Now that my BMI does not fall into the 'overweight' category, sometimes I feel like I have no business in wanting to lose any more weight. I know that I'd like to reach my goal weight just because I want to be thin, but I also know that when I eat really cleanly, not only to I feel full of energy and, well, clean, I'll probably lose a bit of weight.
I feel ridiculous avoiding cakes and cream and buttery pasta and pies and the lot while everybody else is having some, because I don't medically need to lose any more weight. Sometimes I feel stupid and pious (sp??) and so I pig out just because I'm at ideal weight range- I'm okay.
I don't want to appear as obsessed with food as I really am. And I know that when I really try to diet, things can get out of control and I'll become borderline eating disordered.
And so I swing between wanting to 'get healthy' and start exercising hard and cutting out junky and processed foods, knowing that I'll become really pre-occupied with food and calories and weight and bingeing; and the other extreme, where I eat with wild abandon, stay at a stable weight, start to enjoy my food, avoid food labels and just eat what my body tells me. Then I see thin women- not just models, too- and I just feel so guilty and greedy for eating that scone or buttering that toast.
I feel ridiculous, and vain, because on the outside I seem so normal and unphased about eating and food and my weight, and because, in reality, I'm quite slim (though I can see on myself every wobbly bit, my chunky triangle belly, by square hips and broad, short middle, my round and lumpy thighs, my dimpled butt, the way my arms spread when I hold them to my sides.. some days I feel like a slab of nothing but bone and fat), nobody would really notice my neurotic relationship with food, my shape, the way I compare myself to other girls, the glee I feel when I catch a reflection of myself where I look thin!
I know this is an incredibly long post, thank you for perservering this far. I suppose I wondered if many other people shared this state of mind?
I think we all go through this when we lose weight. It's new, we're still trying to get used to our new bodies, and our new way of life. Don't be to hard on yourself. It's hard to reach a happy medium.
Try to allow yourself a few "treats' without going over board. I try to eat healthy 90% of the time and I don't worry too much about the other 10 %. But it takes time.
I think you have the right idea. You diet now because it makes you feel so much better, and you have so much energy. Don't get side tracked by what someone else might think. or feel guilty!! for what? Taking care of yourself?
stay at a stable weight, start to enjoy my food, avoid food labels and just eat what my body tells me.
This sounds pretty healthy to me.
It sounds to me like you just need to focus on what YOU think, and where YOU are, and ignore everyone else, whether they're eating fettuccine Alfredo, or are stick thin. How do you feel? What do you want? Maybe you don't even know yet whether you want to lose more, that's OK. As long as you're not gaining you have time to figure it out.
I think whenever someone loses weight, their brain always has lots of trouble adjusting. Losing weight messes with your head. :P Have you ever heard of Geneen Roth, I've read some of her books, more about the mental side of eating, kind of interesting.
Anyway, I'm rambling on, and I really don't have any words of wisdom, but I'm sure what you're feeling is normal. You're doing great! You'll figure it out!
In my opinion, it's when I STOP feeling «ridiculously vain» that the pounds creep up on me ... I think you are doing «ridiculously» well... Keep up the great work ...
In my opinion, it's when I STOP feeling «ridiculously vain» that the pounds creep up on me ... I think you are doing «ridiculously» well... Keep up the great work ...
Boy do I agree with this! I've been a bit complacent in the past year or so and it's allowing the pounds to creep on. I need to feel vain to keep the pounds off.
For one thing, skinniness isn't the only reason to eat well. Health counts!
For another, it kinda seems like you're a little sucked in by society's idea of "normal" - it's "normal" for women to think they have to be underweight and feel guilty about and obsess about food. It's OK to reject that!
Find that place in the middle where you eat, enjoy food, and maintain a healthy weight you're happy with, without obsessing, and without binging. It's a really, really cool place
You've had some great success!
Have you tried any strength training or yoga? Obviously strength training does great things for your appearance. But I've found, and seen many other on these forums say the same thing, that these kinds of exercise change your relationship to your body. They are just excellent for teaching you to really love and admire your body and fight body and food issues.
Give your brain a chance to catch up to your body. Your body is already loving it's new self. Now your brain has to learn to love that self too.
Moderation is hard to learn and even harder to maintain. It becomes boring and routine.
But it works. You just have to change things around a little bit every so often to keep maintenance fresh.
Some vanity is a good thing. And being mindful of what you eat and how much you work out is not obsession. Find the version of your body that wokrs for you.
I must agree that I need to continue constant vigilance or my weight jumps right on up.
However, I do find, and intend to absolutely stop this, that I will eat things that are very off plan when I am with people who comment on my getting "so thin."
Like, I want to show them...hey, I'm cool. No ED here. Unfortunately, there is a long history of ED here. And I AM COOL right now. It's the matter of staying cool.
Last edited by kittycat40; 12-23-2008 at 09:58 AM.
I think everyone goes through this at some point or another!
Enjoy the few treats that you are going to get. Have a half of a slice of a pie or half of whatever treat it is! If someone questions you, just say that a full sized treat is too overboard - too much sugar, too much saturated fat. Etc!
I agree with Julie about focusing on health. When I started out, weight was I was on the cusp of overweight but my body fat percentage was 32% which is very unhealthy. I have managed to get that down to about 21% which is a lot better. "Normal weight" people have heart attacks everyday, I'm related to a few who have had that happen. Now that you are in a healthy weight range it might be helpful to focus on making sure that your other numbers blood pressure, cholesterol, body fat % etc... are where you would like them to be.
Because I have been anything but VAIN in such a very long time, I have no problem persuing my goals further. I have come this far, and don't want to stop now.
Thank you everyone for your marvellous words of support. I totally agree with kittycat40. Sometimes I'll eat crazy stuff just to show how good my relationship with food is o_o
When I went to a gym about 2 years ago, my BF% was something like 25. I don't think I have a bad diet, I hardly eat processed food and vegetables are my one true love, it's just sometimes I eat too much of the right stuff... or some home-made treats. I also have a real -thing- for natural, real food. I can't bring myself to eat low-fat dairy products. Especially since I found a brand of milk made locally and not homogenized.... to die for! I truly believe in the value of not messing with food the way nature intended it. The point of that was that I'm not particularly unhealthy in my food selection and I pass doctors check-ups with flying colours, but my relationship with food definitely has some room for improvement.
And I think that if finding some inner peace is not a reason for cleaning up my act with food and exercise, then not much else could inspire some change in me.
Oh wow, if you're vain, I am..well, very vain, I guess.
My BMI is 22.something (22.2 I believe), no one wants me to lose weight. I do. You really arn't alone.
If its any help, I don't have an issue with politely refusing any food I don't want to eat that I deem "unacceptable" (that definition changes a lot) and after a while you don't either.
And as you say, it isn't just about the numbers. You are saying "I don't want the yukky feeling that comes after eating a load of fatty/sugary rubbish", not "I'm better than you!!! ahahahahaha".
I feel ridiculously vain
How do you feel? What do you want? Maybe you don't even know yet whether you want to lose more, that's OK. As long as you're not gaining you have time to figure it out.
... I think you are doing «ridiculously» 
...
