I am brand new to these boards. I just posed an introduction over in the "introduce yourself" forum, and then realized this would be a better place for me as I have about eight pounds to lose. I noticed some of the women over there had large double-digit goals, and I didn't want to make light of their issues by posting my smaller number (even though eight pounds FEELS like sixty to me right now!)
Anyway, my brief story is that I've gained about eight pounds since starting grad school two years ago, due to binge eating. School is incredibly stressful, and I have found myself eating to cope. I'm six feet tall, and I started school at 137/138. Now I'm up to my highest weight in five years of about 146. I feel AWFUL!
Do any of you have a problem with binge eating? I am so ashamed of it. When I think back to how out of control I am when I binge, it seems disgusting to me. It's not that I seek perfect control around food (I was anorexic in high school, so I am well aware of the dangers of being too controlling). It's just that I want to be able to listen to my body and find other ways of coping with stress.
I would love to hear from those of you who are dealing with this issue. Have you found any good solutions? Or do you just want to vent about how much binging SUCKS?
Thanks for reading this. I truly do look forward to hearing your stories and finding mutual support. Best of luck to everyone with your goals!
letsgorunning, Hi and welcome! I can absolutely relate to your binge eating. I have been binge eating for as long as I can remember, I thought it was something that started in my early 20's but when I really gave it some thought and was honest with myself, I recall buying large quantities of candy and eating them in privacy as a child, although my problem was not obvious to outsiders because I was so slender from being incredibly active. I have a very traumatic childhood, I guess binge eating was my pacifier and I have continued this awful habit in to my adult life. When I'm having a bad day my first instinct is to go to the store, buy various chocolate bars and maybe even a box of brownie mix and ice cream and eat until I'm stuffed and hating myself for my utter lack of self control, nothing good really comes from it. I started around 199lbs (possibly a little higher), when I got down to 131 something happened and I fell in to a pattern of getting back up near 140, then going back down and then back up and so on and so forth......all through binge eating often for days on end. I've probably lost those 10lbs about 10 times......what a waste, I could have been at my goal long ago. Last night I had a little success, I had an awful day and felt the urge to binge, I thought it over, arguing with myself in my head, attempting to talk myself out of it and ashamed because I felt like a druggie who needed that one last fix, I actually told myself "just this one last time and then I won't do it anymore". I eventually went to the store and bought a box of cookies, a Twix ice-cream and a bag of m&m pretzels- as soon as I left the store I ate the m&m's and then half the Twix ice-cream, when I got home I ate two of cookies and then something hit me and I put the ice cream and cookies in a ziploc bag and put them away and it wasn't even hard and I haven't been tempted to eat them, I'm surprised. I know this isn't the best, but trust me, it was a whole lot better than what I would normally consume! I kept thinking of all the hard work at the gym I have put in, all the runs, all the sweat and all the time I have spent working on getting closer to 130lbs again and I think that helped me. Oddly enough I lost almost a lb in weight from last night. I'm nowhere near "cured" of my unhealthy habit, it's a work in progress, but I just wanted to let you know that you are by no means alone, there are MANY, MANY, MANY binge eaters, you probably know several, it's just something that we binge eaters are usually great at keeping a secret. The other day when I was stressed and upset I went for a long run and it really worked, I felt so much better after and proud of myself that I didn't binge eat for comfort. In the past I have had a small issue with chewing food and spitting it out in the trash- almost always sweets- not sure if this is considered an e.d.......but still not "normal". It's not something I have did on a regular basis, but I have done it from time to time. I guess you could try working out when you feel a binge coming on, it's worth a shot. Hopefully someone else will chime in with suggestions for you. Best wishes to you!
Last edited by bananapancakes; 02-05-2011 at 09:03 PM.
I too have binge issues! Ive had them since I was a small child. Really want to tell you that there is nothing to be ashamed about. You are wherever you are, and the only thing I am ever ashamed about is not dealing with my problems. That is my big responsibility - to be honest with myself and to deal to the best of my abilities.
It can be really helpful to identify your triggers and then create strategies to cope before the binge eating sets in.
I still do have bouts, but its much much much better.
Everyone has different triggers, but I will share some of mine and some of my strategies
Triggers:
- stress! ooooh yes stress does a number on me, makes me crave carbs like a mad woman and sometimes creates a mental game of 'Im entitled because xyz happened and this pint of ice cream will make me feel better, gee I deserve to feel better dont I'
- too much sugar/bad carbs. I get into bad cycles when I overeat carbs, it can spin me right back into the throw of full on food addiction/binge issues
- certain foods, ok many foods, are super hard for me to modulate no matter of if I have had a binge recently or not.
Coping strategies:
- I dont keep high risk foods in the house. If I am prone to a binge on something like ice cream, I dont allow it in the house. I may buy a single serving out if I am not in the throws of full on binge mode, but even if Ive been months without a binge I dont bring it in the house. Better safe than sorry!
- When I have had bad binges lately, I only buy enough food for the meals allocated calories. Sounds extreme, but I sometimes need to take extreme measures.
- I ensure I have a high protien diet with a moderate amount of good fats and some 'treats' built in. This keeps me from feeling super deprived (or super entitled).
- I drink a full glass of water before eating, it can help me feel falsely overfull, and hopefully prevent a full on binge.
- I workout when Im stressed. Fight or flight reactions are a physiological stress response that dump stress hormones into your bloodstream. They make women crave carbs! And those stress hormones dont go away unless you fight or flee (aka workout!).
- I talk it out. Talking to others helps. Come here and talk to us, admit what you want to do (or have already done), or talk to a loved one. It can prevent the shame from gutting you and also just talking about anything is often a mood lifter.
xty, some really great tips! I do a couple of them, like not keeping foods in the house that will tempt me otherwise it's just an invitation to binge although the food from my almost binge is still here and I haven't even been tempted for some odd reason. Also, if I go to a friends house for a party or dinner, I always take a healthy dish, veggie tray or fruit tray to snack on, that way I'm getting plenty of food but more healthy choice and I don't stuff my face with the unhealthy options that most of my friends usually offer.
Wow - thank you for your kind words. It really means a lot to me that you all took the time to share your stories and ideas.
I binged last night and tonight. I was so tired and feeling so overwhelmed by school and sad about the fact that I have no life this semester, that I've gained weight, that my bf is out of town and I don't know many people in the city ...
I got home and thought about journaling instead of eating. Sometimes that really helps me - checking in with myself about WHY I want to eat even though I'm not hungry. Sometimes just pausing to really think about what I'm doing makes me realize that I don't want to do it.
But my desire to binge was so strong that I deliberately chose to eat instead of writing. I knew that if I wrote, I probably wouldn't binge, and I wanted to binge.
It really is like a drug - I think that putting myself in a "carb coma" has become such a habitual release from stress, sadness, loneliness, etc. that my body actually craves it.
I am good about working out five times a week, but I like the idea of trying to go to the gym when I feel the urge to binge. Even if I only hopped on the elliptical for 20 minutes, if it prevented me from binging it would be worth it! The problem is that when I have the urge to binge, I seem to avoid doing things that would prevent me from binging. Crazy, I know.
Anyway, this is a work in progress, but I really appreciate the support and just knowing there are others out there like me makes me feel SO MUCH BETTER!
In the moment, the urge is SO overpowering, its why you need a plan of attack you can create when more in control.
My last bout of binges was pretty recent - just Jan! And it was hard to stop but I took a 'stair step' approach instead of a cold turkey approach.
They were candy/cookie/carb binges...
First I just cut out the candy and wrote down all foods I ate (with no calorie goals and no weigh ins). So for that week I was still having carb binges, but not on candy.
The next week I cut out the bad carbs (processed) and continued to write down all foods (still no target). So for that week i was still having carb binges too, but healthy carbs like quinoa and some protein mixed in.
The next week I tried to ensure there was heavy protein. Still a couple binges, not nightly and not too heavy on the carbs. They seemed like healthier binges, but still the emotional and mental element.
Finally after several weeks I am pretty much binge free, back to a normal calorie range, etc. It is still a bit of a battle, but this is my general strategy for slip ups if Im "too far gone" for cold turkey. Sometimes if Ive only had one or two slip ups I can do the cold turkey thing, not this time though....new tools in the arsenal I suppose
Thanks! I also wanted to add something, I don't always binge eat when things are bad, although I do it more so then, but I have been known to binge eat even when happy- I celebrate things with a binge, like I deserve it. Not sure if either of you can relate to that? I used to think about drug addicts and think "jeez,they should just stop the drugs and get their lives straight!", although I know in reality it's simply just not that easy for them, just like it's not so easy for binge eaters to just stop so in a way I can understand their urge for that last "hit". Just know that there is hope, that it is possible to stop binge eating, we just all have to find out what works for us as individuals to kick the destructive habit.
Hi and welcome -- great support from the featherweight girls. I just wanted to chime in and let you know there's another forum called "Chicks in Control" right here which is mainly EDs that span the full spectrum, and there are MANY lovely women who struggle with bingeing (including myself!) who post daily to keep ourselves in check and "talk it out"...come join us for even more advice and support in your journey.
This weekend has been tough as always controlling the urge to binge...that chocolate is calling my name. But, I will not cave in. In fact, just had a healthy little snack and will be going to yoga in an hour
@LetsGoRunning- Hello and welcome to 3FC. I've always had a problem w/binge eating- the problem I had was that I just recognized it not too long ago. I always thought that my behavior was "normal".
I don't do it nearly as much as I used to, but I still have those moments where I fly off the deep end head first in to a pool of food. I'm not in any one particular mood when it happens, basically I just love food so much that I want to taste it all. I just see the food and lose control. My binges are much shorter and sporadic and I can usually cut off the behavior quite quickly. I think this is something that I'm always going to deal with and work on.
I am so grateful for finding this site. I don't mean to sound cheesy, but I really think it is wonderful that everyone is so compassionate and supportive. It is great to hear that some of you have made progress in overcoming this issue. I will definitely check out the other group about eating disorders as well.
So far today has been good. I woke up with that terrible full/food hangover feeling, but instead of moping I went to the gym and had a great workout, then walked to a coffee shop to get a start on the massive heap of homework I have to do this weekend.
letsgorunning- Nice effort and recovery from your binge. Maybe going to the gym early each day will help, because when the evening rolls around and you want to binge you can say to yourself "I won't undo all the hard work I put in this morning!". This is a wonderful community of very supportive women (and a few men) and we're glad you're here for support, we're all here to lean on each other.
Hopeful8- I can really relate when you say that you just love food so much and want to taste it all, I binge when I'm stressed, when I'm not stressed and when there is simply just delicious food in front of my eyeballs.
letsgorunning, I have been struggling with binging the past few months. Interestingly in my case the binge behavior seems to be a byproduct of achieving a certain lower weight and of being vigilant about calories and trying to lose more weight. Back in the day I could have a candy bar and it would just be a candy bar - now I have a candy bar and it leads to more and more candy bars, sometimes without even tasting them. I also just love food in general (I would probably eat about 5,000 calories a day if they had no impact on weight gain) and it's hard for me to deal with the fact that in order to stay under 130 pounds (my "red line"), I'm going to have to exercise vigilance and careful choices about 90% of the food I eat.
While I like the suggestion about working out in the morning as motivation not to binge, that has not worked for me in the past - I work out religiously at least 5x per week ... and also seem to binge on at least one of those days religiously
@Krampus - I totally know how you feel. When I'm depriving myself, I become obsessed with thoughts of food, but when I'm eating normally I don't think about it as much. When I was anorexic I remember I used to literally read cookbooks instead of eating because I was so preoccupied by what I couldn't have! I truly hope that someday we can get to a place of being able to eat a cookie because we want it, and then stopping because we're satisfied!
I just got home from being in class all day. I worked out this morning and have stuck to my calorie goal for the day, and BOY do I want to snack right now. I am drinking hot tea and distracting myself by writing this post as a little reminder that I will feel 1000000x better tomorrow if I stick to my guns and don't binge!
letsgorunning- How did it go yesterday? Do you mind if I ask what your calories target is? Also, have that snack if you're hungry, eat some raw veggies of fruit, I find the more I deprive myself the more annoyed and tempted to binge I become. I bought some delicious strawberries the other day, they were perfect and when I wanted sweets I just ate five strawberries or if I'm really craving candy I'll chop up a banana and strawberries and put a double serving of fat free whipped cream on top, it's really delicious and guilt free.
Binge eating
