conversation to something else. He'll work his "you're so beautiful" commentary in at other junctures when it doesn't seem to be responsive to the diet issue.
Chunkalunk! That Made Me Laugh Too. . . I Had A Guy Tell Me "man If You Lost Fifty Pounds I'd Be All Over You" . What The ???? Or **** My Dad Told Me Once I Was A Waste He Said " Look At The Beautiful Face And Look At The Rest Of You" , Brother: Seems To Think Im Name Is Really Gordita. Other Brother: "man Our Family Is So Good Looking , If You Lost Weight We'd Rule The World" Lol Chunkalunk!!!lmao . . . Thats Gunna Stick In My Head Forever!!!!! I Use Fatty Mc Fattykins. .. Dont Know Why Though. Oh Wait Another Priceless One From The Head Hancho Dad." You Know I Used To Want A Girl After I Had To Boys Cause I Knew They Would Have To Beat Guys Off You With A Stick, But Now I Dont Have To Worry About That" , Or The Time He Told Me I Better Lose Weight Before My Boyfriend Dumps Me Because Someone Skinny Will Take Him Away. My Dad Is So Clueless. .. . .
Don't know how the older folks would feel about dancing to that one at our wedding reception 
HEY! I resemble that remark! 
