Torture! - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community


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Old 03-20-2007, 09:08 AM   #1  
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Hi everyone!

I just wanted to share my little experience with you guys, to get it off my chest.

I live in the UK and on Sunday it was Mother's Day, so I invited my mum round, and my boyfriend and I spent 4 hours cooking her a fantastic meal.

Anyhow, I have one of those mothers who is overweight herself, yet thinks she's fine for her age, and spends her time telling me how fat and overweight I am. I know I'm nowhere near as thin as I used to be (or as thin as she was when she was around my age, I keep being told) but that it no excuse for what happened. Basically, at several points during the day, she started grabbing and poking at my love handles and saying "What's all this?" "Ha ha!" The worse thing is, my darling boyfriend joined in the grabbing! AT THE SAME TIME!!! I hadn't realised I had quite so much fat to go round!!!!

Then when I get upset, I get accused of having no sense of humour!!!!

Basically, it was torture! And it keeps coming back to me in flashbacks!

It doesn't help that both my boyfriend and my brother (who was also there) are tall and toned. The ironic thing is that I basically look exactly like my mum, just 30lbs lighter! But you really can't call your mother a cow , especially on Mother's Day!
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Old 03-20-2007, 09:38 AM   #2  
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OMG that's really horrid of them.

You could try doing it to her AND your bf next time and see how they like it
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Old 03-20-2007, 09:40 AM   #3  
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Wow. They should never have treated you like that... how insensitive! If my mom were that critical, especially in front of people, I would have a talk with here later. Are you thinking about doing that? Maybe you just need to tell her that you are aware of what your body looks like and that it's very hurtful for her to mock you in that way. It really sounds like she was totally insensitive to your feelings and even got a cheap laugh at your expense. Why do people think teasing someone mercilessly is MOTIVATING??? It's NOT.

By the way, is your signature correct??!!! I just noticed it, and it says you weigh 126 lbs.! That is darn right TINY. Is she trying to make you anorexic or something? Not sure what your height is, but that just is cruel (actually it is cruel no matter what your weight).

Hang in there, and try to have a heart to heart talk with her, letting her know how it made you feel when you can.
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Old 03-20-2007, 11:30 AM   #4  
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Oh my goodness! Ok, I am 5'4" and as of yesterday, I weighed 126.5 pounds (my ticker's not accurate). I have body issues just like everyone else, but I can say with all honesty that I look pretty good. Everyone has different proportions, but I'm sure you look great. I've researched the statistics and the average woman is 5'4" and weighs 140 pounds; you should tell THAT to your mother.

Please take their comments with less than a grain of salt. You are slimmer than the average woman and your goals is healthy (same as mine). Whatever you do, please don't let them make you think you need to be any smaller. I am really really apalled that you have to be subjected to this treatment. Stay strong.
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Old 03-20-2007, 03:07 PM   #5  
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OMG, I cannot even believe that your mother did that to you and that your boyfriend joined in. How terrible. Also, how completely ridiculous. I am shorter than you and at 126 lbs, no one would have suggested I needed to lose more weight. If it had been me, I swear, I would have done the same thing back to her. I have no compunctions about calling my family members cows if they start it. In fact, I had this very conversation with my overweight Dad when he started making comments about my step-sister putting on a few pounds (luckily he made his comments after she was gone).

It sounds to me like your mother is threatened by your weight loss. She is overweight and up until now, she felt fine about it, and the fact that you were also overweight helped her feel better about herself. Now that you have lost weight, she is probably starting to feel insecure about her own weight. I know that when I was at my highest weight, seeing someone else lose weight always made me depressed about my own weight (but I would never in a million years have done what your mother did). By pointing out your flaws, she is trying to reassure herself that her own weight is okay. She also probably can't believe that at your current weight you are as insecure about yourself as she is about herself, so she probably thought that it wouldn't bother you. I bet if you just one time grabbed her love handles in response to her grabbing yours, it would put a quick stop to this behavior.

Your boyfriend is another matter. Early in our relationship, my SO made comments about my weight and I made it very clear that this topic was off limits. I think you need to have a serious conversation with him about this. For me, comments about my weight are a deal-breaker. My SO is very sensitive about the fact that he is losing his hair, so I explained that I feel the same way about my weight. It helped him understand how his comments were making me feel.
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Old 03-20-2007, 04:06 PM   #6  
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OMG how vile are they?! If my mum was like I'd happily call her a no matter what the day of the week. Your boyfriend needs a talking to, your mother I'd ignore to be honest.
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Old 03-20-2007, 04:28 PM   #7  
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Don't mean to intrude here with all you "featherweights", but I'm home with the Flu, feeling a little better, and bored out of my mind, so I've been grazing around the site a bit in lieu of eating off-plan. YOU are not a COW, my dear. I AM A COW, and undoubtedly your dear mum is one as well. She's also feeling old and over the hill, but is too lazy to do anything about it. Hence, her need to poke fun at you, of course.
Your boyfriend is another matter entirely. Not terribly bright, is the bloke? Jumps in with "mum" thinking to get in her good graces by helping her put YOU down? SO vulgar! You might want to reconsider him as a candidate for anything long-term. Unless he's horribly rich, of course. Then you should just make him suffer for a while.
Please note that I am two teensy weensy inches taller than you and my GOAL WEIGHT (at which I look fantastic, trust me!) is 150 pounds. You are a small little girl. Don't let those two lunatics make you think anything different.
And there you have the two cent's worth of this bona fide bovine....

Ta!
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Old 03-20-2007, 04:38 PM   #8  
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Cammii thank goodness you can come here and rant about your ridicously insensitive mother. Don't let her taunts knock you off your weight loss goal.
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Old 03-20-2007, 04:53 PM   #9  
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Blue to Blue took the words right out of her mouth. Your mother's inexcusable behaviour says loads about her, and has nothing to do with you. You're only 126 pounds for Heaven's sake!! I'm an inch taller than you, and back in the days when I was 125 pounds, I actually had some friends tell me they thought I was looking a little too thin. As for boyfriend, he needs a slap upside the head. OK can't advocate violence, but a VERY serious reading of the riot act is in order.
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Old 03-20-2007, 04:56 PM   #10  
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What Barbabra (Blue to blue ) said. I have the opposite my mom is worried that I am losing too much weight and is on me abou that well until my diabetic aunt stood up and said I was doing it right and my goals were not unhealthy. You should speak to her about it. If it was me I would of called my mom on it right there but I can be a little too outspoken at times
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Old 03-20-2007, 07:29 PM   #11  
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Thanks guys for all your support!!! I'm laughing just reading through all the posts! My mother is mean like that. My family are the sort who think its perfectly acceptable to poke fun at other peoples flaws, and generally accept it when other people tease them. It's normal for them, and they can't understand why that gene missed me. I get called 'too sensitive' constantly.

I think you guys may be right about her being insecure. She comes across as an extremely confident woman. She's still really beautiful, but definitely bigger than she used to be. I dont know. I feel bad slagging off my mum. I don't think she means to be cruel. That's just the way she is.

As for the boyfriend: I've been with him for years. His defence is that he loves my body! He's already been told off. Not sure it'll make much difference though! He's not trying to impress my mum. She already loves him!

I'll be fine. But at the time the whole experience was mortifying!!!
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Old 03-21-2007, 09:01 AM   #12  
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ellabella - YOU are not a COW either... We're all guilty of negative talk sometimes so we must stop doing that...

Cammii - Your stats don't show that you are overweight at all... Talk to your family... Thank goodness we're here for you
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Old 03-21-2007, 10:17 AM   #13  
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But that's not teasing.

That's bullying.

Embarrassing taunts puntuated by physical poking/prodding. The victim later thinks of it as torture and has flashbacks.

You do your mother a favor anytime you tell her the truth about how unacceptable this sort of thing would be to ANYONE. If the behavior continues to future generations and doesn't stop, eventually she will either send some child or grandchild into therapy or alienate someone she loves and break her own heart. Then she will look around and wonder, "What happened"? That's just the way our family teases, right?" She deserves the truth.

ellabella makes a good point regarding your boyfriend. He ought to feel naturally protective toward you, and also be able to pick up on your emotions and recognize when you are upset. I have to wonder why he did neither at a moment that was really quite important. Saying that he likes your body, of course, is doing nothing more than any other man would do in a split second.

Bless your heart.

Iilene is right btw, ellabella!
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Old 03-21-2007, 12:04 PM   #14  
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Thanks for the support, Iilene & Whittlin - you are lovely people, indeed. I really am not talking to myself negatively, tho, or at least not in a DETRIMENTAL manner, I don't think. I NEED to be very realistic these days, because I have been guilty of paying no attention to my weight for a couple of very self-destructive years, now. And, when I HAVE had to buy bigger pants, for example, I've rationalized terribly by saying, "Oh, I just like my clothes loose and flowing". Right. A 2X is loose and flowing. A sz. 12 USED to be loose and flowing. That's a LOT of rationalizing, eh?
So, my (somewhat delayed) new year's resolution has been to "call a spade a spade" as they say, stop avoiding mirrors and MAKING A LIFESTYLE CHANGE that will get me back to the weight & shape that I'm most comfortable with. In the interim, however, like members of AA, I am stepping up and saying to the crowd, "My name is Ella, and I am a cow." (Sometimes you have to have fun with this stuff; otherwise it could drive you insane, eh?)

As for the boyfriend, I don't like him, Cammi . I know you've been with him a long time, but it sounds like a habit to me - one that it might benefit you to think about breaking. Whittlin made some awfully good points about having your significant other feel protective of you rather than being the first to jump in when you are being harrassed. And your mum WAS harrassing you; if it's a family tradition, no wonder you're so accepting of your BF's doing it as well. Ugh. If you were MY daughter (and I have three, all in their twenties) I would be giving the same advice, although I really don't have to because they are all married to men who worship the ground they walk on. (And that's what they EXPECT; I raised them to think very highly of themselves).

So, I'm sorry for being so blunt here, but you did throw out a complaint, and it's obviously raised a lot of discussion. AND, interfering old cow that I am, I say these things only with your best interests at heart. Honest.

Ella
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Old 03-21-2007, 07:46 PM   #15  
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I beg to differ here Ella this: "My name is Ella, and I am a cow." Is definitely negative self talk... Instead maybe you should say "My name is Ella, and I am a strong woman, healthy, fit and strong... Although on the side of being overweight I am proud for making lifestyle changes so I can live a long and healthy life..." Maybe it's a bit long winded but I think you get my drift...
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