Hi, my name is Stephanie and i'm a 22 year old uni student.

When i was a young teen i suffered from an eating disorder, i starved myself for months and afterwards i gained a large amount back, which resulted in losing all my confidence and made me feel even worse than before.
Over the years i tried literally every diet out there (intermittent fasting, not eating at all, Master Cleanse, one meal a day, no dinner, no breakfast, gluten free, dairy free, vegetarian, vegan, only one type of food, one apple a day, drinking only diet coke, laxatives, running 2 hours a day and even taking about 20 pills of iodium a day in hopes of getting hyperthyroidism), but always failed, so i really don't know what else to try.
Since i still live at home, cooking seperatly is also difficult.
In 25 days the new semester starts and because of my insecurities i haven't been able to find any friends in the last couple of years at all and of course my lonelyness results in eating even more.

Originally i was always very thin, before making the stupid mistake of thinking i need to be even thinner and starting this whole nightmare.
I always tell myself that now i'm going to lose weigth and get happier, but i never manage to. Now my BMI starts to be classified as overweight, so i simply have to do something and i also believe that if i don't manage to lose it now, i won't make any friends again and will forever feel miserabe.
Yesterday i was so motivated and this morning everything went well until lunch, than i snapped again... I just feel so empty if i don't eat constantly, but on the same time i completely hate my body; i can't even remember the last time i did't feel ugly and sad.

At the start of my holidays i thought, now i'm gonna change and by the time uni starts again i feel better and ready to approach some people, but now there's no longer a lot of time left; i simply feel as if i'm wasting all my life.

Has somebody of you any tips on how to get out of this? Maybe even gone through a similar situation? I'd really appreciate your help,i really don't know what to do anymore, so i thought, maybe a support forum wouldn't be to bad, to kinda keep you on track...

Honestly, you need to seek counseling. Everything you're saying is disturbing. From starving yourself to trying to give yourself hyperthyroidism which is a very serious disease. There's much better and effective ways to go about this but you need to start with talking to a professional.

I agree, counselling is something I think you need to help balance your emotions out. It will help you to stop any comfort/bingeing, and to learn to love yourself again.

It sounds like your body has been through a lot, and will be struggling to balance out again & I worry any advice we give won't be tailored to your specific needs.

The absolute best thing you can do for your weight is to follow a balanced and healthy diet, eating lean meat, fish, vegetables, healthy fats (avocado, nuts etc) & even the odd bit of junk food as a treat. Once your body learns good food & nutrients are plentiful, it won't feel a need to store extra fat anymore.

Oh hun. This makes me sad. I have also struggled with an eating disorder and gaining everything back and it is ****. Not only are we struggling with the weight gain but the ED brain is in agony and making you feel it everyday. Every bite feels like a failure and your ED sure as **** lets you know that. BUT, it's not. Food is nutrition. Food helps your organs function. You need it to fuel your body and give you energy to live your life!

I highly recommend counseling if you're not already in it. Seeing a psychiatrist to help manage medications would also be helpful. I accessed my community mental health program and got into groups to support people learning to love their bodies after an ED. The best change in lifestyle would probably be intuitive eating as it is the most like normal eating. To me it actually is normal eating. But constant guidance and support is definitely gonna be needed. Stay on here and connect with the lovely members.