June Ups and Downs Fighting Depression Thread
 

Welcome current and new posters. I’m thankful for those that pioneered this ongoing thread.

Thanks Panda, for setting up this month's thread! How on earth is it June?!? Well done for your big clear out!

Lisa, I hope you feel up to joining us soon :) please let us know how you're getting on - you're sounding so deflated just now.

Holly - boo for the flies! Do they stick around for long? Glad to hear the summer job is going well. Have you managed to get your bike back, and get out for a ride?

I didn't do anything about my fall last weekend, it didn't seem doctor worthy, so I've just been nursing my bruises. My right forearm has a bruise down the whole length!

I'm starting to feel teary eyed a lot at the moment, I'm having a bit of a low period. It's been hot at night, I keep waking up too hot, then turning things over in my head. I think it's a vicious cycle - I'm tired because I'm stressing, but I'm stressing because I keep churning things in the night.

One plus though, I have been keeping up with my running, and I managed a whole 10 minute run, without stopping, last week :)

Coop- great job on the running!
I just powered off my laptop now at 8pm- I actually powered off earlier then 2-3 times returned as I suddenly thought of more work to finish.

I just discovered one of my orchids is flowering! I have three indoor plants that I brought last year over from my previous sunny loft apartment and thought every one would die. I did buy a small violet plant and some other plant a month or two ago and they both died. I’m terrible with plants but buy fresh flowers each week and wish I had better conditions here- my three plants are at my kitchen window.
All of you with your gardens are blessed!
We did get a new front lawn though.

HI Coop,

Thank you for worrying about me. There are just some days I just don't feel like talking. I even put my journal away on the book shelf.

I ran errands today, paid bills mostly.

I saw an ortho surgeon today. He's taking over my case. I didn't like the last guy so Dr Stanfield said he'd start looking after me. We had a good talk and he shot cortisone in my right knee. Let's hope it works wonders. :)

I need to lose 35 more lbs to make it safer for me to have surgery. Gotta get my BMI down. He also brought up weight loss surgery. I'm not really thinking ahead that much. I'm kinda just thinking about tomorrow. :)

Gonna go to Goodwill tomorrow. Nothing like second hand shopping.

Night all.

Been a while since I have been here. I have been here a couple of times to read. Will start where I left off in May. But some of the responses will be to old news :)

Panda thank you for starting the June thread. you wrote " barre, hit intensity training and some other cardio" I bow to you. OMG I could not imagine high intensity training. Some cardio, yes. Barre, yes. I really admire you doing this. Sorry that your old group of friends gossip and do not have the kind of manners that you want to see in friends. No wonder you are looking for a new group of friends. I hope you can soon find friends who are coming from a different place... kinder in general. I hope that you have by now cleared the clutter of the old clothing purge. Good for you that you are getting rid of the things you are not using. Congratulations on your orchid plant beginning to bloom again. Keeping certain house plants alive can be daunting. I tend to have ones that easily thrive.

Coop, I am sorry you blacked out last weekend. And sorry to read in the update that your arm is still quite bruised. I hope things heal more quickly this coming week. Great re: the running. I am totally in honor of that! Sorry to read that you too are stressing. Sounds like the pesky mind is in overdrive. I hope you are having cooler weather today.

Holly, your garden sounds AWESOME. I really do want to see photos. Gardening is the best ever work. Being with all those living plants. Working in the soil. Breathing in all that great garden air. Glad the new chef, and your co-workers are in honor and recognition of who you are. You deserve to be respected in the workplace! Ouch, re the black flies. I found a couple of natural repellent recipes for them if you want one. https://www.greenmoxie.com/natural-b...ly-repellants/ I hear ya re: summer bliss. I think many here love summer more because its so short. Although there are many more who prefer cold weather.

Lisa, I understand "not feeling like posting". I often get into those places. I hope today is a good one for you. I have said it before and will repeat for current info, many people are having a difficult time. Seems a lot is coming up for many. Please let me know if there is any way I can help. And believe me I am no stranger to challenge (to put it politely), for sure.

Today the air is less humid. The temperature lower. The past two nights I put the standing fan very close to my pillow. It allowed me to sleep as well as i can these days. I don't mind hot and humid weather during the day. But when I sleep, that's a different story. I loved that it rained last night. Gardens and farms needed the rain. Maybe today I will plant the sunflower seeds... and hope the woodchuck doesn't eat the plants. If they do, then I hope they enjoy them. Its all okay either way.

yesterday I gad a crazy eating day I kept going to the store to buy more food. Its like I could not get enough carbs. I am certain I was feeding my emotions. But it was all too fattening. I am not getting on the scale today. I need to go to Costco to get spring salad mix for the coming week. I do not know how I am going to be able to stay on plan today. Some days the food monster just takes over screaming FOOD NOW.. MORE... ASAP. lol. And I relent. I wish there was a summer camp where I can send my food monster. I am ready for a break from that pesky :devil:. On Friday the 8th, I need to be down 2 lbs from yesterday morning's weight.... before I relented to the food monster.

Hoping everyone has a great late spring day <3

Flower- I kept eating yesterday as well - I just kept wanting to eat something but everything was disappointing. I just realized it’s 4:30 and I haven’t eaten today. I’m not hungry though.

Last night I canceled today’s workouts. I slept in and am doing a lot of loads of laundry because I washed my pillows, curtains, blankets, etc.

Yesterday my neighbor asked about the weekend - we may get together on Sunday. It’s very up in the air so maybe 40% chance I’d guess.
Tonight I’m actually headed out to a social event to meet new people. I’m not sure how it will go, seems disorganized but I made up my mind to go regardless.
Update: Over 20 people rsvp’d to this thing- guess who showed up? Me. Just me. And no one even posted they were running late, changed their mind, or any comment at all.

Panda, that's horrible! So you were the only person? There was no host or facilitator? Just you? I am REALLY sorry. Some people can be quite irresponsible :(

Today I ate a lot of samples at Costco and the grocery store. Other than that I was okay with calories. But I am craving something sweet. It's fortunate I have nothing sweet in the house that I can eat. No eggs to bake something. No chocolate or cocoa powder. I purposefully keep eggs away from my home.

Update: I found hot mango chutney in the refrigerator. A bit spicy. But great straight out of the jar. That led to curried carrot soup with coconut milk. I try to not use my curry paste because it's loaded with oil. But this was an emergency. :devil::?::dizzy:

Hope everyone has a good Sunday

Yes, there was no host or facilitator just me.
It’s frustrating.

Anyway happy Sunday to all

Ouch. I am really sorry you reached out and no one showed :(:hug:

Dont give up, panda. Keep finding ways to make new friends and socialize.

Flower,

We do miss you but are so happy to see you, when you do post.

I've got a rash underneath my boobs. Probably from heat or sweat. I need a new bra so bad.

I put flea medicine on elvira and her itching has improved. That makes me feel so much better. I've been combing the kitties with a nit comb. It makes me feel like **** when they are uncomfortable.

I bought 1 pair of capris and 1 shirt at St vincent DePaul. I also bought 2 books.
Is it sorry that I have to second hand shop for all my things?

Hi all,

I felt blah all weekend- cancelled my workouts to sleep in. Today I ironed a lot of clothing and cleaned and bought groceries.
My neighbor is moving soon- she’s going to have roommates so she can pay less rent. I wonder who will move in.

I have to go to my parents this coming weekend but trying not to think about it.

Hello friends!! thank you PandaCupcake for starting the June thread and for YOU to be a great contributor and friend with us!

PandaC, that SUCKED that no one else showed up at that event! sheesh. Hey maybe the new neighbor will be an 'interesting' (in the good way) person! there's always hope right :D Wow and yeah for your cleaning out, and cleaning up! (washing curtains, pillows, etc) But that is such a great feeling of accomplishment isn't it. And yay for the orchid blooming, nice!

Coop - oh I am so sorry you are not sleeping well, and stressing :( Each one will make the other worse! hope that is easing up a bit. But hurrah on your running!! I could maybe run from a bear for about 5 seconds before playing dead :devil: Yes my beloved bike has been back with me and a new front tire and I'm riding as much as I can :scooter:

Lisa - so sorry to hear you don't feel like talking much but we are here for you!! Hey I LOVE shopping at Goodwill, too bad ours is almost 50 miles away. First, I love that the price is right. Second, I love that it is 'recycling, reusing' . Yay for you for taking care of the fur babies' itchy problem, they love you for that :) And I hope the new doctor is good for you.
and that the cortisone shot gave you some relief.

Flower - You made me LOL at sending the hunger monster to camp! I imagined him all decked out in his khaki shorts, backpack and a sad look on his hungry face :devil: Some days we are So very hungry! I tell myself that I will just make up for it on the days I can do without. I also can't keep things like chocolate chips in the house, i eat them in a weak moment.

Yes gardening is the best!! I love the indominable will of plants, except I wish the burdocks were not so bent to survive, ugh, lol. I hear ya on spending LOTS of money on annuals and planters and soil..wow it is easy to go crazy. I thought I was done with buying, and we saved alot by starting things from seed, but I want some color NOW. Got just a couple six packs yesterday of neon pink petunias, white petunias, and some adorable pansies. Got them in pots and planters last night, with only a few black fly bites (and thank you for the tip on the repellent!) And today the newly potted plants are getting nicely watered, all day long :D Husband is working on the long single row of corn and sunflowers. I have been slowly getting all the pumpkin, squash and gourd seedlings in the ground. Also made a pact with myself, as I walk around and dig up a dandelion, I dig up a mint sprig and transplant that in the hole. I love how mint spreads and I take it to work every day for garnish. Wow i love to talk plants :D

Monica we always think of you here and hope all is well!! is the remodeling done?

I have been working in the dining room as waitstaff a couple nights a week, along with baking in the day, because we are short handed until we get the 5 Slovakians at the end of the month. It makes for a long day, and the trays can be heavy, but I like the money. Especially that I need to make an appt for my car for something kinda major (wheel bearings)

I have today off, and it is a rainy day, that is OK because I did all the yard work yesterday after work, and we need the rain, and it forces me to do inside stuff like pay bills and prepare for our monthly motorcycle org. meeting on Wednesday.

I hope everyone has a good day with no sad thoughts!

Do you not get along with them, or is it a long drive there? sorry if I'm being too nosy or personal. I do like to get input from younger people, about their relationships with their parents. I miss our boys!!! We (husband and I ) tell ourselves that we did well by raising independent, self-sufficient kids, but they NEVER call or email unless we prod them. I thought that maybe it was a gender thing, that boys are like that, and girls tend to want to keep connected to their mom, but I don't know :( I try to remember how I felt about my mom when I was younger and I do admit that it felt like she was bugging me because I was so busy with working, my own kids, etc. :(

There’s a huge cultural difference between my parents and I as well as other factors. I don’t know what else to post but we always had food to eat growing up and they meant the best? There were different rules for me than the boys, and I left that household as soon as possible. And there was no privacy to the point where my mother would rummage through my trash. They were extremely angry the day i told them i had enrolled in college and was moving out in three days.
It does take me about two hours each way (because I take public transportation most of the way) which I’m sure they don’t realize and I have claimed the trip is fine. They live in state half the year so I do try to visit every couple months but they guilt me about visiting even more. My brothers see them as they live closer and its free babysitting - they drop off their kids. My mother seems to think they are more important so their answers for not visiting are valid. They may have to take their kid to a sporting event or have prior plans with inlaws, etc. Meanwhile (this year debatable) I have always been busy yet unless I am on a business trip they feel I am available. It’s like, because I chose to be single I have no other obligations?

I didn’t get to know my grandparents but there absolutely were issues with those relationships as well, so I don’t know why my parents act the way they do.

:fr: I've been called for Jury Duty! Well here's hoping it's not a murder trial :no:

Ooh! Last time I was called I actually went and checked in, watched the video, got lunch, then we were dismissed. Usually it gets canceled so that’s the furthest I’ve made it through the process- not sure if it’s been 3 years since; I know I can get called again after 3 years. Good luck! When I went it was interesting and the people were very nice and informative and explained the importance of our presence even though the cases didn’t end up needing us.

Today was really messed up. I woke up and it was raining hard and my phone had an alert that the power was off. But my lights worked? My internet didn’t fully work. Anyway took half day off and then finally logged in and people needed me for stuff that actually wasn’t related to my job at all, so I am aggravated that stuff got escalated to director level because I was off line and the question the customer had wasn’t even something for me to do, it was something internal for his own company to do. Ugh

I am going to head out this month to some other events to try to meet potential new friends.

I haven’t been feeling well past month or so and am going to see if changing some of my diet helps.

Panda, I hope you get a great new neighbor who you can be friends with. Hoping the visit with your parents goes better than expected. I know how challenging those visits can be for lots of people.

Sunday I did okay with food. Monday wasn't quite as okay. But not too bad. I am planning to make Tuesday a low calorie day. I want to stay low calories until Friday. I plan to forget the calories on Friday. Eat what I want.

I hope everyone has a good Tuesday.

IBelieveinMe2 I don't know why your post didn't show up the last time I posted. I would have responded. I can see how much you have going on. Congrats on your daughter's graduation. And happy 19th birthday to her. Congrats to your son for his new job. I hope you have a great time in Ireland. And that you can get a much needed break from all the current daily activities of life. Being/feeling very tired and low energy is a common thing these days. For many it's pure exhaustion. I hope your insurance company will grant more PT apts if asked to do so. The number of apts seems too few.

I hope everyone is having a good Tuesday

IBelieveinMe,
The Ireland trip definitely sounds like something to look forward to! I wish you the best time! I’m glad your daughter enjoyed her graduation and your son’s new jpb is going well.

Hope everyone is doing well.

My father just secretly called me to nonchalantly reveal that my crazy mother is hatching a plan behind my back. I am fully livid. I kind of had a small suspicion but assumed I was being paranoid and guess what? I am NOT. My mother totally did NOT tell me the real reason she wants me to visit this weekend and my father just revealed and tried to just casually mention it but clearly she purposely didn’t tell me. I’m so mad right now. She is bonkers. I’m not sure if I should tell my brothers or what. I don’t want to get involved with that I guess they will just have to see me fuming the entire time. My father called to give me a heads up because he knows I will be upset and he knows what she is doing. So at the very least I’m glad I know a few days ahead because it would really be worse for everyone if I showed up and discovered that day. Although my mother doesn’t know my dad told me so I don’t know what I am going to say to her.

How do I know if she is mentally challenged? Last time I went there she snuck about 9 items of clothing in my bag and I had to then make another trip to the donation bin. Why would she do that when I declined several times and plus those clothes were not my style at all and everything was many sizes too large for me? There are many things like this that make me question her sanity but it isn’t something on the decline; she’s always had these mental issues.

I don’t feel I can cancel but I’m going to go and I’m not going to eat anything there and that will probably be my last visit this year.

I'm really tired tonight. I mean really tired and my stomach is really upset. Not a good night.

I'll try to post tomorrow.

Lisa, sorry to read you’re having a rough night. Hope you get a good rest tonight.

I'm going to take a nap here pretty soon. My eyes are heavy.

TMI alert!!!




I've got gas so bad, stomach and well, you know.

Why do you put yourself through this?

Just because it is family, does not mean you have to do anything.

I had a great therapy session yesterday and we talked about something along this very line.

The only thing you owe to anyone is yourself. Just think about what I said.

Hi flower! I hope you are having a good day. It's so good to see you post. :)

Hi my wonderful friend!!

Could you create a calender on a white board to help you keep appointments straight?

Or perhaps get 1 calender for you. 1 calender for your son and 1 calender for your daughter. Pin them all up on your kitchen wall. They have those calender that are "big" calenders. Kinda like books that have large print.

I use a calender app on my cell phone to keep track of my life crap.

Can your son drive?

They key to lessen stress is to try to organize your life a little better. You don't have to be perfect. Perfect does not exist, for anyone. It simply doesn't.

I am so happy for your son.

I hope your daughter heals quickly.

Much love to you, Kathleen.

Holly,

I'm sorry I didn't reply until now.

Elvira has started itching again. I may give her another dose. I don't want to make her sick tho. I wish I had something to put on her skin to ease her dryness.

My knee is much better. I like my new Dr a lot.

I feel really weird today. My head feels weird. It's hard to explain.

I miss you, Holly.

I took my depression medication and I feel better tonight.

Sometimes when my pristiq is low in my system, it effects my head.

I feel better.

Sweet dreams everyone.

A strange thing has happened twice. Many people's posts have not shown up on the page when I go to write personals. That makes me seem rude that I leave then out when I am writing personals. I think my ipad is deceiving me. I think it is plotting against me :lol:

Holly yours was one of the post I did not see until tonight. You mentioned Goodwill. Yes I love shopping there. I have gotten some awesome things. the only good thing living where I do is that I am close to all these places. I live less than 5 miles from both Goodwill stores. The Williston one and the Shelburne Rd Store. I live less than 15 minutes from Costco. And the new Target is being built 10 minutes from my home. BTW I heard they will be having a "soft opening" in October. So much for shopping news, lol.

Your gardening sounds so awesome. I love petunias because if they are dead headed they will last through the summer. Super Petunias are even better. I love hearing about everything you have planted. I have to rely on Perennials now, because of money. Many things are in full bloom now. So it is looking pretty nice. But I would love to fill in with some annuals. when I win the lottery that will happen. :) Until then I can read about your garden!! Glad that things are so good for you at work. Working in the diningroom for extra money. Being appreciated. Baking wonderful things.... Ahhhh Gardening and baking. My two favorite things.

Panda I am sorry your parents did not have good boundaries with you. Eg going through your trash. I respect you for getting out as soon as you could. oh wow, I just read your post on the 5th. I am sorry your mother is being deceitful with you all. re: sneaking clothing in your bag, too bad it is not clothing you would like, and would fit you. My mother used to choose all my clothing. I was not allowed to choose anything. But they did fit. She is classically narcissistic. I am sorry your mom is so challenging :( I hope somehow you get some support through the weekend. Come here and post, if you need.

IBelieveInMe2 I hope you have had a good week


Coop I hope the jury duty is a fairly easy case. If not, I hope you are dismissed during jury selection process.

Lisa, I am glad your knee feels better. Glad to hear you figured out why your head was feeling not so good. And you were able to correct it by taking the antidepressants. WTG figuring it out !!!

My eating was not very good most of the past 6 days. I ate way too much salad and peaches. And added a bit of chili pepper sauce to my food. Caused the IBS to flair up. It has referred to my lower back as well. Today I ate better. No raw produce. And much lower calories. Although I found a new GF vegan snack food. So good. They are vegan cheese puffs. Sounds terrible. But they are very good.

I have all this stuff for salads in my refrigerator and cannot use it. ugh. I hope tomorrow I will be much better. Due to the back pain, I was not even able to weed the garden. But I can feel now that it is getting a bit better. I hope it continues to improve.

Tomorrow I am hoping the weight I gained over the previous 2 days will have been lost. anyway, I hope everyone has a great Friday. Yes !!! <3

Flower, I’ve missed people’s posts sometimes too and then I’m wondering how I missed it.

Peaches snd salad sounds healthy to me.

I haven’t had a good week. Worked til 8pm friday night, then did nothing. Canceled all my weekend fitness classes and slept in. Pushed myself to go to the event Saturday night which turned out to be a waste as no one else showed up. Sunday I did go out to buy groceries. But I haven’t stepped outside since. I don’t know how the weather has been, or if I have mail. I’ve just been indoors working working working and snacking all day and many thoughts and trouble sleeping.

And I can’t even look forward to the weekend, and I have to skip 2 of my workouts bc of the parents.

I have to be up early tomorrow and its already 2am. Yesterday was bad because i was up late and then birds chripping. Hope that doesn’t happen tonight. I think i already hear some. I have an air cleaner in my room which kind of cancels out some noise but not the birds. Anyone have tips for this?

Have a great day all!

Sorry you had a messed up day! sounded very aggravating. And we hope you feel better, do you think it's something specific in your diet, or maybe something missing? also, gosh I'm sorry to hear of the not-great relationship with your parents :( a parent's duty is to love and protect their child and if you felt you had to leave the household as soon as possible, that is not good. yikes at your mother going through your trash when you lived there!

Coop - jury duty! I hope it isn't a big horrid deal for you to go through. Are you all healed up from your fall?

Hi :wave: to everyone else!

my poor car! the car I love SO very much, has alot wrong with it. Bearings, lower control arm, ball joint, and bad enough rust to not pass inspection. I'm sure it has to do with the harsh winters and all the salt that goes on the roads. I'm waiting to hear the bad news, that it might not even be repairable, the body work being so extensive. UGh!! I know that's the chance with buying an older second hand car, but we have had good luck with beaters in the past, having them last 2 or even 3 years, this year was not the good luck year. So will have to go through the process of finding another car.

So I'm glad I have my motorcycle to commute with! because my car's been stuck at the mechanic for 3 days now.

Mowed the lawn and weedwhacked after work today, lawn looks so nice, wish it would not get shaggy so soon. Should have worn gloves to do the weedwhacking, I usually do, but didn't this time, now I will maybe get a blister on my palm.

Long day at work tomorrow, there's a wedding , and thank goodness I don't have to make the wedding cake, but i do have to make 122 servings of blueberry crisp. and get the servings onto plates without it being a mess. A challenge!

have a great night and a nice weekend!

I should have scrolled up and read all recent posts!!

PandaCupcake, wow that behavior of your mom sure does sound bonkers :?: I'm glad your dad gave you a head's up but still!!! very frustrating situation indeed!!

flower - so sorry that even 'healthy' food like salad or peaches does not always work for you!! and that you were in pain and couldn't weed!

and i will gladly talk gardening with you :) I mowed the lawn yesterday, and today got the weedwhacker working again, I bought it from a second had store like 3 or 4 YEARS ago for $5 and it still works! Mostly :p It needs TLC. It's an electric one so I have to yank a 50000 foot :devil: cord all over the place but weedwhacking does the finishing touch to make a yard look freaking awesome :cool: My petunias are finally growing a bit, husband planted from seed "Magic Carpet" and they are pretty! but I the store bought ones ("Dream", that's a variety that is new to me) are gorgeous, BIG blooms and I love to deadhead so yeah they keep going late! I found some poppies coming up, that we started from seed last year, it is so fun to find things coming up from last year. A couple pansies self-seeded also! I keep saying I will post picture but I keep posting late at night when I should be in bed, I will get some pics here for you :)

Kathleen you have so much going on!! congrats to your daughter and best wishes on her surgery. I hope you can get your hip work done at home, somehow! and yay for Ireland!!!

Lisa HI to you my friend!! :) :hug: You had some GREAT life advice for both PandaCupcake and Kathleen!