With apologies to Aqua Men can be such dolts!

My DH (that's D for dumb) was snuggling with me last night and murmured the following words into my ear
"I don't want you to lose any more weight. I want you to be round so that no other man will look at you and I will get to keep you by default"

WHACK! My first reaction was to haul off and hit him upside of his big fat head!

Instead I sweetly suggested that he might instead consider losing weight himself which would reignite the physical passion I had for him when I first met him.

ARRRRGGHH! Dieting is tough enough without this stupid stuff!

Thanks for letting me vent - all done now

Dagmar

Dagmar, just MY two cent's worth of wisdom: Your DH's comment is NOT doltish, it's freaking dysfunctionally possessive. He'd rather you be something you're not comfortable with just so HE won't have to work too hard to keep you?


This is NOT optimum in a relationship. But I guess you already know that. My strong reaction is, I guess, because my first husband thought the same way. I can really empathize.

Good luck, honey.

Z

First of all, he called you " round " at 140 pounds? Sweetie, that is NOT round, and he deserves an extra smack just for saying that. In any case, sounds like someone is getting a bit insecure. Maybe he's looking at himself and seeing that he's not exactly in great shape anymore, and if you are getting thinner and healthier and are gaining more confidence, maybe he's just the tiniest bit scared you might look at him sometime down the road and feel you can do better. Yes, he said it in a joking way, but the meaning behind it was real enough, and it wasn't about you, it was about him and his own insecurities. Don't let his comments stop you from the plan you've been sticking to; you're doing so good. Maybe as time goes on he might just need a little more reassurance that you can be thin and gorgeous, and not run off looking for Adonis.

Men ... poor simple creatures! Gotta love 'em. Honey, they just don't think like we do ... heck most of the time they just don't think.

The problem IMHO is not what he said but what he meant and how you percieved it. Clarify ...

"My dearest doltish husband, do you think I only stay with you because I have nowhere else to go?"

"Sorry, you unfortunate thing ... yer stuck with me through thick and thin."

"I simply want to be the best me I can be. That would be the me that's married to you. I think you'll like it too."

"Honey women don't improve themselves for someone else. We do it because we want to feel good about ourselves."

"What's so horrible about you that I'd want to move on just because I've changed a bit on the outside? Sumpthin' wrong, sweetie?"

Haha, after being called out on the first sentence on this thread, how can I NOT put in my two cents? But honestly, I agree in general that men often don't think before they speak -- my dad acted the same way when I told him I'm giving away/donating/dumping my pants/jeans that are 5" too large in the waist:

"You better save them, once you're off this crazy diet you may get fat again."

Gee, thanks for the encouragment--I've only been this "crazy" for the last 14 months.

That's a good example Aqua ... your Dad probably wasn't think about you at all, just the practicality of saving perfectly good reuseable pants!

Round? At 140. Looking at your stats your the same weight and height as me. Could you slap him once for me? Good luck to you, and don't let his comment stop you from reaching your goal.

I have news for him, no matter how "round" you are, there will always be men who will look at you with appreciation. At 140 lbs, even at 5'4" there are plenty of sweet, attractive, funny, some even wealthy men who would consider your body perfect, and some might even think you're not round enough.

My husband and I are both very obese, and he has admitted that he's afraid if I lose weight that I will leave him. As it is, he often says that I am way too good for him, and seems to think I have a flock of admirers waiting in the wings. I hate that he's so insecure, though it does keep him on his toes romantically, I have to admit.

And his fear of losing me while not realistic, it's not ouside the realm of possibility. I mean not a REAL possibility, as I'd never leave him just because I got a "better offer," but it isn't so far fetched that it couldn't under extreme circumstances. He knows that I would never be so desperate that I would accept mistreatment because I had no where else to go. I'd rather be alone than be treated disrespectfully - and I wouldn't have to be alone if I didn't want to be.

If there's one thing I learned being a very fat woman, is that sometimes the pickings are slim, but there are always men to pick from.

Wow, I'd have divorced him...he clearly doesnt really treat you respectfully, nor thinks you are that attractive,NOR supports you!

Maddening? seriouly upsetting IMHO

emily
xxx

Isn't it weird how it's always the "crazy diet"? My dad used to say that to me all the time when I was younger. Of course some of the diets I tried were just that - CRAZY!

Good for you for giving the pants away. I kept a bunch of "clothes that I might need if I get fat again" and I did gain weight. It's negative motivation and none of us need that. You're doing so well though I think the pants won't matter one way or another

Dagmar

I've been away at a dog sit since Friday. Stopped in to visit my kitties today and no dishes have been done since I left. How on earth can my DH live like that?

My quirk - I can't stand to leave dishes overnight. At least he's attending to the kitties.

Thanks for letting me vent - all done now

heehee...oh dear. Sounds familiar

Yep, very familiar

Dagmar~so. Did you do the dishes while you visited your kitties or did you leave them in hopes that your DH will do them by the time you come back home?

I would have fumed! I would have left the mess (and probably wouldn't get much sleep because I'd still be fuming)! AND if I had returned to the mess on my prescribed return day I would probably throw a hissy-fit until he cleaned up the mess!!!!

That would be me too ...