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December 2020 Ups and Downs Battling Depression Thread
Hello and we are a small but mighty group who try to help each other by listening and 'being here'. we celebrate our "ups" as well as writing about our 'downs'.
I've had a couple very anxious days with the lady I am assisting . She wanted me to enter invoice numbers into an Excel program. I have never used Excel!!! why would she think this was OK? I did try. with tears building and such anxiety. kept going to her (as she was in another room and directing me !!) Finally she said "just leave them and I'll do it'. And I made a horrible error I guess, by sending a stapled paper thru the fax feeder. and of course it jammed and she was upset. I try to be honorable and own up to my mistakes and blunders but how would I know that was wrong?? She said "it is a logic thing, that a staple wouldn't go thru". Boy did I feel stupid and bad about myself That was all on WEdnesday. Thank god she didn't ask me for anything office related yesterday. Maybe she realized I AM NOT GOOD AT IT NOR WAS I EXPECTED TO BE! I thought I was just gonna do regular life assisting like shopping and errands and meals and household stuff .
sorry for the complaining!! I'll try to come back and celebrate some "Ups"
that is a great message! thanks from us and same for you!
I said I'd be back to celebrate any Ups. I am thankful each day to be alive, and in good health (and taking credit for making myself work out 6X a week)Thankful for my house and husband and sons and doggie. And for a job. though the lady is making me want to quit every single day.
I am the kind of person that just takes it, takes it, doesn't say anything and THEN kaboom. Yesterday she was grousing about how her desk arrangement was all wrong, the computer, 2 monitors and 2 printers had to be moved (computer guy did that) and I tried to bring all the other crap to new location (dining room table). She pointed out that EVERYTHING was in the 'wrong' place, 'that doesn't go there' 'those are too far away' 'i have to be able to REACH this' and when she started focusing on the missing 2" square plastic lid to a container of paper clips ( I think I remember throwing it out because it was dusty/dirty/cracked) I almost quit then.
Just about any task she gives me, I do my best and then AFTERWARD she tells me how it needs to be done differently. I know I am a thin skinned person but I am polite and well mannered to everyone and i do not like being spoken to like orders are given to me. I realize maybe that is the position you are in, when you are working for someone, you take orders from them, but it sure would go a long way if she was a friendly nice person. She THINKS she is but she is not The pay is extraordinary (I am making twice what I was last winter) so that is what is keeping me going.
Holly: The lady you work for sounds atrocious!!! It really makes me angry to hear about the way she treats you! 😡 She must be a miserable person to treat you so poorly. What accident did she have (if you are allowed to tell us)? I would imagine that it would be frustrating to be in bed 23 hours a day and not in control of much of your life, but that is still no excuse to treat you like crap!!! I sure do hope the pay makes it all worth it! I would never last in an environment like that! The next time she is rude to you, could you calmly say to her something like, "you know, I work very hard for you and try to be nice. You really don't have to treat me so poorly."? At least, if nothing else, you might feel better about standing up for yourself.
On the Up side, working out 6x a week is awesome!!! I had been losing weight for quite some time, but now that I am waking up way earlier with the new pup, I am eating more throughout the day, so I am worried I will gain weight. We haven't been taking as many walks now that the weather is cold, so I really have to put forth a good effort to get in consistent exercise.
Tully is doing really well! He has had maybe 4-5 random pee accidents in the house in almost 3 weeks, but is now going to the door most of the time when he needs to go outside. He is now sleeping about 7 hours on average during the night, which is heavenly compared to that first week. He had his first night at Puppy Preschool last night, and, even though he plays with his 60 pound "big sister," Lucy, constantly at home, he was scared to death of the other dogs. I couldn't believe it! To be fair, in a group of 6 dogs, there was only 1 other dog as little as him. (He is only 8 and 1/2 pounds right now; 10 and 1/2 weeks old.) The rest were significantly bigger. (All under 16 weeks.) And I think Tully was the only dog who was there for the first time. (Puppy Preschool is 1 night per week for 4 weeks.) When they had free play, he hid under a tall book shelf and, at one point, 3 of the big dogs were barking at him. He would occasionally peek out and snarl at them. It was both funny and pitiful all at once! I swear, having a puppy is like being a baby mom all over again. I was like, "Don't mess with my baby!"
What kind of dog do you have, Holly? I don't think it is the same one you had when I first got to know you, is it?
Hang in there, Holly... and don't take any crap from that boss lady!!!
Last edited by IBelieveInMe2; 12-10-2020 at 09:54 PM.
Hi Lisa! We had a nice, quiet Thanksgiving at home; just the 4 of us (me, my hubby, son, & daughter)... well, and the 2 pups! 💙💙 My hubby made us all a delicious turkey dinner. It was YUMMY! I also ate an entire turkey dinner meal for lunch the next 2-3 days! Lol! How was your Thanksgiving?
Now that you've moved out of state, do you ever get to see Jennifer? I think I remember last year that you were disappointed that you couldn't come home for Christmas. Do you talk to her often on the phone or via text? I don't mean to pry. I'm just curious, because I remember you talking a lot about her in the past and how much she means to you.
I think I know what you mean about being tired of having to go places (like you feel about PT). When I have appointments on my calendar, they hang over my head and give me anxiety. I prefer to stay at home. I sometimes feel better when I leave the house, too, though. I can actually be a very social person once I am out, but I am always relieved to get back home. I guess it is my safe place, which is a blessing.
Oh my gosh, Lisa... I always have SO much that needs to be done around my house! Cleaning and clearing clutter are forever on my to do list. It constantly hangs over my head. I hate it!
Thank you for the congratulations on Tully! He has been a joyful addition to our household! 💙 Wishing you a wonderful holiday season, Lisa!
Hi Kathleen!! So nice to hear about little Tully! congrats on his doing so well with letting you know when he has to piddle. smart doggie ! and gosh the way you described him being scared of the others at Puppy PreSchool, yes that would bring out the defensive Mom in you! I am sure that you will find a way to keep your awesome weight loss in balance The dog we had for 12 years previous to our now Chloe, was Eddie. Eddie was a mix of Rottweiler and Lab. He died in April 2018 and we got Chloe a few weeks later. She is much smaller than our dogs of 30 years, she's about 40 lbs as compared to our 60 pound dogs. She is ... hmmm I think they said a hound mix. I'll try to get a pic here.
thank you for the sympathy about the nasty lady!! she is not bad all the time, didn't mean to infer that. But enough that it spoils the whole day she just gets impatient quickly and she doesn't raise her voice at all but you can tell she's irritated. And that irritates me, LOL. But like I said the money is TWICE what I was making last winter. and a solid 40 hours a week.
The reason she is temporarily bedridden is that she slipped and fell on Halloween and went *ss over teakettle down a little hill. She is in not great shape to begin with, about 100 lbs overweight and diabetes (insulin injected) and takes 2 handsful of pills 2 times a day; when she fell she shattered her elbow of her dominant arm and broke a couple toes; maybe broken ribs or just bruised; and alot of pain in her back. She was not allowed to be released from hosipital until she got a hospital bed in her home, it's in the middle of her llving room (which is so gloomy and ugly and dark as a tomb and she doesn't like lights on the way I do)
But a weird thing is that she really doesn't expect me to be doing something all the time. In fact she even said that. Said I could sit on the couch and relax. But I hate that! I'd rather be doing something. When I first started working for her, I was doing the odd jobs at her new house site; then I moved on to loading all her packed boxes and totes to the new house. Then I ran out of things to pack, and then she got hurt so I kinda transitioned into her 'helper' or assistant then. Ugh - I don't really like touching other people but I have washed her hair in the sink and blow dried it; I have put lotion on her dry scaly feet and I helped her into her bra once!!! god I guess I'm kinda like a wh*re, anything for money
Hi Lisa! We had a nice, quiet Thanksgiving at home; just the 4 of us (me, my hubby, son, & daughter)... well, and the 2 pups! 💙💙 My hubby made us all a delicious turkey dinner. It was YUMMY! I also ate an entire turkey dinner meal for lunch the next 2-3 days! Lol! How was your Thanksgiving?
Now that you've moved out of state, do you ever get to see Jennifer? I think I remember last year that you were disappointed that you couldn't come home for Christmas. Do you talk to her often on the phone or via text? I don't mean to pry. I'm just curious, because I remember you talking a lot about her in the past and how much she means to you.
I think I know what you mean about being tired of having to go places (like you feel about PT). When I have appointments on my calendar, they hang over my head and give me anxiety. I prefer to stay at home. I sometimes feel better when I leave the house, too, though. I can actually be a very social person once I am out, but I am always relieved to get back home. I guess it is my safe place, which is a blessing.
Oh my gosh, Lisa... I always have SO much that needs to be done around my house! Cleaning and clearing clutter are forever on my to do list. It constantly hangs over my head. I hate it!
Thank you for the congratulations on Tully! He has been a joyful addition to our household! 💙 Wishing you a wonderful holiday season, Lisa!
i lost every bit if my post to you. I hate that!!!!!
I think we are twins, Kathleen. I can only be around people in a social setting for so long. When I've had enough, I want to go home. I like being at home. It's my safe place. I enjoy my own company.
Im spending Christmas Eve with Trinity and her family.
I usually go to her mom's for holidays. It's an all day event there. I'm not up for 8 to 10 hours of people. Christmas Eve will be small.
Now that you've moved out of state, do you ever get to see Jennifer? I think I remember last year that you were disappointed that you couldn't come home for Christmas. Do you talk to her often on the phone or via text? I don't mean to pry. I'm just curious, because I remember you talking a lot about her in the past and how much she means to you.
I think I know what you mean about being tired of having to go places (like you feel about PT). When I have appointments on my calendar, they hang over my head and give me anxiety. I prefer to stay at home. I sometimes feel better when I leave the house, too, though. I can actually be a very social person once I am out, but I am always relieved to get back home. I guess it is my safe place, which is a blessing.
Oh my gosh, Lisa... I always have SO much that needs to be done around my house! Cleaning and clearing clutter are forever on my to do list. It constantly hangs over my head. I hate it!
Thank you for the congratulations on Tully! He has been a joyful addition to our household! 💙 Wishing you a wonderful holiday season, Lisa!
You are not prying.
I haven't seen Jennifer since I moved here. I was supposed to go home for her wedding in May but Ohio had come down on gatherings. I wasnt able to attend due to that.
I wanted to fly home for Christmas but she's afraid I'll get covid while traveling.
We talk and text constantly. Usually through Facebook messenger and phone calls. My cell is always the first bill I pay every month. It is my lifeline.
I've come to accept that she is grown and happy without me always being present. The same for me. I've accepted that I can still be really happy being a long distance mom. I think part of it is, I'm just really happy here in Washington. I love my life here. I've built a small but happy life. Small things really. I've been buying myself things. Clothes, makeup, contacts, badass boots.
I'm 53 years old but I want to feel attractive again. I want to find that part of myself again. The old Lisa. The weight loss is helping me to do that..
Last edited by lisaloveshearts; 12-14-2020 at 07:12 PM.
Kathleen, I am thankful for no clutter here. I don't own a lot, I really don't. I kind of like it that way. It helps my anxiety that I don't own a lot. The only thing I need to keep up on are the floors. Which is a job.
I've decided to really put off my right knee replacement. I'm not sure I can do another one. I think the only way I could was if it got to the point where I couldn't walk v well. My life sucked for 26 weeks, after surgery. I enjoyed my PT people but going to PT got really old.
I'm so glad Tully is doing well. I still miss Elvira but the awful pain of her death has eased. I have kept all her things. I'm going to send Jennifer her dog collar for Christmas. I've carried it in my purse since Sept 31st, her passing. I'm ready to let it go so Jennifer can have it now.
Hi Kathleen!! So nice to hear about little Tully! congrats on his doing so well with letting you know when he has to piddle. smart doggie ! and gosh the way you described him being scared of the others at Puppy PreSchool, yes that would bring out the defensive Mom in you! I am sure that you will find a way to keep your awesome weight loss in balance The dog we had for 12 years previous to our now Chloe, was Eddie. Eddie was a mix of Rottweiler and Lab. He died in April 2018 and we got Chloe a few weeks later. She is much smaller than our dogs of 30 years, she's about 40 lbs as compared to our 60 pound dogs. She is ... hmmm I think they said a hound mix. I'll try to get a pic here.
thank you for the sympathy about the nasty lady!! she is not bad all the time, didn't mean to infer that. But enough that it spoils the whole day she just gets impatient quickly and she doesn't raise her voice at all but you can tell she's irritated. And that irritates me, LOL. But like I said the money is TWICE what I was making last winter. and a solid 40 hours a week.
The reason she is temporarily bedridden is that she slipped and fell on Halloween and went *ss over teakettle down a little hill. She is in not great shape to begin with, about 100 lbs overweight and diabetes (insulin injected) and takes 2 handsful of pills 2 times a day; when she fell she shattered her elbow of her dominant arm and broke a couple toes; maybe broken ribs or just bruised; and alot of pain in her back. She was not allowed to be released from hosipital until she got a hospital bed in her home, it's in the middle of her llving room (which is so gloomy and ugly and dark as a tomb and she doesn't like lights on the way I do)
But a weird thing is that she really doesn't expect me to be doing something all the time. In fact she even said that. Said I could sit on the couch and relax. But I hate that! I'd rather be doing something. When I first started working for her, I was doing the odd jobs at her new house site; then I moved on to loading all her packed boxes and totes to the new house. Then I ran out of things to pack, and then she got hurt so I kinda transitioned into her 'helper' or assistant then. Ugh - I don't really like touching other people but I have washed her hair in the sink and blow dried it; I have put lotion on her dry scaly feet and I helped her into her bra once!!! god I guess I'm kinda like a wh*re, anything for money
Holly, I used to be a CNA. I think for 6 years. It was part of my position to help with personal hygiene. My mom always told me that she respected me so much for being able to clean butts.
Holly: Yes, Eddie is the dog of yours that I remember you talking about! 💙 That's great that you have your Chloe now. 💜 We tried to adopt a dog before we got Tully, and ~ while looking for pups at shelters online ~ I realized that I really liked the hounds... and beagles!
Oh my gosh, I was cracking up at your commentary about the physical care you have had to provide for the lady you assist! I'm not sure I could put lotion on a stranger's dry, scaly feet or help her into her bra. In addition to the good pay, you just might be paving your way to heaven with this job, Holly!
i lost every bit if my post to you. I hate that!!!!!
I think we are twins, Kathleen. I can only be around people in a social setting for so long. When I've had enough, I want to go home. I like being at home. It's my safe place. I enjoy my own company.
Im spending Christmas Eve with Trinity and her family.
I usually go to her mom's for holidays. It's an all day event there. I'm not up for 8 to 10 hours of people. Christmas Eve will be small.
Lisa: Who is Trinity? That is great that you have a plan for Christmas Eve that you feel comfortable with. A small gathering sounds good to me. We will probably just stay at home on Christmas Eve and go to my sister-in-law's house for a short visit on Christmas Day. We haven't left Tully for a very long time alone in his crate yet at all. I hope you will have a wonderful day! ❤
Last edited by IBelieveInMe2; 12-20-2020 at 03:20 PM.
I haven't seen Jennifer since I moved here. I was supposed to go home for her wedding in May but Ohio had come down on gatherings. I wasnt able to attend due to that.
I wanted to fly home for Christmas but she's afraid I'll get covid while traveling.
We talk and text constantly. Usually through Facebook messenger and phone calls. My cell is always the first bill I pay every month. It is my lifeline.
I've come to accept that she is grown and happy without me always being present. The same for me. I've accepted that I can still be really happy being a long distance mom. I think part of it is, I'm just really happy here in Washington. I love my life here. I've built a small but happy life. Small things really. I've been buying myself things. Clothes, makeup, contacts, badass boots.
I'm 53 years old but I want to feel attractive again. I want to find that part of myself again. The old Lisa. The weight loss is helping me to do that..
Lisa: Even though you haven't seen Jennifer since you moved, that is great that you stay in close contact with each other. The place of acceptance that you have come to about your relationship sounds really healthy. And I am so happy that you are really happy in Washington and love your life there. I still remember when you first decided to move there. What a terrific decision that ended up to be! I also love that you are buying yourself things... especially those badass boots!
I admire the way you want to feel attractive again and find the old Lisa again. That is so wonderful that the weight loss is helping you to do that. I wish you the best on your journey to finding yourself again.
Kathleen, I am thankful for no clutter here. I don't own a lot, I really don't. I kind of like it that way. It helps my anxiety that I don't own a lot. The only thing I need to keep up on are the floors. Which is a job.
I've decided to really put off my right knee replacement. I'm not sure I can do another one. I think the only way I could was if it got to the point where I couldn't walk v well. My life sucked for 26 weeks, after surgery. I enjoyed my PT people but going to PT got really old.
I'm so glad Tully is doing well. I still miss Elvira but the awful pain of her death has eased. I have kept all her things. I'm going to send Jennifer her dog collar for Christmas. I've carried it in my purse since Sept 31st, her passing. I'm ready to let it go so Jennifer can have it now.
Lisa: I can't blame you at all for putting off your right knee replacement. I am terrified whenever I feel pain in my left hip that I will need a left hip replacement. I am SO not ready for another hip replacement! Like you, I would only do one if absolutely necessary. And, as I said before, I have heard that knee replacements are more difficult than hips. My recovery was terrible. I can only imagine yours!
I totally understand that you still miss Elvira, but it is good to know that the awful pain of her death has eased for you. That really touches my heart that you are sending Jennifer her dog collar for Christmas after carrying it in your purse since her passing. That is so thoughtful of you. What a treasure that will be for Jennifer. ❤
December 2020 Ups and Downs Battling Depression Thread
we are a small but mighty group who try to help each other by listening and 'being here'. we celebrate our "ups" as well as writing about our 'downs'.
That was all on WEdnesday. Thank god she didn't ask me for anything office related yesterday. Maybe she realized I AM NOT GOOD AT IT NOR WAS I EXPECTED TO BE! I thought I was just gonna do regular life assisting like shopping and errands and meals and household stuff . 
Yesterday she was grousing about how her desk arrangement was all wrong, the computer, 2 monitors and 2 printers had to be moved (computer guy did that) and I tried to bring all the other crap to new location (dining room table). She pointed out that EVERYTHING was in the 'wrong' place, 'that doesn't go there' 'those are too far away' 'i have to be able to REACH this' and when she started focusing on the missing 2" square plastic lid to a container of paper clips ( I think I remember throwing it out because it was dusty/dirty/cracked) I almost quit then.
I had been losing weight for quite some time, but now that I am waking up way earlier with the new pup, I am eating more throughout the day, so I am worried I will gain weight. We haven't been taking as many walks now that the weather is cold, so I really have to put forth a good effort to get in consistent exercise.
I also ate an entire turkey dinner meal for lunch the next 2-3 days! Lol! 
So nice to hear about little Tully! congrats on his doing so well with letting you know when he has to piddle. smart doggie ! and gosh the way you described him being scared of the others at Puppy PreSchool, yes that would bring out the defensive Mom in you! I am sure that you will find a way to keep your awesome weight loss in balance 
The dog we had for 12 years previous to our now Chloe, was Eddie. Eddie was a mix of Rottweiler and Lab. He died in April 2018 and we got Chloe a few weeks later. She is much smaller than our dogs of 30 years, she's about 40 lbs as compared to our 60 pound dogs. She is ... hmmm I think they said a hound mix. I'll try to get a pic here.
and I helped her into her bra once!!! 
