Here's a treat, at least for those who like gals, cats, and/or natural cuteness: two photos of Grace (15-yr-old great niece, mentee) with Oscar (year-old oriental shorthair). One of peace and repose and one of action.

Hello, all! I haven't been around in A WHILE, but I'm back to getting serious about my health and wellbeing.

Glad to see some names I still recognize

It's been a rough year due to my previous job. I worked at a group home for teen girls with behavioral issues, so I spent most shifts anxious and trying to be therapeutic, and sometimes getting yelled at, punched, kicked, bitten and various other punishments for my efforts. But I left that job (as a full time employee, I picked up like 3 shifts this month) for one that pays better, has an office setting, and allows me to help people who actually want my help

I'm weighing in at 2lbs above what I was last summer (not bad, honestly) and hoping to get started on being healthy, mind and body.

Again, hello! And I'm excited to connect with all of you for support and encouragement

It's nice to see people are all in good moods at the moment, I hope it keeps up!

Afraid I've had a bit of a stressful 24 hours. We are buying a house at the moment, and the sellers came out with some slightly unreasonable demands yesterday, so although we're supposed to move next week, I think things will be delayed until we can renegotiate. It doesn't help that OH had to leave on business for a few days, whihch means we can't sort it out until Monday.

This morning the boiler was on the blitz, so I had to go to work, only to come back home again 2 hours later to wait for a repairman to arrive (wish they would give a better window than anytime between 12-6pm), which also meant a frantic run around to tidy up (not that we were very messy, we just weren't expecting outsiders to come by).

I ended up comfort eating some rather unhealthy food (UK forumites will know what i mean by a Greggs). I ended up in tears this afternoon, missing my mum again (she passed away earlier this year) - we received a wedding invitation yesterday, which was another stark reminder of thing mum isn't here to do anymore; the invitations. "Mr and Mrs bloggs would kindly request your attendance at the wedding of their daughter". Well then I started to worry about silly things, like do you have to send invitations from Mr Father only? Will people wonder why it's only an invitation from dad? Will dad still be with us if/when I every get married? Grief throws up some silly questions, I know. Hopefully this mood will pass again soon enough.

I posted about this on my blog but I am going to do it here too because I just need to vent a bit more. Thanks to everyone in advance for listening (reading).

Today (now yesterday since it's 2am my time) I went to my gym and decided I was going to take a yoga class. I was all excited to try a new thing since I have been doing the same ol thing for a while. I work out 6 times a week and while I am fine with what I do I just wanted to try something new.

It was a disaster. I honestly felt like I was wearing an inner tube trying to lay down and do these yoga poses because I still have a significant amount of belly fat. Though I am fit enough to do about half of the poses such as raising my body up, etc, the other half of them, because of my size I just couldn't hold in place and would end up on my knees. This was fine for a while but they had me on a mat that was paper thin on this hard floor and my knees that are supporting my 293 pound frame were digging into the floor and after 25 minutes of an hour class I was starting to die!

I have a history of panic attack disorder and have always felt as if being fat I am discriminated against in society. Because of this I isolated myself for 7 years before I got help and it was a HUGE thing for me to put myself out there and to go to a gym full of people, some of who haven't a clue what it's like to struggle with weight. Today when I began to feel uncomfortable I started to panic, think irrational thoughts about these people and what they thought of me and I just quietly stepped to the side, told the instructor I couldn't continue and left. Now I know that my thoughts are irrational. I know that these people could care less and are focused more on themselves than anyone else but, it's hard to teach an old dog new tricks and my brain still plays that old tape no matter how many times I tell it not to.

I cried in my car for 10 minutes before I could drive and I have off and on all night. I have felt so vulnerable for the first time since I started exercising and losing weight that for a second I didn't ever wanna go back but, I've come way too far with losing 62 pounds in 5 months! So I will be back tomorrow but no Yoga! lol What was working for me before was going great and they say if it isn't broke, don't fix it! Heck, i've lost 16 pounds just in the last month. Forget Yoga! lol Thanks for listening

thank you ! you are so sweet....

JenDestiny: I'm so sorry your experience in that yoga class was so bad But you're right, your journey so far is incredible! It seems like whatever you are doing, you're doing it well so just keep it up I took a yoga class about a year ago and I had a similar experience. I was surrounded by people much smaller and fitter than me who didn't have difficulty with any of the things I did :/

clairely: ouch...

Y'all think I did a 180 and swung joyously from Bob-in-California to Bob-back-home, good meetings with Mike (QiGong) and Michael (psychiatry)? It's true, I did... but try this on for size: in our long-awaited meeting this morning with the neurologist, we heard that the only abnormality in ALL those torture-machine tests I had was mild carpal tunnel in my right (dominant) hand. (I've already had the carpal-tunnel release surgery on both hands, so it's not a problem so long as I don't overwork that hand.) Also: no tumor, no vascular issues, no seizure disdorder, no neurodegenerative disease (MS, ALS, etc.)—no this, no that, no problems at all except for needing rehab & reconditioning to get me standing, walking, driving, doing QiGong exercises, dancing to rock-n-roll again! Even the neurologist herself was having fun and smiling from ear to ear while delivering that news.

And she acknowledged it openly: I was taking a poisonous soup of too many antidepressants, and the whole cascade of my recentt months' decline in function started with....let's all say it together: serotonin toxicity. No mystery—just history. Live and learn.

So now I need to get on the phone and schedule the rehab and the extra app'ts with Mike.

Whoopee! Finally, at long last, I am happy to be 60. It's the age I want to be! And the age I will be when I lose more weight and make more art.

I don't usually go for emoticons, but this moment inspires me:

Hang in there, JenDestiny. Your day will come.

JenDestiny sorry to hear yoga was a bit rubbish. To be honest though, it sounds like the yoga instructor was a bit rubbish - they should recognise that you're a beginner and need some easier options, and a bit more help with technique. Please don't blame yourself for that. My first Pilate's class was with an instructor like that, thankfully another girl stopped me after to explain that he was only a substitute and what proper classes should be like. It did perk me up.

Well today I was getting dressed, and spotted a little red mark on my tummy, and suddenly realised I have a couple of brand new stretch marks! That was a bit rubbish, but I think it has given me my mojo back. Today I didn't find a way to justify having a small bag of crisps at work (usually "not eating them isn't making me any happier"), I stopped off to buy super healthy stir fry ingredients for dinner, and met a friend for a step class this evening. I was so exhausted by the end of the class, we had to sit down for an hour before we could face heading home! I also bought some frozen fruit to eat when I have dessert cravings! It has improved my mood quite a bit.

All is good now. I went back yesterday, did my normal thing and it was good. What was funny is that I was on my way out and one of the other instructors says "come take my class Jen". I shot her the dirtiest look. haha The girl from the previous day was there and I said "she liked to have killed me yesterday....do you think i'm gonna go in for the final kill today?" hehe It was all in good fun. I honestly think they just like me and want me in their class, which its nice to be wanted. The instructor from yesterday did tell me I did exceptionally well all things considering and she was impressed how strong I was. That really felt good. I told them both I am going to wait a while longer and a few pounds more lost before I attempt another class. They understood. So all is good. Thanks everyone for your support.

Hello wonderful Ladies,


I don't have much to report here but I did want to check in.


JenDestiny, you are braver than I am. I would not have gone back.


Where is everyone????

Lisa--thanks! I'm excited about the new opportunity And a small gain is okay! Sometimes that can be water weight, or increased muscle, or just another obstacle to push through. Don't let that get you down!

That being said, I had my last on-call weekend for my old job this last weekend. Needless to say, it was stressful as heck, and I barely had the chance to sit and check my email, let alone get on here

I haven't weighed myself for a while, I don't actually own a scale. But I have noticed I have more energy now that I'm drinking more water and packing healthy lunches. And this morning instead of a sugary coffee, I got a peach green tea lemonade. Not perfect, but only about 130 calories. And it took me all day to finish!

JenDestiny--good for you for going back! That is brave and I bet the instructors respect the heck out of you for it

I have good news on the job front too. I start on the 23rd to meet my boss, fill out forms and do training. I am not a Merchandise Rep.

I hope you all are well. Please check in and let us know what is going on in your life.

Check this out, if you will: a collaborative collage between Grace and me. I don't have it up yet on ipernity, but if you go tio the Kollage Kit and look for "S is for..." you'll find it. If you click on it, you'll get a larger version. Obviously, Grace is who made the collage: all I did was add color.