Melissa: I'm sorry to hear that you are dealing with those pain issues, I hope they get worked out soon! And I'm glad you are finding support and acceptance here :hug:

Worthy: I'm sorry to hear you've been dealing with a down, but I'm glad you're at a point where you want to be around and check in again! It's nice to hear from you. And it's good that you recognize that you ARE worth it! We all believe in you, too.

Kathleen: Thank you! I actually have a day off tomorrow, I'm going to use it wisely.

Hannah: :hug: I think most of us have felt something like what you're feeling, though none of us would presume to understand exactly. Just remember that sometimes an unhealthy choice here and there, or some isolation, can be self-care. Do whatever you need to do, and we'll still be here.

Amy: The hair looks great! I can definitely see the auburn in it, but like you said, it's a pretty tone :)

Fi: Seems like you have a lot of stress going on, good and bad! Hang in there, and I'm glad to hear that today it was just busy, and no pain.

It seems like it's a lower point for many of us this month, and I'm no different. I worked 11 hours yesterday and 12 today (with about 6 hours of sleep between) so I'm exhausted.

And it didn't help that one of my coworkers at my convenience store job, let's call her A, was incredibly mean to me tonight. Normally we don't have any problems, though she seems to be upset with someone at all times. Tonight was the first night it was directed at me, and I don't handle that well. When she went on break, I asked our third coworker if there was anything I was doing wrong, or could be doing better, because A seemed upset with me. My coworker said I was doing fine and not to worry about it. A entered right at this point and assumed we were talking trash about her, and she got upset and yelled "Yeah just keep talking ****" at me a couple times. I said goodnight and went home, but I cried once I got to my car. I have no idea what I did, and I hate being yelled at.

My shift at my other job was great though. We went to two community events, and went on a decent hike, getting some cardio done while working. Two birds, meet one stone.

Chelain, you're going to find someone like that at most jobs. I've dealt with more than my share. Trust me, the issue is not you or anyone else "A" yells at or complains about. "A," like the people I've had to deal with, is an incredibly unhappy person who tries to feel better about herself by treating other people poorly. Try not to take her outbursts personally but if it continues to be an issue, start documenting the behavior so you can take it to your supervisor, should the situation escalate.

If you need resources, check out the Workplace Bullying Institute online. You'll find descriptions of workplace bullying and strategies for dealing with it. Because this is an issue I've dealt with for years in a variety of workplace settings, I'm asking that you save yourself from the stress and anxiety that I have suffered. Educate yourself on the issue and stand up for yourself.

If "A" comes back at you again, don't be afraid to tell her, I wasn't talking trash about you. I was asking why you were so upset with me. So now, I'm asking you, what's your problem and why are you targeting me with your anger?

It takes guts to do this. If you remain calm and controlled, it should defuse the situation because she'll know you're not afraid of her. Most bullies don't like to engage in confrontations they are likely to lose. You'll either earn her respect or she'll hesitate to come at you again because she knows you'll call her on it.

Fiona: I was sugar abstinent from Nov. 1, 2013 until a couple weeks ago, when the doctor said I could try some frozen Greek yogurt as a treat. I could not find sugar-free frozen Greek yogurt. It was an experiment that reacted about the way I expected. That little bit of sugar ramped my cravings through the roof. As a result, I've returned to the super low-carb, high-protein regimen I've been doing. It's taking longer to get the emotional upheaval caused by the sugar under control but I'm getting there.

I took advantage of the nice weather yesterday and went for a two-hour bike ride. 16 miles and lots of hills. Yes, I'm saddle-sore this morning. My knees were aching last night. When I mentioned my achy knees to my husband he said, "No one made you do it," meaning going for the long ride. The closer I get to Onederland, the more he seems to become upset with the amount of time I'm spending exercising. I suspect he's starting to realize that while I've been losing weight, he's been gaining.

Rain today so I feel less guilty about taking a rest from cardio today. I don't do rest days as often as I should because I keep thinking of all the opportunities I missed in the past by slacking off and not sticking to an exercise program. Since it is a rest day from cardio, I have a long list of chores around the house that need to be done, so that's where my energy and effort will go today.

This morning's photo of the kittens: Nénu on the left, Oscar on the right. It isn't that great of a photo, but it does show off how much Oscar has grown. Nénu is still ahead, but Oscar is keeping pace with her. Not bad for the runt of the litter!

They adore that lightweight washable silk sheet I use to cover myself when taking naps on the couch in the summer. They hide behind and under it, they pounce on toys that are in it; it has a hundred uses. Because it's black and silk, it's warm, especially when the sun is on it. And it's loosely enough woven, if they get tangled in it, they can still breathe through it. But I've watched them with it a lot of times: it's slippery, so no one gets tangled for long.

Oh, while I was writing this, they settled down for a nap, and they looked so cute, I couldn't resist another pic.

I hope y'all are all doing well! =smile=

I have missed everyone
 

Hello everyone!! First I want to thank everyone who supported my decision to turn down the "shady" position I interviewed for a bit over a week ago. I have since had another interview that seems more promising and should hear something by Wed this week. I have kept most of my thoughts about the whole experience internalized (I am overthinking which is one of my symptoms) and choose to process them through personal reflection while walking the treadmill. I have also spent a tremendous amount of time researching sites to get some good, valid info on food nutrition and food combinations. I did find one that I think is fabulous!! Not sure I can post the link on here, but if anyone is interested I am more than willing to share.

My diet plan is low carb (or focusing more on good carbs like sweet potatoes) and having them earlier in the day and high protein, lots of water w/lemon and incline walking. So far this is working for me and keeping my mind busy with positives.

I wish everyone the best with whatever battle they are fighting. Stay focused on what you can control and keep the faith. We can do this!! :)

Hi there. I had a nice morning going to church and I had not been there before, it's a lovely church and congregation. Then, I did some housecleaning and that feels good to have at least made a dent in that.

Fiona, your kittens are so cute! They're very beautiful. I love their coloring and the expressions on their faces.

Chelaina, thank you for your kind compliment on my hair. I'm very happy with it. I am sorry about the situation at work. Hug! I had a job where people could be very mean and there was a lot of gossip that I tried to not get involved with. What I'm trying to say is I empathize with having difficult co-workers. It can be upsetting and I hear how upsetting that can be.

Fool4photos- I wish you all the best with what you decide on the job front. Good luck! I'm going to try looking for a job soon, we'll see how that goes. It's a full time job just to find a job!

Have a nice day everyone! I'm going to head out for a walk. Take care.

Amy

Hi everyone! Just wanted to pop and say hi! I've been super busy the past couple of days-- hoping life settles down a smidge soon! I need a nap!

Hi... I just thought I'd say good night. Sweet dreams.

Thank you seabiscuit :)
A full time job looking for a full time job...yes indeed!! And good luck to you as well :)

Thanks for the sweet comment on the kitty pics, Amy.

The fact of it is, I'm not doing very well. Starting on Saturday, trying to deal with the piles of clothes on the guest room bed—specifically, trying to sort them into different categories—drove me straight into depression pain.

That's what the BERP was all about: making decisions about what categories things belong in, what containers they go in (trash, recycle, donation to charity, keep—if so, where?). Some of y'all may remember that I calculated I was making some 200 decisions an hour. Even if I was only making 50 decisions an hour, the thing of it is, that went on for 17 weeks, about 40 hours a week. My ability to make those kinds of decisions is, for the time being, broken. No afternoon nap, no taking a day off, will repair it. It's going to be months before I can get back to being able to sort things, anything at all.

So trying to work on the clothes in the guest bedroom was like forcing a machine to keep going when it's run out of oil: you destroy the machine by doing that. I pushed myself right into depression. It was off and on for a couple of days, but last night I finally crashed hard. I was hurting so bad over working on the guest bedroom that Bob had to intervene and stop me. He says he will take over: he will put all those clothes into large clear plastic bags and put them under the bed. He will help finish getting the house ready for Mary's visit. After he told me that, I still got up and cleaned the downstairs powder room, toilet and all. That was the last straw: I fell into severe pain and could do nothing but lie on the couch and moan.

And I'm still hurting bad today. Man oh man, I've got to be really careful today and tomorrow, or I will be deep in depression pain when Mary arrives on Wednesday. I have to take my Geodon and barely make a move. And I'm due for an afternoon & evening with Grace tomorrow. I've made plans for teaching her a new collage technique. Those plans may have to be cancelled. Worst-case scenario: if I'm still feeling this bad tomorrow when it's time to pick up Grace, she can just come over and spend the time playing with, and observing, the kittens. As a future vet, she needs to learn a whole lot about cats. She'll love getting to do that; it won't be a problem.

Now I gotta stop writing. I need another dose of Geodon. I need to not move a muscle and try to stop worrying, maybe meditate if I can.

Thank you, fool for photos! I don't know if I can handle a full time job just yet, I may want to start off part time.

Fiona, I'm sorry that you're struggling. :hug: You're welcome for the compliment on your kitties, they're beautiful. I love having a pet, it's a full time responsibility and expense though, as I'm sure you know. I admire you for taking on the BERP. I have accumulated a lot of clutter and now that I've moved, I'm trying to get rid of it. I relate to you about having lots of belongings. I think part of my issue with my Bipolar is impulsivity. It's tough for me at times.

I'm not having the greatest day. I didn't get much sleep last night because I clogged my disposal, which fortunately the building replaced. I was worried all night about it, I have clogged disposals before and I feel like I'm so dumb to have done that. I'm going to make a more conscious effort to clean the plates with a paper towel before rinsing them. It is common sense, yet somehow I'm careless.

My stomach is upset and I think it's partially due to this medicine that I'm taking, and it's probably also due to my food intake, I ate a few pieces of ham which I shouldn't have eaten.

I'm going to try to make some progress in my apartment this afternoon. I still have unpacking to do from my move and laundry to be put away. Tomorrow I see my psychiatrist, I hope that will help.

Have a nice afternoon.

Amy

Hello!
 

I have done better with low carb eating the past couple of days. I have fought back A LOT of cravings after eating carbs for about 5 days last week. It was really tough to get back on board, but I think I am there. :)

Fi: Precious photos of your kittens!!! :love: I am so very sorry you are experiencing such depression pain. :( Please take the time to take care of yourself first. Let Bob follow his plan for the clothes in the guest bedroom to prepare for Mary's visit. I am sure he is happy to be able to help out! Hang in there, REST, and I hope you will be able to meditate and stop worrying. Sending my prayers that you recover soon and a big hug! :hug:

Amy: It is great to see you posting so much lately! Sorry your stomach hurts and you didn't get much sleep last night due to your clogged disposal. :( I hope you get a good night's sleep tonight and have a better day tomorrow. I also hope that you have a productive visit with your psychiatrist. Is this a new doc (since you moved)?

fool4fotos: I hope you hear good news on Wednesday about the possible new job! Please keep us posted. I am also trying to follow a low carb eating plan. Some days are better than others, but I am doing well overall. Glad to hear that you are doing well and focusing on the positive! I appreciate your "can do" attitude! You are so right that WE CAN DO THIS!!! :D

BamaGalRN: Thanks for checking in! I hope life settles down for you a bit soon and you get that nap!!! ;)

Worthy: Way to go on that 2-hour bike ride!!! :carrot: Interesting about your hubby's reaction. Go for it regarding ONEderland!!! :D YOU CAN DO IT!!!

Chelainabear: I like the advice that worththeeffort2 (Worthy) gave you about the bully at your workplace. I agree that if you are honest with her (standing up to her) that she might back down and/or move on to someone else. People like that seem to thrive on the reactions they get from nice, sensitive people. Sorry you have to put up with her! :( That can make things miserable in the workplace, I know. Please know that you have our support in whatever approach you take with her. Good luck! Glad to hear that your other job is still going well! Great that you can get in some exercise with the girls, especially since you are so darn busy and must be exhausted when you finally have time for yourself! Hang in there! :hug:

Hannah: Sorry that you are feeling so down. :( I hope that maybe you are feeling a little better by the time you read this. Sending you a big hug :hug: and my prayers! Do your best to "work your own program" and not get too absorbed in what's going on in the world around you. That being said, I was in a bit of a funk after Robin Williams' suicide, too. I was in a very deep depression many years ago after the death of my twin infant son and other events and can relate to the despair. It brought all of those feelings and just a general depression up again. Such a shock and so very sad! :cry: Please hang in there and don't get too down on yourself. You matter to us and we care about you! :hug:

Waving HELLO to everyone and wishing you well! :wave: Group hug!!! :grouphug:

Worthy: Thank you so much for the advice and resources. I'm still deciding what to do, but I definitely know that it's going to involve talking with the supervisor/owner. It's not just rudeness to me that's an issue, it's starting drama like that with every person she works with, AND being rude to customers. I've had customers complain to me about their interactions with her and it makes the store look bad.

I have pretty extreme anxiety about confrontation and yelling, so I'm not sure I am at a point where I can confront her, even calmly. I get so stressed about being yelled or screamed at that I have panic attacks sometimes when it happens. I know it sounds stupid, but I really struggle with it.

fool4fotos: Congrats on the interview! I'm glad to hear you found a more trustworthy opportunity, and I'm glad to hear about your successful research and great goals! :)

Melissa: Glad you stopped in! Hope things slow down a little for you!

Amy: Thank you for the support. It's just been a very emotional situation for me. And it doesn't help that I'm downright exhausted from working two jobs simultaneously.

And I'm sorry to hear that things have been a little difficult lately. I hope your meeting with your psychiatrist goes well, and that your stomach feels better!

Fiona: I'm so sorry to hear you're struggling. It sounds like you have a supportive husband who was willing to step in and help when you needed it, and we all have faith that you are strong enough to handle this :hug:

Kathleen: Thank you for the support! I still am not sure I'll stand up to her, but I will do what I can to make sure the issue is addressed. The owner is a very nice person who doesn't put up with that kind of drama, and it needs to come to her attention. And WAY TO GO with getting back on your plan! I knew you could do it :)

So my nutrition has been really poor lately... I have been able to resist my late night cravings, but during the day I've caved to the diet sodas and bad food. The only upside is that I'm still trying to fit my fruits and veggies in, and that my portions have been ok. I'm not overeating, just eating the wrong things.

I haven't really gotten as much exercise as I should, either. Other than what I get at work, and some extra cardio maybe once per week, I've been really out of it. I hope it gets easier as I adjust to my busy schedule, but I'm still struggling.

This week is the THIRD time that one of my bosses has scheduled me for a time when she knows I'm at my other job, and I'm getting very frustrated. Because I didn't catch it sooner, I feel bad and I feel like I'm in a rush to find somebody to cover one of my shifts. I swear, if I didn't need the money (and if they hadn't spent so much effort training me) I would quit at the convenience store. It's emotionally and physically stressful.

But I do need the money, so I'll keep going.

Thanks so much, Amy, Kathleen, and Chelainabear, for the words of sympathy and encouragement to take care of myself. Bob has really been steppin' up to the plate for me, working on both the guest bedroom and guest bath. We just have to make those rooms usable, not perfect! I went grocery shopping this morning to get a few necessities, but other than that, it's been rest, rest, and more rest. I was in depression pain last night, and a little bit this morning before my coffee kicked in, so I still don't know how I'm going to be doing during Mary's visit. I'm definitely going with Plan B for my time with Grace: a wee bit of art education, but mostly just playing with the kittens. Best wishes to all of y'all!

Hello all,

I hope I didn't miss anyone. Please know that I am thinking of you and care about you, I am just incredibly scatter brained.

Fi I do hope you feel better soon. :hug: Good for you for taking some much needed rest. Taking care of you is so important. Your kittens are dolls. :)

Chelaina I am sorry to hear about your job. Being that busy is very difficult. Good for you and I am proud that you were able to resist cravings and you have still been getting your veggies. That is a great accomplishment. I hope things settle down. In the meantime, keep your chin up. You are doing well.

Kathleen Thank you for your encouraging words, as always. I do try to stay within myself and my little world, and help out the rest when I can. It is kind of like how I can't volunteer at an animal shelter because I get so emotional, but I do try to help them out in other ways. And good for you fighting those cravings!

Amy I do hope you are doing better today. Looking forward to seeing you post.

Today was a big accomplishment for me. I got my driver's license. I have been petrified for a long time to drive and I am delighted that I am now comfortable for the most part behind the wheel. Also, I passed my test! :D

Food has been crap. Crap crap crap. Sugar cravings galore and I am indulging. I know I am regaining. And I hate it.

Thank you again for the support on the job searching. The company chose another candidate so I didn't get the position I was hoping for today but the search continues!! Not giving up!! My daughter who is in the Navy and has one more year enlistment, is being reassigned to STL from WA which means she's coming home for the remainder of her time :lucky: I can't wait for them to get here! I wish I was there to help and I would go and bring my granddaughter back if I wasn't so deep in this job search. Completely torn. The baby will be 1 in Oct and my daughter and her husband sure could use the help with her to get the house packed and loaded for the trip back home. They will be here by Sept 5th. I still may go to WA and get her if I don't get any news this week regarding employment.

On the upside, adding hand weights to my treadmill is still paying off and I'm down another .6 for the last two days :woohoo:

Stay focused on the positive and keep the faith :grouphug: