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Ups & Downs Support Group Aug 2015

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#16

1961tracy , 08-18-2015 11:43 PM

Hi my name is Tracy. I am coming to grips with the fact that I suffer from depression and that my feelings of inadequacy over my weight is getting out of control. I am motivated to get help because I saw what depression and borderline personality disorder did to my mother. As hard as it is to come to terms with my depression and anxiety (I am usually super upbeat and always laughing) I know this is the one thing I can do for myself, that it is something that I have control over. The other issue that I am coming to terms with is dieting. I can't do it on my own and need counseling to go along with dieting. Thank you for letting me put all of this out there. Keeping it inside really hurts.

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#17

Lisaluvshearts , 08-19-2015 10:03 AM

tracy!!!!!!

I am so sorry you are struggling. This thread is a great way to vent. We all support each other and totally understand each others problems.

I have to work this afternoon. I have 2 clients to take care of, one of them is brand new and that always causes me anxiety. I hope she is nice. I will have to work until 8 pm tonight. I dread it. I don't like working that late but I agreed to help out one day a week with this new lady. Keep me in your thoughts.

Meanwhile, I am relaxing this morning, or trying to. My meds are helping a lot. I have good days and bad days with my anxiety, today isn't so bad.

I have decided to go to the lake on Saturday so that I can go to church on Sunday morning. I want to get some more sun. I have a nice color on my face and chest. My legs didn't get any sun at all.

Have a great day! I'll check back in later tonight.

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#18

IBelieveInMe2 , 08-20-2015 11:49 AM

Welcome!!!
Tracy: to the group!!! I originally started this group, but due to some forces beyond my control (breast cancer, 2 surgeries, psychiatric hospitalization, and family issues to name a few), I have been absent for way too long. I am going to make an effort to post as regularly as possible again, since this group is a big part of my support system. Sometimes, it is easier to discuss things with complete strangers who can relate to your feelings than with those closest to us. I was WAY overweight when I began this group. On January 12th of this year, I began a coaching program to end emotional eating. I did very well on the program despite my breast cancer diagnosis a month later. I lost about 45 pounds at one point (in June/July), but ~ after being forced by my family into a psychiatric hospital against my will (ARGGGGH!!!!!!!!!) ~ they put me on new psychiatric meds that have me back up to nearly 200 pounds again. It is SOOOOOOO frustrating and I have a lot of anger about the whole hospitalization thing (along with the drugs the place put me on)!!! But I am determined to bounce back from this and be stronger for it. I have an incredibly strong faith and it is being tested once again on all fronts. I will NOT back down. I feel as though I am at yet another crossroads in my life in many areas. We take our son to college this Saturday and it feels like someone is ripping my heart out of my chest every time I think about it. He was a fragile 2 pounds when he was born (at 28 weeks) and his twin only lived for 14 hours due to their extreme prematurity. We have sheltered him for much of his life. HE is so ready to leave the nest and spread his wings in the big wide world. I am scared to death, but trying to pray about my feelings and leave the rest up to God. So much easier said than done. He is our oldest, so this is my first time experiencing this. To make matters worse, our relationship has been very strained this entire year and I absolutely hate that he is leaving on these terms. But it is what it is. Anyway, thank you for letting me vent.

I hope to hear more from you soon! Glad you are here!!!

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#19

IBelieveInMe2 , 08-20-2015 11:54 AM

Lisa
Lisa: Once again, THANK YOU so much for keeping the group going!!! I really appreciate it and I am happy that you find it helpful and are committed to it so much. I have faith that the group posts will pick back up soon and we can get the support flowing once again. Have you heard from Holly or Fi lately? I hope they and others are still checking in periodically!!! I will check back ASAP! Sending you a BIG HUG!!!

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#20

1961tracy , 08-20-2015 08:13 PM

Thank you all.

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#21

Lisaluvshearts , 08-22-2015 02:56 PM

Hello tracy, hello Kathleen, Hello everyone.

I had a busy morning yesterday. Had to take Jennifer to the ER or I should say I had to meet her at the ER. She called me from her car saying, "I think I'm having a heart attack, Mom." Freaked me out but I remained calm. She asked me if I could come get her where she had parked her car, she had pulled over on the side of the road. She had tightness in her chest and pain. She thought she was dying. On my way to get her, she called again saying, "I think I can drive now, the pain has subsided." So I met her at the hospital. The Dr questioned her and decided she had a esophageal (SP?) episode. He said that it feels like someone reaches in and grabs your esophagus and squeezed it as hard as they can. He simply said have Malox in the car and take a swig of it, doing that should help, if she would have another episode. Jennifer went ahead and left for the weekend. She was feeling ok. She'll be back on Monday. We went straight to the Dr's office after the hospital. He assured us that is was not a heart attack too. You could see the doubt in her eyes, she is still afraid.

I am rearranging my living room. Will take pics tomorrow or Monday. *sweating profusely* Wow, I had to move a lot of crap just to move 2 pieces of furniture. This is hard work but I have the computer facing the tv now and my extra couch in the greeting room. I am taking a break. I still have a ton of cleaning to do. There was a bunch of crap under the couch that I moved. It is amazing to me just how much can get under there, shoes, papers, dust bunnies, etc. I am tired already and all I did was move 2 pieces of furniture. In order to do that though, I had to sweep the floor and get all the stuff in the middle of the room. I am also not in the greatest of shape, but this is good for me.

Katheen, wow, sweetie, you have been through **** and back. I wondered where you had been? I am so glad you are back with us, I got kind tired of posting to myself. LOL Fi hasn't been here in ages and Holly posts once every couple of weeks. It may be just you and me and tracy for a while.

I will post again soon. Much love to all.

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#22

EasySpirit , 08-23-2015 08:35 AM

Hello!

Kathleen, when I read your post, I stopped and said a prayer for you. You have been through so much. Stay strong.

Lisa, I can relate to your daughter. Many years ago, a few months after I graduated from college, I had an episode where I thought I was having a heart attack and dying - I was hyperventilating, something I had never done. I went to the ER where they did an EKG, etc. The doctor was great; he told me I was having a panic attack, and that many people get them after a major life change - like leaving school and joining the work force.

I have been having a great summer- very busy, and I somehow managed to lose a few pounds. I am down to 147 again! Woo Hoo! My goal is under 140. I was in my 120s for many years, then ballooned way, way up after a horrible break-up.

Take care everyone.

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#23

Lisaluvshearts , 08-23-2015 06:40 PM

EasySpirit,

I am wondering if that wasn't what Jennifer had was a panic attack or maybe, the Dr's were right and it was her esophagus acting up. I just hope she never has another one. She scared the **** out of me. Fantastic job on losing some weight this summer, I think I found it.

Hi peeps,
It is Sunday here and I am relaxing. I've watch football all afternoon and now, I am watching Mike & Molly. There really isn't a lot to tell you. I have to work at 6 am tomorrow morning but my shift is only 2 hours. It is a busy 2 hours though.

My living room still isn't finished, I haven't cleaned the floor yet. There is just a lot of crap to pick up. I am a terrible housekeeper. I am amazed at how much crap was under my couch. It was awful. Let's just say, I get overwhelmed when looking at my house so I don't clean it as often as I should. It is just part of my illness acting out. I hate being overwhelmed. It's an awful feeling. Any of you want to come help me clean? lol

I miss you all so much. Have a great Sunday evening.

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#24

EasySpirit , 08-26-2015 12:20 PM

Just wondering - has anyone heard from Fi?

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#25

Lisaluvshearts , 08-27-2015 07:36 PM

EasySpirit, no, I personally have not heard from Fi. I am starting to worry about her. The last I heard was she was improving a bit.

I saw my mental health nurse practitioner today and we are going to play around with my meds. She is worried about my anxiety level. I hate that I am down for you all in my posts. They put me on Saraquel to help calm my anxiety down.

I am so glad tomorrow is Friday. I might go out tomorrow night.

Have a great Thursday night, everyone.

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#26

Lisaluvshearts , 08-28-2015 06:35 PM

Hello ladies,

I am feeling pretty calm today. I love it. The med my nurse practitioner put me on might be helping already. I take it at night, as it makes me sleepy. I have had 2 doses. It is called Saraquel. I hope the med keeps working better and better for me.

I hope you all are doing well.

I am so glad the weakend is here. I needed a couple of days off.

Have a great Friday night, much love to all.

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#27

Lisaluvshearts , 08-30-2015 10:41 PM

Hi everyone,

I wanted to fill you in on how I have been feeling the past few days. I've been taking my new med for 5 days now and it seems to be working. The physical part of the anxiety has lessened and I can almost say is gone. I feel really good. I just took my meds tonight and I am feeling the effects, I am getting sleepy. The med was originally used to help people sleep but they found it helps people with anxiety problems. It's just weird to feel good.

Kathleen, I am thinking about you. I hope you are ok. I know you have a lot on your plate right now.

Fi, please get a hold of one of us and let us know you are ok.

anyone else that has posted in this thread or past threads, please join in on the chat.

I'm going to call it a night here, I have a 5 am wake up call.

Sweet dreams!!!

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#28

Cikan , 08-31-2015 09:05 AM

It is good to know this topic is here. I have struggled with depression for near 10 years now, the last 8 not medicated. I was taking generic prozac and trazadone but for me, while I wasn't clinically depressed anymore (or so they said) I wasn't happy either; I wasn't anything but just there, numb. I do miss the trazadone though as I could at least sleep through the night. Right now, I am severely depressed, with no direction nor purpose in life, but I am hoping that if I concentrate on my diet and rowing again, then I will find the sleep comes back. And I know that if I lose this extra body that has encased me, I will feel better about myself, and hence a tad happier ( about that at least) ANyways, Happy new Day!

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#29

Lisaluvshearts , 08-31-2015 05:56 PM

Hello everyone,

Hope you are having a great day!

Cikan, to the thread. We are so glad to have you here with us. We are small but a mighty thread. Many of us are going through trying times and cannot post much. I, myself, try to keep the thread moving so it doesn't die. Feel free to post when you can, we are here to help. I am sorry you are struggling. Perhaps posting here would help you feel better? Venting either in a blog or a journal can help. Think about it and again, welcome.

I am a little down today. *sigh* I am hoping that tomorrow will be better.

Jennifer will be home in a while, I miss her when she is gone over the weekend.

Have a great Monday evening. Much love to all.

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#30

Cikan , 08-31-2015 08:47 PM

Lisaluvshearts, more than glad to be here, and I hope others are stil here too. Being able to talk is part of depression therapy, so I am glad to find a thread such as this one!

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