Morning- ish all. dd's cough is awful so no preschool or gym today. Doctor instead. sigh

Getting a little nervous about meeting my mom's day goal...this one might be close.

Been doing my planning and after mom's day I'll have my birthday goal --I was hoping to be at initial goal (since I dont really know what my goal should be) by my birthday, but I dont think that is realistic at this point. I think I have left "pound a week" land far behind. And then 4th of July goal, and then no matter where I am I will be in maintenance until after my marathon. I learned that lesson already...dont try to lose when the mileage gets high. Something usually gives and its usually your energy.

I felt it even a bit today, I went over yesterday because I was just ravenously hungry and this morning's run was a piece of cake. So much more energy despite lack of sleep. Usually by ~3 miles I am starving.

OMG this was so my dad and me. Hugs it is the hardest thing. You feel guilty for resenting having to take care of him, but at the same time....that dredges up all the old stuff.

My dad had a heart "issue" when my 1st child was 4 months old. I hadnt seen him for ~8 years before that and probably only once or twice in the previous 5 years. He was not able to care for himself anymore so we moved him out to Oregon to an assisted living facility and it was really hard. He wanted me to wait on him hand and foot and spend all day with him every day. He got mad everytime I made him take the assisted living transportation for shopping or doctors appointments. He got mad everytime I left because dd needed her nap desperately. He got mad if we didnt have him over for dinner every night (and he HAD to eat at 5 pm for his medication and dh didnt get home until 6:30) and he got mad if we didnt let him stay over night when we did have him over (tried that ONCE - dd was still getting up every 3 hours, it turns out so was my dad and he wanted me to sit with him until he fell back to sleep each time.)

I finally got some spine after dd stopped gaining weight from the stress - poor thing was being strapped in a carseat all day long shuttling him from doctor to doctor to errand.

But I never got over the guilt OR the resentment. I think (hope) it would have been different if we had any kind of relationship before that. But just coming in after years of nothing preceded by some borderline abusive years.

Anyway...that was a long ugly post...just to say I really understand how stressful it is when there is also relationship issues.

I think I'm starting to see the light on this illness. Feeling better this morning and I'm sure I'll feel even better this afternoon. Well enough that I'm not going to cancel tomorrow's personal training session (I've cancelled the last two). The good news is that my eating has been right on track, even at the lower calorie number, so I shouldn't have gained and might even still have lost. Hopefully I can keep it up.

Mudpie and Ennay, we have the same problem with my SO's mother. He is her only child and she is the most self-absorbed person I've ever met. She's also a hypochondriac and her most favorite thing to do in the world is to talk about how miserable her life is. Luckily she is not yet at the point where she needs to be in an assisted living facility (she's only 70, still working part-time, and actually in great health, despite what she would have us believe, so that's a long ways away). But she was always calling here with one imagined crisis or another and getting horribly upset at the smallest imagined slight. My SO pretty much refuses to talk to her on the phone anymore, he'll only talk to her via email, and we only see her once a twice a year. We got caller ID just so we could answer our phone again without fearing that it might be her calling (for a long time we screened all our calls with the answering machine). Because my SO just doesn't respond to her manipulation, it took a long time but she's gotten tired of trying it and now doesn't seem to want much to do with us. That's fine with us. We both got over the guilt thing a long time ago, but the resentment is another story (she's not even my mother and the resentment I feel is pretty strong).

It's also really hard when there's not a larger support system, which I guess is part of the problem with being an only child. If my Dad gets sick, he has my step-mom, my sister, her husband, his stepkids, me, and a large extended network of family and friends that would step in to help take care of him. All those people help distribute the burden. When my SO's mom gets sick, it's just he and I. Unfortunately, she is so self-absorbed that she's alienated all her friends and there are none left to help out when she is sick.

Dawnslight, I hope your Dad is recovering well from his surgery.

SusanB, I'm not sure what all you're having done but I hope all the dental work goes well. I hate having people stick their fingers in my mouth, not to mention all that equipment!

They told me to bring my MP3 next time. There's one item that makes a horrendous noise. Send shivers up my spine.
They're filling a few little cavities and replacing some old ones. I mean old ... I think I have a couple that are about 40 y. o.

I salute those taking care of aged parents/relatives, especially when they aren't exactly showing appreciation for all your hard work. Hope you can find small ways to take care of yourself during the ongoing stress.

I've had a weird 48 hours or so regarding my weight. It seems to have become somewhat of a local issue and I just want to be left alone now!

To understand what I'm about to write my "workplace" consists of one of primarily 3 different places depending on where I've been sent on any given day. I consequently have three different sets of colleagues, well, sort of.

So there was the incident with the on Tuesday at main work place with most regular colleagues. Yesterday I go to place 2. Bad news. Felt so deflated by Tuesday (despite you guys) that I raided the oveflowing chocolate tin at this place. I'm afraid I did a lot of damage there. That tin's always full because one of the women's husbands works for Cadburys chocolate and I'm not a dainty picker. We're talking bars not individual chocs. On the upside, at the end of the day (after the damage unfortunately) ran into two people who I hadn't seen in a while and both asked if I've lost weight. Yay. Felt foolish about the chocolate then.

Today I go to work place 3 and am e-mailed by friend at main work place that there's war there about what said on Tuesday and she's being villified for it. However, this has apparently exploded into a work wide dissection of my body and who thinks what etc.... LEAVE ME ALONE. I just want to shrink back into the shadows ths is horrible. It's enough to drive a girl back to the chocolate tin.

Doughnut--bless your heart; the office fodder will fade, you just have to outlast it. Good luck to you...

I had a weird yesterday too, but in a different way. For the past umm..11 days or so I've been pretty restrictive about refined carbs & I expected to be withdrawing worse than I was. That part is good, no withdrawals.

I've been eating egg white & veggie omelets, yogurt w/blueberries, or oatmeal & fruit for breakfasts. Well, yesterday for breakfast I re-introduced myself to Cheerios. Well, yesterday I was fighting cravings LIKE CRAZY for the first time since the restriction began! I mean it was a struggle to get through the day without a major binge! I just wanted basically anything processed. I was relieved at bedtime that I could just end the day & start fresh today. I can't believe I got thru the day w/out giving in.

So today I had my egg-white omelet w/veggies at breakfast & at 4 pm--still no crazy cravings...related? I'm thinking so, what are your thoughts?

Surprisingly finding myself anti-cheerio...

[QUOTE
So today I had my egg-white omelet w/veggies at breakfast & at 4 pm--still no crazy cravings...related? I'm thinking so, what are your thoughts?

Surprisingly finding myself anti-cheerio...[/QUOTE]

I find this too. If I eat no sugar for a week and then have a couple of candies I suddenly have to eat the whole bag. Ditto chocolates & cookies.

BluetoBlue and ennay - your parents make my dad seem a whole lot less demanding. He's fine by the way, just as I knew he would be without my jumping in to help him.

doughnut Just imagine the with her face in the chocs tin

SusanB Hope the MP3 player works.

Starting tomorrow I am away from my computer for 16 days but I'm hoping to have access to one at my clients' house. Hope to stay up-to-date with all of you. Have a great rest of the week!

Dagmar

It would be interesting to be a fly on the wall to see how the acts the next time you work in that office!!! No way could she (and the others) not think that some of the talk would get back to you. I'll be impressed if she apologizes.

Gah, what a day! I've been so busy today and now I've got only a few minutes before I have to leave for a meeting. While I like being busy, I'm finding that I don't know diddly squat about Excel to get some of my work done. Sure I can do all the basics, but there are some things that just stump me (like linking workbooks?!?!). Anyway, I just had a snack that will hopefully get me through for several hours and then I have some leftover veggies to reheat when I get home......depending on how the meeting goes will determine whether or not I drink that last glass of Cabernet on my counter......it's my last bottle......can I make it????

I have been an eating machine today

sigh

off to log it in fitday...I have the sneaking suspicion I am already at my "limit" before dinner hour

Dawnslight- hoping everything went smoothly.

Ennay and Mudpie- I salute you, sounds like it's very difficult.

Doughnut- Obviously, secretly everyone at work is hot for you. Get used to it, your only getting thinner and buffer. Work that booty baby but don't distract them to much.

SusanB- I recently had some old aluminum (sp) fillings replaced, it was uncomfortable but pretty painless. good luck!

Allison- Hope things slow down a little for you.

Well, what a day! We had a case of gastro running through the daycare, it was all about screaming babies, runny poo and projectile vomit. YAY! You think that would be enough to ruin my appetite, but oh no, I had a small quiche, potato salad, pasta and a peanutbutter and banana sandwich (love em!). To make things worse, I got home and SO went shopping, to give you a small idea of the horror that is living in my fridge, I will only list of one category of food that he bought. CHEESE. There is 3 year old cheddar, gouda, gruyere, swiss, jalsburg(sp) and a small wheel of brie. I just had to go with a French man. That is just the tip of the iceburg. So that's my day.

So, I have lost over 10lbs, I can see a difference, but I'm still really down on myself. I am so dissatisfied with my body and yet I haven't been this size in a long time. I'm not sure how to deal except lose more weight, but I feel that my attitude is becoming unhealthy, at 10lbs lighter, shouldn't I be a little more proud and positive about myself? Does anyone know where I am coming from????????

Well, tomorrow is another day. Fruit for breakfast, salad and yogurt for lunch and not sure what I will have for dinner, but I'M GOING TO THINK ABOUT IT FIRST!

DANA

In a word...yes.

I think loosing weight can make you feel fatter because your actually paying attention. Just remember when your feeling bad that it is that feeling of discomfort that is getting you to do something about it.

Self examination is really hard. We are our own harshest critics. But it is for the good. You know this. If you showed us pictures we would all say you look great and are doing awesome. Try to keep that voice in your head too.

Well this is what I say to myself when I am feeling this way...

Which I have been...

Alot lately...

Bravo on the 10lb mark by the way.

OMG all of that talk about dificult parents and inlaws. Gosh its hard when parents get sick. And when they're ornary its even worse. Hugs to you all.

Mamajones, it's funny you should mention the cheerios and cravings...We have these chocolate covered espresso beans around the house and for the last few weeks, I've been eating a small handful (anywhere for 4 to 10) per day. I was starting my day with 2 of them (the idea was to limit myself to those two, but that never seemed to happen ). And I was having all sorts of cravings. This week, I finally decided enough with the chocolate cover espresso beans and I haven't had nearly as many cravings. Of course, there are other factors at play that could be impacting my appetite--finishing up TOM, I'm sick, and I haven't exercising, but it does make me wonder about those beans....

Sodiumlightbaby, I know exactly what you mean. When I weighed my highest, I thought I would be thrilled to get down to 135 and the big surprise when I got there was that it wasn't enough! My SO also buys sorts of food that is off limits for me (actually, I do all the shopping, so the worst part is that I buy it for him) and I have just had to learn not to eat it. His food is his and I don't touch it. I just don't consider it something I'm allowed to eat; it's like it doesn't exist for me. Except sometimes I make him give me a bite off his plate, but he's pretty territorial so that's safe; he's not going to give me more than a bite. Sometimes he's even grudging about that, until I remind him that I don't have to buy this stuff for him.

Doughnut, honestly, people are so insensitive! You are doing great and I'm sure you look great; ignore them. They are all a bunch of insensitve .

Mudpie, that's exactly the way it is with my SO's mom. It's always some crisis, we refuse to help, and then she ends up being fine.

SusanB, I hate having cavities filled! It's just the sound of the drill and having to hold my mouth open for a long time. Sorry you have to go through this and hopefully it will all be over soon.