long time since I posted. So this is not going to be brief

Holly I bet its safe to start planting this weekend. I saw the 10 day forecast. Looks pretty good. I hear ya re the rain. I need to plant sunflower seeds. Your husband and you are planting great stuff. You will have lots of healthy produce to eat. My back yard is all woods. And the front is open area in the condo complex. I dug up almost all of the grass and extended the garden many years ago. But they would NOT appreciate me growing veggies in it, lol. The association board and condo management company are controlling. I no longer have money to do annuals. So I just have perennials. That means trying to stop at least some of them from spreading all around the garden. I have to keep things a bit neat for the control freaks. I have lots of columbine I started from seeds decades ago. Peonies, very tall violet phlox. A lot of "oriental peonies" Rose bushes, plus a lot of other stuff. The evening primrose loves to travel. As do the lilies of the valley which are a pain to dig up. when July comes I end up having to get a flat of pink, lavender/purple, blue and white petunias just so something will be blooming after the big show in June. Although the phlox are prolific and are fairly late blooming. I used to cover my front porch area in potted plants on tables of different heights. And also lots of hanging baskets. It was spectacular. But things changed financially. It used to cost me around 400 dollars a year to fill the entire area with blooming plants. I even used to crystallize the edible flowers to decorate cakes. Or just give to people in a flat gift box. like an edible garden. The cheesecake you made sounds amazing. Hope the new tire has arrived and been put on the bike. I hear ya re dirt roads in the spring. I used to drive up a dirt mountain road in Huntington. In the spring it was crazy.

Lisa ouch. Sorry re: the fall. I hope the appointment goes well. And I am sorry you are struggling emotionally. I too have been grappling with emotional challenges. So many people are experiencing anxiety or depression. Its like an epidemic you are not alone I too feel like I am a failure. I wish I could say different. But you are not alone. And if I had money, I would bet a lot of it that you are not a failure at all. Big hug to you re: your mom passing in 2016. So painful to lose any "immediate" family members. Thank God my mother is still alive, as of this afternoon anyway. I too like American housewife. Like the mother and Anna Cat. I will look up the movie the accountant. I like life in pieces also. These days a good laugh is very important. Finally, I am glad you got to speak with your therapist. I wish people who cannot work would not blame themselves for it. Its honestly not their fault. really and truly.

Panda I am sorry about that guy. Being treated that way can feel so horrible. Especially when we really care about the person. Glad you took some time off when you felt you could. So many people in different fb groups I am in are experiencing emotional challenges. Many of whom usually do not. I too have been experiencing challenges. I hope things soon are easier for you.

Coop thanks for the good wishes re: my mother. From what I understand, the elderly's taste buds stop working. So food doesn't taste great. When my mother gave up driving she became depressed. The doc put her on antidepressants. But it takes 4 weeks supposedly for them to start working. Sorry you are so busy. I hope its at least a good busy and you enjoy the work you do, and cooking when you get home. I hope somehow you can get time for yourself. Color me impressed how you have pretty much totally cut out sugar. I have not been so great with it. But def. better than I would have been.

Livi29 I am sorry you too are experiencing these challenges. But you are in the right place to write about it. I think these are very challenging times. Losing weight while feeling depressed etc is extra challenging. Sometimes 2 steps forward and 1 step back. However long it takes its okay. Glad you are here.

Been eating too much. Sometimes that just happens. I have been much better re: the sugar than I would have been if I had not gotten instructions to stop prior to the DNA healing thingy. But I have not been perfect by any means. Things have been challenging. A FB friend turned on me. then I turned on myself.... I even shut down my fb page and opened another one. That's when I know things really are NOT good. Anyway, I missed my friends and great groups, way too much. So I went back... for now.

It feels awesome to have warm weather. Oh how I wish I was not an empath and SO sensitive to energies. It makes life a lot more challenging being in the garden at the condo complex. That may have been tmi.

I hope everyone has a good Friday. ♥ Pat (or you can call me flower if you wants to)

Flower,

I feel like I'm on my last nerve. Whenever something goes wrong, I instantly cry. It's just where I am right now.

I cried and didn't call, Jennifer but I feel so alone. I love it here but I don't feel like I have a strong base. Other than my therapist and Dr.

Don't forget "The Accountant."

It's went ok. They gave me a brace to wear on my right knee. I'll probably just wear it on days I'm in a lot of pain. It's kind of big and bulky.

My therapist is sooo incredibly kind.

I'm not really myself so I apologize if my posts come off shirt.

Have a great Friday night. Go out and have a drink for me.

Lisa, I think it's great that you write here what you are REALLY feeling. No apologies needed! Many times in the past I have been in intense pain and way too alone. So I know how that feels. Even though each person's situation is different.
it can be so difficult under the best of circumstances moving to a new place where there are no friends or community. Like I said before, so many people are being challenged right now. Lots of pain. Sadly, you are in good company.

Spent quite a while in the perennial garden. Digging up plants that have not respected any boundaries, lol. The ones that are encroaching on The poppies, columbine, forget me nots, poppies and rose bushes.... The culprits who know no polite boundaries are tall phlox, evening primrose, lilies of the valley and the worst...milkweed, whose roots go straight down and are very difficult to dig up properly. I gave some of the plants away. So that was great.

For the past several days I have been doing some serious emotional eating. I got in my car at 9:40 trying to get to the health food store before it closed its doors at 8:50. to buy something sweet and fattening. Chocolate or Carrot cake? It didn't matter. I was in a major crave mode. While driving there I decided to instead settle for less fattening non sugary bag of "banba" from Trader Joe's which was across the way from the health food store. This was not the first bad food choice of the day. It's like I have an driving need for carbs. I am not overly worried because the last time this happened it corrected itself. The intense cravings eventually settled down. Although, I cannot financially afford these cravings.

Hoping everyone has a great Saturday

I've been more tired than usual lately and it's been excessively difficult to wake up in the morning. It's like my eyelids are magnets. I've been putting music on as soon as my alarm goes off to keep my mind from falling back into a dream but it's been taking every ounce of will power to get myself out of bed. If I allowed myself to naturally wake up I think I'd probably end up sleeping upwards of 12 hours and I'm really not sure whats causing it.

I also have an irritating on and off twitch on my lower eyelid (very pronounced, it looks like something is moving under my skin) which I'm pretty sure is a side effect of the Wellbutrin xl I'm taking. It started Wednesday after I missed a day and lasted until the next morning. Now it seems to be coming back in the evening and lasting throughout the night.

Thank you all for welcoming me.

I hope things get better soon for those of you struggling. I don't know much about any of you yet, and I worry it could feel like I'm marginalizing how hard things are if I try to motivate or empathize so I just want to say first that I never mean to do that. But I am a person who loves a motivational quote or two, as cliche as they can be, so I'd like to throw out one of my favorites - "The only way out is through." I repeat that to myself often when there is a lot of stress I have to face and all I want to do is give up and hide (which is very often) to remind myself if I can just take it step by step I'll get to the other side and leave it behind me.

lisa I'm sorry you're still struggling, and feeling tearful. I know how it feels to feel like you're not settled, it's not nice. Come up with a few interests and see if you can join any local groups - e.g. if you like singing, are there any choirs nearby? It helps to feel like you're putting down roots.

flower if you need help beating cravings, check out the "I quit sugar" blog - she has some great tips and alternatives - I found proper cheese was pretty good at fending off cravings!

Livi nothing worse than feeling constantly exhausted! I really hope you can figure out what's causing it, and start getting a bit more energy again. I like your quote - it reminds me of one I used to think of when I was having a tough time: "if you're going through h*ll, keep going" (oh I just learned this site sensors H*ll, how weird!)

I want to but it's hard when I have not even gotten my finances figured out. There are times when I don't even have gas money.

Things are slowly improving. They really are and I can't wait until I can actually go do things.

I met my next door neighbors yesterday. They are so nice and the young girl told me she's lonely. They have a newborn baby, he's beautiful. I'm going to keep on touch with them.

Hugs to you, Coop.

Music is a great way to slowly wake yourself up. I bet there are apps out there that would slowly wake you.

Anyway, I just wanted to welcome you again to the board.

I watched a movie tonight called Crimson Tide.

It was exciting and takes place on a nuclear submarine. I have a fear of deep water so it made me cringe. Never in a million years would I get in a submarine.

It was still good. Very exciting.

Crimson Tide with Gene Hackman and Denzel Washington.

If you do spot something, you could contact the group organiser to see if anyone there could give you a lift? Maybe drive yourself to the first couple of meetings so they know you're not an axe murderer I had to do that to get to my slimming world group for a while - people can be really helpful if you ask them! A box of chocolates to say thank-you is all it needs

I'm really pleased you met your neighbour, and get on with them I'm sure she'll appreciate some tips from a pro like yourself!

Hi everyone. I was doing well I guess until I went to my parents house. I didn’t eat a lot but my mother snuck food into my bag which I found when I was leaving. I don’t even like it but didn’t want to waste it so some things I put in the freezer and some I’ve been snacking on and that’s what has spiraled me off path. I threw everything away last night. I’m mad also that my mother complains about gifts people give her- my parents despise all gifts, but people don’t understand this and they give my parents things and it just burdens my mother with finding ways to get rid of these things. The worst part is she was trying to pass these things along to me AND she BUYS me things as well.

I have absolutely no understanding of how she cannot understand how wrong this is. Why on earth would she endlessly complain about something and then turn around and do it to her daughter?
I don’t need lbs of food, or items her niece gave her, I don’t need coats or jackets or clothing. I have clothing. Plus I haven’t agreed with her style since the year I turned 5 in kindergarten. After I declined a lot of things, she went ahead and stuffed them into my bag, and now it’s sitting in my home waiting for a day for me to drop in off in a neighborhood donation bin. Clothing that is not my style and also is various odd sizes- everything from 4 sizes too large to 8 sizes above my size. I am fuming just writing about this and it happened weeks ago. I think she’s always had this strange concept of size. If you cannot button or zip something, ok, it doesn’t fit, it’s too small. But too big? She doesn’t understand this exists.

Anyway now I’ve had increasingly bad mindless eating days in a row, so I am afraid to get on the scale. I’m going to return to healthier eating and will no longer be eating anything at my parents house that I don’t want.. I only go a few times a year but it’s super annoying when people put food onto my plate for me. I took some off and put it onto my father’s plate after he kept refilling my plate. I am not a toddler.

I am sorry for anyone reading this if this sounds ungrateful or bratty.

For some good news, I’ve noticed this week some beautiful flowers suddenly sprouted on the front lawn. I’m not sure what kind they are but there is a bloom of white and a bloom of pink- they are huge flowers, six inch wide, so pretty!

Hey guys. Hope you're all having a good Tuesday.

Panda I don't think you come across as bratty or ungrateful at all. I totally get where you're coming from. Sometimes people trying to give you things, even being well meaning, just causes you more stress either because its food that derails your efforts or it stuff that you then have to figure out how to store or get rid of... it's unfair to place that on you if you declined.

I'm feeling a little better as far as the exhaustion, and my eye twitch stopped (which is what I'm most happy about). I have good things happening, but they're a double sided coin because it also means a lot more stress. I registered for community college this fall to do the two semester dental assisting program which I am very excited about, but I'm also scared about balancing it with work. It will mean that for most of a year every day I will either be at work or at school (or both). But still, overall I know it's great and it means I will be able to get out of retail which is just crushing me body and spirit right now. I may need to cut down on my hours, but I'm worried about them cutting me too low and losing my insurance.

My eating has been pretty terrible, but not as bad as it has been in the past. I really need to get a handle on it though because beyond weight loss if I don't eat better it's just going to make it all that much harder to have energy to deal with how busy I'm going to be. So I need to set up habits now so they are in place already by august...

But today I'm not going to worry, got a workout in and later going to see Deadpool 2 and dinner with my hunny.

Livi
That’s exciting you have school to look forward to this Fall. Have fun on your date night tonight!