I'm doing very well, just a touch now and then of -1 level of depression, but on the whole, I'm back to normal. I guess those days of depression were just something I needed to go through, my brain's rather painful way of enforcing a rest period.

I've been busy reading, writing letters, putting ideas together for my studio at the farm, and dreaming of the pictures I want to make—big, complex pictures, with paint as well as collage. I always have to fantasize, visualize things before I pick up a single piece of paper, and I enjoy that drifting state when my eyes are closed. I especially enjoy it when a kitten or two is sleeping next to me.

The only bummer these days is that our house is basically quarantined for at least a month, because of the ringworm. I can't see Grace; we can't have Margaret and Gavin over; we can't introduce the kittens to anyone. Not until they've been on oral medications for a month, plus have had a few antifungal baths, plus have had, at the end of that month, a negative culture for the fungus. And so far it's only been a little over a week, so we have a long time to wait.

worththeeffort- Thanks- It is so encouraging when you hit a milestone like that, makes you keep working harder! Congrats on the 20 mile ride! I know what you mean by the knees aching. After my first cycling class going that far distance wise I was shot. I'm cycling regularly now at the gym. The classes are so good for me, mindless workouts really, I don't have to think, just do!

lilturtle- sorry to hear about your grocery issue. It's happened to me before. If you can't really afford to replace everything, just buy a few healthy things. A little is better than nothing.

Fiona- Sorry to hear about the kitty issues. :(

Not a bad Monday for me. Had a really good workout at the gym in spinning class. Good dinner, sitting at 1124 calories right now for the day. I'll have my fun size candy bar later tonight (Mounds, yum!)

Time for shower and then homework!

Hello!
 

Worthy: I am so sorry about the death of your friend and co-worker. That is so sad. :( Your supervisor sounds like a miserable person; the type that wants to make everyone around her miserable, too. Why are you not allowed to speak or talk on the phone and your co-workers are? I don't get it! It sure sounds unfair from the way you described it. :( At least you are developing personal relationships with people throughout the building, though. It sounds like you are making the best of a lousy situation.

You are doing so well with your LONG bike rides! :bike: You are rockin' the miles! Good for you! :D Way to go on the 4 pound weight loss!!! :carrot: Retail therapy is so much fun, but can be expensive. Glad you picked up some great deals and a whole new wardrobe at Goodwill. Sorry the church lady is crabby, too. :( Who is she?

Sabrina (FleurDeLis): Congrats on 171.5 and size 16 jeans!!! :carrot: Your hard work is paying off and SOON you will be in the 160's!!! :D That is awesome! You seem to be doing really well with low calories and exercise. Glad it is working for you! :)

Trish (lilturtle): That's too bad that you are stuck with junk food. Could you just purchase a few healthy items for now, as Sabrina mentioned? Hang in there and please keep posting! :hug:

Fi: I am happy to hear that you are doing well and back to normal, for the most part. What a relief that must be! I must have missed reading that your kittens have ringworm. Sorry about that and the forced quarantine! :( I hope the little cuties get better soon!

fool4fotos: Hope you thoroughly enjoy your reunion with your Navy daughter this week! How wonderful! :) That is nice that you will be helping them get settled as they move to STL. Exciting that your other daughter is getting married in mid-October. That is right around the corner! I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers as you prepare for both big events in your daughters' lives. All will be well. :hug:

I walked on the treadmill for 15 minutes and rode the recumbent cycle for 15 minutes earlier tonight while my daughter worked out with our trainer. I was really struggling with aching shins as I walked on the treadmill, so I switched over to the bike. I have been more lethargic than usual lately and I am hoping that it is just due to the hypothyroidism. It stinks to feel like I battle fatigue every moment of every day of my life. But that is often my reality. :( I feel so UNproductive lately, and I really need to get my house in order. No excuses now that the kids are back in school during the day!

Well, so much for being back to normal. Later last night I crashed quite dramatically, into -4 level of pain. That's bad enough it makes me cry out, and the poor kittens were disturbed. I got Bob to keep them with him while I was waiting—it takes forever!—for the Geodon to hit and for me to get some relief. And then the Geodon wore off, about two in the morning, and I woke up suddenly into -5 level of pain! It was so awful, it was unreal. The only thing that gave me a little bit of relief was Bob rubbing my feet. Once again the Geodon took a good 45 minutes to have any effect.

And I have no idea what happened to trigger it, if anything. I did have an exasperating trip to the post office in the afternoon, with long slow trains holding me up both directions, plus a broken water main on the main drag at the exact point where I turn on a tiny side street to get to the P.O., tying up traffic in all directions. What usually takes ten minutes to accomplish took an hour and a half. But I didn't really think it was stressing me out, because I was listening to great rock-n-roll on satellite radio.

These days I'm as fragile as tissue paper, so who can say...

I hope to go to the grocery store next week. I have to do better. I have not gained but I'm not losing either.

Tomorrow I am going to do a post with ersonals. I am reading you all and cheering you on.

A sincere thank you IBelieveInMe2 :hug:

My oldest should be in STL by Thurs. My 2nd who is getting married had her fitting today and she is absolutely beautiful in that dress!!! It is becoming so real now. Can feel the anxiety starting wanting to be just right for her. Maybe that is where the need to drink is coming from. Just a guess...

Hi everyone, it hasn't been a great couple of days, I'm hoping today will be better, its started well so fingers crossed. I went for a small run today, I have become so unfit over the summer, what used to be an easy no sweat run now has me in pain and puffing and I HATE that I have let myself go to this extent.

Some good news though. We had been having problems with our mortgage and the bank were being really difficult to deal with, this summer they even had us in court trying to reposses the house but they have finally agreed a repayment plan that means we are free from all our legal woes. Its an affordable one too so we will be able to manage on what we are left with. My husband is delighted as am I but I feel pissed off too, why didn't they do this months ago instead of dragging us through so much stress and uncertainty.

Fiona W I hope you are feeling better today. I really loved the collage, they are beautiful, how do you make them?

Lilturtle hugs xx I have done that many times too, now I don't go shopping if I am in a funk or if I am I literally only bring enough money for the essentials. That's saved me a few times. Don't feel bad xx

Fool4fotos Congratulations on your upcoming family wedding, it must be a very emotional time for you. Don't worry, everything will work out right for her, enjoy the experience.

FleurdeLis Congrats on your achievement, not long until you are saying goodbye to the 170's

Worth the effort I am so sorry to hear about the death of your colleague, that must be hard, I hope you are okay. Well done on not giving into your sugar urges and doing something positive instead. I know if that had been me I would have binged. :o

I take geodon too Fiona. It frustrates me because it is so unpredictable in how fast it will work. Sometimes 2 hours, sometimes4-5 hours. Sometimes not at all. How much do you take and is it the generic?

aryastark I am glad you got your mortgage issue resolved. It is terrible living with that kind of stress.

I haven't been sleeping. I'm always more hungry when I don't get enough sleep, Anyone else notice that?

Trish— Have you tried taking the Geodon to help you sleep? I take two 40-mg capsules of the generic every night when I'm doing my pre-sleep wind-down: it really works for me. When I'm having lots of depression pain, I also take it as a prn. (as needed), any time of day. I know it takes a long time to come on board—for me it's like 45 minutes to an hour—but it's an effective anti-depressant as well as an antipsychotic. (I gotta have an antipsychotic for the bad depression pain.) I find it helps to make the Geodon come on faster if I lie down and meditate, or at least observe my breathing, while I'm waiting: that way you're primed to notice, and reinforce, its subtle emergence in your brain.

That's all I feel like saying. I'm still in bad shape with this depressive episode. But the one good thing about depression is, it does come to an end, sooner or later.

Hey everyone, I'm just popping in to say I am still around and will continue to contribute to the group. I've been very busy. I just started a long term project that I'm excited about but also very nervous.

I'm sorry to see those who are not doing well right now. I wish I could give you all a great big hug.

EDIT - Sorry, I kind of rambled here. It was a bit of a brain dump. I will try to be more active soon.

I'm starting to put a plan together for myself when I get back to the States. I'm going to need to really keep a hold of myself because leaving here and being long distance with my boyfriend again for a while is going to be very hard and I'm likely to get stronger flares of depression.

I've decided on a couple things to prioritize, but what I really need to work on is not feeling guilty for it. (I'm working on my guilt issues in therapy, but boy do they run deep...)

First is prioritizing what housework gets done when I'm sick. The kitchen is the most important part of the house for me. Waking up to a clean kitchen and a cup of tea sets a tone for my whole day. Plus it's a lot more likely I will want to make a proper meal if my kitchen is in order. In tandem with that, I need to slip back into a routine for my eating and stick to it. I'm going to have to force myself to set up an actual plan, because the habits that allowed me to not think about it anymore are gone.

And lastly, getting at least a little exercise is more important than other tasks. Yoga every morning, and some kind of dedicated period of movement during the day. If I'm too sick to do more than one thing in a day, exercise takes priority, because it's what maintains my activity level on good days.

I've tried all sorts of things with the geodon. With meals, snacks. Different times, etc. So far it is one of the best I have tried. It's just not perdictable.

Hi, I am new. Just found this forum today. Not sure if I belong here. I have bipolar disorder which is pretty well controlled with medication. I take a lot of meds: ability, seroquel, lexapro, lamictal, Wellbutrin. I think the antipsychotics contribute to my hunger and fatigue. I still get some periods of depression, I also have a lot of anxiety. At the moment my mood is fine. I had some bad lab results (glucose and lipids) and I haven't been able to talk to my doc about them. It is on my mind but I am trying not to dwell. I am hoping with diet and exercise it will improve. I am working with a doctor and dietician at a weight loss center. I have tried losing on my own but I haven't had much success. I am more optimistic this time.

Of course you belong here, Lori! Anyone who has mental health issues along with working on losing weight, or even just has ups and downs in mood that affect their weight loss journey, can find support and camaraderie on this thread. I, too, am bipolar, pretty well controlled on quite a cocktail of meds, and I hate the way the antipsychotic (I take Geodon) activates my sweet tooth.

I did something rather unusual today. Since I've had this recent flare-up of depression, my shrink has been pushing me more and more to go see this Qigong (chee-gong) practitioner he knows. So I did so.

It turned out that he was so personable and fascinating, I'm going back to see him on a weekly basis for a while. When I drew my little map of stages -1 through -7 of my depression, complete with the verbal labels I've made up for them, he got very excited. I could tell he was making all kinds of connections between what I've been able to observe about my internal energy flow in those various states, and the energy patterns he knows from Qigong. I think he has a lot to teach me, starting with some exercises in getting myself better grounded. Only time will tell if Qigong can help me be less depressed and on fewer medications, but his fee is quite reasonable, so what have I got to lose?

Welcome!
 

lorib64: :welcome: to our group! You definitely belong here! :) Good to hear that your bipolar depression is well-controlled with meds. I am also bipolar and on a cocktail of meds: Abilify, Effexor, and Buspar (plus other meds for other health conditions). Most of the time, my depression is well-controlled, but I still have my moments. I, too, battle hunger, fatigue, and anxiety. Sorry you haven't been able to talk to your doc about your bad lab results. I hope you will get the chance to do that soon so that you can relieve your mind of it. I get yearly bloodwork to check glucose and lipids since I am also on Abilify. So maybe that med is causing the poor lab results. It will be interesting to hear what your doc has to say. Anyway, I am happy that you posted. Best of luck to you in your weight loss journey! :hug:

Thanks for the warm welcomes :)

Going to start shredding weight from tomorrow onwards, will start walking for 6-7 day (2-3 miles a day) than i will start running... Hoping positive outcomes. Now i am weighing 227 pounds and want to be 155 pounds, Lets see what is going to happen in 6-8 months.

Finger crossed :)

For those of you who follow my collages, I just made a new one: "to a land without blue". As always, if you click on the image, you'll get a larger version.

I'm having a good day. Any day when I both write a letter (did that this morning) and make a collage is a good day. =smile=

Welcome!
 

withuashish: Welcome to the group and best of luck to you with your weight loss plan. Do you suffer from depression and/or are you on meds? Just wondering because that is what this forum is about. Regardless, GOOD LUCK! :)

Fi: Cool collage! Glad you are having a good day! :D

We went on college visits today with our son. We had a scheduled visit to an Open House at the University of Dayton and drove through and ate on campus at Miami University in Oxford, Ohio. Dayton is currently his #1 choice for college, but he really liked the beautiful Miami campus. We will schedule a visit and tour there later. Food was not great today. I am sort of in "giving up" mode again :o and really need to get my act together or (with this low thyroid level) I will gain weight rapidly. :( I'll take maintaining over gaining any day! Days like today, when we are riding for long periods in the car, I feel like I am 80 years old when I go to stand up and walk after getting out of the car; I have aches and pains all over. :( I so want to feel younger! I so want to be in shape!!! :^: Exercise has been good, but food choices have much room for improvement. I need to follow up my "wants" with behaviors that will get me there! Even if I can't lose weight until after seeing the endocrinologist in November, I want to be in the HABIT of healthy choices and hopefully the weight will come off in time.

Waving HELLO to everyone and wishing you well! :wave: Have a great week! :grouphug:

Hi Lori! I found seroquel made me eat almost nonstop and it raised my blood sugar. It is an evil drug but it does work for some people which is why I guess they prescribe it. It was a nightmare to come off of too but as soon as I was off I started dropping weight right away. I'm glad you are working with your doctor. I weigh the risks and benefits of medication now and for the most part will not take anything that has weight gain as a side effect.\


Love the collage Fi!!

Welcome Lori. I hope you settle in and find the thread is helpful, its great to have a place to post with other people who get it.

I haven't been too bad, I kinda feel I am chasing my tail a bit, I'm trying to sort out the house and clean it up a bit and dejunk it and I just can't seem to get on top of it. I thought once my kids went back to school I would have lots more time but I seem to waste it.

I did go out running today which was a big thing for me so feeling very proud about that. I used to run a lot but haven't in a while and want to get back into it.

Fiona its great to hear you are having a good day, I really hope you stay feeling good for as long as possible.

withuashish its great that you have a plan, you can do this, don't give up. I'm doing something similar, lots of walking with a bit of jogging.

Ibelieveinme2 I hear ya! I feel the same way after sitting down for long periods, in fact these days when I get out of bed my ankles feel so bad I am like an elderly woman trying to get around. Its all weight related so I have no one to blame but myself

Ladies I hope everyone has an amazing week, its starting well so I hope I can keep it going.

My mood has been pretty good and I have been staying on track with my meal plan. I see my doctor on the 17th to go over my lab results. I am really hoping she says that with diet and exercise I can turn this around.

I am really lacking motivation. In diet and life in general. It's frustrating.

On the plus side, my mom bought me a car. I haven't had one since 2011. I won't get it until November after I recover from knee surgery. Did I tell you guys about that? I have the right knee of an 80 yr old. It is bone on bone with two torn ligaments. I finally found a dr willing to replace it at my age and weight. Surgery is Oct 10th.

And for those of you following my endless parade of kitten pics, here's some new ones I took on Saturday: one, two, three, and four. Plus two more I took this morning: one and two. Oscar and Nénu (he's the paler one with blue eyes) are five months old now. Amazing how much they've grown in one month, isn't? They almost look like miniature versions of oriental shorthairs now, but they certainly still act like kittens. So demanding... but so much fun!

Hello!
 

Hello Everyone! I ate much better today, but still have to get my exercise in tonight. I am running out of time.

Trish: I hear you about lacking motivation in diet and life in general and how frustrating that is! :( I am sorry you are in that place right now. :hug: Please remind us of your knee surgery as it gets closer. Sorry you have to have it done, but hopefully you will feel much better once it heals. Your description sounds so painful. My dad has had both of his knees replaced with great success. CONGRATS on your new car!!! :carrot: Glad that your mom bought it for you! :D

Fi: I just love the pictures of Oscar and Nenu and how snuggled up with each other they are in every one! They look like the best of buddies! :) I was thinking that they look so big for kittens, but the hand in the one picture put their size in better perspective for me. How are you feeling today?

lorib64: I'm so happy to hear that you will be able to go over your lab results with your doctor on the 17th. Hope it goes well! Good for you for staying on track with your meal plan. :)

aryastark: Oh my, how I can relate to what you said about thinking you'd have so much time once your kids are in school and wasting it. I am in the same boat. I like having more time to myself, but I am struggling with getting motivated to clear my house. And it really needs my attention! I need to set up some kind of routine for myself. Something has to change! Good for you for getting outside for a run today! :running: I need to start walking my three dogs (one or two at a time) most days. They would love it and it would be so good for me! I have allowed myself to be LAZY lately. NOT proud of that. :(

Just an Update!
 

Just wanted to report that at 10pm last night, I finally got my butt moving and walked on the treadmill for 25 minutes and the TreadClimber (much harder) for 5 minutes! I am using the combo of treadmill and TreadClimber to kick up my workouts at home a notch. Proud of myself! :D Unfortunately, this morning I woke up with a terrible migraine, which I am still fighting. Daughter is home sick for the second day. Life could be better right now, but it could also be a lot worse. I'll take it! :)

Going to the grocey store and getting back on track. I really need to. I am going to try mini goals. Like right now get below 350.

Trish
 

Trish: Mini goals are a great idea!!! Sounds like you have a good plan. Best of luck to you! :hug: YOU CAN DO IT!!! :cheer2:

I'm not doin' so hot, I'm afraid. This depressive episode is not showing any signs of petering out. I have a good day now & then, but mostly I'm going down into serious -3 or -4 levels of depression pain, even -5 one horrible stretch, every day in every way. The kittens are nice to cuddle with, but mostly I have to medicate myself into a stupor before I get any relief from the pain. And the medication I take (Geodon) makes me crave sweets like nobody's business! I even broke down a couple of days ago and had a mini-binge on raw sugar mixed with peanut butter. =big sigh= Mostly I'm sticking to my diet by sheer force of will and extreme, one might even say Spartan, simplicity of food options. It's not pretty, but it is what it is....

I'm sorry you are going through this Fi. I have been there. Have you seen your doctor recently? It might be time for a med change or adjustment. Do you have a therapist? Big hugs your way.

Fi
 

Fi: I am so sorry to hear that the major depression pain is being stubborn. :( Hang in there and do your best to not beat yourself up for any food slips right now. Give yourself a break and just get through this difficult episode of depression. Sending BIG HUGS your way!!! :hug: :hug: :hug:

I'm up early.....well I didn't really sleep. A bit between 11-2am. I am going to make the best of the day. Going for a walk later and going to get some cleaning done. Oh, yes, grocery store at 4.

How does one find a therapist? I discussed my depression and weight issues with my doctor in March, and she gave me Prozac (makes me sick) and then Effexor - but I never took it cause reading all the reviews scared me!
I need to do something - realizing things will not just get better on their own. My main issue is my weight. I have been struggling - hard - for years to lose weight. I try diets, have willpower for around a month, lose around 10 pounds, then quit and gain it all back. I am depressed because I hate my body and don't see anything ever changing. If I could just stop eating and lose some weight, I wouldn't be so depressed. It's an awful cycle.

You could either ask for a referral from your doctor or call your insurance company to find out who is in network and find out what your benefits are. Therapy can really help. I found a good therapist but I can't afford to see him right now.

kcandponies
 

kcandponies: :welcome: to the group! Please feel free to keep posting here if you want. I find that it helps. If you know you need therapy, I would ask your doctor for a referral or check on Angie's List for reviews on psychologists if you can. It is important to find the right "fit" with your therapist, so one that works for one person may not be right for another person. But I have found that Angie's List is a good starting point. I have been on Effexor XR for a really long time now, and I haven't noticed any negative side effects from the drug. If your doctor prescribed it, you might want to give it a try. Or you might want to also talk with a good psychiatrist about drug options for you. Mention that you do NOT want a drug that is KNOWN to cause weight gain!!! I gained 60 pounds on Zyprexa, the drug from h*ll!!! :( Along with affecting my metabolism, it gave me an insatiable appetite. It was awful!!! :( And, yes, the more weight I gained, the more depressed I became. It was a vicious cycle. Best of luck to you with finding a therapist and in your weight loss journey! You deserve to be HAPPY!!! :hug:

Day 2 of eating healthier. I think I am getting back on track dietwise.

Where is everyone?

Hi guys. I'm Summer and almost 31. I have 3 beautiful kids; 2 girls who are almost 9 and almost 3, and a little boy who is 13 months old. This year has been very rough for us. We found out my FIL had Stage 4 lung cancer the same day that we found out our son has Chiari Malformation (google it). Then March 5, we lost my FIL and May 9th, our son had surgery to release some of the excessive fluid on his brain. Since then, he's been doing wonderfully; however, our almost 3 year old (Alaina) may have epilepsy. So as you can see, it's no wonder why I've gained weight. I weighed myself last week and was sitting at 252.4 lbs and now I'm at 247.0 lbs. I've started watching my calorie intake and drinking fruit/veggie smoothies to help off-set the cravings. We'll see how this goes.

Welcome!
 

Summer (Mama_Angel_2006): :welcome: to the group! I am so sorry about all that you have gone through! I am happy, though, to hear that your son has done wonderfully since his surgery. It must be scary to know that your little girl might have epilepsy. You are going through so much stress, but you have managed to start losing some weight. That is great! Keep up the good work in the calorie counting/weight loss department!

I am actually familiar with Chiari Malformation because my (now 15-year-old) daughter had it due to hydrocephalus which accompanied her Spina Bifida. We had her lesion closed in utero, and then the Chiari Malformation corrected itself, thank God! Those were scary times, though.

Anyway, I am glad that you posted! Best of luck to you with your weight loss journey! I hope you will find some support here in the group. Also, I will keep little Alaina in my prayers. Hope she's okay! :hug:

Trish
 

Trish: Way to go on day 2 of eating healthier!!! :carrot: Keep up the great work! :D

Hi, IBelieve...he was 6 months old when we found out. We were hoping to avoid surgery but he started having severe headaches to the point that he'd repeatedly hit his head and tylenol wasn't working anymore. The doctor who did his surgery is an Associate Professor at the hospital near us and she is an amazing woman.