[stitchy626]

I am new here so I want to introduce myself. I am 22 from new Jersey. I have had a weight problem all my life. In highschool I weighed about 180 Lbs, and my senior year I lost alot of weight and got down to 132 Lbs. Since then ( 4 Years ) I gained a whole disgusting 100 Lbs. No matter what I do nothing works.. I even went to a dietician and that didn't even work. I eventually had to stop that since $90.00 every 2 weeks got to be too expensive. Especially with me just buying a house so money is tight( Moving in Dec.) . I feel that now I might have depression. I have felt like crap for some time now. They have some little tests you can take on web MD and it did say that I had Mild Depression. It also said how if not treated it could come back. So I think back. In HS I definatly think I had a problem. I wanted to kill myself, I would cut myself to make myself feel better and it was just a though time.
I don't think that way now, but I am always tired, I don't want to do anything. I just want to stay home. I hate everything. I get angry over the smallest things. I am just not happy. My boyfriend and I constantly fight. Mostly because I have an " attitude". I can't remember a damn thing, which I used to be good at, I have to force myself to go hang out with my friends, Now I don't know if that could be confused with stress. I mean over the last 4 years or so things just have gotten worse. My mom and dad split up, My mom is constantly calling me fat ( which I think I know that. I don't need someone telling me DUH! ) My grandfather just dies who I was very close to, still I don't think I have gotten over that ( Passed away in January of this year) My boyfriends mom goes to a psychiatrist and I have been thinking about calling, but I am too afraid. I don't know if I am being paranoid and there really is nothing wrong with me. I don't want to seem like an idiot. Oh... and another thing... this is a little embarrising, I don't want to "mess around" with my boyfriend. I just don;t have that "urge" you know. He just gets so mad at me, which in turn causes more problems. So, my questions is, could it be depression, or something else, or I am just making a big deal of nothing?? I figured what better place to ask, since some of you have expreience with this. S if someone can be kind enough to give me some insight, it would be great. Thanks in advance...

[nelie]

I've never posted to this forum but I hope you don't mind me responding

I dealt with my own depression for many years and my weight fed my depression as much as my depression fed my weight. It is quite possible you do have depression, it can appear in different forms. I've never actually seen a psychiatrist because when I was in really need of one, I was too paranoid to actually see one. It could be a step that would help you.

Don't let others influence you or make you miserable, we are usually pretty good about doing that to ourselves. I know it is hard to do but what has really helped me overcome my depression is to make a mentality switch. Even if you don't really believe it yourself, tell yourself that you are beautiful, you are worth making healthy changes in your life and you are happy. Now I know it may sound odd when you feel like crap about yourself to actually think positively, it helps trust me. I felt like crap about myself but until I started believe I was worth something, I wasn't able to make any progress.

[lynnie24]

Don't be scared to go see a doctor/therapist.They are there to help ya so use them.They won't judge ya and they always listen and help guide ya.I hope you do something soon because you sound like I did.

*hugs*
lynnie

[tmk620]

Stitchy,
Hello. I am not a doctor by any means, but I do suffer from depression (I did the whole cutting thing too). Personally, I think you should see a doctor or psychiatrist. I used to have the exact same fears as you about being paranoid and than I hit rock bottom. I don't want you to have to go through that! Just see a doctor. If you don't have depression there could be another reason for the tiredness.
Oh and you are not alone in the whole boyfriend dept. My husband and I did not get along for a couple of monthes because I always had an "attitude", too. Your boyfriend is probably trying to help you and just doesn't know how to word it. Maybe if you are comfortable with him speak openly on how you are feeling. Also the lack of sex drive is a normal response to both mental and physical problems, so don't think it is stupid.
Good luck in whatever you decide to do. Always remember you are special and not alone!
tmk

[stitchy626]

Hi. Thank you to those who responded. It is a little comforting to know that others have experienced what I am going through, or at least understand it. I think I will be calling the doctor since I once again feel like crap. You can't move forward if something keeps holding you back. So I will keep you posted. Thanks again!

[Leenie]

Hi Lady, and Welcome !! (Joisey chick's rock !! )

Ditto's to what the ladies already told you. The hardest thing to do is to make that first visit to the doctor. It took me YEARS and I'm sorry now that I waited. It gets so much better after you get everything off your chest. But!! remember this, if you do not feel good about the doctor you are seeing, SEEK ANOTHER. There are so many to choose from. Find one you are comfortable with.

Your post obviously tells us and you that you want help and that is a GOOD THING!!! it really is.

Nelie is right, don't listen to other people and don't let them drag you down in the dumps with them because thats what they are doing wether they know it or not. Get rid of all the negative in your life.

I don't think there is one of us who can say that they never felt like they didn't want to have relations w/their partner b/c of weight. Well at least I've never met anyone who hasn't felt like that (heavy or skinny, doesn't matter). When you don't feel attractive or good about yourself then how can you expect others to want you....right??

Hang in there sweetie, your moving in the right direction. I am also in NJ so if I can help you find a Dr. PM me and if I can help, I will.