When I was hired for my current position, the man hiring me did so with me NINE months pregnant! I was hired and then the next time I saw him I said, "You do realize you're going to need to get a sub for me for six weeks, right?" LOL! He had no clue! And I was smaller then, I had quite the baby bump. I think he only noticed me from the neck up!
The other day I was standing in the lounge area and a co-worker was eyeing a muffin. One of the guys came out and encouraged her to put it down by telling her how many carbs it had in it and fat. They've been encouraging each other. I asked casually how many calories it had. He patted me on the shoulder and said, "You don't need to worry yourself." He said it in a way that told me he thought a skinny person had no business sticking her nose into such a conversation.
That was my first comment like that! He has known me since the beginning of this journey, though barely, and I honestly don't think he has noticed that I have lost EIGHTY pounds! LOL! I told him with a great big grin which led to a conversation about the gym. But how funny.
They only see how you look today. I say it is great they don't remember how we used to look ! I get that, "Oh, you don't have to worry" or "you are so tiny" Thank goodness they don't remember when I looked like a mushroom.
A guy I work with came up to me yesterday and asked if I had lost weight. He's been seeing me several times a week for years and just noticed that I lost 100 pounds. He was very sweet, saying he had been trying to figure out what was different!
I for some reason get annoyed when men, especially at work, when they say to me "have you lost weight". It automatically makes me think "oh you thought I was fat before?". I don't know, it's just a complex I have I guess. I swear they notice when I lose just 5 pounds and I don't like that. It is funny though that you can get annoyed if people don't acknowledge your hard work at weight loss and if they do acknowledge it. I don't mind women at all noticing because most women are already very weight contious already.
The men that I work with, and have lunch with every day, are witty, intelligent, with wide-ranging interests, and good hearts.
But yeah, they have selective vision, which is akin to selective hearing.
They are mystified & annoyed at being approached by other men at work who, over the past year or so, have been expressing interest in, or, ah, how shall we say, admiration for me. Me, their habitual lunch partner. Whom they see twice a week across a cafeteria with pieces of lettuce sticking to her lips, talking with them about "The Jersey Shore" or Florence & the Machine or the Axe Detailer commercials or the latest U.S. political insanity.
And they are protective, too, which is kind of nice. I feel as if I've got a crew of older brothers. A nice, novel feeling, as Saef is an Only Child.
Saef, I have two "brothers" like that. They're part of my group of friends from college, both married to my best girlfriends. What I love most about them is that they have been very protective of me always, all the way up to 235 pounds and all the way back down. They have been amazingly supportive through my divorce. One even told me I was beautiful at 235 and again recently when I was worrying about my age. The blindness of some men is a blessing.
This topic caught my eye. Please allow me to speak for all men, everywhere.
We men have discovered that you can not comment on a woman's weight directly without getting into trouble. Most of us have learned this through trial and error.
If we try to compliment someone we know to have lost weight than we get in trouble because we are indirectly calling them formerly fat.
If we try to compliment someone because an outfit might be flattering we potentially get in trouble for calling their other outfits unflattering or worse having to get called into HR for sexual harrassment.
Finally, we never, EVER, ask a woman if she is pregnant. EVER!! Unless we actually see a baby's head crowning out of the birth canal we will never be the first to comment on potential pregnancy.
Having said all of that, most men (at least the ones of my generation and older) are not as focused on our own appearances as the average woman and therefore we don't notice as many details about women's looks including their weight as other women probably do. Plus, most of us don't know all the little tricks you women employ to flatter whatever figure you have. Most of us don't even know our own weights let alone have a clue what your weights might be.
John, it's so nice to have a male who can speak for all men! And your post is so true. I've witnessed it on this very board! I have been surprised at how many women view a weight loss compliment as actually calling them fat before or to say "You look nice today" means "You usually look like crap."
We women are complicated creatures.
I must say though, it is refreshing to know that men are not nearly as focused on us as we are.
I have a really bad memory but I made the mistake of pregnancy vs weight gain once and I remember it clear as day. I felt sooooo bad but I'm sure she felt far worse.
That happened to a friend of mine...one of her customers at a store she worked at asked her if she was pregnant...and she wasn't...I think everyone just sat in silence until he walked off
Men are blind
He has known me since the beginning of this journey, though barely, and I honestly don't think he has noticed that I have lost EIGHTY pounds! LOL! I told him with a great big grin which led to a conversation about the gym. But how funny.
Oh wait
...I am one!
