Lisa (ohiofreespirit): Interesting thoughts about being skinny and unhappy versus being fat and happy! Thanks for sharing. I definitely feel healthier (in my mind) now, despite the 75 extra pounds, than when I was "normal" size/skinny. That is why it is SOOOOOOOOOOO incredibly frustrating for me to NOT be able to lose this excess weight YET!!! I want my outside to reflect how far I have come on the inside. It is indeed IRONIC! I hope that your daughter will be able to come home to visit next weekend. I know NOTHING about Nascar. Sorry! You sure must have needed that 2 hour power nap this afternoon! I LOVE naps! I hope that your new schedule will still allow you to go to church, since you really enjoy it.

Hi Lisa, thanks for the welcome

Hi IBelieveInMe2, thanks for the welcome too I will NEVER go back on meds...honestly I was on a cocktail of Prozac, Clonazepam, Seroquel, and Epival to make sure the other three drugs wouldn't cause seizures. I too was a "do whatever the doc ordered" gal at first. But the weight gain was horrible, it happened over one and a half years, and if I hadn't quit the Seroquel it would have continued because I finally got the Pdoc to admit it caused a metabolic disorder (of which I am cursed with permanently sigh).

She was so against me quitting the meds, she threatened my income. I'm on permanent disability from the burnout, thankfully categorized as a work accident, and she threatened to call the workman's comp to "tell" on me that I refused to take my meds. I called them myself and told them my plan and they are so corporate, they didn't even care.

So I looked up on the internet how to ween off each drug and that's what I did over a lot of time and many side effects. I feel so clear now, I was such a zombie before that I decided I'd rather live with the emotions that I have (and suffer at times) than to feel nothing. Also I did 9 years of therapy and I'm sick of hearing myself talk...I do talk to my bf, but I hate to burden him. Plus therapy isn't covered anymore and I truly can't afford it.

What works for me is prevention. Daily exercise and yoga, supplements/fish oil for depression, passionflower tincture for anxiety, and keeping very busy. The burnout messed up my physiology and my muscles are terribly fragile so I injure myself a lot, and I'd say those are the worst times when I can't exercise. I feel as though I have too much time to think about sad things when I'm recovering from injuries and can't exercise the thoughts away. I had to stop the St-John's Wort herbs for depression because I started to take the pill for endometriosis. I felt a big difference when I stopped that, the SJW worked just as well if not better than Prozac...but the endometriosis pain outweighs the pain of depression. So far, I haven't really found anything similar, though keeping on track with my supplements helps a lot.

I have a bad habit of keeping it to myself but my bf is wonderful. He knows. And he knows about my fear about our age difference and he keeps saying it's not even an issue with him. He tells me how young I look, how sexy I am, how he loves my body, how he loves me, I'm his soul mate and more wonderful things. Even though he tells me and shows me these things, and he's very loving and supportive, it's always in the back of my mind, so it's definitely a self-esteem problem. I know losing the last 27 pounds will help with that. Strengthening my muscles too with daily yoga is making things MUCH better.

Maybe since I lost so much time on meds and with depression, 18 years alone, that I feel cheated a little, that being 46 came way too soon, I don't know...but I try to journal daily with gratitude for the life I have now.

I feel like I opened the floodgates here...thanks for talking to me and listening

Our heat has been on for a week now. We're renting a house in the mountains, which is like "nature therapy" for me! But oddly, this house has no fireplace or wood stove...not even a chimney...my bf suggested buying a "fake" fireplace...I think it's a great idea to make life more cozy

I hate being cold too! Though the night sweats are definitely NOT welcome these days...

I had my surgery Friday. They have had a hard time controling my pain. Vicodin and percocet make me cry all the time and give me awful mood swings. I regret having the surgery right now due to the pain. Everyone says I will change my mind once I start healing. The good news is I have totally lost my appetite. Nothing appeals to me.

I weighed in at 263.8 this morning... a 7.4 pound loss this month so far. I am really glad.

I am having a crazy day though - I googled "how to get over a guy you never even dated" this morning, just for some context. Kind of like a one-sided breakup. I feel ridiculous and like I'm back in high school.

But anyway, I'm trying to stay on the positive side and keep up losing weight. Hope y'all had a great weekend, and a great Monday

I hope your pain ceases soon and you heal well so you don't regret the surgery. I can imagine how terrifying it all was, I wouldn't be eager to have any surgery done myself. I hope you feel better soon!

Hi Amylynne, I had a one-sided love affair for about a decade, I just couldn't get over the guy...it does feel like high school. I don't know what to tell you, but I hope you keep busy enough to not think about him! Congrats on the weight loss.

Today is our Thanksgiving so I'm not even bothering to watch what I eat. I'm making a traditional dinner for me and my bf, with an apple tart and homemade apple sorbet for dessert - we went apple picking last week and I need to use them up!!!

Tomorrow is my usual weigh-in day, but I'm going to give myself a little break and wait until next week because I'll have turkey-bloat no doubt tomorrow morning.

Trish (lilturtle): Thank you so much for checking in! I hate it that you are in so much pain that you regret the surgery. It sounds like you are having terrible side effects from the pain meds. I have been keeping you in my prayers. I hope you have a speedy recovery and that the pain subsides SOON!!! Hang in there!!! Sending you a big hug!

Chardonnay: That is terrible that you now have a metabolic disorder for life because of Seroquel! I can't blame you for NEVER wanting to go on meds again! And I didn't know you have already gone the therapy route. You said you journal daily for gratitude for the life you have now. That is awesome! I need to get back to journaling. It literally was my lifeline years ago when I was really struggling with a LOT of issues. Anyway, if you haven't already, you would probably benefit from journaling about the body concerns you mentioned, if for no other reason than to get them off your mind, especially when an injury keeps you from exercising. A belated Happy Thanksgiving to you! Sounds like you had some yummy food! Good idea to skip your weigh-in this week. It is great to see you posting and exchanging support with the group! Thanks for being here!

AmyLynne: CONGRATS on your weight loss so far this month!!! Good for you for staying POSITIVE and being determined to keep on losing weight! You are doing great! Keep up the good work!!!

IBelieveInMe2, thanks for your response With regards to the journaling, I got really sick of writing to be honest, it got cumbersome and boring because I felt like I was writing the same stuff every day. I tried a private blog, but again, it was a lot of writing. Now I do something a little more fun. I'm on Pinterest and I have a private board that I use as my daily journal. I basically post photos with little notes that help me describe my mood and what I'm grateful for that day. It's fun to do and it gives me a little structure because I never want to miss a day. I look forward to it to be honest

Hi ladies,

I just wanted to check in.

It is so good to see all of you. *hugs all around*

Trish, you will be glad you had that surgery when you start healing. I know it.

Amy, why did you google that phrase? Are trying to get over someone? If so. I hate that. I remember how hard it is to get over someone. That is partially why I don't get involved with anyone. I refuse to get hurt again.

Chardonnay, I, too, get tired of journaling. My online journal only gets written in every few months. I really should write in it more. I have several people who follow me. I am also on Pinterest but rarely go there. I should go there more often.

Kathleen, how are you? Tell us what is going on with you. I hope everything is good.

Tonight, I have a headache. What is new? I always have a headache it seems. Man, it is throbbing bad. I took something, hopefully, it will kick in soon. I work both jobs today. I work at 6 to 8 am then I work again at 10 am to 2.


Have a great Tuesday ladies. Much love to all.

good morning! AGAIN I apologize for not being around My wonderful summer job ends this Sunday, then I have a week off, before I go to the rotten job but at least I will check in EVERY day then.

Lil'Turtle - SO sorry you are hurting!! I'm sure everyone will tell you the same but you will be glad you had the surgery, just not now as you are recovering from the shock of the surgery and the pain. Were you able to be in a facility to stay or are you alone at home?? it was sad to hear your Mom didn't stay with you best wishes!!

Kathleen - yes you are our rock here! you are always so positive and 'there' for us, I hope we give that back to you too. Did your children have off from school yesterday? I know some places don't. Hope you have a great day!

Lisa - so glad to hear you were happy being a 2 income person I also hope you are scheduled so that you can go to church sometimes if you enjoy that. ANd hope you can be with your daughter soon, it's always so nice to read of how happy you are when she visits. And yay to you for posting as much as Kathleen to help us all

Fi - sorry to hear of the kitties' illness! Makes any mom sad. Hope they are better SOON.

Hi amylynne - wow you are having great losses!! shows that you are working hard on it, that is great Great to hear you can go home for CHristmas. Oh if you love fall colors you would have loved where I am, the foliage was spectacular this year. Still is pretty in some places.

(late) to LadyKay! :wave sorry to hear about the pneumonia! Yeah not very reassuring news from the hospital staff, hmmm.

(late) to chardonnay! Your boyfriend sounds wonderful to you, that is great.

So this is the last week of the summer job I love, I hate to see it end because I love the job so much, and it also signifies the end of warm weather and the beginning of the cold and dead season yeah I def fight the SAD, already with the darkness, I don't even like dark rooms in the summer.and saying good bye to motorcycling, and goodbye to green beautiful growing things..I'll try not to be so glum next time I'm here

good news this morning is that it is a MILD 51 degrees, yesterday it was 29 at this time, and gonna head to almost 70! so I will ride my m'cycle to work and that makes everything seem better

Just checking in, pneumonia is still causing me difficulty unfortunately I'm back to work today and feeling no better. My chest is still hurting and I won't have time to go to the doctor again until the 25th so hopefully this will pass and the antibiotics are slow to kick in. I appreciate the welcomes and support. I've managed to stay on plan despite being sick, but my weight hasn't gone down. I'm trying not to stress about it but it is a little disheartening. Further, my therapist retires at the end of this month. Likely what will be my last appointment with him (I have one more scheduled but more as a precaution because he would be booked solid once the news hit, but it's looking like I may not need it) will be Thursday. He thinks I'll do fine but I'm really anxious about his retiring because he was the first therapist that's ever actually done me some good and I'm terrified of another long few years and many wasted meetings with incompatible therapists trying to find another good one.

I'm sorry I'm not much of a support right now, I've barely slept and can't think very clearly. I have read through all the posts, and just don't know where to begin to respond, so I'll just say for now congrats to the victories I see here, and I feel for those struggling right now as well. You're all in my thoughts.

-Kay

Hi Holly/Cupcake I like that road name! I live in the Laurentians in Quebec and there are lots of motorcycles cruising through the mountains here, our weather is like late summer too. I too suffer from SAD, I'm a nature-lover and I need to be out every day. At least though I'm in the country now, my bf and I moved from the horribly crowded/polluted city in May and we will never look back. We have nature out every window...it'll be our first winter here, I hope it won't be too long, I get such cabin fever. I'm trying not to think of it yet though!

Hi Kay I'm sorry you're suffering! I hope you get better soon. During my 9 years in therapy, I only had one good one, my first therapist - who was an art therapist - and she ended up moving to Australia after I saw her for over a year. I went through half a dozen others and it exhausted me so much that I gave up for 7 months. I did try someone else though, a sort of unorthodox type of therapy for the last 4 years. This woman was a spiritual healer, self-titled. She did her MA in psychology so she was educated with the basics of therapy. But she also was a free-spirit, and incorporated Tarot cards, meditation and yoga into our therapy sessions. I thought it was great and she was the one who helped me the most though I don't really share her beliefs. Just to say that the traditional therapy wasn't what helped me the most, it was art therapy and spiritual healing. Have you ever considered that kind of thing?

Hi Lisa Are your headaches due to stress? When I was still on meds, I used to get daily migraines from my anti-depressants, mainly Effexor XR, I had to switch because I couldn't take it anymore. It made my condition so much worse. If you're interested, there is a 7-minute yoga routine online that I use when I get headaches, and it really eases them a lot, Yoga For Headaches. I'm not trying to push yoga, just wanted to share something that helps me out!

Hi Kay, I am so sorry you are sick. *hug* I have never had pneumonia before so I have been very lucky. It's really ok that you aren't up to responding individually to us. You are much too sick.

Chardonnay, I have been diagnosed with psuedotumor cerebri, I have too much liquid around my brain. They are treating me with a steroid but I still get migraines, although, not as many.


I only had 1 job today, this morning at 6 am so I have the rest of the day to relax. I took a nap this morning so I feel better.


Elvira has her fungus back on her skin and she is so itchy. She has been waking me up several times at night to rub her back, poor thing so now I am so tired during the day. I am going to have to get her into the vet when I have the money. It won't be for about a week or so, I'm going to have to just do the best I can at getting some sleep. I feel so bad for not being able to get her in right away.


Jennifer is coming home on Saturday. yay!!!!!! She'll be home until Tuesday. I am so happy I could click my heals. lol

i hope you are all ok. I keep you in my thoughts.