[Calicofox]

I have gone from a size 26 to a size 10 and something i never expected happened. I should be feeling amazing, But instead i feel a bit sad. I guess the biggest change is how people treat me. They treat me with a smile, Men open doors for me, And i don't get "the look" that people used to give me. I should be happy right?

Its depressing to me that people as a whole treat people with morbid obesity as any less of a person than anyone else. This to me has really disgusted me. I find myself asking "what if i was bigger, would this person still be nice to me?", Would they have opened that door for me or gave me a smile? Would that sales person at this store have given me the time they are now if i was bigger? Its been a huge eye opener for me as i have been fat my entire life. I've still got some chub but for the most part i look "normal".

I find myself feeling angry if people are nice to me. Has anyone else experienced this feeling? When i was obese i was always a really happy person, Now i find my personality slipping away. I have also lost alot of my "bigger" friends. They found my dieting and exercise annoying to their lifestyle and all deleted me off facebook all at once.

I usually wouldn't post things like this to total strangers but no one i personally know has been through a journey like mine. I just want to know if this is a normal thing to feel.

[LesMillsLuvr]

I haven't experienced this to the extreme you have (i.e. friends deleting from FB), but I understand what you're talking about. And yes, its troubling to think that you're treated differently just because you're a smaller size even though you're the same person inside. I hope I don't lose my bigger friends, though I have noticed some of those friendships have changed some and had one friend tell me she felt like I was "leaving her behind" because for the last almost 6 months I've been choosing to head to an exercise class rather than split a large pizza with her (yes the two of us would polish one off on our own) while watching a movie at her house, or avoiding going shopping with me because now we're browsing in different sections of the store. I do think she's glad that I'm making progress on myself, but she has also said it makes her feel jealous/bad about herself.

It's not an easy situation and nope, you're not alone in having those kinds of feelings. And something tells me that if it isn't normal, it isn't far from it.

[mars735]

No indeed you're not alone. I've also lost friends and that hurts more than the negative attention I got from strangers when I was large. I think my personality has changed; I have a little more self-esteem and that makes some people uncomfortable, I guess. The sadness is maybe also the loss of comfort that the old way of eating brought. The armor of a big body is gone. Everything is....different. I decided to embrace change rather than resist it, come what may. The sadness is still there, though. Sometimes it just takes is a little nudge to feel happy about having a nice-looking healthy body, other times it's more difficult, though

[tinneranne2]

It is a sad fact that people who are overweight are discriminated against. What-ifs will drive you batty if you let them. Alternate versions of reality are a destructive mental exercise. The man who opened the door for you was being a nice guy, that woman who smiled was having a good day. The best advice I've ever gotten was this: Respond to people as though they have the best intentions. It will drive jerks crazy, and give people who are just having a bad day the chance to reconsider without having to back down.

If you want to fight back (so to speak), continue being awesome and friendly to people of all shapes and sizes.

It is hard for people to accept change. Your bigger friends were probably feeling a lot of uncomfortable emotions with regards to your progress. Anxiety that you would outgrow them, jealousy that you were seeing positive results, maybe even feeling judged for not making changes themselves. None of those things are your fault. It sucks to lose friends. There is no way around it. Hearing that you'll find friends with similar interests, or that real friends would have stuck around and supported you can only go so far in making you feel better even though its true. Losing relationships of any kind is sad, and feeling sad for that loss is going to happen.

*hugs*

[kurisitaru]

Anyone who would decide they are no longer your friend because you are doing what you want and what you want is healthy, good for you, and will help you in your life... is not a good friend. I think it's good they showed their colors now, maybe it's a sign that it's time to find real friends. People that will accept you at any size.

I'm sorry that happened. I've had friends get upset that I lost weight before as well, it's jealousy sometimes, and other times it's just not liking change. We do change as we lose weight because we do get treated differently. At my lowest weight, people opened doors for me, I wasn't ignored in stores, people were kind to me. The bigger I got, the less amount of respect I got and I did realize my entire demeanor changed.

I'm sorry it's happening, but maybe look into new groups and new people to be around. Ones that don't hold you back. Maybe even ones that are into the same things as you, and won't feel blown off if you want to hit the gym instead of a pizza. In fact, maybe friends that would join you.

[giselley]

I've read these, and since I am overweight now and walk through a lot of doors. Men open them for me often enough. Some go out of the way to do so. I am not especially attractive either. They are just being nice guys. I'm happy they still have maners. There are jerks out there, of course.

I've heard them get way out of line, and I've said, "wait a minute, what if that was your daughter, or sister. Dont be such a dirtbag."