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Dear friends,
I was told that my anxiety is a problem and that I probably wouldn't make a very good STNA. She worded it nicer that that but bascially that is what it came down to. I shall have to continue to look for a second job. I hope you all are well. |
Lisa, so sorry to hear that. Thinking about you. What are you thinking about doing?! Sending big hugs your way.
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SocialWorkMama,
I just wanted to stop in and say hi to everyone. I am still really sad about my STNA training not working out. I guess maybe, I know in my heart my instructor might have been right but it still hurts. For everyone 30 residents, there is 1 STNA (state tested nursing assistant) who has to take care of them. They did call me about another position, it's low stress and only every other weekend but I took it anyway. |
Hello friends :)
Lisa - I am so sorry that the instructor was negative about your efforts towards STNA, yes I would also be feeling hurt about that :( but I'm glad they called you about another position that is low-stress. You haven't spoken about your daughter, is she with you now for a bit? and doing any better, I hope?? SocialWorkMama, regarding the therapy light, it has actually been in a corner gathering dust for 2 years, I guess I felt it wasn't giving me too much bonus or else I'd have it on all day. it is the Verilux brand, I think I got it directly from the company. Maybe it did give me some relief and I was extra "down" then so it didn't seem like much help? I dunno. Sorry this wasn't very helpful :p I am VERY glad that we don't have snow on the ground yet, in fact I was on my motorcycle on Wednesday :D :D Our motorcycle organization donates 10 turkeys every year and my husband connected up the trailer to his motorcycle and we delivered them by 2 wheels :moped: which in late November in Vermont is freakin AWESOME :cool: One of my co-workers, a dumb young girl, saw my husband's car (when he came to say hi to me) and made the comment "do you know you've got a big chunk missing from your car". Well YES you dumb little jerk, I know it and I'm embarrassed about it, and now I'm even more embarrassed. It will cost like $600 to get it repaired and we've just put it off for now (piece of bumper in front). I hate when people say stupid and unthinking crap like that. I feel I need to tell her how that made me feel, but I am not good at conversations like this, i tend to get flustered and upset and seems to be worse than if I said nothing. oh well :) I am proud to say I have been working out almost every day, maybe for 20 minutes, maybe for 40. Just to keep limber and have some strength for every day stuff. hope you are all well and please check in to say HI |
HI again :) well I didn't say anything to my young dumb co-worker and that is probably for the best, I'll save the conversation for something really important :D
have a good night :cool: |
Hi everyone,
I don't really know what to say. I am just very sad. I am going to have to put one of my cats down. Hopefully, they can get him in tomorrow. He's in pain. I feel like ****. I'll write more later. http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b1...psae55adb0.jpg |
Lisa, I am so sorry that you are having a hard time right now. Sending you lots of hugs and support, so sorry to hear about your kitty.
Holly, I am sorry that your coworker said that! I would have been embarrassed too. I am very self conscious about my car, it is old and also damaged but I am a poor student and have no money to get it fixed or get a nicer car. Some people just don't think before they speak! |
I am doing okay, still in a weird funk though. I don't know what it is, maybe the time of year, I just feel anxious and an overall sense of depression. I am still functioning, just not at my best level. I am ready for spring! Lol. What is everyone doing for Thanksgiving? We are going to my parents house so hopefully it will be fun, I find holidays with my parents stressful, my mom is always stressed and my parents bicker. Ugh. Lol.
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Lisa, sorry to hear of your cat. It's horrible having to take a pet to be pit down, I hope you can have someone there to hold you hand.
I've lost my momentum with the forum, but I'm having a rough time at the moment, and I'm not having a good night, so I thought I'd pop by. My OH's dad is sick, we're waiting to find out how bad it is, but in the meantime my OH has moved back in to provide moral support. I absolutely support him, but I'm used to having him around here, and I'm feeling a bit lonely. I'm trying to be constructive and look into things I can do to be around people, but until we know how serious this illness is, I don't want to commit to anything. Anyway, I'm just in for a general moan... |
Hang in there!
Hello everyone! Just popping in to say hi and let you know that I'm reading along.
Lisa: I am so sorry about your cat. :( Not much worse than having to put a beloved pet down. I am especially sorry this has to happen when you are already having a rough time. Also sorry to hear that your anxiety is getting in the way of you being a STNA. That must have been difficult to hear, even if you already thought it might be true. So does that mean you still will or won't be taking the class that you had so much work in? How is Jennifer? Will she be home with you for Thanksgiving? Hope things in your world begin looking UP soon! :hug: Holly: How rude of your co-worker to ask you if you knew that there was a chunk of your car missing!!! :devil: Too bad you didn't come back with, "What do YOU think, a@@hole?!?" That is irritating! So nice of your motorcycle organization to donate turkeys and for you and your hubby to deliver them! That is what the season is all about! :) So happy to hear that you have still been able to get out on your motorcycle some. Happy riding!!! :) (trying to insert the motorcycle emoji, but my damn computer is acting up again) Sorry to hear that some of you are really struggling lately. I can definitely relate. I never know how I am going to feel from one day to the next. It makes it hard to plan anything. I am also avoiding public events right now for this very reason. Part of me feels guilty about it, but part of me knows that I need to do it to take care of my mental and emotional health. My therapist is helping me to recognize my negative cyclical thinking, but even though I know I am doing it, it is SO difficult for me to STOP the negative spiral downward with my thinking. My mind swirls continuously with worst case "what if" scenarios. I think I am really missing my Buspar (anti-anxiety med that they took me off of in the hospital this summer), but my psychiatrist doesn't want to put me back on it because it can trigger a manic episode. I don't really want to go on any more meds, but I am having a hard time dealing with my anxiety lately. It has been extra heightened and I'm not sure why. Then I bash myself for worrying about everything and for not enjoying life more. I realize that I am being hard on myself, but I can't seem to stop. I feel so fragile and unproductive lately. It is not good for my self-esteem. Sorry to be such a downer with this post. I am hanging in there, but not doing nearly as well as I would like to be. Probably feeling some added pressure with the holidays quickly approaching. I do have plenty to be thankful for, so I am really trying to focus on that and make that a priority. Easier said than done, though, as many of you know. I need to remind myself to take baby steps and to focus (as much as possible) on the positive! BIG HUGS :hug: to all of you! :hug: |
Hi ladies,
You all are so wonderful for caring about me. I am struggling. I am so down, don't feel like talking or being around anyone. I'm glad I'm alone today. I didn't realize how much Oliver being gone would effect me. It was so damn hard to put him down even though he was very sick. I feel like ****. Man, I hope I feel better tomorrow. Kathleen, Hon, I am so sorry you are having such a difficult time. I know you don't want to take anymore meds but it sounds like you might need them. You don't sound very happy and that makes me very sad. Don't you dare feel bad for venting here, that is what we are for. I won't be taking anymore STNA classes, the one I had to do so much homework in, but I did get a position at the nursing home that is low stress. I go for orientation tomorrow, I will be a hospitality aide but it won't be very many hours. I'm hoping once they see what a good worker I am, I might pick up a few more hours. Jennifer's med is working, she was done a 180 and seems to be doing well. She will be going back to work soon, she took a medical leave but is due to go back soon. I hope she does ok. I am still worried about her going back as her job is hard on her. She is a drug and alcohol therapist and those clients are not easy to work with. Holly, Did you see above about Jennifer? She is doing well, I hope she is ok when she goes back to work. You just ignore that awful co-worker and just be grateful you have a car to get back and forth with. *hug* SocialWorkMama, You and me both, being in a funk is no good. I wish I had something to say that would make you feel better. I will say, I am so glad you are here with us. I love reading your posts. Keep venting, maybe it will help you to feel a bit better. I find the holidays with my family stressful too. I doubt I will spend much time with them, other than Jennifer and my mom. Coop, I am glad you came back. :) Sorry that you too are struggling. Just keep posting here and we will try to be a good sense of support for you. Hugs to you all. |
It's 2 am and I am awake. I need to go back to bed, I have a long day ahead of me. Orientation is about 6 hours long and it starts at 9 am. I heard it is really boring, just lots of videos.
I have to be awake at 5 am for job #1, 6 am - 8 am. Like I said, it's going to be a long day, I am going to try to go back to bed and sleep. *yawn* I'll post again later today. |
Lisa, I am sooo sorry about handsome Oliver :( You did absolutely the right thing but Oh my gosh it is so sad!! :( :( I know you will always remember him.
I hope you got some sleep?? I am sorry about your present state of mind not being good, when I hear you are struggling that is so sad. When you are feeling good, your posts are really, really helpful to me, and probably to others too, you help me to see the positive and I hope so much you feel better SOON. Kathleen, I am sorry you are feeling so anxious now, do NOT feel guilty about avoiding social things right now because you know how to take care of yourself as only you know how, and that is no one else's business. Hang in there!! SocialWorkMama, LOL I am ready for Spring too :D it is not too bad for me now because we don't have any of that white crap yet :devil: I am trying to shrug off the comment from the co-worker, HER car is bashed up because her druggie boyfriend took it and crashed it...but do I say anything about THAT? no, because I am semi-normal :devil: Yes we are just glad we have cars that take us to work and back :) Coop27, I am sorry that you are struggling now. I hope the illness is not serious. You can pop in for a moan anytime, :D and HI to everyone else :hug: I realize that I have a hard time 'living for the moment'. Like I am always thinkng ahead to when the weather is nicer, to when maybe I lose some of my chub, etc. I know I am losing out on a LOT by not being able to love the moment I am in :?: but generally I am in a good frame of mind. I think back to when I had suicidal thoughts and I think, jeez, only crazy people think like that :devil: but it didn't seem crazy at the time. I did a workout this morning :strong: and I am so glad I did. Every little bit helps, I mostly just looking to keep limber and flexible and relatively strong to handle everyday life, because the damn shoveling will start soon :devil: I hope everyone has a good day :hug: |
Thanks for the well wishes guys, it has helped perk me up. I'm feeling a little better for being back in the office today and being around people! We hope to hear more about the OH's dad tomorrow - the worst bit is the waiting. We are on hold until we know what care he is going to need, and I can't really talk to anyone about it until we know the prognosis. I don't know how on earth the OH and his Dad are keeping sane.
Lisa - hope you managed to get some sleep. We had to put our dog down a few years ago, and I know how awful it feels. They become a surrogate part of the family, and it's horrible when you lose them. Take care x Ibelieveinme2 - if we get to be downers, then we can't complain about you being down - so don't feel bad. I hope your therapy continues to help. Vermontmom - hoping the snow holds off for a little while longer :) |
VM and Coop, thank your for the kind words. Oliver will always be in my mind. 15 years is a long time, he was with us through thick and thin. I will forever miss him.
I really don't have a lot to say, I'm kinda quiet tonight. Sweet dreams. |
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