I'm young & have a healthy weight/BMI, all should be good, right?...wrong!
I find sometimes the closer you are to "perfection" (being your goal weight, fitting into your favorite clothes, wearing a bikini) the tougher this whole ordeal becomes. We become more connected with our bodies, which can be both amazing & frightening.
If I were shrouded in hundreds of pounds I'd feel justified disliking my body & losing the weight. I'd be okay because I'd always have the weight to fall back on. I'd use it as an excuse. "I ate some ice cream, but who cares cause I'm already fat!" It wouldn't seem so much like slipping off the path to goal because the goal wasn't even in sight. A one pound gain weighs heavier on 15lbs to lose than on 100lbs to lose.
But when I weigh 135 & need to lose only 15 more pounds, I can taste my goal. Everything becomes crucially important...food, exercise, clothes I wear.
Why is it that when we're thinner & have less weight to lose, less health conditions to worry about, & less problems circling our weight do we finally start to care? When we're unhealthy we ignore our health even more, & when we're healthy we pay more attention to our health...give me your thoughts!
I definitely don't think the issues of a featherweight are more challenging than those of someone truly overweight, nor do I think our journey is more difficult or that we are more aware of our state of health. I think we each have unique challenges, and are unfortunately equally able to hate what we see in the mirror and to abuse ourselves because of it. The very overweight may feel helpless and beyond all hope, and thus may find it hard to change their habits—may in fact live in denial for some time in order just to make it through each day without their hearts breaking—but that doesn't mean they more easily accept being overweight. That doesn't mean that deep in their hearts they don't realize they are unhealthy and both trapped and lost within their own bodies. And I imagine every scoop of ice cream cuts very deep on that level.
Last edited by Petite Powerhouse; 09-08-2010 at 11:35 PM.
I see your point. I intended no offense, I assure you. But those are my thoughts on the subject. I couldn't really put a personal spin on it. Having never been overweight, I can't really imagine how I would feel personally, but I think I'd be absolutely miserable—far much more so than I was at 129. Every piece of cake, every scoop of ice cream would drive the knife into my heart a little deeper.
Last edited by Petite Powerhouse; 09-08-2010 at 11:41 PM.
No offense taken, I just wanted to straighten out a few things.
I've never been overweight either, not even close. But I know myself really well & feel like re-gaining 5lbs on a bigger body would feel safer...because nobody would notice. It would shield me from when I do relapse into things like binging. Cause sometimes being smaller & closer to my goal-weight, I feel like people are watching me more. Almost waiting for me to slip up & be right there to point out how tight my size 6 (or whatever) pants are when I re-gain those 5lbs.
Hmmmm complex notion ... and the answers could be about as diverse as we are.
For instance Petite Powerhouse has a muscular ideal therefore her prep and practice would be different than someone who intends to fit into last years fall wardrobe.
When I started, all I knew for sure was that I needed to get rid of pounds. I was too big, end of story. Now I know that I need to learn to maintain ... need to find some way to live slim.
Although from the outside, it might look as if we are nitpicking and fussy, we're merely building on the basic notion of "fat loss" and fine tuning it into a very personal health plan for long term success. Rather than easy vs hard, I consider it straightforward vs complex.
Herein lies the difficulty for me. Why bother? I'm OK, you're OK A lot of folks think we're just fine. Since the prevailing mindset among dieters is size reduction ... well, we already are size reduced.
I'm another who can't say how I'd feel if I were really overweight. But two things you've said stick out to me Hippy27: (I know you weren't asking about these things but I'll address them because they really stood out to me)
1. "Perfection" -- gotta let that go. Just let it go. I noticed a long time ago that several skinny girls I knew did not have perfect bodies, and I understood that when I got to goal, I wouldn't either. Yeah, I'm still bummed that my legs are really too big for the rest of me, even at 121 pounds... but i kind of knew they would be. Or that my boobs would be too small. Or I'd still have that funny "fat lady"
crease just above my elbow. Anyway, I sure am happier with my body, but perfection just isn't going to happen. For any of us.
2. "I feel like people are watching me more. Almost waiting for me to..." -- let them go. Just let them go. This is about you. The sooner you make your life about you and not about other people, the sooner you will find peace/success/happiness. This is soooo easier said than done -- but I think it is an essential fact of life.
As far as being connected with our bodies -- I agree 100%. When I eat too much bread, I can feel the bloat before my scale reports it. When I drink too much soda, I feel awful. Too much sugar and I'm dizzy and shaky. Now I know I have a funny rib that pokes out -- never knew that before. And now that I've missed my period, I am ridiculously in tune to every cramp and twitch in my abdomen... (nope, not pregnant -- just messed myself up I guess). Part of this is from paying more attention -- but I think part of it is that after months of healthful eating, any time I stray from the path, my body really reacts.
Hippy I think I understand what you are trying to say. Its almost the mentality "Oh, Im already big, whats this one bowl of icecream going to do tonight?" But when you actually see that you can and are getting smaller, you know that every bad thing eaten, exercise missed, or drink of alcohol can make a big difference. Its the all or nothing mentality. Its a downward spiral in my opinion. I think a lot of people that become overweight just basically throw in the towel until they wake up and realize "alright, this is not ok anymore". I too have never been overweight but my mom when she entered her 40's became overweight. When she got married at 26 she was 5'6.5 and weighed 125. She has always been health conscious. She has a degree in physical education for goodness sake! When she moved to FL in her 40's she gained 75 pounds! I think after gaining a few and then a few more, she began not to care; other things, like her children, seemed more important at the time. I tell her all the time, when you are overweight, losing in the beginning is easy. The first 10 pds for someone overweight, really is not that hard. And the scale going down is motivation to continue.
I too have those thoughts about people staring at me, knowing Im trying to lose weight, and watching everything that goes into my mouth and judging me. Just because I have made it known I am dieting my coworkers find it is okay to say things like "this would be better than what you are eating. Or that is not good if your dieting". It makes you feel like they are nitpicking everything you eat. I have learned to not talk about dieting with anyone but people who understand. But dont you think thats the same for people who are really overweight. Think about how many times youve heard people make rude comments like "no wonder shes so big, look what shes eating". In my opnion most of America is out of shape and this is why people make rude comments. Its their own insecurities. Its the whole bully becuase you are insecure theory. I used to really care what people thought and said about me and I have recently decided not to care. Like Amy said, let those people go. They are of no importance to your health and you have NOTHING to prove to them. If you want 4 reese cups, EAT THEM! And enjoy every last bite.
With "perfection"; I again, can understand this. All the many times I have tried dieting, I have failed and threw in the towel because I thought "Why go through all the work when I dont even think I can get that perfect body". (All or nothing mentality). Then I realized I wanted perfection because I wasnt happy with myself. I wasnt comfortable in my own skin. I think you might feel a little like this judging by your comments on what other people think. Just an observation; I could be wrong! But I think once you love you and are confident with you whether you are at 138 or 120, dieting becomes much easier and you become less hard on yourself. It doesnt seem so crucial to get to goal and you dont freak out when you have that darn frisco melt at 2 am
Bottom line, losing weight is not easy for anyone. While you are experiencing things that are difficult during your journey that really overweight people could not understand (and might even get mad at you for), you cannot understand some of the psychological obstacles they are going through.
Sorry for such a long rant. I just feel like losing weight is 80% mental and emotional, and 20% discipline! Thats why its so important to understand why we are overweight, why we binge, why we want to lose weight, etc...
I know that weight-loss has it's challenges waiting for everyone no matter how much they have to lose.
I also know my body image is warped. I'm on this site more for mental support than anything. I'm in recovery from a couple of eating disorders & want to lose a few more pounds but it takes me so long because this time I'm not resorting to anything drastic. This time I want to be healthy. :'( And I KNOW that starts with how I look at myself & love myself. I'm only 19 & I've hated myself for 4 years. I don't want to. I KNOW it's stupid...
I thought about your posts some more and thought of this:
You're probably too young to remember the movie "Fried Green Tomatoes," but in it the actress Kathy Bates says, "I wish I were brave enough to just give up and get really fat!" I remember telling my husband, "That's exactly how I feel!" Reflecting on that, I get what you mean... I have felt like if I could give up the dream of being "perfectly" thin, it would be easier to just be fat and eat whatever I wanted all the freakin' time.
But of course I know that wouldn't actually be any easier, and that I certainly wouldn't be very happy in that place. Sometimes, though, it seems like it would be easier to be able to eat 4 brownies in a row instead of stressing over whether or not I can lick the spatula when I'm baking a cake.
It sounds like you're working through a lot of stuff. This site is an excellent resource for support, but it is not a substitute for professional help if that's what you need at this point. Please keep coming and posting. There are definitely people here who are recovering from ED, and I suspect most of us would confess to an unhealthy relationship to food at the very least.
But of course I know that wouldn't actually be any easier, and that I certainly wouldn't be very happy in that place. Sometimes, though, it seems like it would be easier to be able to eat 4 brownies in a row instead of stressing over whether or not I can lick the spatula when I'm baking a cake.
Honestly having been in both places I can say it's all relative and almost the same. Except now I can rock a pair of tight jeans and a fitted shirt and not feel humiliated when I leave the house. I can eat that cookie and know that as long as I'm on plan 80-90% of the time it's not going to send me back to obesity. I guess maybe I'm lucky in a sense that I've been on both sides and know with out a doubt that this side is better and even though still I have a less than stellar relationship with food (going off plan causes me aniexty at timed and I still binge).
I can see though how you feel like you have to work so hard to keep this body under contol when all you want to do is eat and if you were fat you could just eat and really what would change. I feel that way sometimes. Before, sure I could eat whatever I wanted and really what did it matter if I got fatter. Now I've just had to change my definition of what I want and even though sometime I still want real ice cream or cake I can handle my new definition most of the time.
I guess my point is it's really all relative and you are never really cured of eatin issues. I know I'll always struggle no matter what my weight, but I'd certainly rather struggle at this weight that at 268 lbs.
closer to perfection, more of a connection?
A lot of folks think we're just fine. Since the prevailing mindset among dieters is size reduction ... well, we already are size reduced.
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