Ups and Downs Support Group, Jan. 2015
 

Welcome :welcome: 2015 and I hope it's a great year for all of us :)

This place is to support you in your daily (or sometimes hourly!) struggles with depression and how it affects our health journey.

Remember you get what you give :D and try to support others as you seek companionship here.

I do have to work today, only because I volunteered (dummy :D ) but the money will be good. I have been fighting off cold germs that are coming in from my family AND at work (does NO ONE cover their %$^& mouth when they hack, stupid boss and wife!!) and I don't feel awful, but a runny nose and overall bleh.

I usually make a point to work out New Year's Day but don't think I should today, I will make up for it when I feel better.

Have a good day!

Thanks, Holly!
 

Holly: I just realized that I needed to start the new January thread, so I am happy that you already did! You are on the ball, girl! ;) Sorry you are feeling blah. I am still fighting the cough portion of my cold/flu. It seems to just linger and linger. :( Hope you don't get the full blown deal! You are probably wise to wait to work out until you feel better.


Wishing everyone a very HAPPY and HEALTHY New Year!!! I am declaring 2015 the year I take my health back..... ONE day at a time!!! :D

Hello all!
I've been MIA for several months, I know, I'm sorry. My Effexor was increased from 150 to 225 and my GP added 5mg of Abilify. I'm not sure if the Abilify is doing much, but I feel the difference with the Effexor. I actually feel pretty good! I even went to the gym today.

I've started eating meat again for the time being. South Beach is easier, for me, when I have meat available! Starting tomorrow (see above gym comment) I am going to go to the gym before work in the morning.

Holly: Hey there! Happy new year to you! Feel better soon!!
IBelieveInMe2: Between the two of us, Ohio won't know what hit it! We're both going to rock it this year.

So yesterday I had a horrible time...my family life is dysfunctional and everyone pretty much tears one another down verbally. I decided to start up a new blog on livejournal.com. is it possible to share it on here for you guys? The entry describes the day and how I felt really well.

Welcome!
 

sheerbibliophile: :welcome: to the group! I am happy you joined us on the January 2015 thread! So sorry to hear that you had a rough time yesterday. I can certainly relate to living in a dysfunctional family with everyone tearing each other down verbally. It is NOT fun! :( It makes everything harder. I am in the midst of some family turmoil right now, too, but I will NOT let it derail my efforts to get healthy in body and mind this year. I am sick and tired of being "fat" and unhealthy! It does make it more difficult to get healthy, I think, when you live in the midst of an unhealthy environment, as you described, but it is still possible. Write about it all you want to here. We are listening and we want you to succeed in your weight loss journey! We are all here to support each other and we can do it together!!! :grouphug:

penmage: It is so great to hear from you again! Glad to hear that your meds adjustment seems to be helping. Good luck following through with your commitment to get to the gym before work in the morning! YOU CAN DO IT!!! :D We are definitely going to rock Ohio this year!!! :carrot:


WHERE IS EVERYONE ELSE???

Thanks for the support. I figured out how to share my blog. It's on my profile.

hi everyone
sorry i've been MIA during the holidays
sometimes it feels so overwhelming even to write down my feelings & experience but i know journaling helps
i have 2 more days to enjoy vacation before going back to work
i should clean my house & organize it but it feels overwhelming. i already bought empty containers just have to use it
recently i discovered that checklists & to do notes help tremendeously and i could just go on autopilot doing things
it takes the stress out of remembering what to do,what to pack etc in the midst of my racing thoughts
happy new year 2015..hugs to everyone here

sheerbibliophile,
hi..(can't send PM & can't post comment on your blog)
i've read your story. wow..sara's behavior is similar to my younger brother. best thing to do is to pretend they don't exist,keep minimum contact for your own sake of happiness & calmness. nowadays i don't live with mom & him anymore so i don't have to communicate with them.
while you still live together, get busy,get a job or take up a hobby that occupies your time & mind. that helps for me. goodluck.

lira: I know what you mean about sometimes feeling too overwhelmed to even write your feelings down in a journal. I have found, though, that when I do it, it does really help. At least try to take some time to sit with your emotions and figure out what you need to begin to address and lessen the overwhelming feelings. This, too, can be difficult, but ~ I have found that the feelings of overwhelm don't go away until I can face them at least to some degree. Journaling and prayer seems to help me the most, but it takes a concentrated effort to quiet myself enough to even sort out what I am feeling. My mind is constantly rambling with a hundred thoughts at once, so sorting out the thoughts from the feelings can be quite a challenge! Stay with it and don't give up on yourself! You will be okay!

I am in the same boat regarding cleaning and organizing my house. Literally, I have been trying to address the clutter in my home for over 20 years. It has even deteriorated to the point that it is currently threatening my marriage. I am and have been extremely overwhelmed with this monumental (it feels like) task. I have even hired a professional organizer to help me, but I can never seem to maintain the areas we clear. I know it is related to my "body clutter" (excess weight), too, so there are some HUGE issues there which I need to face. I am determined to face and tackle these issues in 2015, but I am also scared to death that I won't be able to conquer the clutter or the weight.

My whole point in writing all of this is that you are NOT alone in your struggles. Please come here whenever possible and we can help each other along in our journeys to better health and weight loss. It really does help to have others who are working toward the same goals for support and encouragement along the way! Best of luck to you! WE CAN DO THIS.....TOGETHER!!!!! :hug:

Well folks, last Saturday night Bob and I did something very, very stupid. If you ever had any thoughts about my seeming to be an intelligent person, you can just throw those thoughts in the trash can right now. Around December 26th or so I had had nausea & vomiting and was losing fluids out the other end for days. I was starting to feel, to know that I was getting seriously dehydrated. So we did this very, very stupid thing: we took me to an E.R. On a Saturday night. At the height, or at least the beginning of the height, of respiratory virus season in the D.C. area. I should have suspected we had made a mistake when I noticed (1) everyone else there was either coughing or with a child or elderly person who was coughing, and (2) the two bathrooms were hardly being used, and in fact were refreshingly clean. And in the blank for "triage" on my admission form, the nurse had written "3"—the lowest level, the level where you don't do anything for the person and just hope they will go away.

Around 2-3 hours later, after making several hundred trips, in a wheelchair (that's how drained I was), to those clean bathrooms, and not having been seen by a doctor, the light finally dawned in my head—if not outside yet. I said to Bob, "We're gettin' out of here" and we left. I couldn't get out of that place fast enough.

But as it turned out, we should have turned right in our tracks at the beginning: Bob and I had just succeeded in exposing a dehydrated person whose immune system was flagging (that would be me) to just about every nasty urban critter that attacks people in their lower respiratory system that was trollin' the hospital scene that night. Doh!! =hits self on head=

We got home, came to our senses about my acute need for fluid and electrolyte replacement, put me on the BRAT diet (bananas, rice, apple sauce & toast), gave me some Lomotil, and fixed that situation pretty quickly. Bob just barely made it to the all-night grocery store to get those supplies during the tiny little window before he got very sick with a chest cold, and by the time my G.I. bug was on the run, I was coughing, too.

Oh man am I sick. I don't know if it's the flu or just a garden-variety cold virus, but ohmygod the muscle and joint pains are killin' me. We were exposed to so many coughing people, we don't even know if we have the same bug!

I'm too sick, in fact, to write any more. At least now you know what I've been up to: being very, very stupid.

Kathleen, I have just one suggestion for decluttering your house: do a BERP (Big Entropy Reduction Project). Make up your own acronym, or borrow mine, whatever, just get it set in your head as a major, a massive undertaking that will push all your other projects, including weight loss, so far onto the back burner, they're not even on the stove. Figure out how many hours a day you can devote to this HUGE activity, and start puttin' those hours in. Yes, it helps if you have a deadline coming up—like the arrival of pedigreed kittens—that really motivates you, but you can do it without that motivation. There is so much truth in the line "Just do it!" Don't underestimate the size of the project, and don't underestimate your inner resources. You have what it takes to accomplish this, but you gotta start it. Start with the easiest part of the project, something that may not even show, and gradually work toward the harder parts. It will be hard, hard work, and you will hate it at times. Use that slow belly breathing technique I've preached about before on this forum: start with 5-10 minutes of that, every single day, right before you begin the labor. It really works to help your mind and body stay on the task at hand. And tell us about it! Be accountable to us for starting the job and for maintaining your focus. Take at least one day off, every weekend, but start putting those hours in. It may be a long time before anyone even notices a change, but we will know and you will know that the project has begun. =sound of a starter pistol firing= Now!

Hello ladies,


I am very upset. I have lost my clonazapam. i have no idea where it is. :( I need it when my anxiety gets bad. I only have a few pills, maybe 10 or 12. I filled my prescription in early December. I may see if I get another one filled tomorrow, if my insurance will cover it??? It may be too soon.

I hope you all had a good New Year's Eve.

Jennifer goes back to school tomorrow. I am sad but we are on the downslide. She is almost done with school. She only has one more semester and she is interning the whole semester. She is almost done. :)

I have to work tomorrow. sigh I wish I didn't. I'd rather go to church but I need the hours.

Hello lira, I don't remember you from before. I'm so sorry if you were here. Anyway WELCOME to the forum.

penmage, WELCOME back, we've missed you!!!!!

I went and got my hair trimmed yesterday and it looks so much better. I always feel better when my hair looks better. :)

Have a great weekend everyone and think about me, wish me luck trying to get my prescription filled.

Fi: I am so happy that you wrote to tell us what's been going on. I am so very sorry that you are so sick. I hate to tell you, but it sounds like what my daughter, husband, and I all had before and during the holidays. It feels like you've been hit by a truck and it is not clear whether you have a cold or the flu or both. We all had the terrible coughing, too, and the cough just lingers and is annoying. So sorry you made the dreadful trip to the ER and were exposed to all of the germs there. That was not stupid. Many of us would have done the same thing in your situation. Just take the time to rest as much as possible and keep pushing the fluids. I hope you feel much better as soon as possible!!! :hug: Hope Bob gets better soon, too!

Thank you for the advice on decluttering. You are proof that it can be done. I will do my best. The organizer is coming this Friday and I need to let her know how dire the situation is. It is going to take a daily effort, but I can't put the weight loss on hold due to the insulin resistance. I am in danger of developing type II diabetes and really need to make changes in my food intake and get consistent with my exercise. I am starting a coaching program on January 12th to address issues that I believe will help me with both weight loss and decluttering. I have long known that the two are related. My excess weight is just "body clutter." I am scared out of my mind but also excited to face the deep issues and make some major progress in both areas! Thank you also for the reminder about the breathing techniques. I will try it out prior to my efforts each day. I need to use every tool possible and "just do it" as you said.

Lisa: I hope you either find your clonazapam or are able to refill your prescription. Try not to panic over it. You will be okay and all will be well soon. You are a strong woman and you can handle anything in the meantime until you get more clonazapam! I will keep you in my prayers! Hang in there! :hug:

ibelieveinme2,
thank you for your response & encouragement
fiona,
your post for kathleen speaks to me as well. very inspiring. i also need to declutter & organize my room, i've been putting off too long
Lisa,
i understand how you feel. i also have to work tomorrow & it sucks. i rather have one more day of vacation staying at home.
this thread is making me feel better. i will check in often.
i believe we can do it, we can work on our decluttering, on our goals, on the things we've been putting off for so long.
2015 is a fresh new start. together we can do it.

Fiona- Feel better!! :hug:
Lisa- aw thank you! You're so sweet. I missed you guys too.
Lira- welcome!

Doing pretty well today. I was supposed to have a dinner date this evening (he's a total cutie. Heavy right now but actively losing weight, which is definitely motivational to me! Plus I've seen a picture of him at his goal weight, and...rawr.) but he had to work instead, so now I'm sort of scrambling to figure out dinner plans. May just pop over to walmart for a rotisserie and call it good.

I did some de-cluttering of my own yesterday, now I just need to move the de-cluttering process to my car. I swear it looks like I live in it.

I hope you ladies all have a great day! I might check in later, but if not, see y'all tomorrow! :)

Fi, I am so sorry you are so sick. *hug* Get better soon!!!!!!


Kathleen, I did not have time to check on my meds today. I will, maybe, tomorrow. Thanks for your encouragement. *hug*


Lira, post often, we need to get this thread moving again. :)


Penmage, come clean my car, it's a mess inside. :(



My classes started today, officially. I logged on to the web site and tomorrow I have to drive to Columbus for my math class. My math class is a blended class and my computer class is online only.

Jennifer went back to school today. I am a little sad. The house seems so quiet. :(

That's about it for now. Take care everyone and if you are sick, please take care of yourself.

Much love to you all.

Hello all. New to group. About me: Widowed 56 year old from Maryland. Work full-time outside the house, 45+ hrs. week. I struggle with weight loss. Hoping I can be accountable in a group setting. Writing down everything I eat and staying under 1600 calories per day. Starting weight: 206.8

Welcome back penmage! :) so nice to hear from you. Sorry your dinner plans didn't work out, did you reschedule? good luck with the hottie! :) and congrats on doing some decluttering.

Fi, wow sorry you were so sick, and don't blame yourself for going to the ER! Hope you and Bob are better.

Kathleen, is your cough gone yet?? And your coaching sessions start in about a week? I am sorry you are so scared but it is such a good direction!

Lisa, so sorry you lost that medication!! I hope it shows up..or better yet, you don't have any anxiety and don't need it :) Glad you got a hair trim. Sorry your daughter is back at school. Hope you had a nice time with her !

Hi and :welcome: to lira!! I'm glad this thread is helping you already :)

Hi and :welcome: to bibliophile also!

and hi and :welcome: to mdgirlovesfood! gosh 56 is way too young to be widowed, I am sorry about that! but welcome to our group.

sorry I didnt highlight everyone's name, just wanted to make sure I said hi to everyone.

My cold is not as bad as others, I haven't felt like I was hit by a truck, just the usual runny nose and sometimes coughing, and it definitely is worse by the end of the day, and first thing in the morning . But a hot shower really helps.

we are finally at the end of the horrible holiday retail week, we have been stretched to our limits by the relentless crush of customers :rofl: it wasn't until 3 pm this afternoon that we regained control of the store :devil: and that was a good feeling. And I made some good money by working lots of extra hours.

I gave my young (22 yr old) insecure coworker a fun little certificate, praising something she did at work. I knew she would like it, and she really needs an adult to let her know she is valued (her family nor her boyfriend do :( ) so she was THRILLED at the certificate; and my dopey Rat B@stard boss gets all mopey and says "I never got a certificate" and he swears he was 'just kidding Holly' :rolleyes: so to try to embarrass him, I brought in a certificate for HIM today, and he was so thrilled also :devil: so funny. Hey if a piece of paper can make someone so happy, that is pretty good.

Hey there! It's been a LONG time since I've been here (September, I think?) but I'm back on the wagon and trying to hang in for the ride.

Last time I checked in I was moving to a new apartment, and working 2 jobs. I worked my last shift at my 2nd job a couple weeks ago, and I'm loving the new apartment.

I'm slowly getting back into putting conscious effort into putting good things in my body, and staying active. I've got a very supportive friend who is really inspirational to me, health-wise who is helping me along the way.

And I need to get back to working on my anxiety and depression, but one thing at a time.

Hope everyone had a great holiday season!

Welcome to the new folks, and so nice to see you back, chelainabear!

I made a new collage last night: "paper-thin pantagruel". (As usual, click for a larger version.)

Still coughing like mad, but in good spirits...

Hello friends,

I am giving math another go round. Keep me in your thoughts and prayers, please. I have to pass this math class. It's a must!!!!!


I'm sitting here in the library before class and my hands are shaking. I need to calm down. I'm always nervous before a first class but this is ridiculous. I have had this instructor before and did not care for him. Man, I wish I had a different one.


Welcome to all that are new. :welcome::welcome3::wel3fc:


It is quite cold here in Ohio down in the single digits. It is supposed to get REALLY cold on Thursday morning, in the minus single digits.


I start tutoring sessions on Wednesday. I am the one being tutored in math.


I am also working both my jobs this week and I am starting to feel just a bit stressed out, with that and my classes. I know I can do it though, I just need to concentrate.

I wish you all a wonderful Monday and Tuesday. I will be back soon.

Much love to all.

Thanks for the warm welcome. It's nice to be part such a friendly group. Yes, 56 is young to be widowed. My husband actually passed away 10 years ago, at 46, from renal cancer. My mother, father, brother-in-law and husband all passed away within a short time of each other. Thats when the out of control eating started. 52 lb. Gain in 10 years. I realize I have to get this under control or I'll be next! Today was tough! Bad enough being a Monday but cutting my caloric intake in half was a true challenge. I made it! Well, almost. Four hours until bedtime.

Welcome!
 

mdgirllovesfood: :welcome: to the group! So happy you posted. I, too, am sorry that you became a widow so young. :( You sure lost a lot of important people in your life in a short time. :( The weight gain is understandable, but I am glad that you are ready to focus on better health now. We will do our best to support you along the way! :cheer2: YOU CAN DO THIS!!! :hug:

Thank you, Ibelieveinme2!

hi everyone
i'm currently commuting home from work
i had a bad day
i will share the story after i'm back home typing on computer (i'm on mobile now)
i'm just checking in now
talk to you later hope you all have a good day i'll catch up soon

Chelainabear: Welcome back!!! It is so good to hear from you! Remember that this group is for ups and downs, so please feel free to be here whether you are "on" the wagon or not. We are here to support you in both good times and bad. I think people tend to stay away when they are not doing well with eating and exercise, but sometimes that is when we need the support the most. Regardless, I am happy that you are back! :D That is great that you are loving your new apartment and that you have a supportive and inspirational friend to help you in your efforts to get healthier. It is so helpful to have even ONE person that supports your efforts. It can make all the difference in your journey. Best of luck to you as you get back in the swing of things!!! :hug:

Lisa: You do have a lot on your plate right now with classes and working two jobs! I hope your tutoring in Math is helpful. That's great that you are doing that. I will definitely keep you in my thoughts and prayers! Just think about how relieved you will be after you pass this Math class!!! I know you will do whatever it takes and you will succeed! Sorry you don't really care for your instructor. That makes it harder, but you can still do it! Remember deep breathing and ONE thing at a time! Sorry you are feeling a lot of stress and anxiety right now. Did you get your clonazapam prescription refilled yet? That might help. Just do your best and try to carve out at least a little time just for YOU whenever possible to relax and rejuvenate! YOU CAN DO THIS!!! :hug:

Holly: My cough has lingered, but it is so much better now. Thanks for asking. You are so good to remember that my "gold" coaching program starts next Monday. I am really excited, though nervous, and trying to go into it with an open and optimistic mindset. A ton of crazy (bad) stuff has happened within my household recently that has my mind preoccupied, but I am using this week to try to clear my mind and get prepared for some positive changes. I easily get sidetracked, but I really want to give it my best effort to stay focused on the changes I want to make this year and to take positive steps each day to make it happen ONE day at a time. I need to avoid my typical all or nothing thinking and remember that it won't be a perfect process. I will have setbacks, but the main thing is that I keep moving forward. I am also trying my best to prepare my son for being out on his own for the first time next year (in college). YIKES!!! It scares the heck out of me!!! I feel like he is not ready, but ready or not...... that time is coming quickly! My daughter was out sick from school for about 2 and 1/2 weeks before Christmas break, so she is totally overwhelmed and stressed out with making up schoolwork and semester finals, along with the new work they are getting now (and all the crap going on at home). Today, both kids had a snow day off school. 1st one of the year. There is a bunch of friction right now between hubby and me, but I am dealing with it surprisingly well. It is just a BIG distraction. I need to FOCUS on getting HEALTHY in mind and body. Difficult to do with all of the concerns I've mentioned above, but I CAN DO IT!!! :carrot: I am really hoping that addressing some of the things in this coaching program will also help with clearing the clutter in my home. That is a whole other subject, but I know they are related. Anyway, sorry to ramble! I have to run now. Thanks for your encouragement and support! Hope all is well with you! :hug:

I'm still congested and coughing, but it's getting better, one day to the next. The kitties are having a growth spurt: we can almost see their legs and spines getting longer. They already, at nearly nine months, stroll around like they own the whole house, even the stuff we've squirreled away in drawers or up on high shelves. They look and move like little wild panthers, but tentatively admit they enjoy belly rubs. Such complex personalitites they have! We really do have two new people living with us.

I'm afraid that taste of the BRAT diet (bananas, rice, apple sauce & toast) got me turned on to eating carbohydrates, so the transition back into my modified Adkins routine is a rocky road. I keep craving BRAT, and am indulging in the occasional c-word. =sigh= I don't know how to draw a line in the sand and just quit the carbos cold turkey (except my nightly muesli, of course), but that's what I need to do if I'm going to get back to losing weight. If anything, I feel like I'm slowly gaining.

Maybe having made this confession will help me take the leap (mixed metaphors, you say? and why not?)... Maybe seeing my Qigong instructor on Thursday will help me break out of this phase... Maybe something serendipitous will come my way...

Wishing you all the best...

Fi: Sorry to hear that you are still congested and coughing, but glad to hear that you are getting better each day. I am familiar with the BRAT diet and it IS yummy, actually! I can see why you are having a hard time getting back off the carbs. That will be a challenge, but I know you can do it!!! :cheer2:

Those kittens of yours sound like they have SO MUCH personality!!! I love animals with a lot of personality! :love: Hope you are thoroughly enjoying having them around! :D

Helloooooo,


I actually had a really good night at math class. Maybe I rushed to judgement on my instructor. He seemed really helpful and nice. We'll wee how it goes tomorrow night when I go back for my second night in class.

I am turning in early tonight. I am so tired. Stress is getting to me. I just need to make it to Friday. Hopefully I won't be working so much next week.


Love to all.

Hi Everyone!

I'm a long time struggler with my weight. I'm doing a whole-30 type diet and have had success. I'm down about 40 pounds with another 40 to go. Hoping to meet some nice people and get some support. :)

VermontMom—your “little certificate” story brought me to tears. So incredibly thoughtful and kind! Ya know, it’s not just the young things that need a kind word. I would pass out if someone paid me such a kindness! You earned a gold star in your crown...as they say…

So sorry to hear about all this sickness. I see that flu is bad this year. I had it last year, and hope it was similar enough to the current strain that I will escape this round of it.

So I’ve been a 3FC poster for a while, but I created this new (fantastically strong) username so I could have an alter ego This forum is so open, I’m a bit paranoid that some folks might read up on all the caring&sharing I’ve been doing and have a big laugh at my expense ( I know, I know), plus I’m having issues coming to terms with being depressed. I live in a world where you would be stigmatized for revealing such a thing (I know, I know).

But I am. My situation at work is generally an unrewarding and unhappy one, and on top of that the past few months have been awful. Let’s see: close friend/distant relative passed away , the funeral was 2 days after an eye surgery, & we got rear-ended on the way to the funeral home, SIL passed away unexpectedly on Tx, periodontal surgery in Nov (which wasn’t so bad), another eye surgery in Nov that went wrong so now blindness is a looming possibility, another eye surgery planned in Jan, and oh yea, my loyal, extremely hardworking DH got caught in the middle of a turf battle at work and was fired….leaving me to wonder how we’re going to pay for surgery in Jan because we can’t get insurance switched over in time. I can’t even remember all the crap that’s come through my front door these past few months. Sure has made it easier to ignore the drama at work and the teenage drama at home!

Sorry this is long, but I’m sitting here crying because I’m so scared and unhappy. I have been sleeping too much and cannot find motivation to do anything. It helps to work to help DH fight his depression—he is taking his unexpected job loss pretty hard. But I’m feeling like a lonely, useless lump. My physician wanted to prescribe something to help get me through these times, but everything interacted with my glaucoma meds and I just do not want to take any risks there. I’m on a new medication (for eye problems) that gives me such brain fog that I’ve been forgetting to take my supplements, so that doesn’t help. I do take ginko, which is good for eye circulation as well as mood, so yes, I could improve in that area.

Well….after typing all this, I really don’t know what to expect from you guys…tea and sympathy, I guess.

Invincible1, you're in the right place. *hug* I was going to ask about the med situation but you've answered that question. Meds get me through, I wouldn't be alive without them to be truthfully honest with you. I'd be long dead.


I'm sitting here in the library at school, procrastinating. I need to work on Comp100 homework. bleh So I decided to post to you all instead.

I hope to learn a lot in math tonight, I sure did the other night. :)

Sciencegirl22, welcome the thread and congrats on losing the weight!!!!!! yay for you!!!!!

and hello to all the new ladies who have joined us, we'll talk plenty, I promise.


Well, I'd better get to work, I have my hands full here. Got lots to do.


Much love to you all, you're always in my thoughts.

Welcome!
 

ScienceGirl22: :welcome3: to the group! I hope you will find the support you are looking for here. CONGRATS on losing 40 pounds already!!! What is a whole-30 type diet? Best of luck losing your next 40!!! YOU CAN DO IT!!! :D

Welcome!
 

Invincible1: :welcome: to the group! Love that username, but now I am dying to know your original username!!! :lol: Sorry that you are having a hard time coming to terms with being depressed and that you live in a world that would frown on such a thing. I am glad that you had the courage to post here and share with us about your situation. That is a POSITIVE step forward! You sure have been through a lot and it stinks that your work situation is so miserable for you. Then, to top it off, your hubby loses his job and is now struggling with depression. You definitely need a safe place to talk about your feelings and receive some support along the way. In addition to this group, I highly recommend getting the help of a trained professional counselor if you feel you need it. Therapy has changed my life for the better. Although facing my issues has been very challenging and difficult at times, it has also been liberating and life-producing for me. Therapy and meds probably saved my life years ago. It makes me so sad to hear that you were crying as you typed your post because you are so scared and unhappy. :( Sleeping too much and not having any motivation are definite signs of depression, as you probably know. Do your best to care about your hubby without also taking on HIS depression. Each of you has to fight your own battle and face your own journey. Do you know what I mean? I sure hope you will find some support within the group, but I really encourage you to also talk to a professional counselor once you get your insurance situation figured out. Best of luck with your eyes! I hope and pray that you will not go blind and that you will be able to have the surgery done (correctly) in January or ASAP. Hang in there and keep on posting! We are happy to have you here and we will be cheering you on! :cheer2: Sending you a BIG HUG!!! :hug:

Lisa: Thanks for checking in! I am so happy that your math class went much better than you expected! :) Hang in there and take ONE thing at a time! :hug:

Today I felt worse than the day before: more coughing, more exhaustion, more aches & pains. It's possible that I've picked up a bacterium like mycoplasma—predictably happens to me when I have bronchitis. But I don't have time to go see my doctor and get a scrip for an antibiotic! Thursday is my app't with my Qigong instructor, after we had to miss two meetings because two Thursdays in a row were holidays. And then Friday is my night with Grace.

More pressing on my mind right now, though, is craving sugar. Not carbos in general: sugar. I would eat it raw off a sugar cane plant, I swear. I didn't have any today, so tomorrow will be Day 2 of cold turkey on that nasty stuff. Not even the cool photo of an orange Godzilla toy that I got permission to use in a collage can distract me from that craving. Arrrgggh! I don't know if I have a special "sensitivity" to sucrose, but before I went cold turkey on it the fall of 2013, it was always a major part of what I was eating. Ridiculous, but true.

Cold turkey is the best way to kick it, in my experience, so I have no choice but to put plenty of stevia in my coffee & my muesli and hope that it'll get better soon. I wish I could remember how many days it took before sugar wasn't constantly in my thoughts. No drug I've ever used, and I have used a few, gets its hooks into me the way that sugar does. I'm suffering barrages of mental imagery of sugary "foods"—with no end in sight. Yet.

At least this time round I'm making a special point of remembering how brutal this is, so I'll place a higher value on maintaining my sugar-free diet.

Kathleen— Personality is the number one, two, and three reasons why we get these pedigreed oriental shorthairs instead of a "normal cat" from a shelter. Orientals are always just bursting with social & emotional complexity. We think of them as people—not humans, of course, but feline people.

Invincible— Good for you that you changed your ID and chose to come out of hiding! You can say anything on this forum and get support for it, because we've all been through hard times and dysfunctional relationships like you wouldn't believe. I, for example, can empathize big time with your trials over your husband's losing his job. My husband went through about five years of severe depression before finally getting fired over it, in the fall of 2012. It was a nightmare. It was very much as if someone really close to us had died: Bob had to do that hard, hard work of mourning his job on top of already being depressed. There was nothing I could do for him. We both just had to be patient as Time slowly started healing that wound. He's still feelin' it—but he's a good bit better now.

Vermont and Lira thank you for your support and greetings :)

Lira- I'll definitely fix the comment section on my blog and would love it if you continued commenting in the future- it's always nice to get some perspective.