I personally dont want to be cremated. I just dont like the idea of being burned. Everyone in my family has always been buried. But my hubby and his family are all planning on being cremated.
......
Also, I know that some Christian religions believe that the whole body has to be kept intact because they will be risen during the Second Coming.
(Someone correct me if I am wrong, I am no expert).
There is NO WAY I will correct you LOTTE ~ I already figured out you are one smart cookie! There are religions that say they are Christian, but they are not.
For me it's a matter of just preferring to not cost too much money, and take up space. I like the idea of my ashes being spread somewhere special to me or to my loved ones.
I am also an organ donor. I will be gone, so I won't care. Plus I don't really have any spiritual belief that would stop it.
I think it would bother me more thinking about decomposition than cremation... but really it's just not something I think about.
In fact, hubby and I should probably discuss it so we know...
I used to hate the idea of cremation, until the town I grew up in built an apartment complex over a cemetary -- because it was so old no one cared about it anymore. Also, after my MIL passed away, it bothers me often to think of her in the ground, even though I know "she" isn't there. I do like the idea of the grave stone, somewhere to go to pay your respects, but I feel she is around us all the time. I don't need to go to a cemetary to talk to her, besides -- if I was gone, that would be the last place I'd be hanging around anyway!!
A few years ago my parents picked up nursing home insurance and prepaid their funerals -- which I thought was kind of morbid at the time, but respect it now -- because I can't afford to bury them and because now their wishes are all in writing. They are being cremated. My big thing is the whole wake -- I see no purpose in viewing someone who has died, kind of morbid to me.
And, my friend's mother donated her body to the hospital, which I think is a very selfless gift for someone -- she was in her late 80's so organ donation was out and if it helps save a life, it's so worth it.
robin, actually the donation of organs was pretty hotly debated through the last couple decades with some rabbis coming down on the side of yes (saving a life overrides all other jewish law including desecration) some say sometimes (only if there is an immediate need, not to an organ bank and only after death has completed - sometimes life support is maintained during the initial part of surgery to preserve the organs, this would not be allowed).
likewise some rabbis say live donations are ok (kidney, blood) to help preserve life, others say no because it risks your own, however small the risk may be. (interestingly the rabbis who are most pro postmortem donation are most against living donation)
Most of the jewish rabbinical authorities now come down on the side of donation and donor card being not only acceptable but encouraged.
Most religions do. It is a sign that it is alive and well. You don't hear too much about the Shakers having end of life issue debates. If they did it would be a two sided theological argument. Literally. There are two of them.
Most religions do. It is a sign that it is alive and well. You don't hear too much about the Shakers having end of life issue debates. If they did it would be a two sided theological argument. Literally. There are two of them.
Ennay as far as I know, and that's not too much, especially on this topic, organ donation is strictly forbidden after death. Keep in mind there are many "branches" of Judiasim and they do not all concur. How shocking. But yes you can be a living donor, like a kidney, liver or bone marrow and of course blood.
Thanks, you guys, for all the thoughtful comments. I've been reading them all, but not replying because in my experience, when I reply to a post I started, it stops and I've been enjoying your insight so much I didn't want it to stop. I feel a whole lot better now, reading all your reasons for cremation, especially the reference to Buddism where they cremate the body so the soul can rise with the smoke. That's, actually, kind of beautiful. So, I will take that from all you've spoken of and think of Kevin having risen with the smoke to the heavens and feel better for it. With all of his drawbacks, he was a really spiritual person and I think he'd have liked that train of thought.
Reason I was so miffed with the cremation and all is...well...as I said, he's the first person I've known that's been cremated. Everyone in my family has been put in a box and left to rest in peace amongst their loved ones in the town my family comes from, together with the rest of their family, so it's just kind of a foriegn process for me. Second, his mother is absolutely loaded with money and very materialistic. Had a gigantic house in Naples, FL, fancy cars, etc. Kevin died in poverty and on welfare and she had his memorial service at the bargain basement place to have it and I assume the reason she had him cremated was to save money and to make him more portable to take him to Florida to be buried...where he never even lived...instead of where he did live or something. The whole thing seemed like it was done to save money because his mother was always embarassed of him because he became a musician instead of an accountant in a suit and tie.
When he died, she called me up and said...and I'm not exaggerating..."Now that he's out of the way, maybe we can work together to resume my relationship with my granddaughter." I said, "Honey, you have it all wrong...Kevin missed out on his daughter because of you...you didn't miss out on her because of him...it's the other way around!" Kevin and I were getting along just fine for about 5 years as parents of a child that simply could not get along until his mother got involved and wanted Grandparent's Rights and sued me, demanding I put my child on a plane to Florida alone at six years old. Kevin ended up suing me, as well, for visitation...in spite of the fact that I already let him come over when he could...because he was highly unreliable and in the end showed up for 12% of his visitation and that 12% only happened when his mother flew in on her broom from Florida. She put him up to suing me for visitation so that she would be lined up for the grandparents rights movement. She lost and I haven't heard hide nor hair from his family since. And now she calls me to tell me the above statement and says she needs a hug from her granddaughter. I may sound cold, but I really hate her and what she did to our lives and how she disregarded her own son's life...so my daughter and I skipped the memorial service because we just don't want that awful woman reinstated in our lives. Not to mention, although I'm feeling a bit sentimental about Kevin at the moment, at the end of the day, he dumped on both of us. 13 years ago, I needed him to get a job, marry me and support our family, but he decided to sit in the basement, smoke pot, play his guitar and talk to the other women he was interested in. And while I had my daughter in daycare, he stayed home and slept all day (I forced him to watch her one day, came home and found her crying in her carseat while he was on the back porch having a smoke...hence, I took her to daycare). From her forced visitation with her father when she was about kindergarden age, she had an honest visual of who her father was. We all know that memorial services are geered to pump up an individual and I didn't need my daughter to have some convoluted image of the father she missed out on, so I thought it best for my daughter to skip out on Kevinfest. We'll have a nice little ceremony this summer, just us two, maybe even in a park Kevin and I used to go to and sit by a brook and talk, and say our goodbyes without a lot of drama from the paternal side of her genepool.
All this aside, I still feel guilt for not going. My parents and all that know me and knew what I went through with his family all agree that I have nothing to feel guilt over. She even kicked me out of the house I lived in while my daughter was six months old because I couldn't pay the rent. She owned the house and instead of griping to her unemployed son to get a job an support his family, she called me at work and started in on how she could rent out the house to someone that would pay the rent! I was working two jobs and paying for daycare AND finishing up my last semester at college. My daughter was one of those gifts from God that he sometimes backhands you with. So, that fact that she kicked us out was a real slap in the face. Understandable that she was losing money on one of her houses, but I was doing my darn tootenest to raise her granddaughter with NO help whatsoever...and now she says she needs a hug from her. She can kiss my backside!
Anyhow...thanks for listening...I'm still enjoying your stories of why you cremate or wish to be cremated, so keep 'em coming!!
I almost wrote a very strongly-worded message that probably would have offended many here, but I'll suffice it to say I will never be a practicing member of any religion that does not allow me to do what I wish with my body, especially after I've already passed away.
But I know I have VERY strong feelings about religion that most do not share, so I'll end it at that.
Ooh, and techwife, I see you posted while I was writing (and deleting and re-writing) mine--I'm so glad you're feeling a bit better about it
It seems we all have based our personal post-mortum decisions on 2 different things: what WE want for ourselves versus what will be best for our families. I find it interesting that some have mentioned that cremation of a loved one made their death more difficult to deal with, yet they still want to be cremated when their time comes. I don't find closure or peace in seeing a corpse in a box nor an engraved rock in a cemetary--closure and peace come from within, and if someone has truly passed on, you can "visit" them from anywhere in the world anytime you want by just closing your eyes and remembering, no epitaph required.
As I see it, of course, from my own personal viewpoint.
Last edited by jillybean720; 03-09-2007 at 08:16 AM.
Jill: See...that's why I think my daughter and I remembering her dad in the park we used to hang out in and maybe floating a few flowers down the stream...a few nice words...is more fitting than going to a room full of psycopaths (his family) and having them swoop in on my daughter like vultures on roadkill and saying mean things to me. And I'm getting a lot of peace from the Buddist, smoke, spirit thing. I think that is really nice and a way for me to make peace with it all. In fact, I may...may...even consider it for myself someday for the same reasons.
jilll- sorry for your loss...and after reading you last post it sounds like you are slowly coming to terms. There were many great reasons for cremation. I myself also want to be creamated. I feel no need to take up space. I want my organs donated if possible, burned and ashes scattered over the ocean (a place i grew up). I remember when i was 18 and my grandmother passed, we went to her funeral with an open casket and i just kept saying...that's not how my gm looked. Hang in there and good luck. Everyone has their own reason...none right or wrong. But find what you believe in and you will be fine.
Just wanted to add a side note -- I'm very proud of you!! For taking care of your daughter, when her father/grandmother were not mature enough to do so, for putting her first while still working, going to school, etc. I think Kevin will prefer your little service in the park much more than the fake sympathy given from his mother. What kind of a mother puts money before her family? She will be a lonely, miserable woman some day, especially having missed out on you and your daughter. As they say -- what goes around comes around! I'm glad you are coming to terms with his cremation, maybe it bothers you more that the reasons for it were monitary and not truly his wishes. I know my parent's wanting to be cremated is fine with me, because it's what they want. Take care.
For me cremation is normal. All my relatives have been cremated and I don't have any problem with it. Dealing with the death of a loved one is difficult no matter what. You have your memories of them and that can comfort you. Many crematoriums have a garden of remembrance that you can visit.
I'm sure you will get some comfort from your own private ceremony in the park.
