I was laughing with a woman in the gas station today, lamenting about how hatefully good the gingerbread latte is. I took about 6 oz then filled my 24 oz cup with regular coffee. She said “I don’t know how you can be so tiny and drink that stuff. It’s so fattening.” And I said “This cup is my entire breakfast!” And so on about how evil and irresistable the stuff is. Of course, I was totally bundled up in my winter coat and scarf and boots so the compliment went right out the window for me. Then she was ahead of me in line and paid for my coffee. I thanked her a bunch and then proceeded to cry all the way back to my car. Why??? I feel like such a freak. Does this make sense to anyone??
Yup. Makes 100% sense.
When I got to 121.6 pounds, I wrote in my journal something to the effect of:
I'm afraid.
Will people like me more now? Will I get used to that attention and get fat again and then lose their love? Will they love me less? Am I a freak? Too thin? Too fat?
What do I do now?
Being healthy WILL make you stick out from the crowd, especially in the United States.
If you live in a family of smokers but chose not to smoke, you'd feel like a freak sometimes. But you'd also feel like you were making the right choice.
Same goes for those who choose a vegetarian lifestyle in the midst of meat eaters.
Stick to your guns, savor that 6 ounce gingerbread latte, and take a really deep breath.
Peer pressure to be normal still sucks long after high school is over. Don't be normal; be the healthiest you that you can be.
Makes complete sense to me. We are not nice to ourselves, we are always beating ourselves up. So when someone is nice to us and says and/or does something nice we don't know how to take it. Normally we put ourselves back down because that is where we are comfortable. Next time, just say thank you (once) - don't put yourself down - don't compliment back - just accept it and allow it to settle in. This is something I need to work on. Thanks for sharing.
I don't know how to take compliments either, I just say "ohh.. gosh.." and roll my eyes. My friends get on my case about that, but I totally know what you mean. And everyone deserves a little coffee in the morning sometimes!
I totally understand, even if I'm hungry in the mornings, sometimes all I feel like eating is coffee. It's weird!
I know a lot of people can't handle compliments. I've even found myself arguing over compliments like "oh no, I"m not looking great...."and I thought OK, this is ridiculous! Why am I arguing to this nice person who just told me I look nice?! I've tried ignoring and switching the topic, but then that person feels bad that their nice comment was ignored. So I started making a conscious effort "oh thank you!!!" and then "you're looking nice too, or I like your shoes or purse or whatever-then switch the subject. It takes concentrated effort but now it's just natural to just say thanks and move on, but I feel like I have to be on my toes to fight the natural urge to be modest or whatever
I really think your reaction was normal, it catches us off guard to be noticed. You started off thin, so I don't know if this is relevant to you or not, but I do know the compliments, stares, ogling etc from strangers are getting much more prevalent for me, and it's quite strange and I think it takes a lot of adjustment, sort of feeling like we're in the spot light all of the time....Perhaps it' even more elevated because you're thinner and tall??? That may leave you feeling vulnerable
Pinkflower - At my heaviest I was somewhere over 170 (but never got on the scale after seeing 169.5 so I don't know exactly) and off and on would hear very rude remarks. I don't know if that ever goes away. And I have made the same conscious effort to say thank you or at least not argue a compliment, but it never sinks in.
I have developed my own silly rule about complimenting other people - I try to compliment them on things that are controllable by choice. Haircuts, clothing, jewelry, personality traits (i.e being funny or a good listener). I guess it's because you just don't know where people's raw nerves are... so I figure this is a safe way of guarding against going near them. On the other hand, if someone says out loud "I've lost 15 pounds on WW!" then I have no problem complimenting them since they opened the door. Maybe that's over thinking things.... I have to find something other than counting calories to keep my mind busy
Quilter - tomorrow it's back to whole wheat toast and egg whites! I swear!
Flippy - I like you rules for complimenting a person. I wish people would also learn to keep their mouth shut in other matters also. Like... not congratulating someone who is not pregnant for being pregnant cause they look pregnant.
Oh don't cry! It is weird to hear things like that though. I received a similar compliment last night at dinner. I had finished my dinner and was working on someone else's that they couldn't eat because she was too full, and she just said "damn how do you eat like that, you're so skinny!" I imagine myself being the same size as her or a little bigger and it was really weird. I think a good knee-jerk answer is something along the lines of "ha, I eat like a bird all week so I can eat whatever I want on the weekends."
Your compliment rules are good. People love to comment on my body and weight change and it usually just makes me feel exposed and objectified. I too will compliment a haircut or outfit but stay away from obviously touchy subjects like "have you lost weight?" or "wow, your disgusting pizza acne sure cleared up since I saw you last!"
HAHA krampus i just laughed out loud @ the pizza acne...
I’m bad at taking compliments when it’s in regard to how I look. I’m working on this, but compliments tend to make me feel really bad. i feel that somehow the person giving me the compliment secretly despises me for the thing they’re complimenting me on. As if they begrudge me for it and are jealous/spiteful/feeling badly about their self comparatively. This therefore makes me feel awful. I hide it though, I just blush and say, “oohh, thanks” as if the person is exaggerating.
I have an obese mother and sister who envied and coveted my high school body. And both my sisters think I’m "the pretty one.” Soo I learned pretty early on that compliments weren’t a good thing. to top it off, i steadily gained weight for 10 yrs, which tore my self confidence up. I started seeing flaws that I hated, making me feel bad about how i looked and even worse about those compliments. =/ working on myself and on getting past it, slowly but surely...
flippychick, i think sometimes our own insecurities have yet to diminish as our body mass has. so, it’s embarrassing to be complimented bc we don’t quite believe the compliment ourselves.
Flippychick, I'm terrible about compliments too. It might be for different reasons, but I think we're all just kind of freaked out by the changes our bodies are making, for better or worse.
For me, I know I have serious trust issues. So whenever someone compliments me, I tend to think they're just saying that for whatever reason without really meaning it. It's really hard and tiring to think like this, and I'm really trying to snap out of it and just take a compliment at face value. Even when my best friends say something nice about my new look, I get skeptical.
Anyone else not able to take a compliment?
