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Old 10-15-2011, 12:02 PM   #1  
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Default How do I make a change without support at home?

I'm just a few days into my renewed journey to get healthy and happy with my body. But, I'm already hitting a huge roadblock - my son and fiance.

Of course my 14 anything year old son can eat anything and everything and he's ridiculously thin. I don't want to remove his "goodies" from the house because this is my problem, not his. But, he has started giving me guilt trips about my workouts. He doesn't want to do it with me because he already does 2-3 hours of football practice after school each day. So, when he gets home from practice (coinciding with the end of my work day), he expects me to be at his disposal for mom-taxi.

My fiance, on the other hand, "loves me just the way I am" (and I love him for it)... But, becuase of that he doesn't understand my commitment to a healthier lifestyle. We got into it last night because I didn't want to go hang at the bar - our old Friday night tradition - and have the alcohol calories
negate everything I've done positively this week.

Does it get better? Is this just because they are not used to the "new me"? I hope something gives soon. I am not willing to give up on this!!! Anyone have any advice?
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Old 10-15-2011, 12:32 PM   #2  
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Hey, sorry to hear that your not getting the support you want. Dont remove your sons food, resisting them will make you stronger and feel better about avoiding them, its also not fair on him.

As far as going to the pub....just go, keep to cranberry juice or water...if you really wanted a drink gin and slim line tonic is only around 135 calories.you can treat yourself without having to give up on a social life.Or if you dont want to drink alcohol, have your water and think of it as when you were pregnant you went 9 months without drinking, it was only a period in your life, it ended look at your diet as only a period in you life, its not forever, it will end.

Talk to your fiance and tell him your feeling more positive and are losing weight for yourself and not him and you will be happier with yourself, if he loves you the way you are then he will love the new you just as much especially seeing you happy.

My boyfriend "loves me for who I am" too but I sat down and told him I am determined to do this and if he saw me going to sneak a snack or anything I wanted him to stop me and even be a bit harsh if he has to. It may help telling your son and fiance the same thing.Just tell them you want their help to not eat things and tell them to be a little mean, not call you names or anything but be firm with you. it helps

do a wee bit internet shopping with your fiance for some aerobics dvds from amazon or something and get him involved by asking if there is anything he would like to buy, like cheap dumbells or something so you could do stuff together, that what my boyfriend and i just did, though he is fit and with a 6 pack haha, he enjoys working out so we will do it together.

I dunno if any of this will help but I hope so.let me know how things go.xxx
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Old 10-15-2011, 01:19 PM   #3  
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So you could go to the bar and have a diet soda or virgin mary? Only you can control your eating and you can't expect everyone else to conform to what you want. You son could keep his snacks in his room.
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Old 10-15-2011, 01:24 PM   #4  
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Men are so insecure and you have two of them to contend with. They may not admit it but they worry that you will change if you lse weight. You might look attractive to someone else. Assure Fiance that you love him and are not going to fall for somelse no matter how much you lose. Same with son remind him you are doing this for your health and he can have all the goodies he wants. Sorry son, I cannot be a 24 hour taxi service, he will have to figure some other way to get around when you are not available.
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Old 10-15-2011, 01:40 PM   #5  
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If you're son has some treats that you don't like, you could stock up on those instead of the ones that you both like. Or having him keep them in his room may also help. I don't know what you're doing to work out but you could ask your son if he would want to be your "coach". He can teach you some conditioning drills from football, make sure you're doing them correctly, and count/time for you so he can be involved without doing extra work outs himself or feeling like you're ignoring him.

Good luck!
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Old 10-16-2011, 09:05 AM   #6  
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I believe God gave us each one body to take care of and that *we* have to be our own biggest supports. If someone tries to impede upon my health, even a child, I believe it's my duty to defend the responsibility God gave me.
Have you tried morning exercise? Last semester I had to run at 4am due to a 6 am class; it quickly became habit.
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Old 10-16-2011, 07:59 PM   #7  
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Thanks everyone for the suggestions and support. Fiance and I had a long talk yesterday afternoon about not changing any of our routines but I am going to just have to different while we're doing them. And then went on a nice long bike ride this morning. I give up on the teenager!
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Old 10-31-2011, 04:48 AM   #8  
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Sounds like fiance is on board! Hmm, the son. Maybe on Sunday night you can plan out certain times and days he'll need transpo and aside from that he's on his own? I think all the above comments about going to the bar and not drinking or having a lil something are great -- although without a lil something it may get boring!!

I have often been frustrated by this topic. About 10 years ago I had a non-health conscious BF who was 15 years older. He got upset when I left him (doing not much of anything) to go to the gym. Then when I stopped going and gained weight and got grouchy, he didn't like that either. No winning sometimes!
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