[thirti4thirty]

2015 was a depression free year for me after a horrendous period of 5 years with chronic depression. At the End of2014, I had a breakup which for me was a wake up call.
I could count on my ten fingers the number of times I cried in 2015. I stopped prescription drugs. I enjoyed life like never before despite the fact that it was a challenging year professionally. And now, I started noticing the dreadful symptoms again:
_my house is filthy, and I can't pull myself to clean it, not even for an hour I tried hard, but I couldn't do it.
_Getting out of bed has become a feat, just like lifting a mountain.
_Pity parties are following one another, I try not to dwell on them, but They're lasting longer and longer, meaning that I'm losing the battle.
_ I'm crawling after food. Sitting down and thinking (fantasizing rather) about the next meal.
_my whole body looks and smells unkempt. I used to get a manuand pedi fortnightly. Now my feet are so dirty I can't show them up, and yet I'm wearing open shoes, meaning that I don't care anymore.
_ today I went out without brushing my teeth.
_ my new car is so filthy.
_I'm avoiding ALL loved one.
I'm taking back all the kilos.
Now I'm drunk, at a car wash and wondering how I'm driving after this.
I'm pathetic. But I've seen the light and I know That I 'm gonna see it again.