Oh, Ms OhioFreeSpirit! :hug: I am sorry, but at the same time, YOU'RE FREE!!!! As the days become longer and the birds start their happy chirping, you'll find ways to break free from the grasp of depression that is squeezing the wind out of your lungs. You now have the gift of more time! And, school will always be there if you choose to go back.

I hope you can break free from the pain soon, Fiona :hug:

Amygdala, have you thought about light therapy? Maybe that could help perk you up during the winter time. Your university should be able to help you find an interesting internship after the semester has finished. It would be good for you to have something to look forward to, and to have an opportunity to make new friends.

IBelieve: I had an MRI to look for a brain tumor a few months ago. My father died of a brain tumor before I was born, and I could have completely wigged out, but I decided that if the future held bad news for me, worrying about it was robbing me of happiness in the present. I somehow managed not to worry and convinced myself that it was all just a silly waste of time. Thankfully, it was. I hope your tests are also just a silly waste of time. One step at a time. One step at a time.

VermontMom--weight loss...oh yeah...That...I'm eating within calorie range for weight loss, and sticking with healthful foods, but stress just kills the weight loss for me.

EasySpirit--I'm new to this thread, too, so not sure I'm an official member of the welcome wagon parade, but Welcome! anyway!


So, I survived my third major eye surgery in 6 months. The last month and a half have been pretty scary, but it looks like we've stemmed the tide on this one. For now. I'm seeing a wee bit of improvement after only one day post-op. Just can't wait to have the stitches removed. Oh joy! Inhale/Exhale. One step at a time.

Lisa: Oh, I am so sorry you had to withdraw from school, but hopefully that will provide some much needed relief for you! I hate to hear you say you are getting sicker! :( Did your nurse practitioner or doctor give you any new meds in addition to the Clonazepam? You had said you were going to ask for something else to help with anxiety. Are you on anything for depression? Have you let them know you feel worse/sicker? I just so want you to get some relief from the depression and anxiety. Please make sure that you ask for help, so that you don't have to weather this storm alone or without the assistance of meds. What about therapy? Would that help? Do you feel any relief since you withdrew from school? Sorry to bombard you with questions. I just want you to feel better! Please keep posting in the meantime! We are here for you and will support you in any way that we can. Hang in there! :hug:

Invincible1: Thank you for sharing your experience with worry and how it can rob me of the present. Good reminder! I actually have been so darn busy with so much stuff going on in my life (all pretty stressful) that I haven't had too much time to ruminate on the 2nd mammogram the past several days. I have put it on the backburner.

I feel like my family life is falling apart. I have posted some stuff about it recently and don't want to rehash everything. But, for the most part, I have remained pretty calm and confident (for once) in my ability to handle whatever comes my way. We are going to get marital and family counseling. I also have both of my kids talking to counselors right now. We all just need some professional intervention to assist us with communication and getting through the rough times. I found out the other day that my (young adult) niece tried to cut her wrists early this week. :cry: Breaks my heart and reminds me once again how critical it is to get help when you need it. So I am not messing around and that's why I have my kids in therapy. They actually kind of like having someone neutral to talk to and who listens well to them. I see it as a good resource and support to them and all of us. Lots of unresolved and long-standing issues between hubby and me that have been resurfacing lately. I think part of the reason is that I have started to make some healthy changes in MY life and (consciously or subconsciously) my hubby is trying to put me back into my "place" (even though these changes are for the best for me AND for our family in the long run). "They" say that this is what happens in a dysfunctional family when it is "threatened" with change. Anyway, I am hanging in there and keeping VERY busy. My faith keeps me going and keeps me hopeful that things will turn around soon. I would be SUNK without my faith!!!

ohiofreespirit: I hope you'll be better soon! I'm sure it was a tough decision, but if school was making your depression worse, it was the right one!

Invincible1: Good to hear the sugery went well! After the semester is over, I'll start a year of rotations in surgery, internal medicine and ENT. We already have our placements. Unfortunately, it's nothing I look forward to.
Medical school was tough, but fun with friends around and now we all have placements in different cities and won't be seeing each other again. At least not very often. That final year of German medical school is just very exhausting :(

IbelieveInme2: I'm sorry to hear what is going on in your life at the moment. My parents had a lot of fights when I was growing up and therapy would definitely have helped me and my siblings.. and my parents. They didn't try to get any help, though.

Today was exhausting. I woke up with a headache, but still went to the library to study. I need to go there to study, I can't concentrate at home. But when I sit there in the silence, the sadness just kind of floods in. I went to the gym tonight and it made me feel better. Still, not a good day.

Thanks for the welcomes.

Holly, are you in northern or southern Vermont? I taught in southern Vermont for two years when I first got out of college; I liked everything but the dark, cold winters and the low pay.

Kathleen, I have had to have two mammograms redone; I was lucky that neither was anything - most aren't. BUT, one way or the other, try to keep yourself upbeat. There is nothing you can do about it at this time. Of course, this is the same advice I try to tell myself on a daily basis. It is not easy; praying helps calm me sometimes, exercise always helps, but unfortunately, so does ice cream and chocolate.

Lisa, I hope you are feeling better.

I have my annual physical next week, and I am thinking of asking my doctor for a mild anti-anxiety medication. I find I am at a point with family issues that I need more than exercise to relax. Does anyone know of one that does NOT cause weight gain?

Do any of you do yoga? Fi, I know you use Qigong (sp?)

Take care everyone.

EasySpirit: I strongly recommend asking for a med to help with anxiety if you think you need it and it would benefit you. I take Buspar for ongoing general daily anxiety and then Klonopin as needed for isolated cases of extreme anxiety. Klonopin really helps to take the edge off, but it can be habit-forming, so that is why I only take it occasionally. Good luck with your physical! Thanks for sharing your experience with a 2nd mammogram and for the tips and reminders about staying calm and upbeat. Prayer and God are my lifelines! Gotta run! So happy you are posting in the group now!!! It still cracks me up that you have been lurking since I started the group!!! :lol:

Oh, and I am editing this to say that I do not think the Buspar or Klonopin cause weight gain, but it is hard to tell because I was also on Abilify (until recently), which does cause weight gain.

Just a quick check-in for me. I'm pleased to report that my great niece Grace and I had a great time last night: playing with the kittens, making embellishments for future collages, working on vocabulary words, and reading some of To Kill a Mockingbird back and forth to each other. It was a sleety night with treacherous sections on the roads, so I was happy when her father called and offered to come pick her up. Our curfew is now back to 10-10:30, like it should be, and the emotional weather between her parents and me is clear skies.

As for my mood, I'm just barely at zero, but I feel pretty labile and easily stressed. Last night with Grace I was a bit scattered and forgetful. Bob feels worse than I do: dealing with all of his mother's possessions back in her old apartment was an emotionally challenging job for him and his sister. I'm sure it brought back memories of when they had to do the same with his father's stuff, after he died.

Grace is so good for me. We're slowly building a longterm friendship. She's also getting to know Oscar and Nénu, an important experience for her because she wants to be a vet.

I don't feel up to writing personals, but y'all are in my thoughts—especially Kathleen and Lisa.

Amygdala - - Hi :wave: and :welcome: ! wow you are a med student? congrats, you must be a smart cookie :D and a noble profession!! may I ask, are you a German citizen? you write/communicate in English flawlessly. Though I guess most Europeans are taught English as a second language...BUT the major thought here is that I am sorry you are feeling such sadness! and hope the friendship here helps :) I think it's great that you are able to work out for some relief. very nice to have you here!

KATHLEEN - - OH my gosh my dear!!!! :( I am so sorry this is a few days after your initial posting of your scary news. so tomorrow you get the results? we will ALL be thinking and praying for the best possible news for you! and on the family problems, well it is certainly a step towards trying to make things work with the counseling. I have seen it work wonders for some couples. It is a wonder that you can function at all with these two life-changing issues..but your faith is keeping you functioning! :hug:

Lisa - - I'm so sorry that you had to withdraw from school...how are you feeling now?? better I hope! and I still think you're a SuperWoman :) because you weren't scared to take classes...whereas i am.

InvinceabOne - congrats on the successful surgery!!! but stitches, EEK like not ON your eyeball?? I am dumb I don't know but that makes me cringe!! I hope the results are healthy vision for a long time for you!

EasySpirit - I am in Northern Vermont, Lamoille County, about 20 miles north of Montpelier. I love the spring, summer and fall seasons here; I love the scarcity of people, low crime rate, BUT the winters/dark season (November to April) are awful for me and yes, it is hard to find a job that allows you to make a living.

and I take Wellbutrin, and have been able to lose on it...but I guess that's for depression, and maybe not anxiety? I don't do yoga, not because I have anything against it :rofl: just that I'm not familiar with it. I do workouts from Gilad, The Firm, Jillian.

Fi - writing with a lap of kitties sounds warm and fun :)

So I did end up with an awful cold for 2 days, I don't usually succumb to colds but this one put me in bed for 1 1/2 days. Then had to work overtime hours because it's ski racing season and we were slammed..I took alot of cold medicine and made myself dizzy :faint: but at least I didn't cough my head off in front of customers. I am tons better now :) and back to working out. Though still have a bunch of gunk inside me but am slowly getting it out. BTW buying Puffs with Lotion/aloe is the only SAVE when you have a cold..my nose got a little red but not sore. HOwever I did buy 7 boxes of them :rofl:

So who is in the path of the EPIC snowstorm that is coming? I am superbly glad that we are just above the path, we are only going to get 6".

I have been doing terribly on even thinking about committing to weight loss tactics!! Just in so much denial. But I do like to work out..that is my only saving grace from being larger.

January is almost over..then February is a short month..then I have to endure March..then it's April and I will be soooo glad :devil:

Update
 

Hello Support Buddies! I had my 2nd mammogram this morning and they cannot say for sure that the calcifications are benign, so I have to have a biopsy of the tissue to determine if there is breast cancer or not. I am waiting on a call from Solis Mammography, who is waiting on a consultation with my gynecologist, to see what he recommends for the next step. I would like to schedule the biopsy ASAP, and I will let you know when I have a date. Soooooo....... more waiting and more trying to remain calm and positive no matter what! :dizzy: Please keep me and my family in your prayers! I would really appreciate it! :)

Holly: So sorry to hear that you had an awful cold. :( But glad it didn't last long. Mine always seem to linger. "Only" 6 inches of snow is enough, don't you think?!? :lol: Good for you for getting your workouts in! That sure counts for something! :D

Fi: Glad to hear that you had a great time with Grace last Friday and that the tension between you and her parents has faded. So did Bob have to move his mom to a nursing home? Or did she go to the farm? Sounds like that would be a huge emotional challenge and stressor for him, as you said. Has he been open to talking about it at all with you? Does he get along well with his sister?

Waving HELLO to everyone else!!! Please post whenever possible with an update on yourself! Gotta run now to pick up my daughter from school. :wave:

The Kollage Kit blog is doing a theme of "Maps" this week. (I'm choosing the themes.) I adore maps and playing around with them in collages, so I've been busy making map-related collages.

So, for those of you who follow my work, I've got two so far for this theme: "like leaves on a muddy stream" and "due cani". As usual, click on the image to get a larger version.

Kathleen— Sorry to hear you have more waiting to do. Hang in there. Bob's mom was moved to a studio apartment in an assisted-living plus "memory care" facility—people who know how to take care of folks with dementia.

I am thinking of you all the time!! and hoping for the BEST!! :hug:

Today is my second day off for this week, yesterday was nice, I lazed around some, and then went outside to shovel/knock back snowbanks, it was about 8 degrees but sunny and I could feel the warmth of the sun even though it was frigid.

I can't even complete ONE day on a 'diet' :?: but I WILL workout almost every day...mostly because I try to force the fact that I CAN workout, I have no disease or disability to hinder me, so to honor this amazing eating machine I am :D I will work out.

Darn it all! I had an episode of -4 depression pain today, and couldn't make it to my appointment with my Qigong instructor. I just couldn't do it, because I don't allow myself to drive when I'm feeling that bad: I'm not safe. So I had to take some extra Geodon and take a nap to throw it off. It's past five now, and I'm feeling much better. I hope I can keep feeling better tomorrow, when I have my regular Friday with Grace. I think the problem is that I'm not doing my Qigong exercises often enough.

As for losing weight, I'm stuck. I stopped eating sugary things, but I'm still craving sweets so I'm still having extra bowls of muesli with stevia & cream. =sigh= I've got to get back to my usual one bowl, measured, at bedtime—and no other times. On February 22 I turn SIXTY, so I want to be losing weight by then.

I've also fallen down twice recently—once a couple of days ago while getting up from the couch and once just now while doing my Qigong practice. Both times I hit the floor in a way such that I didn't injure myself. A little unnerving, though...

Prayers needed!
 

Well, nothing seems to be going quite right for my little family at the moment. :( There is more tension in the house than there has been in a LONG while. :cry: I hate putting my kids through this. But, at the same time, I have to stand up for myself when necessary. I just hope and pray things will turn around soon. We really need a break!!! My faith remains my Saving Grace, along with my kids, but I am being tested big time! We all are! I truly hate to complain because there ARE many blessings in my life, but (besides God and my faith) my family is the biggest one of all and the one I care the most about. So to have that in such a sad state right now is making life really difficult for all of us. :cry: If any of you could spare a prayer for us, please do! Thank you so much for listening and being here for me! :hug:

Fi
 

Fi: I am so sorry that you are having such severe depression pain right now. :( I hope and pray that it will lift soon and give you some much-needed relief! Hang in there and know that we are all sending healing thoughts your way! :hug:

I am thinking and sending best wishes for you!!

Holly: Thank you so much!!! I saw your message of support in your previous post as well and I appreciate it! :) Thank God I decided to join that emotional eating coaching program that hubby thought was a scam. I felt in my gut that it was what I needed right now, so I trusted myself, which is a HUGE step for me. And it has really helped me to avoid emotional eating during this difficult time! So glad I took the leap of faith and now have that group's support as well.

Biopsy Date
 

The date for my breast biopsy is Tuesday, February 10th, at 8:30am. I will be glad to know what I am dealing with. Hopefully, it is nothing! But I am prepared for whatever comes my way. Please send positive, courageous, and strength vibes my way that morning! Thanks!

YooHoo.................
 

We WILL!! and every minute up to then too!! :hug:

Each one of my extra pounds is from emotional pain.
 

I worked so hard to lose ten pounds. I had plans to lose twenty more. The holidays were next to **** due to a dysfunctional family member. I stuffed my face with everything I wanted. I knew what I was doing. I gained all the weight back and more.

I have since created emotional distance with this person. We now have an email relationship at present, and that is fine by me.

I told her over and over that I want our communication to only be about pleasant things. She is crazy, and she is not going to change. I am no longer willing to engage in trying to work things out with her.

Meanwhile, I am back at weight loss. I want to get down to 130 pounds. I want to feel good and look great. I am taking more time to do what I want. I turn the phone off when I want, etc :carrot:


PaulaChris

Welcome!
 

PaulaChris: :welcome: to the group! So happy you posted! :) Sorry to hear that your holidays were lousy and you gained back the weight you had worked so hard to lose. :( That is really frustrating! At least you know that it was emotional eating. Identifying it is sometimes half the battle. It sounds like you've taken care of putting boundaries on the relationship that caused you so much stress. Good for you for standing up for yourself! Best of luck to you on your weight loss journey! We are here to support you in any way that we can! :hug:

Things went well with Grace last night, and I gave her an early birthday present, since her birthday falls next week. I gave her acrylic paint markers—two different sets, fine and extra-fine, by the same excellent Japanese company. I use paint markers quite often to embellish my collages, and when Grace has worked with my set, she's done a great job.

I did end up needing some more Geodon, though, so I got sleepy and wasn't very interesting company. I'm grumpy this morning, which is my -1 state. I hope that doing my Qigong exercises more frequently will help me get out of this depression soon.

I'm sorry that I'm not writing personal messages. I read all the postings and think about y'all a lot.

Reminder!!!