This flu season is terrible...I hope everyone else is well and on guard with lysol spray/wipes, face masks, and ammonia or bleach...
Fiona- I understand all too well about being ill, since I rang in the new year with a new cold. I had everything you can think of associated with a bacterial infection except the chills/fever. No viral infection (no trips to bathroom to purge), thankfully... since viral are the worst symptoms, in my honest opinion. I ended up taking two days off of work because of this thing...and technically I can't really afford it right now monetarily...so I don't know what I'm going to do. Just gotta hunker down financially I guess and muddle through like everyone else does. I know I'm not the only one suffering, and in that I find comfort....not in that others are suffering, but that others understand where I am coming from. So take heart in knowing you are not alone, and people are here willing to listen.

Thanks for the support, y'all! I missed my Qigong app't and I'm so irked by that. I haven't made an app't with my doctor yet, and I'm not sure I will. I'm going to snip out that orange Godzilla toy today and try to get on with my life before this illness struck. Grace and I can work on our collages together and I will sleep while she's here if need be. So far today the sugar cravings have abated some.

sheerbibliophile ('love that moniker!)— Thanks for the vote of solidarity. It helps: it really does. I hope your financial situation is not too dire!

I was hurting so bad (depression pain of -3 to -4) when it was time to pick up Grace after school, I was tempted to just drive her home.

This depression pain isn't out of the blue: the reason for it is that Grace's parents have been acting rather snotty toward me. They keep giving me the message that they don't value Grace's and my relationship. They schedule other things on our Fridays. Last night I had to have Grace home by 7:30 for a music lesson she'd missed because of a snow day. Grace objected loudly, and apparently they told her "Friday's the only free day in your week." (!!) Grace complained that of course her time with me wasn't "free" for other appointments, but got nowhere fast.

I'm so discouraged. I worked on snipping some elements for a collage and Grace spent the whole time either sorting clippings or playing with the kittens. So it wasn't a total loss: I just felt bad the whole time.

Actually, from the point of view of eating, it was in fact a total loss. After I dropped Grace off, I went and bought a dozen donuts. Between last night and this morning, I ate every single one. Bob doesn't even know I bought them, which is very unusual for me. =big sigh= So much for my cold turkey from sugar: I'll have to start all over again.

I don't know when I'll start feeling better. The chest cold is improving, but this depression triggered by issues with Grace... there's no end in sight. Her parents have hurt me bigtime. I told Grace she could quote anything I said last night, if doing so would help her parents "get it." I even wrote them a special Christmas card thanking them for my time with Grace. Neither of them said a word to me about it when we were over at their place Christmas Eve.

This is an issue having to do with a teenager gaining some measure of control over her life... those are always gnarly ones...

Thank you all for the kind welcomes. It is so nice to have a place of refuge, even if it is a more public venue than I would like.

I am doing some better after a full work week and the associated adjustments to schedules. I woke at a reasonable hour this morning, had a healthy breakfast, made some plans, but unfortunately, had a nap. But I am still determined to get a few things done.

DH seems to be doing better; he has been pursuing leads on new opportunities. Normally, he might be excited by new prospects, but the way in which he left his company was so hurtful, it is difficult for him to overcome. His way of dealing with such things is totally opposite from mine. I sleep; he doesn't. I eat; he doesn't. He busies himself; I don't.

I've managed to stay away from people at work until after the new year. With everything going on, I just cannot handle their drama. Sure enough, a co-worker is going after me. She herself is targeted for layoffs due to poor performance, and because she is contesting, her work is being documented. Why she is coming after me, no one knows. You might think that could work to my advantage and would give everyone an opportunity to see how much work I get done, etc, etc, but no, the lingering memory will be the slur to my reputation. That's the way things really work. Trying to shake it off.

Hope everyone is recovering and staying away from illness.

Hello!
 

Fi: So sorry that there is friction between you and Grace's parents. I wonder why? It sure seems like her time with you is a special bonding time for both of you. Could they be jealous that she enjoys being with you so much? It just doesn't make sense. Hope things improve with your relationship with them. How did you miss your Qigong appointment the other day? That's too bad. I know how much it has helped you. When is your next appointment? Do you think missing that appointment has something to do with the depression pain you are experiencing now? It probably didn't help. I sure hope you can get back to a solid string of 0/0/0 days soon! Daggone those donuts!!! :( So you had a slip with the donuts. Doesn't mean you can't get right back on board the no sugar train! You are human and you were very upset about Grace. Give yourself a break and move forward. Glad to hear that your chest cold is improving! Hope you feel better in every way soon!!! :hug:

Things at our house are very tense again. :( First, my hubby stormed out and left for a few days around the new year after we all had a big argument and tonight my son left the house on foot (in shorts and a coat in freezing temps) after an argument with hubby. :cry: He is back now and safe for the time being, thank God, but I am worried about him. For anyone who prays, please keep my family in your prayers. We are going through a very difficult time right now. Growing pains, I guess. I have faith that all will be well in time, but it is very stressful for all of us right now. :cry: Amidst the chaos, I am trying to get focused and prepare for my emotional eating coaching program that begins on Monday. I am hoping and praying for positive results and true changes within myself regarding my relationship with food.

How is everyone else doing and feeling??? Let's pick up the support in this new year!!! It benefits us all!!! Group hug!!! :grouphug:

Helloooooooo


I am so busy with school and homework and work. whew Last week just about killed me. I felt myself wanting to break but I talked myself through it and made it. I did tell my boss that I couldn't work that many hours this coming week, it was just too many. The check will be nice but I need my sanity. I love my classes but they are hard and keep me very busy. I am up tonight at 11:30 studying. I need to watch some videos for one of my classes.

Kathleen, I am so sorry you are having home problems. *hug* We are here for you, just know that.

Invincible1, I just want to say again, how happy we are to have you here with us!!!!!!! I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers due to your problems.

Fiona, you are so sick and I am so sorry. I hope you feel better soon.

Jennifer seems to like her internship but said she was very tired. She is working 38 hours a week. I hope she is alright, she is not used to working that many hours.

I have to work tomorrow at 10 am until 1 pm.


That is about all that is going on here. Just lots of learning and some freaking out. lol


Have a great Sunday and Monday. I will try to check in tomorrow.


Much love to all. *hug*

It will take some time to figure out what's going on with everyone. What kind of math class is OhioFS taking--in early January?? Who is Grace? Why is everyone getting sick???

Today was not so good for me, and DH was not doing quite as well either, although he just left for the gym. I promise I am not going to incessantly whine, but I still need to figure out how to use this forum. I am eating healthful foods only, but am not losing weight, because I am not getting enough exercise and am not cutting calories enough. My attempts to lose weight are foiled by "feelings", that are usually triggered by meanness from other people. I cannot control other people, but I need to find a way to control my reaction to them, because insensitivity and meanness is everywhere. Intellectually, I know some if the things I need to do for better physical, mental, and spiritual health: keep a schedule, regular sleeping patterns, sunlight, exercise, meditation, gratitude, check email only a few times a day, etc. But, honestly, I don't do these things very well. I simply let life overwhelm me--the bad parts of life.

What do you think, ladies? With age and its funny little jokes it plays on your body and mind, do you think it's possible to develop a new mindset? I can be mirthful, just not in my head, and certainly not most of the time. Why can't we get back a zest for life like kindergartners unleashed on a playground? Can we get there?

Lisa: Thank you for your support! Glad you are taking care of yourself by telling your boss to give you fewer work hours this week. Yes, you definitely need your sanity! I hope having fewer work hours helps to relieve some pressure on you. Hang in there! I hope and pray that all of your hard work at school will pay off for you. You are doing great! :hug:

Invincible1: I am not sure which math class ohiofreespirit (Lisa) is taking, but I do know it started. Grace is Fi's (Fiona) great niece who comes to her house on Fridays to make collages with her. And we are all getting sick because there are several nasty strains of the cold and flu going around. Be patient with yourself. It definitely does take awhile to figure out who is who in the group. Just check in whenever possible to give us an update on you and if you ever want to or have extra time, you can post "personals" directly to one or more members of the group. All we ask is for your support and encouragement and, hopefully, you will feel the same from us! :)

Sorry that you didn't have a good day. At least you have already identified why you haven't been losing weight and several things you need to do for better physical, mental, and spiritual health. That is half the battle. I, too, often let the negative things in life overwhelm me. I am working hard to focus on the positive, but it is a constant challenge for me. It is very difficult to deal with insensitive and mean people, especially if you are a sensitive and nice person. You are so right that we can't control others, but we can control how we choose to respond to them. I definitely DO think it is possible to develop a new mindset..... regardless of our age or our experiences in life!!! In fact, this is my mission for 2015! My goal is to change my relationship with food, which will require learning a whole new mindset. It won't be easy, but I am willing to put forth the effort it will require, and I know it WILL be worth it! :D And, trust me, if I can do it, so can YOU!!! :) :carrot:

Hello ladies,


Invincible1, I am taking Math 062, it's an Algebra class. I am not very good at math so I had to start low in math. I also am taking a computer apps class. My major is Multimedia Design and Development. I attend DeVry University in Columbus, Ohio.

Kathleen, I wound up with 15 hours with 1 job, last week. My other job, I had 6 hours, that is just too many hours total for me, along with my classes.

I have decided not to go to math classes tonight. I could probably make it there just fine, but coming home worries me. It is supposed to get down to 10 degrees and what we got is going to freeze. It is slush city out there right now.

Now think good thoughts for Ohio State tonight. I want them to win so badly It's the National Championship.


Much love to all.

Go Buckeyes!!!!!
 

Oh my. I'm not from Ohio! Go, Buckeyes!?!?

Today was again better. I made a few stops on the way to work to buy some supplements, thanks to the suggestions made by YOU GUYS! I picked up some B3 (which I had been intending to purchase), some SAM-e, and some NAC. I would never have considered NAC, but it makes sense for all the things going on with me. I also picked up some turkey burger/patties so I could go high protein/low carb today. These measures seemed to help. I gave DH some of the new supplements today; let's see if they help him cope. Baby steps.

Well, looks like you Buckeyed people might get your wish!

The kittens are really rowdy tonight—chasing each other up and down the stairs and the upstairs hallway. When our previous pair were at this age, we called them "wildeboos" (WILL-duh-booze), and now that word is back into our life. Funny, the resonances we're getting with the two earlier pairs of kittens. We especially notice the ways in which the males are alike, and ditto for the females. But Nénu is special: she's much more affectionate toward us than the previous two females. She does this thing we call "wet Eskimo kissing" where she climbs up one's body and then rubs her wet nose against the dry human nose. It's adorable!

And I've already talked about how bonded with each other they are: a LOT of their behavior, whether rowdy & loud or soft & sweet, is directed toward pleasing the other one. They truly love each other. My favorite part of their relationship is when Oscar does silly things like multiple somersaults, just to put a big grin on Nénu's face.

I'm talking about the cats because they're a part of my life that doesn't suck. I've fallen deep into a horrible world where I buy donuts and cookies, then immediately eat them, in the car on the way home. My body hates it. I hate it. These "foods" no longer bring me any pleasure: all they do is temporarily distract me from the pain in my chest.

I'm hurting really bad over this thing with Grace's parents, but I do not think a sit-down conversation would help. This whole issue is between Grace and her parents. I don't want my own emotional reaction to get entangled in their family dynamics. Grace is going to have to work hard to get free of her parents treating her like a child—a typical overscheduled child, at that. She's got music lessons & performances, Girl Scouts, swim team, and Lord knows what else. And they demand a lot from her around the house: Grace says she has to hide in her room all the time, because as soon as she emerges, her parents hit her with a chore they want her to do, including babysitting for the extremely willful 2-year-old (a cousin, actually) they adopted. Maybe Grace allowed herself to get overscheduled in order to escape from babysitting duty: she can't stand it!

I must stay, for Grace's sake, out of all that mess. I need to be patient and consistent. Which means that I've only got four days to get out of this disgusting cookies-&-donuts attack, out of all this pain, and back to my quirky but level-headed self. I'm doing my Qigong, meditating, working on collages, spending time with the kittens—basically everything I can think of to get my psyche out of the gutter. So far, nothing is helping me much. Collage feels like a chore; the kittens get on my nerves; Bob is miserable over the situation with his mother getting rapidly more demented. But the Qigong does indeed have a effect. So I'm doing my Qigong and looking forward to seeing my instructor on Thursday.

Thanks for bein' there, y'all. I can feel your support the strongest when I'm stuffing the donuts & cookies in, because I'm able to observe, for the first time, how unpleasant that activity feels. Sugar has absolutely no redeeming qualities for me. I haven't had any today. I just realized that. I feel kind of yucky, because I had three heaping bowls of muesli with cream & stevia, and didn't eat anything else. But it's a tiny step in the right direction, that I spontaneously got off the cookies-&-donuts train.

G'night, sweet dreams, and of course: peace, love, & rock-n-roll,

Fi

Happy Buckeye!!!
 

I am exhausted today but running on scarlet and gray adrenaline after the Buckeyes won the National Championship late last night!!! :carrot: Woohoo!!! :D I had my first live call with Marna Thall yesterday afternoon for the Gold Coaching Program to help with emotional eating. I was really nervous but excited about it. It went really well and I think this whole program is going to be a huge help to me! My focus/homework for this week is to get in touch with my physical hunger cues. I have definitely been very out of touch with my physical hunger cues for many years now. I often eat due to boredom, procrastination, stress, and for other emotional reasons; or just because it is "time" for lunch or dinner (regardless if I am really physically hungry). I got to the point where I thought I was always hungry and just a glutton, but I am beginning to learn to recognize when my urges are cravings rather than true hunger. The real key is to STOP eating or not eat at all when I am not physically hungry and to stop eating when I am satisfied (and before I feel full or stuffed). That is the way "naturally thin" people eat most of the time without really even thinking about it. My 2nd task for the week is to identify what it is that I really want or need when I want to eat for reasons other than physical hunger. Our ultimate goal is to learn to think, eat, and live like a naturally thin person. Another piece of homework is to write out in a journal 2-3 things each night that I did that day that were positive; that I am proud of and where I am making changes. I've got my work cut out for me!!!

Invincible1: HOORAY for you for taking a positive step in your self-care by getting some supplements and turkey patties that will hopefully help you (and maybe even your hubby) feel better! Keep us posted! :)

Fi: I feel sad for you that you are bingeing on donuts and cookies even though you hate it and it no longer brings you pleasure. BUT that is so great that you recognize that your body doesn't even like the food items anymore and that you know it is fulfilling another need. Would it help to journal and free write about the binges? That usually helps me to get in touch with my emotions. I really feel for you with the Grace situation, too. Sorry it is causing you so much distress and pain. :( I think you ARE so wise to try to stay out of it, but that is very difficult to do. Keep on practicing your Qigong as much as possible since it is so helpful. Can you ask your instructor for specific tips to help with the situation with Grace? Or is that unnecessary/inappropriate? Spend precious time with those frisky kittens as much as possible, too! It sounds like just watching them is fun and could be entertainment for hours! :) HOORAY for NO sugar the other day!!! "Tiny steps in the right direction" eventually add up to success! You are a strong woman, Fi! You can break the sugar addiction cycle again! You already proved you can do it. Best of luck to you while you work to kick the habit again! :hug:

Fiona, the kittens sound adorable! I find the sweets story sad as well..would you find a strong peppermint enjoyable? It would be a smaller act of self-defiance. I don't know your situation with Grace, but it sounds like you miss her dearly. I'm sure she knows that you are there for her.

Thanks for the hoorays, Ibelieve. Today was a bit of a setback. I got up with a sincere determination for improvement and accomplishment. I was pleased to see some weight had come off. I made breakfast and coffee, and first took the sam-e on an empty stomach this time as per the directions--unlike yesterday. Within 10 min I was howling in pain. My first thought was gallstones, as that is a nasty possible side effect of some medication I'm taking. But now I think it was probably the sam-e on an empty stomach. It was bad. With all the colds and flu going around, I thought a simple "not feeling well" would suffice at work, but wounldn'tcha know, a co-worker brought up hangovers. Ugh. (He's the harmless nerd type, so it didn't bother me much.) Anyway, my tummy still hurts!

Well, y'all will be relieved to hear that the situation with Grace—my great niece, a freshman in high school, whom I am mentoring for all sorts of things, especially collage art, which is my calling—has improved a whole lot. She finally worked up the nerve to ask her parents what would happen with our Fridays. They talked privately for a while, then came back with the following: "Be home by 10:30 PM this Friday." That's A-OK with me, and is in fact is the time I was aiming for, before that one late night and the ensuing fiasco. I'm kinda disappointed they didn't guarantee anything about not schedulng other things into our Fridays, and that they didn't give any more explanation or want to discuss the matter further. But we will make it through this rough patch, one Friday at a time.

Much more disappointing is the fact that my mood has not improved. I'm still having episodes of -3, even -4, every day for hours. All the same, I did finish the collage I had to make. I still haven't written the swap I'm hosting, but that's next on my list. Meanwhile, I'm doing everything in my power to get my mood much better, so that I can have a fabulous Friday with Grace.

Foodwise, I appear to be done with the binge episode and back to my normal routine of modified Atkin's. I haven't been consistent about doing my leg exercises every night, not in a long time, and I really want to get there because having strong thighs & knees makes my Qigong exercises go more smoothly. And Qigong is my big mood-improver, these days.

As soon as I upload it on ipernity, I'll give you the link to my new collage, which I think is funny. But then I do have a weird sense of humor. =grin=

Here's my latest collage, titled "when all the ice melts..." Someone asked me if box #10 was a self-portrait. Since I've been angry and beleaguered of late, and my collages usually refer to my emotional state, I said, "Yes." =grin=

Love the collage, Fi. :carrot:


Hello friends,


How are you all doing? It's been kinda quiet in here lately. I hope you all haven't disappeared for good??????


I am doing homework and make some progress in my Comp100 class. I'll finish it tomorrow and take my exam tomorrow too. I still need to finish my math for the week too and it is story problems combined with fractions. bleh Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers for the strength and the intelligence to get through school. I would really appreciate it. *hug*

Man, it is 9 pm already. Time flies in the evening. I am sitting here watching the movie Predator, what a great old flick. I have it turned down so it won't bother my attention span too much. I look up every once in a while to see what is happening. Love this movie.

We really need to get this thread moving again. I miss you girls. :(


Much love to all.

C'mon Lis'. Stop watching Predator and get back to those math problems! You can do it girrrl! Use up that scratch paper and all your erasers!

Well. I don't know what to say. Had a horrible eye appt today. Horrible. Stayed 1.5 hrs after close while dr called specialists, etc etc. I guess there's no avoiding the surgery next week. I don't know how I will deal with all this and keep my job.

And DH is still dealing with depression. He's lost 6lb since Dec 25. And he doesn't need to lose ANY!

When I finally catch that bluebird of happiness, I'll hafta be careful not to squeeze him to death on accounta holding on too tight.

You got it! :hug: and best wishes on the exam today :)

Hi!! no i haven't gone for good, just missed a few days here and then was glad to see new names but didn't catch up enough to comment on all so I will be lazy and just look at this page :D

Fi I'm glad Grace's parents are giving her some freedom with you. And very glad the binge episode is over, that must have been awful. Yes funny collage :devil:

Invincible1 Hi!! very very good to have you here. What is "sam-e"? I must have missed that before . And OMG I am so sorry to hear of the eye problems!! so scary. We will all be thinking of you and pulling for you and the best possible outcome with the surgery. And you made me laugh about being careful not to squeeze that bluebird of happiness too hard :rofl: That little guy does fly to me but not til May.

Lisa Hi!! I am so in awe of you taking the classes and working so much, I really am. You really give off a sense of serenity to me, I don't know if you feel it but you write in a very calming sense, at least it seems that way to me . Wish we could meet in person! :)

Kathleen oh my gosh first I'm so sorry to hear of the family strife :( :( :( I hope that is a workable situation now. It made my stomach briefly knot up, thinking how bad it must have been at the time. BUT I am so glad you had your first coaching call!! Boy did what you write make sense, but yes it is WORK to do all that thinking, and writing, instead of just taking something and putting it in our mouth! but that's how we arrive at becoming overweight..best wishes for this to be "the thing' that works for your steps to bettr health and happiness!!

Hey it is sad that we don't hear from Li'l Turtle or Amy anymore! You get worried.

Well the event looming over me is finally over, and it went well (our annual motorcycle raffle) on the 10th. It went smoothly and I got congrats on doing a good job (though it is truly a group effort) yet now I see the pics of me at the event and I just looked stuffed into my jeans, though had felt at the time I looked okay..this distorted self-image just tortures me! :?: I simultaneously think " I look okay" AND "I look horrible". guess that's mental illness :rolleyes:

this was good!! and YES I can get my mirth and zest :D but never in the winter months. Only when it's green and beautiful and I can ride my motorcycle :devil:

Hello.


I'm kinda down tonight. I'm having a terrible time concentrating on math. I'm getting everything wrong. It pisses me off that i cannot finish my assignment and get onto next weeks. I'm so mad I could spit. I need to calm down and stop worrying. I'm this close *putting my fingers close together* from being done with the first and second week's assignments. Maybe I just need some rest? I am the kind of person...when I am tired I don't do well. Sometimes, well most of the time, I don't even know I'm tired.

VM, thank you for the kind words. I'm not feeling particularly calm and centered right now. I feel like a mess at the moment. I've even taken a clonazapam trying to calm down.

Thank you all for letting me vent.

Much love to all.

Hello!
 

Sorry I have been missing the past several days! We have been really busy and my daughter had a sled hockey tournament all weekend. I have checked in when possible but haven't had a chance (or the energy) to write until now. It has been interesting to experiment with feeling physical hunger. It takes a lot of focus and attention and sorting out physical from emotional feelings and hunger. I seem to only be sure that I am physically hungry when I am very hungry and/or my stomach is growling. It kind of feels like an emptiness in my stomach area and like I feel kind of thin at the moment (because I haven't eaten in awhile). Sometimes it feels like an ache in my stomach area. How do each of YOU feel physical (versus emotional) hunger? Just curious and it is helpful to hear how others experience it. I have also found that I tend to follow the clock as to when it is time to eat rather than relying on physical sensations. I am working to change that and only eat when I am truly physically hungry. My mind seems to always be filled with distractions, so I need to really quiet myself and go within to even know if I am experiencing true hunger or not. It has surprised me how difficult it is to just identify whether or not I am hungry. I am SO out of touch with my body! :( That's okay, though. At least I am realizing that now, so that I can move forward on this journey.

Lisa: Sorry you were having a hard time last night. :( I hope your venting here and the clonazapam helped to calm you some. And hopefully you got some rest. How are you today? Were you able to concentrate on your math any better today? I hope so! That is so frustrating when you can't focus your mind on the task at hand. Makes everything feel more difficult. Try to be patient with yourself and get rest when you need it. You will get through this difficult time! :hug:

Holly: My family situation IS workable now, thank God, but we have a lot going on. On a positive note, I have been surprised and proud of myself for how well I have handled the turmoil lately. I have been much more confident in myself and in my abilities to handle whatever comes our way. Thank you for your support, as always! So happy to hear that your annual motorcycle raffle went well! Glad you are relieved of that looming over your head. Sorry that you are battling a distorted self-image. I can certainly relate! I sometimes feel "okay" until I see photos of my LARGE self. Then I think, "What was I thinking?!?" :?: I am working hard to not judge myself too terribly harshly, but to instead use the "observation" (without so much judgement) as just information. I remind myself that I am working on weight loss and making small changes every day. Trying to focus on the positive rather than the negative. It is a constant challenge for me, but I am getting a little better at it all the time. On another note, I too wonder/worry about some of our "old" group members, like Lilturtle, Amy, CDubsGotGoats, and many others. When I think of them, I just say a little prayer for them and wish good things their way.

Invincible1: I am so sorry to hear that you had such a horrible eye appointment the other day. :( What exactly is wrong, if you don't mind me asking? And when will your surgery be? I will keep you in my prayers. All will be well..... eventually. Sending a BIG HUG your way!!! :hug:

Fi: That is great news that the situation with Grace has improved a whole lot! :D How did your Friday with her go? I hope you were able to raise your mood before you met with her so that you could thoroughly enjoy your time together. Have you still been able to keep the bingeing at bay? I've been thinking about you and wishing you well! :hug:

Everyone Else: Where are you and how are you??? We want to hear from you!!! Hope all is well! :wave:

Kathleen, I am still struggling with math. I am stuck on one particular kind of problem and I cannot go any farther. Sooooo frustrating. I am going to be behind.

I have the day off today which I really needed, I am so down. :( I called my nurse and requested a new med to take the place of my chlorpromaz. It is supposed to calm me down too but all it does is make me sleepy. My Clonzapam works well but I need something to go along with it because I can get hooked on it.


Where did everyone go? Lately it's mostly been Fi, you, me, and holly. C'mon ladies let's get to posting it will make you feel better.

I am so tired today. I think it's my depression trying to kick in. Not cool.


I love posting here, it gives me somewhere to vent and not feel bad.


Much love to all and everyone please come back.

Lisa: Can you get some help from anyone (friend, relative, tutor, the teacher) to help you understand the math problem that is giving you trouble? So glad you had the day off to give you some relief! Good for you for calling to request a med change! That is no good if the one med just makes you sleepy and doesn't even help calm you. Yes, I am aware, too, that clonazapam can be addictive. For this reason, I use them so sparingly that I forget to use them when I really should. I am so happy that you get some comfort and relief from posting here at the group! That is exactly its purpose! You have been so great about posting consistently lately. It really does help. I don't know why the group has been so quiet lately. I think sometimes people stay away when they feel they haven't been successful with weight loss behaviors, but sometimes that is precisely when we need support the most! I miss hearing from everyone, too! Hope you are able to keep that depression at bay most of the time. Work hard to think about and congratulate yourself on ANY positive steps you have made lately on weight loss or just life in general. That usually helps me to shift my perspective to the POSITIVE! Hang in there and many hugs to you, my friend! :hug: :hug: :hug:

Kathleen,

I've tried contacting my professor and have not heard anything. I have a tutoring session on Wed. afternoon which will help me. I'm going to go extra early to work out my assignments.

My weightless sucks and I still come here. Lack of weight loss should not be a reason to leave us. I am the heaviest I've ever been and I still come here. I need this web site because I know...there will be a day when I do start losing weight. I just know it, I don't know when or what will be my last straw but I will change my outlook and just do it.

Speaking of my depression, I have an appt with my...I'm not sure what to call her, she's asks me questions on how I'm doing and then we will or won't do a med change. She's not a shrink, she's more like a nurse practitioner. I see her next Monday.


I am so tired tonight, that is how I know a depression is trying to work it's way in. I kind of feel like a zombie. I want to stay up though, at least, for a while. It's only 8 pm. I wish I didn't have to work tomorrow, I know that is just the depression talking but I'm so burnt out. I'll be ok though, my meds will keep me going until I go Monday morning for my appt.


Well, that is about it for now.


Much love to all and please, if you're lurking post and let us know how you are doing. :)

Hello,
I have been lurking since Kathleen started the thread. I have pm'd Fiona and Holly in the past.
Lisa, if you write one or two of the type problems, either on the thread or in a PM to me, I will be happy to help you. I was a math major in college.

Although this is my first post on the thread, I have followed it and worry about the missing members, like Lil Turtle.

EasySpirit

Welcome....... finally!!!
 

I am going to take her help, Kathleen. Last night, I was just so dang tired. This depression is really knocking me for a loop.


Easy Spirit, I'll attack that problem later today, after i get off work. :hug:

yes, an "official" :welcome: to EasySpirit! :) (and I appreciated that pm you sent about my particular vent, it made me smile :D )

Kathleen, boy it is a challenge to identify what REAL hunger is, isn't it! for me, even a growling tummy lies to me, because I have had the growling when it is not close to a mealtime but I have smelled something savory. Lying stomach :rofl: and I get that 'feeling thin' feeling also!! I guess I can identify REAL hunger when it has been hours since eating, AND the tummy is growling.

I am so glad you are feeling confidence in handling whatever family differences are happening..I truly hope there are NOT any troubles but am proud of you for your confidence in yourself :hug:

Lisa, I am sorry you are feeling so tired!! and having problems with the math. Again, I think you are a SuperWoman for even taking classes while working fulltime!! :carrot: I hope you can find a med that helps without hindering other aspects.

EasySpirit, Hi and I hope you feel comfortable to come here and talk to us. Even to vent. Or even when there is nuthin' going on :D It does help me so much to know there are people that care!!

Hi Fi :wave: I hope you are OK :)

I just tried to take a pic with my Kindlefire of how beautiful it is outside, fresh white snow clinging to everything, brilliant blue sky and sunshine. It is too bright,my pics came out white ...I am trying to embrace the beauty even though I hate winter :devil:

Had a VERY busy day at work yesterday, MLK weekend is always a busy 3 day ski weekend and we were slammed at work, and we were short 1 person, which was a huge handicap. We (3 of us) stood in the same space for 2 1/2 hours nonstop, making sandwiches.

I have a sore throat again :?: I start out the day with a sore throat and feeling like I have a cold; I take a hot hot shower and pain relievers, then I forget about ick feeling, then at the end of the day it comes back again. Everyone in town is sick I think. or coughing alot.

Well today is my Friday so I am happy at that :carrot:

Prayers needed, please!
 

I wasn't going to post anything about this until next Tuesday, when I find out exactly what's going on. But since lots has been going on with our little family lately, I am extra stressed by potentially bad news. So, for anyone who prays, please keep me/us in your prayers, please! I had a mammogram last week and they called me to say that they found calcifications on my left breast. The lady said that this indicates that there have been "changes at the cellular level." It could be due to anything, like a dog walking on my breast (which actually happens often) or any kind of trauma to the breast. OR....... it could be the beginning of breast cancer. :cry: I am trying so hard to stay strong and positive and not get too alarmed before I find out for sure what is going on. But I am scared to death inside!!! :( The good news, IF it IS cancer, is that we caught it early. But 2 years ago, I was called back for a 2nd mammogram that they ended up saying it was all fine. Last year, no call back; no cancer. I just hope that they were right that all was fine 2 years ago. I fear that they could have made a mistake and I've actually had it since then. :( That would not be good. But, again, I am trying to not jump to too many conclusions before next Tuesday. Hubby is going with me because she said I will get results when I am there. I will keep you all posted, but please pray that I can remain calm and strong and faith-filled in the meantime. I just want to be prepared for whatever lies ahead. I have a very strong faith that will see me through whatever comes my way, but I am so NOT ready to leave my children yet!!!!!! :cry: I was up most of the night crying while thinking about that possibility. :cry: I just can't help but "go there" some of the time. My handicapped daughter, who is only 15, especially relies on and really needs me here with her. We are best of buddies and so very close. :love: My 18-yr-old son has been a little distant as he struggles for independence, and I want so much more for our relationship before it's all said and done. I also want to be here for and get closer to my hubby. So I am not done here yet, dammit!!! I trust in God's plan and perfect timing, though, so I will accept whatever happens, but not without the FIGHT OF MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks for letting me vent! I am not telling anyone about this yet until I get results next Tuesday, so I am about to explode!!! It's all I can think about. Thankfully, I am doing well so far with the Gold coaching program and not eating due to my emotions. So the program came along at the right time! Not a coincidence, IMHO!!! Thank you for any and all prayers you can send my way!!! IF things are confirmed and I do have breast cancer, I am RELYING on all of you to help keep me focused on the positive and to fight like h*ll!!!

Kathleen, please try and think positively. I had to go back myself a couple of years ago and it wound up being a water cyst. Feel free to vent here but try to stop the snowball effect that negative self-talk takes. I fight that myself and it makes me so sick, negative self-talk.

We are here for you, always.


I am doing math tonight. I've decided to move on to the next Chapter and work on ratios and proportions and then tomorrow, go back and ask my tutor to help me with what I don't understand from Unit 1. I'm going to head to school early tomorrow afternoon so I have plenty of time to do my work.

Holly, I wanted to tell you that I only work part-time at my job. I am on disability. I cannot work full-time, it would throw me into a depression big time. Between the depression and anxiety it is simply not possible for me to work all the time. It is all I can do to go to school and work. The anxiety is out of hand too, not just the depression. I just take lots of deep breaths and try to think up ways of getting my work done without doing it all at once. I can't handle it all at once.

Much love to all and you're in my thoughts.

Hello ladies,

I would like to join you if it's ok. I have been feeling bad for a couple of weeks now. I feel so sad and lonely and hopeless sometimes that is really hurts. Some days I walk home from Uni with the tears really close to the surface and as soon as I close the door behind me, I start crying so hard. I just can't fall asleep and sometimes I kind of just start crying after having tried to fall asleep for an hour.

Depression runs in my family and I have always felt depressed during the dark season, but it has never been that bad. I have a lot of stress at the moment due to final exams and I fell in love with a man who doesn't want me, but tells me he just doesn't have time. I know I should avoid all contact and move on, but I can't. Also, after the exams in April, most of my friends will leave this city and I am scared of the loneliness that will come afterwards.
I try my best to cheer myself up. I exercise and try to get out, but it doesn't help much.

Welcome!
 

Amygdala: :welcome: to the group! Glad you posted! Sorry you are feeling so down right now. Did the sadness, loneliness, and hopelessness just appear a couple weeks ago, as you said, or have you felt this way for awhile? Do you think you are depressed? Is the primary reason for the low feelings due to the "man you fell in love with who doesn't want you?" The reason I am asking these questions is because, even if you are depressed, it might just be episodic depression (due to a specific episode), rather than clinical depression, which is much more serious and long-term and usually calls for a trip to a therapist and possibly medication before you see any improvement. Sometimes, episodic depression also requires therapy and meds (to assist you in getting through the episode that is making you depressed). The diagnosis also depends on the length of time you have been experiencing the feelings of sadness, loneliness, and hopelessness. You said that you know you should avoid all contact with this man and move on, but you "can't." Without knowing exactly what you mean by "I can't", I would venture to say that you are choosing not to avoid all contact and move on. So my question to you would be why are you choosing to not move on if this man "doesn't want you?" (You don't have to post answers here. I am just trying to give you some things to think about.) It seems like that would only add to your stress and feelings of sadness, loneliness, and hopelessness. If this is a relationship that will definitely never move forward, I hope that you will love yourself enough to move on. You deserve someone who likes, loves, and appreciates you just the way you are. But if you are busy trying to win the affection of someone who truly isn't interested, you cut yourself off from any potential new prospects in the meantime. I suggest that you work on being the type of person that you want to attract. I have read several sources that say this is the best way to attract what you want into your life. Work on yourself first, and then you have more to offer someone when the opportunity does arise to begin a new relationship. I hope this is making sense. I don't mean to sound harsh. I am just trying to help. Please post more about yourself if you feel comfortable doing so. We are here to support you in any way that we can. You didn't mention anything about weight loss. Since this is a weight loss and depression forum, I am assuming you are on a journey toward better health. So I wish you the best with your journey and good luck on your final exams! Hang in there!!! :hug:

Dear Amy,

Welcome to the thread.:welcome3::welcome:

We are so glad to have you here. I am so very sorry you are so down. I know what it's like to love someone who doesn't love you back. They are like a drug that you can't do without. To this day, I am not over the pain of losing my old love and that was 24 years ago. I have gone on though, I've had other people that I've loved since him and it is possible for others to come along.

I am on meds for my depression and they help me so much to function and be happy despite life stressors. I have a wonderful daughter, who is 21 and goes to college. She is quite brilliant. See, so it is possible to be happy and move on.


Kathleen is right, you might give some thought to talk therapy, Amy, just think about it. It really will help you, talking always does. Maybe start a journal and write down your thoughts. It doesn't matter if you write the same things over and over, just get your feelings out.


Again, welcome to the forum and we are totally here for you. :hug:

Thanks, y'all, for all the positive thoughts. I have a lap full of kitties as I write these words, but I'm not doing very well. Ever since Sunday I've been struggling with depression pain. I have a collage all mapped out in my head, but I haven't been able to make it. I don't know what else to say, except "Greetings to the new people!" and I'm praying that Kathleen gets good news.

Hi Fi, I am so sorry you are still struggling. I am too so we are both in the same boat. I hope you get to feeling better very soon. I probably won't until I get my classes caught up and am not feeling so much pressure to preform.


Kathleen, how are you doing, sweetie? You are in my thoughts. We all love you so much around here, you are always so positive and happy for everyone. I wish you peace and calm during this time.

Much love to all.

Thanks for welcoming me everybody :)
I think I have either a mild depression or an episodic depression. The weeks where I have felt depressed have become more frequent over the years, but there are months where I am completely ok. My sister and mother have a full depression and are on meds.

Fi: So sorry to hear that you've been experiencing depression pain since Sunday! :( That stinks!!! :( Have you been able to do your Qigong or talk to your instructor? I know that has helped you in the past. Or do you just feel too lousy to do it? Thank God you have those adorable kitties to keep you company! Hoping to hear that your pain has lifted soon!!! :^: Sending you a big hug! :hug: Thank you for keeping me in your prayers! I am doing a little better now; not ruminating on bad outcomes so often. I will just be glad to know what I am dealing with next Tuesday.

Lisa: Thank you for wishing me peace and calm. I sure need it! I am doing my best to avoid negative thinking about things until I get more information. Did you get any help for that particular math problem that was giving you trouble? How is school going for you this quarter/semester?

Amygdala: Good to hear from you again! Lisa had a great idea to journal about things to help express and release your feelings. I avoid doing it sometimes, but it always helps me when I take the time to write out my thoughts and feelings. It frees up my mind to focus on other things and live more in the present. If you just think about things and keep all of your feelings inside, they can drive you crazy! :dizzy: Hope you find what works for you soon, so that you can get some relief! :hug:

Hello everyone!
I hope you're all feeling well!

I forgot about Lisa's suggestion to journal. I actually have been keeping a journal since I was a 12 year old! It does help a lot. And it is so interesting to read about what I thought and worried and cared about when I was so young. I am 26 now.

Hello everyone,


I did a very sad but necessary thing today. I withdrew from school. My anxiety and depression was becoming all consuming, it was starting to interfere with my life. I am getting sicker.