Depression and Weight IssuesHave you been diagnosed with depression, are possibly on depression medication, and find it affects your weight loss efforts? Post here for support!
I don't know if anyone here remembers me. I used to be a regular here a number of years ago. Back when I put my mind to it I lost 60 pounds and actually became pretty happy (with the help of a new med and a new outlook). Fast forward a few years, I have a collapsed disc in my back, degenerative disc desease and arthritis in my spine. Every day is pain. I was doing physio and trying to be active. I went for an MRI on my back because I was having some new symptoms. My dr is calmly going through the results... Blah blah blah, uterine fibroid, blah blah blah. I say "wait, what?" He says "oh is that new?" I say "yeah! Wth is that?" He tells me they're growths in the uterus, 99% of the time benign and not to be worried about but just to be sure we'll send you for an ultrasound. He also says they can put pressure on the nerves in the back and cause pain, this might account for the new symptoms. So I find a place that could get me in right away (btw... I was laid off from my job I the oil industry so I had lots of time on my hands). They do an external ultrasound followed by an internal one, what fun! Fast forward a week or so and I get a call from my Drs office. They want me to go for a pelvic MRI and are referring me to a gyno specialist. At this point I start freaking out. If these things are no big deal wth??! Also very strange is they have an MRI appt for me that is within a few weeks? Not the normal 6ish months it usually takes for an elective MRI. I have the MRI done, they actually do 2. One just normal and another with contrast material that they pump into me via an IV. A few weeks after that I have my appt with this gyno (my first ever male gyno). He tells me the great news that most fibroid patients don't have to do any of this stuff. It's only the rare extreme cases that do MRIs and get referred. Then he goes on to explain that my fibroids are huge. And I mean massive. I have 2 that are worrisome and they're each about the size of a newborn baby's head. One is deep in the back wall of my uterus and the other is growing outside my uterus on a stalk and may have attached itself to my left ovary. The cherry on top is that the one in my uterus has caused it to swell to the size of someone who is 5 months pregnant. I was shocked. I tell him I feel fine. He probes my gut and I groan in pain, that's not normal he says, "you've probably adapted to the symptoms with out really noticing. You'll feel a lot better once we get them out of you". He then proceeds to tell me that surgery to remove my uterus is the only way to fix this. Just taking out the fibroids themselves is a riskier surgery and they almost always grow back. Now I was turning 40 this year and except for a pair of puppy dogs and a step daughter I'm childless. We were actually trying for a baby the year before but stopped when I got laid off. Im devastated. They want to cut me open and take out the very piece of equipment that makes me a woman. He wants me to book a surgery time. I tell him I want to think about it. He prescribes me a drug, fibristal, that could shrink them. The only problem is it costs about $1200 for a 3 months of treatment. I'm unemployed for over a year at this point, no way in frigging **** can I get this kind of money. So he applies to the drug company on a compassion basis and a few weeks later I get my pills for free. I have to have a uterine biopsy before I can take them though. And the procedure leaves me in tears. At this point I want nothing more to do with any of this. I just want to be left alone. But I start the pills anyway. Now I don't know if any of you are familiar with these but basically they're an estrogen blocker... And estrogen is what feeds these fibroids and causes them to grow. I figure "so that's where all my estrogen is going! It's all being sucked up by these things because I sure as heck am NOT a girlie girl" Ha. Ha. Ha. So I'm on these pills and they basically throw you into a simulated menopause. I never knew there could be so much fun in the world!!! Mood swings, water retention, scatter brain, achy body, sore throat and my very favourite, hot flashes!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ****ing ****!!! In the mean time I've actually managed to go and get myself a job! Yay! For $5 000 less a year than I used to make and crappy benefits, but it's better than nothing. The kicker is the office I work in now doesn't have air conditioning. I may be Canadian but temperatures like 90f are quite common here... Albeit for short periods of time, last year we even got up to 95f! July is our hottest month and for the first time in my life I'm dreading summer. The happiest season of all is going to be pure ****.
So yeah. If you've read this far I'm amazed. And you'd be right to assume I haven't been very happy at all lately. I'm a depressive bi-polar in fake menopause who's just been told she'll never have a baby. Weight loss isn't even in my realm these days, it's been the last thing on my mind really. I've been finding quite a bit of solace in food and booze lately. I know, I know. Neither of these things are a good way of handling feelings but I really don't know what else to do at this point. There is the very slim chance that I can try to get pregnant if these pills shrink the fibroids there's about a months grace period before they start growing again. Dr did point out though, that fibroids don't usually cause fertility problems so if I wasn't getting pregnant before there may be something else going on. My immediate family has a long record of fertility problems, its heartbreaking to hear.
So I can take these pills for up to a year, and then have surgery, or I can try to have a baby. My husband says he loves me and will stand by me and support me no matter what I do. he already has a kid. This one would be for me, because I wanted one.
Most days I don't even feel like getting out of bed let alone go out and learn a new job. I'm having a hard time talking to anyone about it because I really don't have many friends and the ones I do have are having their own little crisis lately (they really are). It's like the **** hit the fan for most people in my life lately. I really don't want to bother them with this. I just needed somewhere to say all of this. It's probably not a good idea for a depressive person like me to have a kid anyway I guess. I just need another girl to talk to, the husband is supportive but he just really can't fully understand this. He's a man, I don't expect him too. I feel betrayed by my own body if that makes any sense. God I need a hug.
Aunty Jam, I remember seeing you around the boards. I'm so sorry to read about your struggles. I'm not sure if you would consider looking into adoption, but please don't let this end your hopes of being a parent. My husband and I decided when we met that we were both very open to adopting. We met relatively late in life and my chances of having a bio-baby aren't great, so we thought "why torture ourselves trying?" and immediately started the adoption process. We're in the very last stage now.
As for the rest of it, lean on your female friends and family as much as you can, or feel comfortable doing, for support right now. Big problems need a lot of sharing. And food and booze are fickle friends; they love you in the moment but stab you in the back later. Can you find any other outlet? Meditation, yoga, running, zumba, journaling, cake decorating class, hiking, morning nature walks, etc. On the plus side, it sounds like the job you found is a bit of a silver lining right now, yes? Despite the lack of air conditioning (can you bring ice packs/compresses for your neck and keep in fridge?).
Another friend suggested adoption but it's really not an option for me. I wanted a child of my own, from my body. I wanted to *be* pregnant and feed a child myself. That's never going to happen. Thanks for the suggestion but no.
I can't move my hips very much because my back issues are in my lower back. Anything twisty is out too. I've been thinking about trying some yoga. Although most days I can't get up the enthusiasm to do my physio exercises.
I'd love to crochet something but I can't find my blooming hooks! I won't buy more if I have them somewhere around the house. Also I'm not sure I can afford the yarn, that stuff is surprisingly expensive. Had our old dog at the vet yesterday and although he's healthy he's headed/having some serious dental problems. So that's a $600 bill I'm going to be saving my pennies for. He's the best dog we've ever had and he's totally worth it.
As I'm typing this on my phone I'm eating Cheetos and drinking beer. I think I'm giving up for tonight.
I don't really have some great advice. But I wanted you to know I'm sorry for what you are going through. It just plain sucks. I've had a **** of a year as well (not gonna hash out details here, because there is no comparison. Grief is grief), but I wanted to let you know on some bass level I understand. If you ever need to talk feel free to shoot me a PM.
And oh my goodness cheetos and beer (actually a hard cider for me) sounds absolutely fabulous. Lucky for my my broken ankle keeps me from hopping in the car to go get some
Hey. Thanks for the reply. I guess I'm in mourning for what could have been. A broken ankle sucks. I've never broken a major bone. Just a few fingers and toes. I've been off my meds (not my fibristal) my Zoloft and Wellbutrin and resperidone and muscle relaxers. Partly because I didn't have time or money to get them but also because my husband promised he'd go and guess what he hasn't done 2 days in a row. I'm hitting bottom pretty hard right now.
HAY you!!! :hugs: i am rushing around today but I WILL get back to say more and I 'm so sorry you have all this crap dealt to you!! hugs to Chase too, is that your older doggy's name??
Maybe I'm too late with my answer but Fibristal is now approved to be taken for longer than a year. I know, no use to you if you want a baby but useful if it takes longer than a year to shrink the fibroids. Also you should ask the gynecologist if it is possile to embolize your fibroids and if it is, what are your chance of getting pregnant after. Let him know how important a baby of your own is to you. Or see a fertility doc and ask their opinion on your pregnancy project vs fibroids.
Fibristal is usually successful for shrinking fibroids but also for dealing with the heavy periods that come along with them.
Wishing you all the best.
Depressed. Don't know where else to go.
It's just one thing on top of another sometimes, isn't it? I don't have anything to add. Just hang in there.
your way. I hope you find some comfort and resolution soon. We're all here for you!
