being accountable while grieving: logging calories, goals and thoughts
 

Due to experiences after my mother's death last month I have been eating my feelings. Let's just say there is the opposite of support in what is left of my family. Which leaves me with not enough positivity to post or respond to lots of posts in the regular area of 3FC. Thus I am starting my own accountability while grieving (or depressed) thread.

Not sure how I am going to cut back on the calories, But I do need to remove weight gain from the list of what I am dealing with. So I will be writing the calories I eat each day. Hopefully I can succeed in being accountable. If anyone else wants to join in, that's great.

Today's goal is to not have any chocolate or other forms of refined sugar.
Projected food for the day:
Coffee 200
Bamba 480
salad 300
fruit 220
chicken with vegetables 300
1500 calories

I'm sorry you've lost your mother, flower123. Trying not to stress eat takes a lot of effort, doesn't it?

aww thanks for your kind words. Yes its a challenge considering a brother, father and mother all are gone now. No kids, BF or DH. Thanks again for the kind words <3

So Wednesday was pretty good.
Coffee 250?
Bamba 480
Peaches 200
Bone broth with carrots, onion and cabbage 300?
1220

thursday not so great

Coffee 150
Rolini 250
Bamba 480
Peaches 200
salad 220??
Chicken meatball soup 350?
total for day 1650 :(
note to self, no chocolate or Rolini. After shopping, go home without anything to eat in the car.
Hiatal Hernia and corresponding valves so far are not in crisis today. Whewwww What a relief. One whole day without a lot of pain and acid. woohoooo. I woke with a panic attack this morning. I get them when I do intense healing work, which I did last night. So I took stuff to go back to sleep because there is no other way I can manage the attacks. And they are painful. I did finally fall back to sleep and when I woke up... many hours later, the attack was gone. so yay for healing work and the stuff I took that helped me to sleep through it.

This whole trying to reel in the food intake is tiring. Yesterday was an epic failure. Saturday is not great so far. I want to be inspiring with my control over food. My concern is that I list my motivation when mother died. She couldn't stand it when I was not thin. So I made sure to stay within a certain weight range....

Oh flower123, I'm sorry.

Now that your mom is gone it will be important to find a weight that makes YOU happy. I certainly can understand why we do things to please other people, but now you can be making that decision and doing what is best for you.

Please don't feel guilty if you can't maintain that weight your mom approved of. I know you will find your balance soon. These are difficult times, I know.

Thank you for those words straight from the heart. Sorry it took so long for me to reply to this. Have been staying away partially because I was eating out of control. But necessity requires I get back to dieting. These extra lbs are way too uncomfortable. AND I need to feel comfortable wearing my summer clothing. So will try to get back on the weight loss wagon. I hope you are doing well <3

Trying to get food back under control. I have gained so much that almost none of the clothing fit. And I have a gut and back fat.
Yesterday I ate a while rotisserie chicken plus a pound of peaches and a big chunk of carrot cake.
Today has been better. Not great but the best I can do under the circumstances.
coffee 250
Bamba 480
Peaches 200
Salad 300
Tuna with low fat mayo 250
cucumber 30
Total for day 1510

I am hoping for a repeat tomorrow. This is the very best I can do atm. I am pretty hurtin' lots going on.

Today I managed somehow to not pack on an outrageous amount of calories. It was not great. But could have been much worse. AND I did a lot of physical work. Heavy lifting and running around getting garage cleared out. Lots of cartons etc. Then bringing them to donate. Hopefully I burned some fat in the process

Coffee 250
B Bamba 480
S Peaches 200
L Salad 270
D Chicken breast 200
Total for day 1400

I'm so sorry for your loss Flower. I'm an emotional eater too. I started my weight loss journey one week before my engagement ended and I was very worried that my depression would cause me to eat my feelings. There were days that I cried at the gym but it was the best place for me to go because I always felt better after doing something good for myself. I'm not comparing what I'm going through to your loss at all but I think it's always good to remind ourselves to take care of ourselves and be kind to ourselves and our bodies. Sometimes it's helpful to find a healthy activity to replace the emotional eating.

Thank you. First, I am sorry that your engagement ended. But I am glad to read that you were able to find release when you worked out at the Gym. Great job with that !!!

Today emotionally could have been worse. It was/still is my birthday. The first one where there would be no card or call from my mother.
I held it together fine for the most part. Except when I was talking with my aunt. My brother's widow and my surviving brother and his wife did not call me or send cards. Finally at 8pm I turned off my ringer. But others did call and send cards. So I am blessed for those who are not my immediate family.

I had salmon, Mashed Avocado with olive oil and onion on slices of cucumber. Then I went wild and had a lot of ice cream. Thats something I never eat. For dinner I will have a salad.

Happy Birthday Flower!!
I can’t imagine how hard it is to be without your mother on your birthday but I’m glad you have people in your life that love you and remembered your special day. Your food sounds delicious by the way. Hope today is good to you.