Ok, to all of you girls who are saying "men are ______", please don't lump us all together! Believe me, as a fat kid and adult, I've had more than my fair share of being shot down by women! So, its not a "man" thing. Believe me, some women can be just as shallow!

Having said that, I have been in dance clubs like that where I would have liked to have asked a woman to dance, but never had the self-confidence (because of my weight) to get up the nerve to actually do it. But I would have loved if a woman would ask me to dance. Years ago, when I went to dance clubs, that happened to me once and it was a great feeling to be asked to dance by a woman.... because I would never had been able to be the one to ask. So, Chickieboom, I bet there were guys at that club who would like to have asked you to dance - but just didn't have the nerve to do it, and would have loved to dance with you if you asked. Have you tried asking a guy to dance?

Hey Joefla70...I really appreciate a man's perspective. I have never had the nerve to ask a guy to dance. To be honest, until I saw your reply, it never even occurred to me.

joefla70 - You make a very good point. I sometimes forget that women usually leave everything up to the man and that's a lot of pressure. In my defense, I don't think all men are jerks---just most of them in the clubs. And I also admit that I probably contributed to a lot of that. Back to your comment, though, us ladies will almost always just stand around and wait for a man to make the first move, and when that doesn't happen, we'll complain about it, but we often forget how scary it must be for a guy to approach a woman he doesn't know and basically put his heart out there with a 50/50 chance she'll shoot him down--and publicly to boot. And while we take for granted that that's "a man's duty," we won't do it ourselves out of fear even though we supposedly live in a more equal society. I personally have approached men in clubs and other settings in the past. While I like being chased, I have no problem doing the chasing myself if I think I had a real shot. In fact, all my serious relationships were initiated by me. Understand, though, that a lot guys don't like that approach. I've been told by quite a few guys that they get intimidated if the woman initiates contact. This doesn't really bother me, because I figure if he's intimidated by the fact that I was the one who approached first then he's not secure enough with himself and ultimately not worth my time anyway. But still. It's a double edged sword. And it's only made worse when we're already self conscious of our weight.

Where I live we women would have gotten up and danced by ourselves or together! The days are OVER (or at least they should be) when we sat on the sidelines because the guys would not dance with us!!!

That would be MY recommendation next time... and yes, I have done it; quite recently in fact

And actually, when I was younger and went dancing a lot, I very often DID ask the guys to dance!! Worst that can happen is they say "no" which is a chance THEY take every time they ask!

Hi Chickieboom. I'm sorry to hear that. Most men are immature and maybe deep down those guys know your too much woman for them-not in pounds but in essence. You know there are some men out there that aren't so shallow and the right guy(s) will recognise you are very worth their time. Just keep caring for you and the right one will pick you!

Joe, I can understand that. I never dated but 2 heavy guys and married one of them (my hubby). My girlfriends were always excited back when I dated to see the guys i dated (i was very superficial) my guy and i married when we were both over 300#s. He isn't as big now (though he isn't trying to lose either-sadly .. wish he wanted to for his health) however there is so much more to him than there was to those conceited men i used to be involved with. I think most heavy guys are good men..they certainly deserve more attention from women looking for 'a good man'.

Story of my life! I still get this now even though from my highest weight im still about 50lbs down :/

Looking at it objectively, it's nothing to do with us, it's the type of men clubs attract; they're only there for (mainly) one reason, and that's to find a "hot chick". When I go out to the club, it's always my thin, blonde friend who gets all the attention - go figure!

But don't worry about it or get discouraged; you've done amazingly well so far, and to be honest, these type of men are the ones you want to avoid!

If you like salsa dancing keep going, but don't go to meet men. Maybe try some other hobbies where people (namely men :P) won't be so superficial?

Sometimes guys are just too intimidated to ask you, you gotta do it first. You're really pretty and (to me) your weight doesn't change that so I don't know if you being bigger is the actual problem. You gotta take life (and men) by the horns and take control sometimes. Be confident with yourself! Confidence is alluring.