Epiphany
Yesterday at work, I have come to an epiphany regarding weightloss and my own well being.
My life has been monopolized, hijacked even, by food. Thinking about what i will eat, what have I eaten, is it good, is it bad, can I have it, how many sit ups is it worth? I hate going out with friends, and being unable to eat a burger because I think it'll shatter my entire being if I do.
Really, what Kind of life is that? I'm not advocating eating whatever I damn well please whenever I want to, but I find that with almost any "diet" I'm curtailing something. WIth WW, I can have whatever I want, but like I"m going to use fifteen points to eat a cookie. But what if I really want the cookie?? Being thin is fine, but not at the expense of every other aspect of m y life. I look to the scale to dictate how I feel about myself. I am obsessed with food and being thin. I feel that this is dangerous, and it's not healthy at all. I've looked at pro ana websites and have started to relate to what they are saying.
Everyone says that they understand, and that we're all goign through the same thign here, but I really do not think so. Why woudl someone want to put themselves through this?
it's not "oh, I shouldnt' ahve eaten that taco salad," but rather. I suck. I have to rollerblade for an hour and do five hundred crunches and run and eat nothing but lettuce because I ate that salad. (gasps for breath)!
But now, I have decided to eat what I want, but keep in mind that apples are better than apple pie. If I want Apple pie, and nothing else will do, I will have a small bite/piece. Life is not worth restricting so much, nad not enjoying anything. If I keep my wits about me, and eat in moderation, I feel that I will be both happy and thin.
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Friday Chat - June 17th
