Hi All,

I've really come to the conclusion that I see myself much bigger that others see me or that others lie to be kind. I was at the gym with my wonderful boyfriend last night and I said as this girl was close by "I think I'm about the same size as her", my boyfriend proceeded to tell me that I was much smaller than the girl I had mentioned. I told him "thank you" but I really thought he was delusional. The he pointed out a girl and said "You're pretty much the same size as that girl over there", the girl he had pointed out is actually someone I have seen in the gym many times and thought to myself- whoah, she has a great body so then I told my boyfriend that I thought this girl was at least 15 lbs slimmer than I was. I guess I have problems trusting what he and some others say since when I was at 199 lbs they told me I wasn't fat and that I looked great. My boyfriend told me that back when I was pushing 200 lbs that he didn't see how overweight I was (he realises now from me showing him before pictures), he thought I was still beautiful which is incredibly sweet, I know I have a real keeper there but, it's just hard to take him serious now as far as telling me I look great because I know at 199 lbs I looked hideous!

I remember when was 115 lbs and I used to think I was fat. Now I look back at pictures from those days and kick myself, I looked slim, toned and overall pretty darn good.

I just worry that I'll never be happy with my body, that I'll always see myself as fat, does it ever end? Is it a girl thing, never being satisfied with your body? It seems that no matter what we change we always find some other problem area- I've seen this through girlfriends and myself

Does anyone else feel this way or am I out of my mind?

This is an interesting thread along the same lines.

http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/showthread.php?t=147926

Oh no, you are not the only one!

Woops, sorry! I never realised there was another thread similar. I don't know how to delete this thread that I started. Anyway, I'll just post over there.

Thanks for the link!

Boyfriends never see the difference...I remember the last time I was at 117 pounds all my friends were telling me my changes, thinner arms, baggy clothes...but my boyfriend used to tell me I look great at any weigh.
Another thing that happens to me is that I can notice those mirrors that makes you look thinner, and they are always at some stores.So I never get to Know how I really look, and itīs true that some people try to be nice and when you refuse ice cream(which I love!) they say things like:Oh, please, you donīt need to do that, you look fine!
I hope there is a day when i believe in what I see in the mirror or what people say.

My husband has been telling me that I'm fine the way I am. And he's not sure what the difference is I'm complaining about. He's been saying this for years. Then recently he saw some old photographs and he was suprised at how thin I was. So, maybe in some sense love is blind.

But to start changing how you think of yourself has to come from you and not other's perception. There will always be someone elses perception. You need to start trusting you. I don't look in the mirror. I think of myself to be kinda ugly. You know that song... "If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife. From my personal point of view, pick an ugly girl to marry you." Oh laugh, it's a silly song and meant to be a joke. Back in the 60's maybe. But, I always took it as my song and knew that one day someone would marry me cause I could cook...lol derranged and silly I know.

But it's true I hate the way I look so you can imagine how I feel about myself. I totally dislike mirrors. Lately, I've been looking at myself in the mirror in not a disgusted way. But just to look at me. See the things I'd like to change. So, I say I'll work on my thighs and waist. Then when I've lost a little I see how my body has changed. I also do meditation where the focus is that I'm a beautiful person inside and out.

The results, I no longer am as hard on myself as I use to be. And I think I'm cute now.

I wonder what others have done to help change the way they think.
off to check out that thread.

**oh I wanted to add. i still have a lot of work when it comes to how I think about me. But, it's a little start. There are still bad days.

This is true... The other day, I was waiting at the pick up location at Sears for a lawn mower we had just purchased. While me DH was bringing the truck around, I looked up and saw that there was a security monitor which recorded where we were from the back. When I first noticed it, I honestly didn't recognize myself! My first thought was "That girl has a haircut like mine." I didn't have a clue that I looked that small. It was really unbelievable. I guess I tend to still think of myself as the fat girl.

LOL That used to be my theme song, self selected, when I was a teen. I figured I can cook, I can take care of someone, they wouldn't have to worry about me cheating since nobody would want to, I would be a good catch for someone. Sadly, this was my thinking after weighing 199 in high school and dropping to 135 in the span of about 4 months from starving myself. And even then, I thought I was too fat and hated who I was. I still have this mentality, though I'm not going to the extremes I did while in high school. I don't want my kids to ever feel the way about themselves the way I do about myself. I held on to a lousy marraige for 3 years longer than I should have before I got away, simply because I didn't want to be alone forever. Nobody would want me.

Will I still feel this way when I lose the weight slowly and allow myself to build confidance? I guess I'm not sure. But sadly, right now, I'm concerned I will always see myself as the fat, ugly girl.
You are definately not alone in this

Yep, when I look in the mirror I really can't see that much difference between now and 200 lbs. But, I found it really helps that I had kept a whole bunch of clothes that I had *outgrown* but am now wearing. I can remind myself that I'm sitting here wearing a rather roomy blouse that 6 months ago I couldn't even get the buttons anywhere near the button holes, much less fastened .

This does help a little. I have a size 14 pair of jeans that literally fall off me now (now I'm a size 6, going on 4) and I will keep them forever but, make sure to never have them fit well on me

Thats a neat story. Occasionally I will glance at myself and think I look pretty good but, most of the time I focus on the negative areas. I need to think more positively about myself, inside and out. I'm just not sure where to begin.....maybe I should go see if there are any good books at the bookstore that could help me with my thinking better.

The "old" head usually takes a long time to catch up to the "new" body. And if you lose the weight at the glacial pace I did (17 lbs in 1 1/2 years) it's hard to notice a change.

In my case maybe being older has helped. I appreciate small changes. Going from size 10 "mom" jeans to size 8 low rise was a super boost! So was wearing a mini dress and being looked at by other men (my DH says other men are always checking me out and I'm sooo oblivious).

And maybe there are other things in your life that haven't changed with the weight loss and those are what you're really dissatified with? Change usually spreads throughout the rest of our lives after the initial change of our bodies.
It can be frightening and exhilirating at the same time. Sometimes our heads just don't want to go there.

Dagmar