So, how's this for holding myself accountable. I'm going to confess to everyone my dirty little secret. I tend to have a bit of a binging habit. I held it at bay for several months while trying to get my weight down but now that I'm close to goal, it's back. That's why my weight isn't going down anymore. I feel like such a fraud, my ticker weight hasn't even been accurate in about a month. Sigh. I refuse to move my ticker UP though.

So. Anyone curious about the sheer amount of food I'm capable of shoving into my tiny 5ft frame? It started first thing this am with about 10" of a foot long subway sub left over from last night...and no, not the low fat kind. I followed that off with about 3 tacos, also left over from last night. Two pieces of raisin bread with butter. Then I was full so I took a break. Later came back and ate blueberry flavored apple sauce, most of a large container of yogurt, a 100 cal pack of thinsations, and something else but I forgot what. Next was the ice cream. I had two drumsticks and a HUGE bowl of vanilla ice cream. I just finished eating a large freezie. My stomach is hugely bloated and I feel like crap.

Thank goodness I'm at least staying active...though today I didn't do anything but eat. *sigh* Why am I like this?

Wow, I am glad to know that I am not alone. The more I realize I must get this weight off the more I find to eat in the kitchen. I don't even want to write down how much I have shoved into my mouth today. I had lost 5 pound and almost three inches. I gained 6 and 2 inches back in the last week. I am miserable and alone and I miss my husband more than I can even admit too.

Beh what are we to do?

You're not alone. And you are really brave for posting this.

I too have had my moments with an entire litre carton of ice cream, followed by a chocolate cake (not a slice - a CAKE), and this was after eating a healthy dinner. Then, later in the festivities there were potato chips, peanut butter, etc. etc. I felt like barf for days afterwards but it kept happening.

Are you scared of succeeding? I seem to get really close to my goal and then go off on one of these food benders. That guarantees that I will not reach my goal in the time I specified.

And it's a whole lot easier being fat right? No counting, weighing, denying oneself while the DH gobbles, etc.

Motivation and the psychology of dieting are really weird. We all want to be thin, right? Then why do we keep repeating these patterns?

I DON'T KNOW. But you're not alone. I find this group really helps when I'm getting ready to go off plan. If nothing else the typing keeps me busy for awhile and sometimes the mood to eat passes. And the women in all of the groups on this site are very smart, motivated, getting fit and healthy people and they all inspire me.

Dagmar

Dagmar,

I think you've hit the nail on the head - we're scared to succeed....so many times isn't it just easier to fail? It's what people expect anyway - but y'all are making great progress, don't let food get in your way!

One day at a time.

C.

I binge too... I think everyone does. I noticed that I do it when my brain is going crazy and I can't focus on one thing. I've been trying to seek alternatives, like running on the elliptical to clear my mind, which usually gets rid of the need to binge. The trigger and the solution are different for everyone though....
But don't think that you are alone with this struggle. You've done a great job so far... don't get discouraged!

Self-sabotage is a tricky thing. I can be triggered by seeing the scale go down or by the most off-hand comment.

In August, I was about six pounds from new goal, when my mom told me that I shouldn't lose too much more weight or else my face will become too sharp--(masculine).



What made it worse is that my mom is very supportive of me. So suddenly, I began doubting myself, wondering if everyone thought I was getting too manly, but no one would tell me, etc.

Mid- to the end of August was a blur of garbage food and stuffing myself. What kept me going though was continuing to exercise even if I was eating poorly. Somehow I knew that if I tried to do it by diet alone, I'd slip back into bad habits.

Now, I'm a pound from where I was pre-tailspin. Good luck you can do this!

I also struggle with this, but please know you are not alone. You know, I've gone to a few OA meetings, and it was freeing to see other people talking about it, struggling, and learning to manage and overcome binging. This is not a shameful thing, not a healthy one, but you wouldn't believe how common it is.

Never quit believing in yourself.

Do you want to know my dirty secret?? I went hog wild off plan for 4 days last week and gained 3 lbs. BUT, I am going to succeed because I've already hopped back up on that horse. And you can too.

Everyone is saying it! Self sabotage...afraid of success. When I do start to succeed, I freak out with joy and stress and eat. I've been doing so much better lately. So much soul searching, though, it hurts!!! I've been writing down every single thing I eat (fitday)... since early July. It has been a revelation. I wish there were an easy answer! But, I feel your pain so deeply! Today I was picking up my husband a fish sandwich from McDonalds and I started literally crying when I realized I was not going to get me a fry. Crying for joy! I was so relieved! I did end up getting a yogurt parfait for 130 calories (no granola) and was tickled all shades of pink. You are not alone!! This is something we must all figure out for ourselves, even if it's trial and error. But I DO know ONE thing, even if I know nothing else: We MUST believe there is a solution and not give up. This, I know. Thank you for being so vulnerable and real in this post. You are my favorite post-er, simply for that awesome vulnerability. xoxox

Hey Gold,

You are not alone. I was 7lbs away from my goal and sobatagged myself. I slacked off on my training and started sneaking in things I knew I had no business eating. I remember at one point I waited for my husband to leave the house and then I went to taco bell for natchos and a buritto. To top that off I also had an apple empenada. Before I knew it this stuff became a regular thing and then one day I turned around and I was 23lbs away from my goal instead of 7. I was miserable. All my clothes were too tight, even my new fat clothes. Oh yeah, let's keep in mind that I threw away all my real fat clothes. So here's what I did I took accountability for my actions and got back on the ball. I am now down 5 lbs and back on track. I still have days when I really just want to let it all go. It's like Dagmar said it's so much easier to be fat than thin and healthy. I mean who wants to eat an apple when they can have apple pie. Who wants to eat unsalted nuts when they can have sweet and salty trail mix. Alas, we can never give up. You will never be where you want to be if you give up. We have to always remember the difference between who we are today and the person we want to be are the choices we make. So the next time your eating ask yourself if this is going to get you where you want to be or will this hamper your progress? If you eat examine why you ate it and what you are going to do to counteract it. It will take a lot of POSITIVE self discussion. Be good to the person you are. She doesn't deserve any negative talk. You have worked really hard to get where you are don't stop now. Check out my little slogan on the bottom. The winner of the race is not always the swift one but the one who keeps running. So you may not win the race but if you don't keep running you won't finish either.

OMG, does this post hit home!!! I always seem to sabotage myself, and I think it's exactly that I am afraid to succeed. I don't know that I've ever looked at it that way, but I can certainly think of a number of reasons that I won't go into here. Well, I am going to face them head on and win, dammit, and so can you. Hang in there, keep journaling, and keep the prize in mind. You are worth it!

FIRST OF ALL,
I see a lot of progress being made by the women on this thread and I want to say, AWESOME!!!!!!
That is why I love this site, becuase we can be honest. Yes, it sucks to binge and gain. Last night I had 2 pcs of lasagna. Did I really need the 2nd pc, ummmmmmmmm NO.
Today, I am craving sugar like no other day. This is horrible. I went and read the labels on my cookies and rice pudding and just put them back in the fridge. I don't want to start of my day like that. I will save that for a day when I have done really good, as a treat.
It is great to hear from other short women too.
I just feel like little circle sometimes!
Going for the Gold- you have come a long way, just brush yourself off and continue on.

Hi Gold,

I think that admitting that this is an issue that you struggle with is a huge step in the right direction. I struggle with binge eating too...especially if I've been doing well for a while. I just shove everything sweet and salty in reach into my mouth. Sometimes I even plan it. And like a lot of you, I wait until BF is out of the house, because I feel like if he doesn't see my stuffing my face, then it isn't true! Its tough....but don't forget you have all of us here to talk to. We understand.

We went out to dinner last night with relatives. Not going into specifics (for my DH's privacy) but I always feel depressed after seeing his family members who are a really NICE bunch of really, really unhealthy people. I much prefer their company to that of my own "snooty" relatives.

So I suggested we see the dessert menu after dinner , which had a lot of good vegetarian and salad choices which I made.

I had the "Milky Way cake" which turned out to be a large slice of really sugary icing with a bit of cake inside with tiny choc chips on the outside, sitting in the "presentation" puddle of Hershey's syrup and icing sugar dust. Of course I had to eat the whole mess 'cause it cost $6 and DH was picking up the tab. Not his fault though, not at all.

We stopped at the grocery store on the way home, at my suggestion, but instead of the 2 litres of candy ice cream we got Skinny Cow . I only had one. Then we split a small bag of Lindt chocolate pumpkins. And I already felt so sick I just had to stop. And from about 3 a.m. onward I couldn't sleep because I had the most upset stomach .

My body is just basically saying "NO MORE" and I'm going to try to start listening before the cake goes in my mouth. Like rslwchic says

"It will take a lot of POSITIVE self discussion".

Dagmar

Ok, been feeling waaay too fat and embarassed about binging to post...but you dragged me into it. Been going to bed every night with a tummy so full it hurts to move. The control just somehow got away from me and i have been eating in planned binges.

Until last night, that is.

Last night i saw a documentary on the National Geographic channel ( 2 actually ) that changed things for me. One was called The Truth About Food, and the other was Inside The Living Body. As of today, i have new information about what all this food is really doing to my body, and am making a change for the better.

i just changed my ticker weight cause i have'nt been on the scale in a month and i knew i'd cry when i saw the numbers. Time to take charge of my life...today.

I can totally relate to what everyone is saying in this thread. I am so glad I am not the only one!

I think one problem I have is that I am getting complacent. I lost 21 lbs and I look better than I did this Feb when I started. I get a lot of compliments from people about my weight loss. All this makes me feel - I get this thing, I do not have to work too hard at it etc. etc. which is a slippery slope to gaining it all back

The other aspect is that I just want it to be over so I do not have to worry about it all the time. The reality I know that I have to work on this my whole life and it will not end when I hit my goal weight. I just have to get my mind to accept it!

Since everyone is confessing, I went to an Indian Lunch Buffet and stuffed my face like there was no tomorrow. We go there often, it is not like I will never eat anything like it again, so why did I have to eat every single thing on the menu and 2 servings of a few dishes?