[CR1026]

Hello. I have introduced my self in my previous message, basically I need to lose about 100 pds. The problem is why haven't I? I have a treadmill, which I am almost embaressed to admit, I have a supporting husband, he's just awesome, I don't work(because of anxiety and only 1 car), so it's like I have the resources but I am not taking advantage of them, why? I just don't know and I have heard people say, "you don't want to lose weight or you simply would," but I can strongly say that I am not consiously making that decision at all what so ever. So what is it? Is weight really tied into emotional issues because I feel I have a thousand pound sack of emotional issues. If so how do you dissconnect the emotional issues with the weight issue? I am so frustrated at my self, I feel I look absolutly disgusting and I am so ashamed that I allowed my self to gain so much weight. I am asking something really big of all of you out here on this board but if I don't ask then I can't complain if it doesn't happen. I need some advise and support. I feel I have placed so much on my husbands shoulders and at times I feel quilty for doing it. I have not friends, weird huh, I just have no friends. I need them, I need friends, but not just people who say "hey I'll be you friend," and then they never call or email or want to hang out, they only want to be a friend for the good stuff and not be there through the bad times in your life. Well heres my request from all of you.......... will you be my friends? I mean actually post messages directed towards me and asking how I am, actually, genuinly caring? I just have so much to share and let out and I need a friend so my poor husband has a break every now and then. Of course not all conversations have to be depressing, but I just need a friend so badly. I never thought I would have to ask for a friend. Well there it is, this is the begining of my story and conversations to come. I hope to find a friend or two on here to share stories and advise with. Thank you for reading my post.

Christy

[cathyxxx]

Hey Christy,

I'm sure that all of us here on the boards would be glad to be your friend. Just join us on the daily threads and chat away with us. You will notice that we "address" each other there and see how each one is doing with whatever we are sharing about. Would be so glad for you to join us there!

My advise and support on the weight issue would be simply to set some goals. Sit down with yourself and decide exactly what you want to do. Do you simply want to eat smaller portions, no junk food, more fruits and veggies, journal everything that you eat, count calories, follow a specific diet? and then what about exercise? to start off just walking on your treadmill 5 or 10 minutes 3 days a week? or do something else that you like? just decide exactly what your goals are and make them doable.

Then the next morning I would get up and start doing what you've decided to do. I know that is probably not what you want to hear, but all I know to do and tell myself and others is to "just do it". Do whatever you want/need to do to reach your goals in small steps that you can make each day.

If you need to be accountable to someone, then you could post your goals on our daily chat and we would be more then glad to ask if you are meeting your goals and see how you are doing. Also, I have a weekly food log here where I post my daily food, calories, water & exercise. Would be glad for you to join me there if you would like to do that. It sure helps me and keeps me "honest" with what I put in my mouth.

If you feel you have emotional issues with food and diet and weight, and you cannot or don't want to go to counseling, you could perhaps get Dr. Phil's book on weight loss. I think it is really good at addressing the "issues" involved with eating.

One other thing that I just have to say, and hope you don't mind, is that I would like to suggest that you visit some nearby churches where you could meet some ladies like yourself (if you are able to do that in spite of your anxieties). A lot of churches have ladies groups that you could get involved with, and some have exercise or health programs. It might be something you could look into. I cannot even imagine my life without my Lord and my church family. Just a thought.

Hope this helps in some small way. and hope that you'll join us on the daily thread.

hugs,
Cathy

[Tippy]

Wowsers! Have you come to the right place! This group of ladies are a mountain of strength!

I've "known" Leenie, Cathy, Cin for five years! They were there when my mother died. We were there when, sadly, Leenie had a miscarriage. And we were there when she had beautiful Gracie. We cried and prayed for CIN when her Dad passed away. The list goes on and on.

I agree with the advice that Cathy gave you. Get out of that house and meet people...real people. And, a church is an ideal place to do that. I wish I would take you to my church. We have skinny people, overweight ones, tall ones and short ones and we all care deeply for each other.

A bit of advice that I gave my kids and I hear my daughter give to her daughter---if you want friends, you have to be a friend. Focus on others needs and lives. Give of yourself and it comes back 100 times.

Join us in the daily chat. I'm not always posting, but I do check in during the day.

[KimberLV]

Christy,

It has been so easy to talk to people here and make friends. It's comforting in a way to know that there are others out there who are in the same boat.

This website also a link to post your own journal, that's always neat because people comment and it's a good way to stay motivated and recieve advice. You're never alone. If you like we can trade e-mail addresses, it sounds like you need a friend/e-mail buddy. I am currently taking classes in nutrition at a local college so if you ever have any questions about anything feel free to ask.

Be good to yourself!

[cathyxxx]

Hi again Christy!

I just wanted to move this back up to the top of the boards so that you will see this and wanted to invite you one again to join us on the daily thread! Would love to chat with you there!

hugs,
Cathy

[nickybum]

hey my name is nicky and i know just how you feel your soooo not alone on this topic, i have 70pounds to lose so im not far behind you on that and i have days when i feel very alone and i realise i have no one except my husband and my 19mth son, and that hurt and leaves me in floods of tears. any time you need a buddy im here

[Leenie]

How in the world did this post get past me ??? WHAT AM I THINKING ???

Christy, I will post later on tonight, I'm on my way out the door.... sheeeesh, some one slap me !!! (((tippy volunteer's lol)))).

BBL !!!!

[Tippy]

Leens, consider yourself smacked along side the snot locker! Just kidding!

[Leenie]

Christy, your are definitly not alone.

First thing, first. We, you and I are very much the same, first we must both learn to love ourselves before we can expect others to love us back. I've found that friendship's don't happen over night, they take time, people must feel something between each other. There must be some sort of connection, if there wasn't then everyone would be friends. Friendship is something that is slow in the making but oh soooo worth the wait. Think of friendship as being a baby, something you must be gentle with, something that needs love no matter what may happen during the friendship...just like a marriage. Friendships come and go, some stay for a long time and others pass in the night, we need to be thankful for everyone that crosses our path.

My suggestion to you would be that you need to take the first step, you need to get on the boards and start talking, talk like you've never talked before. People will then start to connect with you. You can't expect things to happen unless you make them happen. Just be you !!! and one thing for sure, you can't expect everyone to like you, heavens no. We just can't please everyone ya know lol

So Please come to the daily threads and chat away. Go on a few boards, feel it out but what ever you do... DON'T GIVE UP !!!!!!!!!!!!! You deserve to be happy.

Hope to see you soon !!

Love, Leenie

[zannie]

I'm a little late in replying to this b/c I'm new here. But I wanted to reply because I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL! I have anxiety problems as well (along with depression, OCD and a phobia - OY).

Everyone here seems so wonderful and is here to be supportive - including myself! I think you've come to the right place. I didn't notice yet if you'd posted since this thread but hopefully you have stuck around!

Originally Posted by christy

I feel I look absolutly disgusting

What a horrible thing to say about yourself. *sniffle* I think a good place to start (and I *know* it's hard - I've been there and I go back there a lot of times) is to work on your emotional state AS WELL as your physical. It's so so so important.

Obviously you don't need to be head over heals for yourself (heheh if I were, I wouldn't be here ) but at minimum accepting "this is who I am" and realizing that you ARE worthy of treating yourself right.

You are human!! I know (know!) you'd NEVER say such a thing to another human being - why say it to yourself. I'm sure it hurts - it hurts me to see you say it about yourself. Especially since I've been there.

My motivation and drive has gone up 5 fold when I gave up the self defeating talk. It was REALLY hard - I had to really make a consious effort to do it. But enjoying the trip down weight loss avenue this time is what's made the difference between all those times I've only lost 10 pounds and this time that I've lost 70.

I know how hard that is to do - like I said - been there - for years!!! But that's what we're here for!!! To support you! It's not something you have to do alone!

So when you said:

Originally Posted by christy

So what is it?

That's what *I* think it is. Of course, this is just my personal opinion - and I could be totally speaking out of my *** (it's been known to happen ).

I think that weight loss absolutely *IS* tied to emotional issues. Maybe not for everyone but for many. Weight loss - rather, PERMANANT weight loss - is tied to an entire lifestyle change - it's really difficult to make entire lifestyle changes without changing, addressing, fixing, or at least learning to co-exist with emotional problems.

I still have a lot of emotional issues to deal with (I'm sure most of us do), but for the first time in my life, I've come to a point where I'm generally happy with myself. (note: not all the time - I have TONS of setbacks hehe) and the healthier I get the happier I become - and the happier I become the easier it is to stay motivated and continue on this path.

I know that's easier said than done but I think that just as people spiral downward out of control - the spiral works both ways! I'd love to support you in stopping the emotional tornado and starting to turn things around. I'm sure most of us would.

Ok that was rambly. I hope this helps some! And my aplogies if I'm way off the mark. This isn't meant to insult or hurt - It's just my observation and no matter what the issue - I'm still happy to be supportive 100%.

Hope you're doing well!

--zannie

edited to add (I should read BEFORE I post )

Originally Posted by leenie

talk like you've never talked before. People will then start to connect with you. You can't expect things to happen unless you make them happen. Just be you !!!

That's *superb* advice!!

Sometimes putting yourself out there is difficult and scary - but I've found that for every one person that doesn't like me there are 40 who do - and those odds are worth it, in my opinion.